ARDELLE'S POV:
The silence had settled deep into my bones, well aware of the glares sent in my direction yet I kept my posture and head low, how I was taught and lived all my life.
Like a shadow.
I sat by the window sill of our next quarters, my hands folded in my lap.
I felt hollowed out, as if Lord Kaldric had not just crushed a rose, but had reached inside me and perished the very thing that dared to ignite stupid hopes in me.
Across the room, I could hear him moving. He was loud, unnecessarily so, to the point I found his footsteps a noise.
He paced, the clank of his greaves echoing off the stone. He was trying to fill the void I had left behind, sparing at glance at me from time to time because I hadn't sparked a single talk since Hast.
"Ardelle."
I didn't turn.
"The cook prepared apple pie. The thing you eat first at every banquet. Your favorite."
First of all, tell me, when did he notice that?
He set a plate on the table near me. I didn't look this time. It didn't look appetizing today.
"I had dinner already, My Lord. I am not hungry. Please do not waste the food." I spoke in a dead tone, resting my head on the glass, staring outside.
Through the faint reflection, I caught a glimpse of his hand twitching. Was it from distress or exasperation, I had no idea.
A few minutes later, the apple pie was still where he left it. His jaw clenched, he walked over and dropped a small, heavy object into my lap.
It was a new book, bound in fine leather, its pages smelling of fresh vellum and expensive ink.
"I found this in the market before we left. It has maps of the stars. You can... look at the shapes."
I stared at the gold-embossed cover. It was beautiful, evoking a sudden spark to learn, to gain knowledge but the string of his words, they numbed me.
I placed it aside calmly, keeping my head bow, tugging the hat low myself to block his overwhelming form from my view.
"I am not hungry, My Lord. And I cannot read. I do not wish to make a fool of myself further." I replied, my voice was thin and distant.
He let out a sharp, frustrated breath and tugged my hat up to make me stare into his agitated silver gaze.
He reached out as if to grab my shoulder, to shake the life back into me, but his hand stopped inches away.
He pulled it back, clenching it into a fist. He was a man with a thousand weapons, and not one of them could cut through my indifference.
"Ardelle." He called me in a softer tone, bringing his stoic face closer to mine, ordering in a low tone.
"Say something. Anything."
The moon rose, casting a silver light over the town, catching my attention as I looked out at the distant, dark peaks of the mountains, my mind drifting back to the cold nights where my ribs ached from hunger.
"Do you know, My Lord? My mother, in her last breaths, told me: Ardelle, do not leave the town no matter what. One day, you will be saved by a Prince." I whispered, the words slipping out before I could stop them, bringing an unknown smile to my lips.
"So I grew and stayed in that town, I was too afraid to step into the world. The frost bit through my rags, I walked barefoot, they beat me, men leered… it was hell."
I took a pause and found Lord Kaldric listening with all his attention, standing next to me, engraving my each word in his mind.
Closing my eyes, for a moment, I found myself back there, "My stomach was nothing but a knot of pain, I had never eaten until I was full before, never slept on a bed… so I wondered what luxury felt like whenever I saw Parades from afar."
"And then?"
He leaned against the wall, an inscrutable look plastered on his stern face which I couldn't encrypt through the faint reflection in the mirror.
"I used to pray for it. I prayed for soft furs, for warm tea, for a comfortable surface to sleep. I thought that if I could just be warm, if I could just be full, I would never be unhappy again."
A dry chuckle left me, the day I saw him vividly present in my mind.
"In fact, when I saw you I thought: What a life. What a luxury... I wish I could have this one day. To be protected. To be untouchable."
I turned my head slowly to look at him. A single, hot tear escaped and tracked a path down my cold cheek which I didn't bother to wipe it away.
"I made a mistake," My lips trembled, my voice cracking, my face converting into an unstoppable grief.
"I made a wrong prayer, Kaldric."
Lord Kaldric stepped forward immediately, sitting beside me, his silver eyes searching mine with a sudden, sharp intensity.
"What do you mean, Ardelle?"
I looked at his face, the face I had tried so hard to love, the face that had met my every hope with a blow, that pulverized the dreams I dared to imagine.
I realized then that I would rather be starving in the mud with a heart that could still feel, than be draped in wool and dying of the cold in his arms.
I made a wrong prayer. I should have asked for a compassionate companion.
I reached up and wiped the tear with the back of my hand. I forced a small, empty smile onto my lips, lowering my head to not 'disgust' him with my display of weakness.
"Nothing," I whispered, trying to sound light but failed miserably, "It is nothing, My Lord. Simply the ramblings of a girl who finally got what she asked for."
I was biting down my cheek to suppress the anguish but to no avail. A single, heavy tear tracked down my cheek. Then another. A sob emitted from my lips, leaking the sorrow I was suppressing so far.
"Stop crying," Lord Kaldric commanded, his voice trembling with a mix of guilt and irritation.
"I have returned what was lost. There is no reason for this display. Stop shedding tears at every meaningless occasion, Ardelle. You made no wrong prayer."
I looked up at him, my eyes red-rimmed but piercingly clear. I glared at him.
"I will not," I hissed unwaveringly. "If you think my tears will stop because you resent them—they won't, My Lord."
"Wny not? I am your Lord and that is my order." he hissed breathlessly, leaning into my space, his silver eyes flashing with a desperate need for me to be fixed so his own chest would stop aching.
He made an error in judgement and as a knight it was shaking him. Else, I doubt he would be doing this on his own heart- if he had one.
"What use is there in weeping over a dead flower and a copper piece? It is beneath you. It is beneath us, Ardelle," He tried to explain in frustration, holding my elbows, forcing us to stand.
With tears glistening in my eyes, my shoulder shaking from the whimpering, I stared dead into his eyes, allowing the tears to smear.
"Because these tears were with me when this world refused to treat me like a human," I hissed, ripping my elbows away from him as he stood still, a look of shock crossing his face.
"They reminded me I am alive, that I exist, that I must strive every second to survive. These tears accompanied me when I was not there for myself, My Lord." I continued, my steps retreated and he had no idea how to counter this situation.
"They are the only thing that never left me when I was hungry, when I was cold, and when I was beaten."
I leaned forward, forcing him to catch the sight of my every tear shimmering under the moonlight, staggering him, causing him to stand still.
"And if you expect me to abandon my eternal companion just to make you feel less uncomfortable, I apologize. I am incapable of doing so."
I turned, wiping the tears with the back of my hand and climbed under the covers, hiding myself from him and this unbearable world.
Lord Kaldric stood frozen in the chair.
He had tried to 'fix' the problem with money and a replacement, but he realized that he hadn't just crushed a rose in the market.
He had tried to crush the only thing I had left, my dignity.
He was the Commander of the Pillars, the strongest man in the King's service, and he had just been defeated by a girl's 'eternal companion.'
The next morning, the change was absolute.
I rose before the sun, moving with a quiet efficiency.
I dressed myself, tied my laces without his help, braided my own hair, no ribbon, no decoration, and stood by the door with my head bowed.
When Lord Kaldric approached me to lead her to the horses, I stepped back before he could even reach for her arm, maintaining the three paces and mounted by his squire's help.
Sir Aldwin pulled his horse alongside us, his eyes darting between Lord Kaldric's frozen face and my empty gaze.
"The scouts found the trail," Aldwin reported, his voice devoid of its usual warmth.
"The rebels must be lingering around Black Ridge. If the blizzard comes, hopefully they will be consumed by it. If it doesn't, we expect combat."
Lord Kaldric nodded, his silver eyes fixed on the horizon, taunting me, "Good. I am ready for a war I can actually win."
He stole one look at me. He had wanted a wife who knew her station. He had wanted a woman who wouldn't distract him.
He had finally gotten exactly what he asked for.