I walked into my first class, right? And honestly, my stomach was doing this weird twisty thing that made me feel like maybe I should've stayed home and - no, that's a lie, I shouldn't have stayed home. But still… nerves. Big nerves.
It was one of those halls where the lockers lined the walls like some weird metallic army, and everyone seemed to already know each other. Like, all of them. They were laughing, whispering, shoving books at each other. And then there was me. Just… standing there. Trying to look normal. Which, let's be real, wasn't happening. Not with my hair doing that weird stick-up thing at the back, and my bag strap cutting into my shoulder like a cruel joke.
So I'm scanning the room for my class list on the board, pretending to be confident. Totally blending in. And then - bam. I freeze.
Oh. My. God.
There he was.
Xander Hayes.
I know, I know. Stop panicking. I tried. I really did. But the world slowed down for a second, and suddenly it was like… all the noise of the school, the chatter, the slamming lockers, the squeaky shoes - gone. Just him. Leaning casually against the wall, books in hand, and that… that look that made me want to both hide and punch something at the same time.
He looked… different. Maybe older? Maybe. Sharper somehow. And okay… fine. He was still ridiculously good-looking. Like, annoyingly good-looking. But the thing that really messed me up? The way he was looking at me. Or maybe not at me. But… I felt it. That flicker of recognition, like he remembered exactly who I was. And I… I didn't know if I wanted him to.
I tried to breathe. Honestly, I did. "Okay… act normal," I muttered under my breath, but apparently my breath decided to betray me, because I think I squeaked or something.
He looked up. And then… he smirked. That smirk. You know the one—the one that says, I know exactly what you're thinking and I like it. Or maybe hated it. I can't remember, because my brain short-circuited right there.
"Liz," he said. Just my nickname. Like he remembered. From two years ago. My mouth literally went dry. And then I tripped on my own bag strap. Perfect. So graceful.
"Uh… hey," I managed, trying to sound casual, but I swear I think my voice came out more like a squeaky mouse.
He laughed. Low. That laugh that's just… so Xander. Not mocking him. Not mean. Just… there.
Great. Now I'm officially melting inside.
I swear I could feel my face heating up. So, of course, I immediately tried to hide behind my hair. Smart. Genius move.
"Looks like someone's still clumsy," he teased, leaning closer. Okay… closer than necessary. Too close. Too close! My heart is - no. Stop. Calm down, Liz. You need to calm. Down.
I opened my mouth to say something - anything - but my brain short-circuited again. So naturally, I just said, "Shut up." Smooth. Really smooth.
He raised an eyebrow, that mischievous spark in his eyes making me want to punch him and hug him at the same time. "Really? That's the best you got?"
"Uh… yeah. Shut. Up. Seriously," I said, tugging at my bag strap like that would make me look cooler or something. Spoiler: it didn't.
And he laughed again. Ugh. That laugh. I hate it. No. I love it. But I don't. Deep breath girl. Focus.
Then, like the universe hates me or something, the teacher arrives. Great. Just in time to see me having this internal meltdown in front of literally everyone. And of course, Xander decides that's hilarious. I swear he winked. Maybe. Or I imagined it. My brain is still broken.
So we sit. And of course, we end up next to each other. Because obviously. Naturally. The universe clearly thinks I need to suffer more.
"Don't look so tense," he whispers as we both pull out our books. "You're acting like it's the end of the world or something."
"Yeah… well, you being here isn't helping," I whisper back. It was too late. My voice squeaks again. Smooth. Very smooth.
He leans back in his chair, calm as ever, eyes on the board but still… watching me. And I'm lowkey losing it.
I mean, okay, let's be real. He's still Xander. The same guy who - ugh - I can't even. The same guy who disappeared from my life in LA, left me wondering, hurting me… and now he's here, smirking at me like nothing happened.
I tried to focus on the lesson. Honestly, I did. But every time the teacher said something, I caught Xander's eyes on me, and my brain… completely stopped working. Like, equations, history dates, whatever - I forgot it all.
Then the unthinkable happened. He touched my hand. Not in a flirty way… maybe. Honestly, I couldn't tell. We were both reaching for the same notebook, and his fingers brushed mine. And I swear, I felt electricity. Like, literal sparks.
I yanked my hand away immediately, probably looking like a crazy person. "Uh… sorry," I muttered, face burning red.
He didn't say anything. Just smirked. That damn smirk again.
Okay… so then class ends. I thought maybe I could escape, but no. Xander is walking right beside me in the hallway. Fine. It's cool. Totally cool.
"Liz," he says, quietly, like only I can hear. "We're going to have so much fun this year."
I… I froze. My stomach did that twisty thing again. "Fun… sure. Totally fun," I muttered. Oh, my God. I sounded terrified. Not fun. But Terrified.
He glanced at me, like he could read my brain. "Relax. I'm not here to torture you. …Maybe just a little."
I wanted to punch him. And hug him. And cry. All at the same time.
And just like that… the bell rings for our next class. I somehow manage to stumble off, still feeling like my brain was on fire, my heart was running a marathon, and my entire existence had just been hijacked by one person.
I hate him. I mean, I don't. But also, maybe I do. Lowkey.
And that's when it hits me. I have no idea how I'm going to survive this year. Or if I even want to…