Okay, that is going to be the last time we ever have sex. I am not going to be submissive. No, I will not let my intrusive thoughts win next time. No, there won't be a next time.
The thought repeated in my head like a stubborn echo that refused to fade. I kept saying it to myself as if the words alone could build a wall between me and last night. If I repeated it enough times maybe it would become real. Maybe the memory of her hands on my skin would slowly lose its grip on me.
My chest rose slowly as I breathed in the cold morning air. It helped a little. Not much, but enough to keep my thoughts from spiraling.
I closed my eyes for a moment and rubbed my temple. Never again.
I went straight to the hospital to see my brother. Princess offered to drive me, but I refused. It was enough. I needed to breathe peacefully. With her around me, she is all I breathe.
Even thinking about her made my lungs tighten.
