Deadpool was currently wearing a ridiculously oversized brown poncho over his suit, a ten-gallon hat that kept sliding over his eyes, and was furiously trying to play the harmonica despite not having a mouth hole in his mask.
"tum, dust off your boots and hold onto your wallets!" Deadpool announced, tossing the harmonica over his shoulder and spinning two toy cap guns. "We are moseying on down to Ring 16! It's the battle of the bounties! The Space Cowboy with a past versus the Humanoid Typhoon with a massive price tag! It's Spike Spiegel against Vash the Stampede! If you like dodging bullets and guys who refuse to pay for their property damage, this is your jam!"
Ring 16 was a perfect recreation of a dusty, terraformed frontier town on Mars. Tumbleweeds made of twisted wire rolled across the dry dirt street, and a set of swinging saloon doors creaked loudly in the artificial wind.
Heimdall was broadcasting from inside an empty water tower, peeking out through a bullet hole. "Match Number Thirty-Two! The bounty hunter of the Bebop, Spike Spiegel! Versus the sixty-billion double-dollar man, Vash the Stampede!"
Love, Peace, and Jeet Kune Do
Spike stood at one end of the street, slouching lazily. He lit a crumpled cigarette, took a long drag, and exhaled a thin cloud of smoke. He didn't even have his Jericho 941 drawn. "Sixty billion double-dollars. That buys a whole lot of bell peppers and beef. You don't look like much of a natural disaster to me, pal."
At the other end of the street, Vash was frantically waving his arms, his iconic red coat billowing around him. "Wait, wait, wait! Can't we just talk about this?! Let's go get some donuts! Love and peace! LOVE AND PEACE!"
"Whatever happens, happens," Spike sighed, flicking his cigarette into the dirt.
The Bullet Ballet
Spike drew his pistol in a flash of motion that would make a rattlesnake jealous. BANG! BANG! BANG! Three shots, perfectly aimed at Vash's center of mass.
Vash shrieked, bending his body at impossible, physics-defying angles. The bullets whizzed past his ears, his nose, and between his legs. He didn't even draw his massive custom revolver. He just danced through the gunfire like it was a choreographed routine, his long legs carrying him backward.
"Whoa! Hey! Those are real!" Vash yelled, doing a backflip over a wooden trough.
Spike didn't stop moving. He holstered his gun and sprinted forward. "If bullets don't work, let's see how you handle close quarters."
Up in the booth, Deadpool was chewing on a piece of wheat. "It's a contrast of styles, tum! Spike is a master of Jeet Kune Do, flowing like water! Vash is a superhuman plant-being who moves faster than the eye can see, but he absolutely refuses to hurt anyone! It's the deadly slacker versus the ultimate pacifist!"
The Disarm
Spike launched himself off a hitching post, delivering a devastating flying kick aimed straight at Vash's chest. Vash panicked, finally drawing his massive silver revolver. But instead of aiming at Spike, Vash aimed at the hitching post, firing a round that sent a spray of wooden splinters into the air to blind Spike.
Spike closed his eyes, relying completely on his martial arts instincts. He flowed around Vash's flailing arms, parrying the heavy barrel of Vash's gun with the back of his hand.
Vash, desperate not to shoot Spike, tried to pull his gun away. That was exactly what Spike wanted. Using Vash's own momentum, Spike swept Vash's legs out from under him.
Vash hit the dirt hard, a cloud of red dust erupting around him. Before he could scramble away, Spike was already kneeling beside him. Spike had seamlessly pickpocketed the cylinder out of Vash's revolver during the grapple.
Spike held up the cylinder, letting the silver bullets clatter onto the dirt one by one. Then, he pointed his own index finger at Vash's forehead.
"Bang," Spike said softly, offering a lazy smirk.
Vash looked at his empty gun, then at Spike's finger, and let out a long, exaggerated sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness! I really didn't want to shoot anybody today. You win, scary suit guy! I surrender!"
"Match Thirty-Two winner... SPIKE SPIEGEL!" Heimdall shouted from the water tower.
Up in the booth, Deadpool fired his cap guns into the air. "The Cowboy bags the biggest bounty in the universe without shedding a drop of blood! That's 32 winners down, 19 matches to go in Round One, tum! I'm going to go raid the saloon for snacks!"
The Roster Keeps Rolling!
We're moving from the dusty frontier to the realm of absolute powerhouses!
Match 33 (Ring 3): Meliodas vs. Black Star. (The Dragon Sin vs. The Assassin. Two small guys with mountain-crushing power and massive egos!)
Match 34 (Ring 7): All Might vs. Captain America. (The Symbol of Peace vs. The First Avenger. A battle of pure, heroic spirit!)
Match 35 (Ring 18): Garou vs. Akaza. (The Hero Hunter vs. Upper Rank Three. A martial arts bloodbath!)