The flames burning on the three yellow talisman papers that formed the invisible walls glew redder, and dimmer than traditional flames. Not because they possess different attributes to normal flames, but because I enjoy the overall atmosphere they create. Curtains still danced, bypassing the invisible walls and tapping the back of his head lightly every now and then.
He, the ghost, was mute for a bit; his jaw dropped but no words came. He was hesitant because he saw me as an enemy, but now, I was giving him a reason to believe I wasn't.
I simply tilted my head to one side subtly, expressing my curiosity without words.
"... I shouldn't have died, man." He finally spoke, slapping his knee. "My mind was fully clear, I was not intoxicated. A few cans of beer can't do that to me."
"That implies that you drove under alcohol. The man who lives here never did," I debated flatly.
"Alright, but it was..." He pressed his lips. His head movements were energetic, indicating that a part of him believed he was guilty but didn't want to admit it. "It was one mistake I made. Everyone makes mistakes."
"That, I do agree on." I nodded lightly.
He sighed, slapping his knee again, harder this time. "I had a fiancé, man. She was so excited when I proposed... her 'yes' was the best thing I've ever heard... Just a few days more is all I ask. I... I want to... want to experience the life with her... I want to live our dreams that we talk so often about..."
That I agreed on too. I nodded firmly. "I see. Love can be far more intoxicating than beer, can't it? It could drive you to even kill a man."
He tsked and looked away, knowing full well I was right.
"The man who lived here," I continued, pointing a finger around the room, "whose face you're slowly becoming, is called Ethan Nicholson."
"Yeah, I know that."
"You know that because you want to replace him. Of course you'd know that; you'd know more than me. So you'd also know about his three older brothers who treat him like their baby boy." As I continued listing it out, he pouted impatiently, while thumping his feet on the floor like a rabbit. "You'd also know his best friend who couldn't live normally without their weekly pizza night. You'd also know about his father who's so proud of his boy for making it into the university of his dreams. You're very aware of all of that, aren't you?"
He shut his eyes, a long exhale followed, then he tried reasoning again. "Come on, man, I'm leaving her behind like this. Wouldn't you understand that?"
"I do." I forced a smile. "I do understand that."
We both paused as I recalled my own past. I leaned forward as I began. My expression must've turned solemn, because he'd drop his guard.
"My first love was in high school," I started. "Mother hated that, because... well... Asians." I shrugged and chuckled, but my ghostly client didn't reciprocate.
I massaged my neck awkwardly before continuing. "She wasn't even much to me until one day, a rumour reached me saying that she had a crush on me. And me, being stupidly young... or youthfully stupid, fell in love just because of that."
"We're all young once." He defended my teenage self.
"Hmph." I smiled, genuinely did so. "We had some great times together. Café dates, mall dates, sunset by the beach, sketching eachother despite her being so bad at it... the whole package instead of studying. Despite, honestly, looking back, we didn't have any kind of chemistry at all... hahaha... we had nothing in common... yet something, I don't know what is it... drew us close."
"Teenage love is unforgettable."
"Really wished it isn't." I drummed my fingers on the backrest of the chair. "When I told her how I feel... she said that... she does like me too, she did enjoy all the time we spent together but... getting into a relationship just wasn't on her list." I shook my head; my smile became forced again.
"Ouch." He was a lot more relaxed now, he had his arm with normal joints straightened and rested on a raised knee. "That kinda rejection, huh?"
"That kinda." I tilted my head. "She said when we both achieved the best versions of ourselves, we'd meet again at the summit."
"She's good with words."
I nodded almost instantly. "She is, a literature genius she was... She'd... She'd write poems, proses that gets recognised at national levels... Sixteen-year-old, by the way. I'm not someone who can appreciate literary but... I still truly admired that... I'm now a 43-year-old working man and I still haven't moved on... never dated, never caught feelings for anyone else..."
"That must suck."
"It does. Love can be so intoxicating. I would've done anything; it could've driven me to kill too if that was the price."
He chuckled; he was comfortable enough to chuckle now. "See? You understand me."
"Fully do. Unfortunately, that's just because we're blinded by this love. We couldn't see reality properly because of it. Any third party would realize how unjust it is to take away Ethan's life for your own selfish desires." I pointed at the dummy I planted on the bed. He didn't follow my finger; instead he looked down, fingers twitching.
"I still don't wanna die, man... I wanna be there for her... truly do... Emily's my everything..."
I lifted my head in surprise, eyes widened.
"Emily?"
"That's her name."
"Were your name in the living James Brian?"
He too was shocked. "How'd you know?"
I burst into laughter. He looked at me confused but my laugh must've been contagious, because his "What?" carried a tinge of titter.
This was unprecedented... "Haha... Emily's my client. In fact, we had a session just this evening and... don't worry, she's doing fantastic. I uh... Ha... I'm her shrink."
He breathed a sigh, then immediately followed up. "You're her shrink? She doing alright, you sure of that?"
"She's handling her situation tougher than the average person so... I'm sure, and I'll make sure she stays tougher. That's my job, after all. She's navigating through the fogs alright. Tears were shed but that's inevitable. Whereas the fact that she didn't retreat to old habits: commendable, admirable."
He almost wheezed. "Good... Good..." and leaned back against the invisible wall relaxed. "Oh she better be doing good, otherwise I'll mould my face into yours and haunt your ass." He jabbed his index finger at me.
"Hahaha... This... This is a first, two clients of different worlds who're connected to each other..."
"She moved on?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Do you want her to?"
He paused for a bit before shaking his head. "Not gonna lie, man... I'd like her to give me at least half a year or something..."
I liked that answer. "Listen, James, I know you from her and... you're a good man; your funeral proved that too. Emily told me about it. Everyone you'd want to show up showed up. And the tears then could fill a river."
He nodded with a smile, then escalated to a soft laugh, a content laugh.
"Now, what will all of them think of you, if you returned to them in Ethan's face and body?" I grew stern.
Gradually, his chuckle ceased.
James' head was moving up and down, unsure of whether he should be feeling guilty or angry. "Hm..." He hummed.
"Do you know what word did Emily use to describe you the most? Kind." I answered my own question, "She told me you saw her through her addiction, no matter how much she pushed you away, all the way until she's years clean and most likely, forever clean... She also said 10% of your income doesn't go to savings, it goes to—"
"Charity." He finished my sentence with his eyes locked on the ground, accepting the guilt.
"She told me all about you, she told me that it was that pure heart of yours hidden behind thorns that made her fell... Your life was beautiful, James, and trust me, hers will be too... as long as her image of that you stays," I reassured him. "And if ever she feels down for whatever reason, feel free to 'haunt my ass.'"
"... That's a deal." Those words came out joyfully after a brief pensive pause, but that joy quickly dissipated from his face after realizing what was going to happen next.
"Your life was truly beautiful, James," I told him again. "You may not have had it all but you've always stayed true to yourself. You've always been a genuine, honest man in a world that encourages you to be selfish. So please... don't lose that, don't lose the man Emily fell so hard for."
James seemed down again, his eyes gazed at the floor while his knees shrunk back.
I quickly pulled out and unfurled another yellow talisman paper, wrote the character '觸' on it before slapping it onto my forehead.
Now that I could actually touch James, I got out of the chair and knelt in front of him, clenching his palm tight. "You were there for her at her weakest. She's healthier... happier... better because of you. She got to live because of you, because you were a bright beam of inspiration, never leaving the straight and narrow... I'm certain every time you haunted Ethan, slowly moulded your face into his... you were hurting inside."
He nodded, with tears running down his cheeks. "I was... I was..."
"Yes, yes you were. This is just a side effect of becoming a ghost: your judgements gets clouded by the desire to be alive again; you have to fight that. James Brian, you will never be forgotten, especially not by her." I unsheathed my dagger from my back again, "Are you ready?"
James stared deep at my dagger, its sharp, glimmering edge now close to him. It was his last moments, he probably savoured the dagger's beauty: its curved blade, its golden pattern, its black hilt...
He probably wondered: Is that the beauty of death?
He nodded, so weak, so subtle, but I caught it.
I clenched the dagger tight, and pierced it through his stomach.
"Keep being you, for her. Rest in peace."
His body started to disintegrate into spiraling blue ashes from the point of stab. In his last moments, he used his last breath to mutter, "Thank you... Chen Mo..."
The ashes of his body danced in the air elegantly, slowly dispersing, leaving the room through the window, against the night's breeze.
The three yellow talisman papers that were used for the invisible barrier burnt out, leaving the only light remaining in the room my outrageously fancy lighter.
I don't think any other exorcists out there work the way I do. Usually, just finding, trapping, and exorcising the ghost is how a job is done. But I enjoy doing this instead; I enjoy knowing people passed properly from the living without regrets. After all, life is only beautiful because its ends... at least, in my opinion.
My name is Chen Mo, therapist by day, still therapist by night, albeit for ghosts before I exterminate them. I'm a 43-year-old single male with close friends countable by fingers. I'm also a licensed exorcist under the Global Exorcism Association (GEA) but with an unorthodox working method — Death by therapy.