Elian entered the bathroom with exasperation weighing heavy on his chest.
He hated it that he had gotten hard for that arrogant man. He hated that his body had betrayed him so completely. He hated that somewhere in the back of his mind, a small voice whispered that it had felt good.
No.
He wouldn't give in to his desires. He wouldn't let Alessio win.
With that thought in his mind, Elian's eyes darted around the small bathroom frantically, in search of anything that could help him. After a few seconds, his eyes fell on the bucket of water in the corner.
Cold water which he had been using to clean earlier.
"Perfect." He mumbled then grabbed the bowl and filled it, then without hesitation, poured the icy water over his head.
The shock of it made him gasp. His whole body shivered violently, goosebumps erupting across his skin. But he didn't stop. He poured another bowl. Then another.
The cold was brutal, almost painful. But it did what he needed it to do; it killed his arousal instantly, shocking his body out of that traitorous heat.
Elian stood there under the cold water, shaking, his teeth starting to chatter. But his mind finally felt clearer.
He focused on something else. He let his thoughts drift to what had happened in his life. How everything had changed so drastically because of one man.
Matteo.
The man he had given everything to. The man he had loved with his whole heart.
The man he had given his kidney to without a second thought.
FLASHBACK
Six months ago;
Elian sat in the small consultation room at the hospital, his hands clasped tightly in his lap. Across from him, Dr. Timothy looked at him, concern slightly crumbling his face.
"Are you sure about this, young man?" the doctor asked gently. "Donating a kidney is a serious decision. It is a major surgery with risks and a long recovery period."
"I'm sure," Elian said immediately, without hesitation.
Dr. Timothy studied him for a moment then asked gently. "How do you know the patient? What's your relationship to Matteo Rivera?"
"He's my boyfriend. We have been together for six months."Elian said, and he couldn't help the way his voice softened when he said it. Pride and love mixed together.
The doctor's eyebrows rose slightly. "Six months? That's... well, it's not very long."
"It's long enough, I know how I feel about him." Elian insisted.
Dr. Timothy squinted his eyes as he processed everything for a moment then leaned forward, his expression kind but serious. "
"Young man, it might not be my place but I can't just help but say this...I need you to take a moment and really think about this decision. Donating a kidney is permanent. You will be living with one kidney for the rest of your life. There are health implications, lifestyle changes..."
"I don't need to think about it," Elian interrupted firmly. "Matteo is everything to me. He's... he's the first person who's ever really loved me. I grew up in foster care, moved from home to home. I never had anyone who was truly mine. But Matteo..."
His voice cracked slightly. "Matteo chose me. He loves me. And I can't lose him. I won't lose him. If giving him my kidney means he lives, then there's nothing to think about."
Dr. Timothy sighed but pressed further. "I understand you love him, but-"
"I want to do this. Just let's do it." Elian said quietly.
The doctor looked at him for a long moment, then finally nodded. "Alright. We will proceed with the compatibility tests and preparation for surgery."
A satisfied smile had spread on Elian's face at that. Because he had believed he was going to be Matteo's hero by saving his life.
~~~~~~~~~~
"How naive I had been!" Elian gritted his teeth as the memory shattered as Elian gritted his teeth, still standing under the cold water in Alessio's bathroom.
"How utterly, pathetically stupid!" He gritted out again.
He had known Matteo for six months before giving him a piece of his own body. And what had he gotten in return?
Betrayal. Humiliation and above all, landing in prison.
At the realization that he was actually the architect of his own misfortune, the tears came suddenly, mixing with the cold water still dripping down his face. Elian's shoulders shook as he sobbed, unable to hold it back anymore.
He cried for his naivety. For the love he had given so freely to someone who had never deserved it. For the kidney he could never get back. For the life he had had before all of this- small and lonely, yes, but at least it had been his.
Now he had nothing. No freedom, no dignity and certainly future.
He had already concluded... Because being locked up to serve as a maid or whatever to a mafia had certainly made his future to seem foggy.
The cold water made him shiver harder, his whole body trembling. But he welcomed the discomfort. It was better than feeling the heat of arousal. Better than wanting something he shouldn't want.
Finally, when the tears slowed and his body was numb from cold, Elian finished washing himself properly. There was no soap, just water, but at least he felt cleaner than before.
He dried off with the single thin towel available, then faced another problem.
Clothes.
He had none other than the new outfit he had been wearing since the previous day. The one he had managed to buy for the supposed anniversary. The same clothes he had slept in on the floor, cleaned in, sweated in.
Elian pulled the dirty clothes back on, grimacing at the feeling of the slightly damp fabric against his skin.
When he opened the bathroom door and stepped out, he stopped short.
The cell room was empty.
Alessio was nowhere to be found.
Elian looked around cautiously, almost expecting this to be another game. But no, Alessio really wasn't here.
He thought for a second before it clicked that Alessio must have left for whatever prisoners did during the day.
He scrunched his nose in disgust when he thought of the special privileges someone like Alessio Lombardi had access to in this place.
After a while, Elian realized that for the first time since arriving, he was alone. He should have felt relieved and have welcomed the break from Alessio's intense presence.
Instead, he felt strangely unsettled.
Elian walked to the far corner of the room and sat down on the hard floor, his back against the wall. He pulled his knees up to his chest and waited.
He found himself waiting for Alessio to return. Waiting to find out what fresh torment the day would bring, to see what would become of his life in this cell.