"Ha-ha! How is it? Appreciate my chimichanga-making skills!"
After finishing their meal, Ritsuka's group headed to the nearest settlement, La Charité, to gather information about the Witch – Jeanne d'Arc.
"It turned out to be much better than I thought. Honestly, this is my first time trying this 'chimichanga'. The smell is very sharp, but the meat is cooked just right, and the sauce is so sweet."
For Mash, who had never left the walls of Chaldea before, Deadpool's cooking was a real revelation. It was a new, curiously interesting experience in its own way.
Ritsuka, on the other hand, did not share her enthusiasm. And there was a good reason for that: Wade had declared that he had prepared a "special portion" for him and generously doused it with jalapeño sauce...
"The kid's gone quiet! Must be so delicious he's lost his voice! Alright, alright, don't thank me! When we get back to Chaldea, I'll feed you till you burst!"
"Aaaah... O-y-e-o-o!"
The guy's lips weren't just burning – they were so swollen he couldn't utter a single word.
'He did it on purpose... Definitely on purpose...' Ritsuka thought in panic. He had to stop this madness at all costs, or his life would be in mortal danger.
"And how about you, ladies?"
Next, Deadpool asked Jeanne, who was walking ahead, for her assessment.
"It was... an unusual dish. The taste is impressive, but the aroma... it's very unfamiliar. However, it doesn't cause rejection. The smell is strong, but there's something alluring, even intoxicating about it. I have a feeling that in the distant future, people will go crazy for it, and it will mark the beginning of some dark era..."
For the era Jeanne was born into, the very concept of such spices was beyond comprehension. But since she liked it, Deadpool, beaming with happiness, almost jumped into the air with a balletic leap.
"We're almost at La Charité. Let's gather as much information as possible before heading to Orléans."
The other Jeanne, the Witch, had settled there. But going to Orléans with their current strength would be pure suicide, so gathering information remained the priority.
However, as soon as they approached the outskirts of the city, Chaldea made an emergency contact.
"[Everyone be careful! I'm detecting multiple Servant signatures! There are five of them!]"
"Fou!"
Echoing Roman's anxious voice, Fou sensed something and, tilting his muzzle to the sky, barked loudly.
A meteor, or rather, a colossal fireball, crashed directly onto the city, engulfing it in a monstrous explosion.
"Senpai, this way!"
The explosion occurred very close by, and the shockwave almost knocked them off their feet, but thanks to Mash's shield, no one was harmed.
"Impossible..."
"The city vanished in an instant."
Looking at the ruins of La Charité, which had instantly turned into a sea of fire, their companions turned to the source of this terrifying power.
There, on the wreckage of buildings, a winged creature of enormous size landed heavily. The creature, covered in bluish-black scales, was a living myth – a Phantasmal Species, often found in Western legends. A dragon.
"A dragon... It doesn't even compare to the wyverns we fought before."
Before they could recover, a dark silhouette flashed on the lizard's head and jumped right in front of them. It was...
"Oh, well. Another 'me'. This meeting is ruining my mood."
"J-Jeanne d'Arc?!"
The one they were looking for. The owner of the Grail, who had caused the anomaly in this era. The distorted Servant – Jeanne d'Arc, the Dragon Witch.
"My incarnation! Why did you burn the city? These people have nothing to do with you..."
"You truly are an impenetrable fool. Or just too naive. I did it to destroy this country, of course!"
King Charles VII of France was already dead, which meant the country was effectively in ruins. Faced with the Witch's crushing power, the vassals and knights were powerless – she was simply systematically slaughtering this people.
"So, what do you think, 'Holy Maiden', savior of the fatherland? Why don't you, with your loud nickname, pray to God again in your simplicity? But here's the catch: God didn't answer. Because the people of this land are already rotten with hatred and greed!"
Ritsuka and Mash had heard something similar before. The one who called himself their "King" had become disillusioned with humanity heading towards self-destruction and had begun the process of incinerating the human order.
Professor Leonidas!
"Senpai, there's no doubt now. This Witch, Jeanne d'Arc, has the Grail. And perhaps..."
"...she received an order from Professor Leo to burn this era."
There was no longer any need to wander through villages searching for rumors. The only problem was: how to take the Grail from such an opponent?
"Ah, I'm sick of just looking at you. That pathetic 'Saint' has ruined my whole mood. So, you should die. My 'Servants', deal with them!"
The Witch snapped her fingers, and behind the huge dragon, two figures materialized.
A Lancer-class Servant with a long spear and an Assassin-class Servant in a scarlet dress, holding a human-shaped coffin.
"Berserker Lancer, Berserker Assassin. Here's my gift. Tear them apart and revel in their blood."
"Wait! I haven't told you everything yet..."
"Shut up, Saint. Stop spewing that high-flown nonsense. You're just a pathetic remnant, severed from my hatred..."
The Witch's eyes blazed with a thirst for murder. But after giving the order to her puppets, she did not intervene herself.
"Order accepted with gratitude, Ruler Servant."
"Hey, are you going to take it all for yourself? You're not the only one craving the smell of blood."
Lancer and Assassin, anticipating the slaughter, began to bicker amongst themselves.
"Listen, kid. Looks like we'll have to share. I'll take the guy with the stick (he looks weaker), and you deal with the other one."
"I don't know if we can handle it, but... I'll try."
While Deadpool, Mash, and Jeanne prepared for battle, the Dragon Witch, leaning against the dragon's paw, prepared to watch the spectacle with a mad grin.
"Don't move, you evil villains!"
The moment the battle was about to begin, an ice rose flew out from behind the half-ruined church spire and embedded itself in the ground right at the Witch's feet.
"Senpai, there's someone up there!"
"[Sorry for the delay! Detecting another Servant!]"
"Timely, I must say," Ritsuka grumbled.
Both allies and enemies stared at the spire. There, with a scarf fluttering in the wind, wearing a scarlet tricorn hat and a matching caftan, stood an unfamiliar figure.
"Who are you?!"
Lancer, instinctively shielding the Witch, shouted the question. The Scarlet Servant replied with a smile:
"Knight of Justice, standing guard for love and righteousness! A mysterious maiden who appears like lightning and vanishes like the wind! Star of Versailles!"
It was as if a bell rang in Ritsuka's head. The pathos, the angle, even the pose with arms crossed canonically on her chest and a fluttering scarf – it all looked as if she had escaped from a cheap superhero series.
"O-o-o! O-o-o! Superhero landing! Is she going to do a superhero landing?! O-o-o-o!"
Unlike the stunned Ritsuka, Deadpool applauded with delight, anticipating an impressive entrance. However, the "Star of Versailles'" hopes for a triumphant jump were not realized.
"Um... Amadeus. Get me down from here, please."
"Huh?"
The heroine in red shyly called for help, and someone from her companions below the spire helped her down to the ground. The dramatic moment crumbled to dust.
"No-o-o! No superhero landing... What a pain!"
"Wade, please pull yourself together."
The absurd appearance of the scarlet heroine baffled everyone: Ritsuka's group, and the Dragon Witch with her lackeys.
Meanwhile, the maiden ran up to them and, striking a dramatic pose, introduced herself again:
"Ta-da-a-am! Bringing love and justice, the scarlet heroine, Star☆Versailles, has appeared!"
It was a girl. Or... a magical girl?
While everyone was wondering who she was, another black shadow appeared before the Witch. Another Servant.
"Berserker Saber. Why did you come out?"
"A familiar face. This woman..."
Saber, in a musketeer's uniform, drew his blade. Despite his rather soft facial features, his eyes, clouded with madness, glared furiously at the scarlet heroine.
"Long time no see, Your Majesty. Or should I call you... Marie Antoinette?"
"Oh, how did you guess? My disguise was impeccable!"
Marie Antoinette – and it was indeed her – even adjusted her mask, wondering if it was sitting crookedly. Although what was the point of a mask if she had already been recognized...
"Wow! Not even five minutes have passed, and the hero's identity is revealed! What a fresh take. It's like everyone knew Batman was Bruce Wayne!"
"If this is Marie Antoinette, then..."
Ignoring Deadpool's jab, Mash tried to process the name, and Doctor Roman immediately joined the conversation.
[Yes, that's right. The last queen of France. A tragic figure, sacrificed to the chaos of the French Revolution. History stigmatizes her as a symbol of extravagance, but if you think about it, she wasn't that empty-headed.]
"Exactly! I tried to save as much as I could. It's just that my husband's family was doing really badly..."
Marie Antoinette, apparently hearing Roman's words, pouted indignantly.
"Whatever! If she's in the way, kill her! If the Queen of France has appeared as a Servant, then kill her even more!"
The Dragon Witch, who had been expecting a fun battle, finally lost her temper because the atmosphere had been hopelessly ruined.
"Leave it to me. Ruler Servant, this Saber's blade will strike her down for you. Even if the opponent is a queen."
"Oh God, and you say this as a dragoon who swore to protect the crown?"
Marie's words had no effect on Berserker Saber. It seemed there was some connection between them in the past, but there was no time to sort out their relationship. However, Marie just smiled and snapped her fingers.
"Amadeus-chan! Now!"
Indeed, she wasn't alone at the spire. Only now did the Witch and her retinue notice the figure of "Amadeus" who had appeared behind the queen. But it was too late.
A funeral march for the reaper.
"Requiem for Death"!
Music erupted from all around. Powerful, majestic, as if a whole orchestra was playing in a huge hall. The sounds bound the Dragon Witch's forces. The Servant in lavish robes, Amadeus, waved his hand to Ritsuka's group.
"Quickly! Let's run while we have the chance!"
Making sure they weren't enemies, Mash and Ritsuka rushed after them.
***
Read the story months ahead of the public release — early chapters are available on my Patreon: Granulan