Ring 51 didn't have a fixed shape. It was currently alternating between a 1930s black-and-white animation studio, a giant bouncy castle, and a heavily pixelated 8-bit landscape. The laws of physics had officially clocked out for the day.
Heimdall was wearing a fake mustache and glasses, hiding behind a cardboard cutout of a tree. "Match Number Fifty-One! The regenerating degenerate, Deadpool! Versus the avatar of Loki's chaos, The Mask!"
The Toon Force Tango
Deadpool strutted into the arena, drawing both his katanas. He looked directly up into the sky. "Alright, Soum, let's make this look good! No holding back on the special effects budget!"
A green tornado spun into the ring, tearing up the pixelated floor. It stopped abruptly, revealing The Mask wearing a bright yellow zoot suit. He tipped his oversized hat, a terrifyingly large grin stretching across his green face. "Sssssssmokin'! Someone call for a plumber? Because this timeline is about to get flushed!"
The Mask reached into his pocket—a pocket that clearly defied volume and mass—and pulled out a giant, wooden mallet the size of a minivan. He swung it down with the force of a meteor.
Deadpool didn't even try to dodge. He simply held up a tiny umbrella. The giant mallet squashed Deadpool flat like a pancake.
Up in the booth, the commentator Deadpool gasped. "Oh, the humanity, tum! He's been turned into a very handsome area rug!"
Escalation of Nonsense
A second later, a bike pump appeared next to the flattened Deadpool. An unseen hand pumped it, and Deadpool popped back into his 3D shape with a loud POP.
"Okay, Greenie, two can play the cartoon game!" Deadpool reached behind his back and pulled out a bazooka that was shooting smaller bazookas, which were in turn shooting chainsaws.
He fired. The Mask simply unhinged his jaw, transforming his mouth into a giant vault door, and swallowed the entire explosion. He let out a loud burp, producing a cloud of black smoke that briefly spelled "EXCUSE ME."
The Mask then spun into a blur, reappearing in a matador outfit. He waved a red cape at Deadpool. Deadpool, completely forgetting he was a mercenary, put his fingers to his head to mimic horns and charged like a bull. The Mask pulled the cape away, revealing a solid brick wall painted to look like a tunnel. Deadpool slammed into it, leaving a perfect Deadpool-shaped hole.
Breaking the Panel
"This is getting us nowhere!" Deadpool yelled, peeling himself out of the brick wall. He looked directly at the invisible camera. "Time to hit him where it hurts: the source code!"
Deadpool reached out, his hand literally grabbing the edge of the narrative description. He pulled hard, tearing a hole in the white space of the story itself. He reached into the tear and pulled out a giant eraser.
The Mask's eyes popped out of his head on literal springs. "Awooga! A structural anomaly!"
Deadpool charged, swinging the giant eraser. He swiped it across The Mask's feet. The Mask looked down, realizing his legs were completely gone, replaced by empty white page. He held up a small wooden sign that read "Uh-Oh" right before Deadpool swung the eraser directly across his face, completely erasing the green terror from the narrative.
The Mask's yellow zoot suit crumpled to the floor, empty.
"Match Fifty-One winner... DEADPOOL!" Heimdall shouted, throwing away his fake mustache.
Up in the booth, the commentator Deadpool was throwing confetti everywhere. "He did it, tum! He out-cartooned the cartoon! Unbelievable scenes!"
The commentator Deadpool leaned over the desk, wiping a tear of pure pride from his eye. "Okay, tum. Now we are officially, 100%, without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt done with Round One! The 51 survivors are ready!