Colossus's composure shattered in an instant.
"Damn it, Wade! What are you doing? He's already dead!"
The rooftop was silent except for the distant noise of traffic far below. A cold wind brushed across broken concrete and shattered glass. Deadpool calmly holstered his pistol and turned with an expression that screamed innocent confusion.
"I'm giving him a shot. Isn't that what you just wanted?"
Colossus clenched his metal fists. "What I meant was that you should shoot yourself into the sun!"
Deadpool tilted his head. "But I said I'd give him a shot. I never agreed to shoot myself."
He tapped his chest proudly. "Besides, I can't die. And I'm not crazy. Why would I shoot myself for no reason?"
Colossus pointed accusingly. "Then why were you aiming at yourself just now?"
Deadpool spread his hands. "Because I felt like it. Do I need a permit for that?"
Colossus fell silent for a moment. He inhaled deeply, trying to regain control of the situation.
"We need to talk, Wade."
Deadpool clasped his hands dramatically. "Oh? About love? Have you finally realized your true feelings for me?"
"No!" Colossus snapped. "We need to talk about how you cannot kill people. And you absolutely cannot desecrate corpses!"
Deadpool immediately swung his pistol back toward the body lying on the rooftop.
"You're going to lecture me about this fake priest?" he said sharply. "The guy who pretended to perform exorcisms while abusing children?"
Colossus stiffened.
Deadpool stepped forward, acting out the scene with exaggerated movements. "Picture this. He's holding a cross in one hand, a Bible in the other, shouting at the 'demon' inside the child. Thrusting his hips, yelling, 'Demon, leave this child!'"
Deadpool mimicked the motion with dramatic flair.
"Then imagine the demon yelling back, 'No, YOU get out of him!'"
Colossus winced.
"How terrifying is that?" Deadpool asked.
Colossus paused, clearly disturbed. But his voice remained firm. "Even so, he should not have died by your hand."
Bang!
Another shot rang out. Blood splattered again from the lifeless body.
"What are you doing, Wade?!" Colossus roared.
Deadpool lowered the gun. "That one was accidental. I swear."
Colossus stared at him, metal jaw tight. "He is already dead! You are desecrating a corpse!"
"Yes, he's dead," Deadpool replied calmly. "He feels nothing. These two bullets caused him less damage than you caused the building owner when you smashed through that rooftop door."
Colossus blinked. "What?"
Deadpool pointed at the bent steel door nearby. "You destroyed his property."
"It's just a door," Colossus said defensively. "I'll pay for repairs."
"But what if that door was a gift from his late grandmother?"
Colossus hesitated.
Deadpool spread his arms wide. "How will you compensate sentimental value?"
"That's ridiculous," Colossus replied. "What kind of grandmother gifts someone a rooftop door?"
"Maybe it was originally a bedroom door," Deadpool said thoughtfully. "And after she passed away, her grandson moved it to the roof so she'd be closer to heaven."
He sniffed dramatically. "Such touching family love."
Deadpool crouched by the bent door and pointed to the back.
"Look. It even says: 'Gifted in 1985 by my dear grandmother — Stefan Kapisic.'"
Colossus frowned. "That sounds like a man's name."
"Don't judge grandmothers," Deadpool replied.
Colossus suddenly grew concerned. Public opinion toward mutants was already fragile. After recent events involving Magneto and the Brotherhood in New York, tensions were high. The X-Men could not afford another public relations disaster.
Carefully, Colossus lifted the twisted door, scanning it closely.
"I don't see anything written here."
Behind him, Deadpool rubbed his hands together suspiciously.
"How can you not see it? Look closer."
Colossus lowered the door and turned—
Clang!!!
The sound of metal rang across the rooftop.
Deadpool had just kicked Colossus between the legs.
Unfortunately for him, Colossus was still in full metal form.
Deadpool hopped backward on one leg, screaming in agony.
"My leg! My beautiful leg!"
His shin bent at an unnatural angle, clearly broken.
Colossus simply stared at him.
"Sigh. Wade. This is the seventeenth time you've tried that this year. When will you learn?"
Deadpool hissed through clenched teeth. He grabbed his calf and twisted violently.
Crack!
The bone snapped back into place. His healing factor activated instantly, knitting flesh and bone together within seconds.
"I just wanted to confirm something," Deadpool muttered.
"Confirm what?"
"If every part of you turns to steel when you transform."
Colossus looked mildly uncomfortable.
"Yes. It does."
Deadpool's eyes widened. "All of it?"
"Yes."
Deadpool slowly clapped. "Incredible. Absolutely incredible."
Colossus crossed his arms. "I do not find this amusing."
"Have you ever had a girlfriend?" Deadpool asked casually.
"No."
"You've never had one?"
"No."
Deadpool stared at him with pity. "That's tragic, my metal friend."
Colossus resisted the urge to throw him off the roof.
"You should fix that," Deadpool continued. "Otherwise, you'll officially qualify as a Grand Magician."
Colossus narrowed his eyes. "What does that even mean?"
Deadpool stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Actually… Magician. That's a great nickname for you."
Colossus pressed his palms to his temples.
"Wade, I preferred you a year ago. Back then, at least you apologized after insulting someone."
Deadpool immediately straightened and bowed deeply.
"I sincerely apologize, Mr. Magician."
Colossus sighed.
"Are you finished?" he asked.
"For now."
"Good. Then we are leaving."
"Leaving? Where?"
"To Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters."
Deadpool gasped dramatically.
"Oh no, Mr. Magician, I'm over thirty. I cannot pass as a gifted youngster anymore."
Colossus stepped closer, his towering metal frame casting a long shadow over Deadpool.
"You are dangerous, Wade. You behave like a child with unlimited firepower. You act on impulse. You refuse responsibility."
Deadpool leaned back against the railing, staring up at Colossus's polished steel physique.
"Wow," he whispered. "Look at that shine. Do you polish daily?"
Colossus blinked. "Occasionally."
"Multipurpose?" Deadpool asked. "Like sharpening knives?"
"Sometimes."
Deadpool nodded seriously. "Efficient."
Colossus groaned internally.
"I am serious," Colossus said firmly. "You need guidance."
Deadpool folded his arms. "You mean therapy with homework?"
"Yes."
Deadpool looked toward the horizon.
Below them, sirens echoed faintly. The city moved on, unaware of the strange conversation happening above.
Colossus softened his tone slightly.
"Wade… You have potential. You could do good. But you choose chaos."
Deadpool was quiet for a rare moment.
"You really believe that?" he asked.
"Yes."
Deadpool looked at the body on the ground.
"He hurt children," Wade said quietly. "And he would have kept hurting them."
Colossus nodded slowly. "I know."
"But there are rules," Colossus continued. "If we break them, we become no better than the monsters we fight."
Deadpool turned his masked face toward him.
"Maybe I don't want to be better," he said lightly.
Colossus stepped forward.
"But I do."
Silence hung between them.
Finally, Deadpool shrugged.
"Fine. I'll visit your fancy school."
Colossus blinked in surprise. "You will?"
"Yes. But only if I get to choose your new nickname."
Colossus hesitated. "It is not negotiable."
"Too late," Deadpool said cheerfully. "You are now officially Mr. Magician."
Colossus stared at him.
Deadpool extended a hand.
"Friends?"
After a long pause, Colossus shook it.
Deadpool immediately squeezed too hard.
"Ow! Not steel grip, not steel grip!"
Colossus released him.
As they walked toward the rooftop exit, Deadpool glanced back at the broken door.
"By the way," he said casually, "there was no engraving."
Colossus stopped.
"You lied?"
"Yes."
Colossus closed his eyes.
"Wade…"
Deadpool grinned under his mask.
"But hey," he added, "at least now you care about sentimental value."
Colossus shook his head.
As they descended the stairs, the wind continued to blow across the rooftop, carrying away the echoes of gunshots and arguments.
And somewhere in the distance, the city of New York remained unaware that one of its most chaotic vigilantes was about to take a field trip to the X-Men's school.
Which, as history would soon prove, was a very, very bad idea.