It's Christmas Eve. The day when normal people gather around trees and fireplaces, prepare to exchange gifts and pretending the world isn't a complete dumpster fire. Meanwhile, I'm lying in my bed like I've been glued here, barely moved since Mystique went full psycho yesterday.
The worst part is how familiar this feels, hiding in my room while holiday cheer infects everyone else. Like clockwork, every December 24th, I find myself wanting to disappear. Some traditions just stick with you, I guess.
I roll over, wincing as my stiff muscles protest. My phone says it's already past noon, which means I've wasted half the day doing exactly nothing. Not that I care. The apartment's been weirdly quiet. Firestar must have told everyone to give me space.
A knock on my door breaks the silence. Before I can answer, it cracks open. Kitty Pryde's head pokes in, her ponytail swinging slightly as she peeks around the edge.
"Hey," she says, voice soft like she's approaching a wounded animal.
"Hey."
She steps inside, closing the door quietly behind her. There's something clutched in her hand, a small bag of some kind.
"I found something," she says, hovering awkwardly by the foot of my bed.
"What is it?" I prop myself up on my elbows, curiosity momentarily outweighing my desire to melt into the mattress forever.
Kitty shifts her weight, eyes darting away from mine for a moment. "After Jubilee died, they had me pack up her room, but I was too sad to go through it all properly at the time."
"Yeah?" A knot forms in my chest at the mention of Jubilee's name.
"But I found this recently." She steps closer, extending her hand. "Here."
It's a small felt bag with pull strings, dark purple with a pink firework embroidered on the front. A small note is attached to it with a safety pin. The handwriting is unmistakably Jubilee's, chaotic and almost unreadable.
'Give to Jack on the first session.'
"Huh?" I take the bag, feeling its weight in my palm.
I loosen the strings and tip the contents into my hand. A set of dice tumbles out, polished resin in swirling pink and purple with gold numbers that catch the light. A complete Dungeons & Dragons dice set.
My vision blurs immediately as tears well up. "I completely forgot," I whisper, running my thumb over the twenty-sided die.
"Yeah," Kitty says, sitting on the edge of my bed. "She was adamant about you joining our campaign, but after she died..." She trails off, swallowing hard. "I just couldn't play. None of us could."
I close my fingers around the dice, feeling their edges press into my palm. "I miss her all the time," I admit, my voice cracking. "And I only knew her for a little bit."
Kitty's hand comes to rest on my shoulder, warm and steady. "She liked you a lot too, Jack." A sad smile crosses her face. "Like, a lot a lot."
I stare at the dice in my hand, memories hitting me like a sledgehammer.
"Yeah," I whisper, my voice barely audible even to my own ears. "She asked me to join the game that same morning... before we left for Peru." My throat tightens around the words. "The same day she... the same fucking day she died."
"She was so excited about it," I continue, the words spilling out now. "Spent the whole Blackbird ride talking about what character I should play, how I'd love it once I got into it. Said it'd help me make friends." A bitter laugh escapes me.
The memories hit too hard. Suddenly the air in the room feels thick, impossible to breathe. My chest tightens like someone's sitting on it, and the walls seem to be closing in. I can't stay here another second.
I jump to my feet, startling Kitty. "I need to get out of here."
"Jack?"
I don't answer, just move to my closet and grab the first jacket I see, shoving my arms through the sleeves with jerky movements. I scoop the dice back into their purple bag and stuff them deep in my pocket. My fingers brush against my phone, which I grab, along with the thick envelope of cash Emma gave me that I've barely touched.
"I'm going out," I say, not looking at Kitty's concerned face.
"Where?" She stands up, her brow furrowed.
"Out. I don't know." My voice sounds hollow even to my own ears. I just need to move, to be somewhere else, anywhere but trapped in this room with memories and feelings I can't handle.
"Do you want company?" She takes a step toward me, hand half-extended like she's afraid I might shatter if she touches me.
"Thank you, but no."