The golden key in my hand was warm. Not "sat in the sun" warm, but "radioactive reactor core" warm.
I stood in the alleyway, surrounded by overflowing dumpsters and the smell of stale beer. A stray cat licked a discarded wrapper near my shoe.
[ITEM: KEY TO THE DIMENSIONAL MANOR][INSTRUCTIONS: INSERT INTO ANY SOLID SURFACE TO INITIALIZE GATEWAY.]
"Any solid surface?" I muttered, looking around.
My eyes landed on the back door of the Black Viper Finance building. It was rusted, covered in graffiti, and had a kick-mark from where I'd entered earlier.
"No. Too close to the loan sharks."
I walked deeper into the alley until I found a brick wall that looked structurally sound enough not to collapse if I sneezed.
"Okay," I whispered. "System, if this opens a portal to the Demon King's bathroom, I'm quitting."
I pressed the tip of the golden key against the dirty red brick.
Clink.
The brick didn't chip. It rippled. Like a stone dropped in a pond, the reality of the wall distorted. The key sank in with a satisfying, heavy thunk. I turned it.
CLICK-CLACK.
The sound echoed with the weight of a bank vault opening. A outline of light—pure, blinding white—seared itself into the brickwork. It formed a perfect rectangle, seven feet tall. The graffiti inside the rectangle faded, replaced by polished mahogany wood with gold filigree.
In the middle of a trash-filled alley in Tokyo, a door fit for an Emperor had just appeared.
"Subtle," I sighed. "Very subtle."
I grabbed the handle. It was cold to the touch.
[WARNING: ENTERING "THE MANOR" WILL PHYSICALLY MANIFEST ALL ACTIVE INVENTORY ASSETS IN THE LOBBY.][CURRENTLY ACTIVE: 3/100]
"Only three," I reassured myself. "I can handle three. Sylvia is a sword, Ignis is a dragon, and Elara is a nun. It's a balanced party."
I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.
The first thing that hit me was the smell. It didn't smell like ozone or sulfur. It smelled like... vanilla? And expensive leather.
I stepped through the threshold.
The door clicked shut behind me. The noise of the city—the sirens, the traffic, the wind—cut off instantly.
I wasn't in an alley anymore. I was standing in a foyer the size of a football field.
The floors were black marble, polished to a mirror shine. Massive crystal chandeliers floated near a ceiling that seemed to be made of actual night sky, complete with moving constellations. A grand double staircase curved up to a second floor that stretched into infinity.
"This..." I gaped, my voice echoing in the vast space. "This is inside my pocket?"
[WELCOME HOME, MASTER.][CURRENT MANA DENSITY: SSS-RANK.][UPKEEP COST: 0 GOLD (INITIATED)]
I walked forward, my sneakers squeaking on the marble. To my left, there was a lounge area with sofas that looked softer than clouds. To my right, a dining table long enough to seat a hundred people.
And in the center of the room, facing the massive 800-inch holographic screen on the wall, sat three figures.
The screen was paused. On the screen was a frozen image of me. Specifically, me holding the Black Card in Goro's face, looking cool and dangerous.
"They were watching," I realized, the blood draining from my face. "They were watching the whole time."
One of the figures stood up.
She wore a casual white apron over her ethereal armor. Her silver hair was tied back in a ponytail. She held a ladle that radiated enough magical energy to crack a planet.
Slot 1: Sylvia.
"Welcome home, Darling," she said.
Her voice wasn't the cold, sharp tone she used in the dungeon. It was... domestic. Terrifyingly domestic.
"Sylvia?" I squeaked.
"You were magnificent today," she said, floating down the few steps from the lounge area. " The way you broke that man's fingers? Poetry. And the way you threatened the loan shark? My core trembled."
She stopped in front of me. Up close, without the combat aura, she was devastatingly beautiful. And she was holding a ladle.
"Dinner is ready," she smiled. "I made Minotaur Stew."
"Minotaur... stew?"
"From the drop you picked up. The meat was fresh."
"I thought Minotaurs dissolved into smoke?"
"The body dissolves. The concept of the beef remains if you harvest it quickly enough with a Soul Blade." She waved the ladle. "Ignis helped with the roasting."
I looked past her. Lying on the sofa, picking her teeth with a claw, was a woman with hair like burning magma and eyes that possessed vertical slit pupils. She wore a red dress that was barely holding on for dear life against her curves.
Slot 2: Ignis (Dragon Empress).
"Sup, Master," Ignis drawled. A puff of smoke escaped her lips. "The sulfur was decent. A bit gritty. Next time, buy the refined stuff."
"Noted," I said, my brain struggling to process the scene.
"And Elara is in the bath," Sylvia added, gesturing upstairs. "She says she needs to wash off the 'poverty' of the hospital."
I looked at the grand staircase. I looked at the Minotaur stew. I looked at the 800-inch screen playing my highlights.
"So," I said slowly. "You guys just... live here?"
"We live for you," Sylvia corrected, stepping closer. She adjusted my collar, her fingers brushing my neck. "And now that we have a physical space... we can finally attend to your needs properly."
[RELATIONSHIP STATUS: SYLVIA][MOOD: DOMESTICATED (FOR NOW)][DESIRE: HEADPATS & BLOODSHED]
"Needs?" I stepped back. "I don't have needs. I have fatigue. I need sleep."
"Excellent," Ignis called out from the couch. "The Master Bedroom is huge. The bed fits ten people. We measured."
"Ten?" I choked.
"Rotation schedule," Sylvia explained calmly, as if discussing trash pickup days. "Slot 1 to 10 on Mondays. Slot 11 to 20 on Tuesdays."
I stared at her.
"Sylvia," I said. "There are only three of you right now."
"We are forward-thinking women, Master."
Knock. Knock.
The sound came from the heavy front door behind me. The door that led to the alley.
I froze. Sylvia's smile vanished. The ladle in her hand instantly transformed into a jagged, shimmering longsword. Ignis sat up, her eyes glowing molten gold.
"Master," Sylvia hissed, placing herself between me and the door. "Did you invite guests?"
"No," I whispered. "Nobody knows I'm here. I used the key in a dead end."
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Delivery!" a muffled voice called out. "Pizza for... 'God-Slayer Hiro'?"
I blinked. I hadn't ordered pizza. And I definitely hadn't used that name.
"Wait," I said, realizing something horrifying. "The Black Card. When I swiped it at the vending machine... did it auto-register my address?"
[SYSTEM NOTICE][SATO CORP CONCIERGE SERVICE ACTIVATED.][LOCATION 'DIMENSIONAL MANOR' DETECTED.][COMPLIMENTARY HOUSEWARMING GIFT ARRIVED.]
Sylvia lowered her sword slightly. "Pizza? Is that a weapon?"
"It's better," Ignis said, sniffing the air. "It smells like cheese and grease. I want it."
I walked to the door and cracked it open. Standing there wasn't a pizza boy. It was a drone. A sleek, black Sato Corp drone hovering at eye level, holding a steaming box.
[MESSAGE FROM CHAIRMAN SATO:]"A King needs a Castle. And a Castle needs calories. Enjoy the card, young man. We will be watching your career with great interest."
The drone dropped the box into my hands and zipped away into the Tokyo night.
I closed the door. I turned around holding the pizza box. Sylvia, Ignis, and a towel-clad Elara (who had just appeared at the top of the stairs) were staring at the box with the intensity of predators.
"Okay," I said, putting the box on the marble table. "House meeting. Rule number one: No killing the delivery drones."
Sylvia sheathed her sword. "Acceptable."
"Rule number two," I pointed at the massive screen. "Turn that off. It's weird."
Ignis snapped her fingers. The screen went black.
"Rule number three," I slumped into a chair, exhaustion finally hitting me like a truck. "I'm going to eat a slice of pepperoni, and then I'm going to sleep in a guest room. Alone. With the door locked."
The three SSS-Rank Waifus exchanged a look. It was a look that said: He thinks locks work on us. How cute.
[SYSTEM ALERT][NEW QUEST: "DOMESTIC DIPLOMACY"][OBJECTIVE: SURVIVE THE FIRST NIGHT WITHOUT TRIGGERING A CATACLYSM.][REWARD: UNLOCKING SLOT 4.]
I groaned, burying my face in the pizza box. "I just wanted a sword," I mumbled into the crust. "Just one rusty sword."