AKIHIRO ATLAS
Being forgotten...
It was something far more terrible than people thought.
Because death was at least a concrete end. Humans could understand the idea of death; they could comprehend the stopping of a body, the stopping of a heart, the eternal silence of a voice. That's why there were graves. That's why the names were engraved on the stones. People were crying, remembering, and telling stories about the people they had lost. Death was painful, but still it had a shape in the human mind. It's like an end line. A person would die... and then those left behind would continue to acknowledge that they had lived. But being forgotten was not like that. Oblivion did not have the weight that even death has. He was silent. He was invisible. It would happen slowly. And perhaps that's exactly why it was so much more terrifying.
Because who determines when a person truly dies? When their breathing stops? When their heart stops? Or is it when the last memory of the world is erased from someone else's mind? For a long time, I believed the second possibility was more likely. The human body might die, but memories would continue to live on. A laugh, a look, a sentence... sometimes they could carry a person's presence for years. That's why people hug each other, that's why they make memories, that's why they don't want to forget the voices of the people they love. Because deep down, everyone was carrying the same fear; One day, to be completely erased. To be as if one had never lived. To become an ending where having touched the world holds no meaning.
Perhaps this was the reason why people try to leave something behind. Books, pictures, names, children, dreams... they were all different battles against the same fear. People lived not to be forgotten. Because being forgotten meant that one's existence was rejected by the universe. All the pain you endured, all the struggles you faced, and all the love you felt ultimately had no weight. And the more I thought about it, the heavier it got inside me, it wasn't just fear. At the same time, it was an unbearable feeling of emptiness. Because sometimes one wasn't afraid of dying... but of leaving no trace behind.
I remained leaning on my knees for a long time before slowly lifting my eyes. The cold surface of the door was still pressed against my back, but I couldn't even feel it fully anymore. It was as if my body was stuck to where it was. I didn't even know when I stopped crying. Perhaps my tears had stopped moments ago, or perhaps they were still flowing silently; I could no longer tell. Sometimes, when a person suffers for a very long time, their emotions become confused. Time became blurred, thoughts grew heavy, and all that remained was the echo of one's own mind. At that moment, the only thing I heard in the corridor was my breathing. An irregular, tired, and fragile breath. It was as if even my lungs couldn't find enough strength to keep living anymore.
"I will always be here for you..."
The words I had just said to Jared echoed in my mind again, and my throat tightened once more. Now I could feel more clearly how much fear I had inside me when I said that sentence. Because telling someone you'll be with them forever... was actually admitting that you were afraid of losing them. And I was afraid. A lot more than I thought. I was afraid that one day when he looked at me, the things he felt would be erased. Because I knew that people get better over time. Even the greatest losses turned into memories over time. The human mind could not sustain pain at the same intensity indefinitely; it had to forget. And that's exactly why it was so cruel to be forgotten. Because most of the time people didn't want to delete you... it just took time. And time would silently take everything away from man.
I slowly leaned my head against the wall. As the cold seeped through my forehead, I closed my eyes and tried not to think about anything for a few seconds. But my mind was not silent. No matter how hard I tried to escape, my thoughts kept returning to the same place. To myself. To my shortcomings. To my inadequacies. The way I constantly think I'm hurting people. Perhaps this was what consumed me the most; no matter how hard I tried, I could never be the right person. I wanted to stay with people, but in the end I was upsetting them. I wanted to help, but I was left with broken things. And as time went on, the thought that this was not a coincidence was growing inside me. Maybe I was really the problem. Maybe I was always the person who entered people's lives and eventually tired them out.
The silence in the corridor was so profound that even my thoughts seemed to echo. The pale lights on the ceiling cast long shadows. The stone surface of the walls had absorbed the cold of the night, and the moonlight seeping through the window left a thin, Decolorized line on the floor. Everything seemed lifeless. It was as if the world had stopped moving. The place I was in at that moment didn't just feel like a corridor to me; it was more like a physical reflection of my own mind. A long, silent, dark passage with no end in sight.
I didn't know how long I had been sitting there. I thought about getting up a few times, but even my body seemed to be against it. My legs felt heavy. My shoulders felt like rocks. Sometimes a person was not only physically tired; his soul was also exhausted. And the fatigue of the soul was much heavier than that of the body. Because he wasn't resting. He was quietly settling into the person and making his every move difficult. At that moment, I felt it right down to my bones.
Then suddenly, Aurelia came to my mind.
When this thought appeared in my mind, I opened my eyes again. It was like a faint light appearing from a distance in a dense fog. Weak but real enough. I had to go to her. Maybe I didn't have a strong desire to do so, but I still had to go. Because I felt like if I stayed where I was any longer, I would completely collapse. Sometimes one had to keep moving; without knowing exactly where one was going, without even understanding why one was walking. Because they knew that the moment they stopped, their mind would tear him apart.
I put my hands down slowly and tried to lift myself up. At first, my legs trembled. Because I stayed in the same position for a long time, my knees felt numb and I felt like I was going to lose my balance. I stood up holding on to the wall. My head turned slightly, but after taking a few deep breaths, tried to hold myself together. I loosened my fingers and make a fist again. My hands were still shaking. I tried blowing on them, thinking maybe it would make them stop shaking, but the tremor didn't go away.
I looked down the corridor in front of me.
That quiet road, Decked out among the long shadows, seemed strangely familiar to me. Darkness and light were mixing together, just like my mind. There was still a weight inside me that didn't go away, but it seemed like I was used to carrying it now. Maybe the person could not fully recover. Maybe some wounds never heal. But still, one continues to walk.
That's what I did.
I took my first step slowly and began walking towards Aurelia's room.
As I continued walking down the corridor, my footsteps echoed on the stone floor. Every step was silent, but even in that silence I felt a strange weight on me. It was as if the building had fallen asleep in the night, and I was like a ghost wandering alone in that slumber. As the faint lights on the ceiling passed by, they cast short shadows on my face, then disappeared back into the darkness. This headquarters always looked different in the late hours of the night. This place, filled with the sounds of soldiers, reports, orders, and constantly moving people during the day, would withdraw into itself at night. And at such times, one could sense the building's true age. The silence carried by the old stone walls, the fatigue accumulated over the years, the traces of people who had passed through these corridors... all were becoming more visible in the night.
When I reached the stairs I stood for a brief moment. I lift my head slightly and looked at the top floor. It was the place that belongs to me. Or at least that's what everyone said. "The general's room." That's what people always called that room. The name belonged to me. Its authority belonged to me. But for some reason, it never really made me feel like it was mine. Perhaps because I never believed I was ready to bear the weight of that title. When people looked at me, they saw a general, but when I looked in the mirror, I saw a broken person still not quite sure what to do.
I slowly began to climb the stairs. My steps were heavy. My body was still tired, but my mind was in a worse state than that. At each step, my thoughts were trying to scatter again. Jared's face appeared before my eyes, and then my own voice echoed in my ears. "I'll always be here for you..." After saying that sentence, the emptiness inside me still hadn't gone away. It was as if I had left a piece of my own heart behind while saying those words. And now all that remained was exhaustion.
When I reached the upper floor, the corridor was even quieter. Almost no one came out here at night. The moonlight, which came in through the long windows, made pale lines on the floor. The flags on the walls, she was motionless. Everything seemed frozen. As soon as I looked at the big door at the end of the corridor, a strange feeling occurred to me. Because that door didn't just lead to a room that belonged to me. It also led to a silent witness of my last three years.
Aurelia…
As I approached the door, his face appeared in my mind. For the three years that I wasn't here, this room belonged entirely to him. Technically, it was still considered my room, perhaps, but in reality, it was Aurelia who bore the solitude of this space. As Deputy General, she not only assumed my duties; he also tried to fill the gap left by me. People had knocked on this door to get orders. The reports were left on this table. Perhaps it was thought that I was the person sitting under the lamp that was on late at night, but it wasn't. She had stood in my place. And she had been doing this for exactly three years.
I stood quietly in front of the door for a few seconds. I bowed my head and thought about how I should react. Because this place felt strange now. It's not a familiar kind of strangeness, but a different kind of strangeness.
The strange thing was... as I thought about what Aurelia had done for three years, I felt a feeling that resembled guilt.
Because time didn't stop while I was gone. People had continued to live. This room had not been left empty. Orders were given, decisions were made, wars were managed. And it was Aurelia who did all this. As for me, at that moment I was just a lost soul. While I had distanced myself even from myself, having someone else bear my burden... for some reason, it was causing a heavy pressure in my heart.
I gently grasped the door handle and opened the door.
The room was as tidy as always, but the first thing I felt when I stepped inside wasn't order, but loneliness. The sunlight filtering in front of the wide window was painting half of the room a pale color. The big desk was still in place. The files on the shelves were arranged in an orderly fashion. The maps, battle plans, and old documents hanging on the walls further intensified the cold atmosphere of the room. But among all these, the thing that caught my attention the most was... that the room bore a living imprint.
I stood silently where I was.
There are certain people in one's life; when one thinks of them, one doesn't just recall memories. One thinks of oneself.
You remember who you were... who you were trying to be... and how dark you once were.
Aurelia was exactly like that to me.
I still remembered how I looked at people before I met him. In my first years at the academy, everyone around me seemed distant to me. People's voices sounded artificial. Their smile was temporary, their friendship was fragile and their love was conditional. I didn't believe that a person could really care about someone else. Because there was an expectation under every bond I had seen until then. People had to turn into something to be loved. They had to be strong. They had to be useful. And I… at that time, I thought I didn't have any of those qualities.
That's why I was avoiding people.
I wasn't approaching anyone, and I wasn't letting anyone approach me. Because after a certain point, loneliness began to feel safe to a person. It was painful, maybe, but at least he was familiar. When alone, one did not experience the fear of abandonment. One did not experience the fear of losing. If you didn't need anyone, you weren't allowing anyone to hurt you either.
But then...
Aurelia arrived.
And the scariest part of my life is that... she didn't try to do anything to change my life.
She just sat next to me.
She was the one who took the first step. Because of that first step, I have been able to maintain my humanity until today. I could even say it's the reason why I became human.
I still remember; it was one of those gray and stifling days at the academy. In that cold crowd where people mingle but no one truly sees anyone else, I was alone as always. And Aurelia... she had come to me for no reason. She neither feared me nor expected anything from me. She didn't look at me the way other people looked at me. They acted as if what was standing before me wasn't "General Aki" or "a successful student" or "a troubled child".
Just... as if it were me.
Sometimes one couldn't realize at the moment that the life-changing moment had occurred.
But looking back now, I could see it.
The first light fell on my night that day.
For there was something strange in Aurelia's presence. When he was approaching people, she wasn't trying to change them. She didn't turn away when she saw people's broken sides. And perhaps that's why I felt like I could truly breathe for the first time in his presence. Because for the first time in my life, someone hadn't treated me like a mistake that needed fixing.
Unconditional love…
She was the person who taught me this concept.
I realized for the first time in his presence that people can value each other without expecting anything in return, that they can stay by your side simply because you "exist." And it was difficult to put into words how big a deal this was. Because if one had spent one's entire life without water, even a single drop seemed like a miracle.
Aurelia was not just a friend to me.
That... was the beginning of my faith in people.
If I can trust someone today, if I can look into someone's eyes and feel a sincere warmth, if I have even a tiny hope that one day I can really be loved... most of it was because of him.
Sometimes just thinking about it was scary.
Could one person change another person's life this much?
But she had changed it.
Aurelia held a place in my life that was different from that of a mere human being. Because some people don't just stand next to you; they pull you out of the darkness. And they don't give you orders when you do that. They don't force you. They just exist. Quietly. Patiently. And without you noticing, their light reaches even the darkest places within you.
For me, Aurelia was exactly like that.
Sometimes when I looked at it, the word "sun" came to my mind, but even that didn't feel enough. Because the sun only illuminated. Aurelia, on the other hand, rekindled within me things I thought were dead. My belief in people. Friendship. The feeling of trust. And most importantly… love.
Before she came into my life, the world seemed like a place that only had to be endured. The days were a continuation of each other. People were coming and going. And I was walking quietly through all this. But after Aurelia arrived, I started to stop and look around for the first time. Because there was more to her than just the ugly sides of humanity in her eyes. And the strange thing was... she never made big promises to me. She never had life-changing conversations. But sometimes people were saved most by those who remained silently by their side.
Perhaps that's why when I looked at him, an indescribable sense of respect welled up within me.
Because for me, Aurelia wasn't just someone I loved.
She… was my sense of direction in the darkness.
It was the place I wanted to go back to when I got lost.
It was the last remaining proof that humanity can still be beautiful.
Water and sometimes I was thinking of:
If my life is really a long night... the first morning I saw that night was Aurelia.
I took a deep breath while standing in front of the door.
Then I slowly closed my eyes.
And at that moment I realized... the reason for my hesitation before opening this door wasn't just my fatigue.
Aurelia was too precious to me.
One sometimes fears appearing broken-hearted in front of the person one values most.
As I slowly opened the door and stepped inside, the room's atmosphere hit me in the face. But this was different from the heavy and cold silence in the corridors. There was a living mess here. A messy but strangely warm chaos. The first thing that caught my attention was the top of the desk; books lined up on top of each other, documents left half open, reports with notes attached to the sides, and files overflowing to the floor were spread all over the room. A jacket had been left on the arm of the chair, and a half-drunk cup was sitting on the windowsill. The room's layout seemed completely disorganized, but there was a strange vitality within this disorder.
And for some reason... a small involuntary smile passed through me.
Because this sight reminded me of Aurelia.
Sometimes a person could understand someone's character by looking in his room. And it was as if this room was telling her how she had spent the last three years. Tiring nights. Insomnia. Dozens of issues trying to be resolved at once. Books forgotten in a corner, unfinished notes, hastily made decisions... but amidst all this disarray, there was still a careful mind. Aurelia's working style has always been like this. From the outside, it would appear chaotic, but within that chaos there would be an order that only he could understand.
I closed the door quietly behind me and advanced a few steps. While trying not to step on one of the documents standing on the floor, my eyes slipped into the room. There were books that had just been opened in front of the big shelves. Small Decal papers were sandwiched between some of them. Half-finished strategy drafts were lying on a table. There were even a few books left open on the floor; it was as if someone had been reading them and then suddenly turned to something else.
Just at that moment...
"Whoever you are, get out now because I'm really busy."
That voice...
My body stopped involuntarily. I couldn't take another single step. This voice…
A person would not only hear some sounds. She would feel it. And Aurelia's voice was exactly that for me. It was soft, but it was alive. There was a slight fatigue within him, yet despite this, it strangely brought him inner peace. It was like the first morning breeze that enters through an opened window after a long night.
And at that moment, for some reason, a small but childish desire arose within me. This also has something to do with the fact that the person in front of me was Aurelia.
I wanted to surprise him. I wanted to give him a surprise that would make him happy.
Perhaps for the first time in hours, I felt a truly light sensation inside me. After talking to Jared, a small ray of warmth seemed to filter through the heavy darkness that had settled over me. That's why the corners of my lips involuntarily curled slightly.
I tried to change my voice a little and make it as similar to Jared as possible.
"Well... big sis Aurelia..."
I heard something fall from the other side of the room.
"Jared?!"
The surprise in his voice was so genuine that I had to force myself not to laugh.
Suddenly, quick footsteps started coming from inside. She was probably looking for something on the other side of the room because the sound of drawers opening and closing could be heard. Then she spoke again.
"Wait a second! Don't touch anything! Especially because of the touch on the left on the shelves last time, everything you've made the wrong order!"
I tilted my head slightly and tried to suppress my smile.
"I'm not that bad, but…"
"No, you are bad!" Se replied as soon as I finished my sentence.
She said it so quickly that I couldn't help but laugh silently.
Then Aurelia started talking again, but this time her voice was coming from a greater distance; she was obviously running around the room.
"Why did you come at this hour? Did something happen? Jared? Were you injured?" Wait—no, don't answer yet, I'm trying to find something right now..."
At that moment, I could picture him in my mind. The way she goes through the documents while Decking her hair back hastily, the way she picks up a book and then puts it somewhere else, that slightly agitated expression on her face when she's talking to himself…
And for some reason, all the weight inside me had lightened for a few seconds.
"I'm all right, big sis Aurelia."
"If you're fine, why did you come in the middle of the night? A person gives some news!"
They must be working so hard... They don't even realize it's not midnight.
"Maybe I miss you."
In an instant the voices ceased.
There was a brief moment of silence, and then a voice came from afar, slightly embarrassed but still trying to compose itself.
"...Jared, don't say such things so suddenly! Besides, the only person I'll let miss me is the General!"
The smile that formed inside me this time grew too big to hide.
My God...
She truly believed. And also... What? The general's? Okay, I know I'm special, but this is too much...
Then I started hearing quick footsteps again. She was probably coming towards me now. But she couldn't quite pick me out because of the dim lights in the room and the shelves in front of me. As for me, I was standing still, motionless.
And a few seconds later...
A body hit me directly.
"Hya—?!"
After Aurelia's small voice of surprise echoed throughout the room, she reflexively tried to retreat, but it was too late. It hit me lightly on the chest. Several documents in his hand fell to the floor. She, on the other hand, slightly grabbed her head and grimaced under the impact.
"Oh... it hurt..."
Then she slowly raised her head.
And we made eye contact.
At that moment...
I thought time had truly stopped.
The light of the setting sun was filtering through the window into the room, and that faint light was falling on Aurelia's face. Her eyes remained dull for the first few seconds as if she were trying to understand. Her breathing paused slightly. And then I saw her pupils trembling minutely.
She was looking at me in astonishment.
She seemed unable to believe it, but this astonishment somehow didn't change my perspective on her at all. It was perfect.
And then…
A pure smile of happiness captured her face.
Sometimes, when one looks into another person's eyes, one can understand all their feelings without words. And Aurelia's eyes were looking at me so intensely at that moment that all my thoughts fell silent.
Oh my God...
How much I missed you.
A few strands of her hair had fallen into her face. One of his hands was still on her head due to the impact, but he wasn't taking his eyes off me. It was as if he was trying to determine whether the object in front of her was real or not. I could only look at it.
Because at that moment, I felt the same thing again.
Even if all the noise in the world were to cease... being by her side was enough.
My lips curled slightly.
"Hello, Aurelia."
And the moment I said that, the expression on her face changed so beautifully... I felt like I would never forget it for the rest of my life.
At that moment, I couldn't take my eyes off him.
It was as if my mind had forgotten all the fatigue it had carried for months for just a few seconds. Because every time I looked at Aurelia, I felt the same thing; some people in the world seemed like they weren't really real. Like a memory in human form, a poem or a quiet melody that touches the most fragile place in a person... And now standing a few steps away from me in that room where the moonlight was hitting, seeing her again created a warmth in my heart that was more intense than I can describe.
Her hair…
The first thing that caught my attention, as always, was her hair. Her long, pale golden hair cascaded down her shoulders like light pouring into the night. As the sunlight hit her hair strands, some parts of her hair sparkled with a hue almost approaching white. And that gentle ripple that formed as it moved... it was as if even the wind was being careful when touching it. A few thin strands had fallen onto the edge of her face; they were slightly disheveled from the previous rush, but for some reason this made her look even more beautiful. Not like someone trying to look perfect... but like someone truly living.
As for her eyes...
My God.
How could one feel such peace just by looking into a pair of eyes?
Her green eyes sparkled like glass in the sunlight, but within that brightness there was a strange warmth that pierced one's heart. I've never seen hardness in those eyes. They were able to stay warm even when they were tired. When looking at people, they were eyes that did not judge them, did not analyze their parts, but only truly saw them. Maybe that's why I was able to stop hiding myself around him for the first time. Because Aurelia's gaze made one feel that "the way you are is enough."
And when you smiled...
My heart really ached.
That small, elegant smile on her face had never been showy. But that's exactly why it was beautiful. It was quiet. It was genuine. When a person saw him, he involuntarily relaxed. It's like seeing the sky open up for the first time after a long-lasting storm.
The green dress on her was shining softly in the sunlight. The thin folds of the fabric flowed like a wave as it moved. The design that left her shoulders exposed accentuated her elegant appearance even more, but to be honest... it didn't matter what she was wearing at that moment. Because Aurelia's beauty did not come only from her appearance. Sometimes a person would feel something different than finding someone beautiful. Deeper. Quieter. More dangerous.
When I looked at Aurelia, I wasn't just seeing a beautiful girl.
I... was seeing the person who held my hand through the darkest times of my life.
The person who taught me that being human isn't just about suffering.
And I think when one loves someone this deeply, even the smallest action of that person touches one's heart.
Aurelia was still looking at me.
But the surprise in her eyes was slowly beginning to change.
At first, she just seemed frozen in place. It was as if he was trying to figure out if what she was facing was real. Her lips were slightly parted. Her breathing had become irregular. And a few seconds later, I noticed the brightness in her eyes had changed.
They were filling up.
At that moment, a subtle ache formed inside my heart.
Because Aurelia wasn't someone who liked to cry easily. They were the ones who always tried to stay strong, comforted others, and silently bore their own fatigue. But now she wasn't even trying to hide the tears gathering in her eyes.
It was as if three years of longing had condensed into a single moment.
Her lips trembled slightly.
"A... Aki..."
I didn't make a sound.
Because I was afraid that if I spoke at that moment, I too would be torn apart.
And then...
Aurelia took a step slowly towards me.
Another one.
Then, like a little child, she reached for my clothes.
That movement was so pure, so vulnerable that I forgot to breathe for a few seconds. Her fingers lightly gripped the fabric of my jacket. It was as if he was trying to figure out whether I was really there or not. And then… she slowly snuggled up to me.
She leaned her head on my chest.
At that moment, I thought the whole world had fallen silent.
My arms wrapped around her reflexively. His body was trembling slightly. The softness of her hair was touching my chin and I could feel the warmth of her breath. Then a small, hoarse voice came over my shoulder.
She was crying.
"You… you're really terrible…"
Her voice was trembling.
"Do you know how much I miss you…?"
My chest tightened.
Aurelia held my clothing a little tighter. As if she were afraid I would disappear again if I let go.
"I... I was really angry at you..." he said in a hoarse voice. "But at the same time, I was so afraid... I thought one day you wouldn't come back... and I hated it..."
I gently rested my head on his hair.
My God.
How much I missed him... I felt the same thing once again.
I whispered silently, "I'm sorry..." "I'm truly sorry..."
Aurelia nodded slightly but didn't stop crying.
"No... I don't want you to apologize right now..." she said in a broken voice. "I just... I want you to stay here for a while..."
My heart completely melted at that moment.
I tightened my arms a little more. I was hugging so carefully... it felt like it would break if I applied too much force. But to be honest, I was the one who was closer to breaking down at that moment.
Because sometimes, after trying to stay strong for a long time... one shatters the moment they feel loved.
I closed my eyes.
And for the first time in a long time, I truly felt like I was home.
None of us spoke for a while.
The silence in my room no longer felt heavy. On the contrary... it was peaceful. Aurelia was still hugging me, and as I gently stroked her hair, I could only listen to her breathing. Sometimes a person could get along without talking. Especially with some people... the words just sounded like redundancy. Because the sentences seemed inadequate compared to the emotions that had accumulated over the years.
But still, Aurelia was the first to back down.
Or rather, he tried to back down.
She lifted her head slightly from my chest, but her hands still hadn't left my jacket. Her eyes were a little red. There were fine traces of tears on her cheeks. Nevertheless, as she looked at me, she was trying to show that familiar, warm expression again.
And for some reason, this image... was destroying my heart.
Because Aurelia has always been like this.
Even when hurt, they were the ones who tried to comfort the other person first.
They gently sniffled and let out a small breath.
"You've grown taller, man... you're taller than me now. My height was almost close to you." she said, pursing her lips.
I smiled and looked at him carefully. Indeed, the gap between us had widened.
"There's nothing we can do. This way you can lean your face better against my chest, I think you should be happy about that.
Aurelia stared blankly for a few seconds, then sulked after trying to understand what I said.
"Hey. That was annoying.Then he headbutted me hard in the chest. But I felt like a soft pillow. Or maybe I'm fooling myself, whatever. Still, I'm happy.
"Your hair has grown out! You said you wouldn't cut it, but… I didn't expect it to grow this long!"
If they're going to react this way to everything... My job is tough.
I placed my hand on his forehead and touched it firmly with my index finger.
"Should you stop analyzing all of my physical changes, princess Hermes?"
Aurelia headbutted my chest again... This time I really groaned in pain.
"...Now tell me," she said in his still slightly trembling voice, "did you find the things you were looking for where you were going?"
It took the conversation in an unexpected direction, but ultimately that was what we needed to discuss.
The question was simple.
But the answer wasn't.
My eyes involuntarily slid to the ground. There had been so many things that I couldn't even tell which one had changed me anymore. The facts I learned, the places I saw, the things I felt... it was as if new layers of weight had been added to my old self.
I laughed quietly, but it was a tired smile.
"I don't know," I muttered. "I think... I've found some answers."
Aurelia was listening to me carefully.
"How do you answer?"
I took a deep breath.
"This universe is about," I said slowly. "About myself. About people... even about gods."
Aurelia's eyes softened slightly. She always looked like that when I was talking. As if she didn't want to miss even the smallest thing I said.
"I used to think everything was simpler," I said quietly. "There were good people, there were bad people. There were things that were right, there were things that were wrong. But the further I got... everything started to get mixed up. I've seen why people break down. I saw how terribly alone even beings who act like gods actually are."
I paused for a moment.
"And I think I was most afraid of myself."
Aurelia's expression changed slightly.
"Aki..."
"No, that's all right." A small but fragile smile formed on my lips. "I used to think I knew myself, but I'm not sure anymore. I realized how dark it was. I want to help people, but sometimes... I feel like I break everything I touch.
After I said this, there was a few seconds of silence in the room.
Then Aurelia looked at me.
That look...
Oh my God.
How could a person give someone the feeling "no, you're not like that" just by looking at it?
"Of course you're breaking it," she said suddenly.
I looked at her in astonishment.
And Aurelia suddenly started laughing.
She was really laughing.
Her eyes were still slightly full, but her lips were curled.
"You're a terrible person sometimes," she said as he snorted. "You are overthinking. You're ruining yourself. And then you go and save people, but in doing so you tear your own soul apart."
I laughed involuntarily.
"That wasn't at all comforting."
"Because I'm trying to be honest."
Then she moved a little closer to me and rested her forehead on my shoulder.
"But still…" she murmured softly. "You're not a bad person, Aki. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this."
My heart tightened silently.
We stood there like that for a while.
Then my eyes shifted back to the mess in the room. There were books, documents and unfinished business everywhere.
I had a little laugh.
"By the way..." I said, looking around, "you've really turned this place into a battlefield."
Aurelia suddenly sighed dramatically.
"You have no right to tell me this." she said, closing her eyes.
"Really?" I asked. I didn't fully understand why.
"Really."
Then she suddenly grimaced.
"Because the fault is not mine."
I raised my eyebrow slightly.
"Uh?"
Aurelia made such an expression at that moment that I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. She put his hands on her hips, tried to deepen her voice, and imitated Mizu in an incredibly bad way.
"Aurelia, I trust you."
Then she walked away and spoke again in the same bad tone.
"'Aurelia, you can handle it.'"
With one hand, she dramatically showed the documents.
"And then BAM. ALL THE WORK BECAME MY TASK."
I couldn't hold back my laughter.
I really couldn't hold it in.
Aurelia, however, was still acting like a tragic theater actress.
"Do you know what he was doing while I was sleeping three hours a night here and finishing reports?!"
"He was probably running away." I said, in a sarcastic tone of voice to make her even angrier.
"Yes." She pointed the finger at me. "He was certainly running away."
Then she tried to imitate Mizu's voice again.
"'You are very talented, Aurelia.'"
She took a document and held it up in the air.
"I'm not talented, Aki, I'm exhausted."
This time we both laughed.
But the strange thing is... there was still an intense emotionality under this laughter. Because no matter how much we joked, the weight of the past three years remained silently between us.
After a while, Aurelia looked at me again.
This time her smile was smaller.
It was more genuine.
"Still..." she said quietly. "I never hated doing this for you."
Something inside me paused.
"Aurelia..."
"I mean it." She came a few steps towards me. "Because I didn't want this room to be empty. I didn't want people to feel like they were forgetting you. That's why I stayed here."
My breath knotted in my throat.
And Aurelia looked so natural saying this... as if what she was doing was the most ordinary thing in the world.
But it wasn't.
Oh my God, it wasn't.
How could one person remain so loyal to another?
I looked at him silently.
Then I slowly took his hand.
Her fingers were warm and soft.
"Thank you," I said in a low voice.
Aurelia looked at me for a few seconds.
Then she let out a small laugh.
"Do you know..." she said gently wiping her eyes, "I feel like you need to say something very romantic right now."
I couldn't help but laugh.
"You're putting pressure on me." I said.
Because… She knows this is my worst trait. I can't romanticize anything, I can't sentimentalize anything, I can't make a moment feel special. I'm very bad with all of them.
"Yes."
"You are very cruel." I said and turned my head in a different direction.
"I've been fighting with documents for three years, Aki. Now I have nothing left to fear."
This time I really laughed.
And for the first time in a long time... there was no heaviness in that laughter.
After a while, our laughter gradually faded away.
But the remaining silence was no longer broken. What radiated into the room was not emptiness, but peace. The moonlight filtered in through the large window, casting a faint glow over the books on the floor and the scattered documents. Aurelia was standing right in front of me, with her hair still a little messy, her eyes slightly reddened from crying, and that little smile standing on the edge of her lips... And as I looked at her, a strange thought occurred to me.
Sometimes one thought they missed a person.
But what they actually missed was the way they felt around that person.
I didn't miss Aurelia just because I "loved her." It was something much deeper than that. I missed the person breathing next to him. I missed those brief moments when the darkness inside me was silenced, if not completely destroyed. Because there was something about Aurelia's presence that touched one's soul. And explaining this was not easy.
Aurelia wasn't just like light.
She… was like proof that darkness cannot rule over humans forever.
And perhaps that's why every time I looked at him, the same feeling would arise within me; as if something long lost had finally returned to its place.
Aurelia was looking at me silently.
But there was such an intense emotion in that look that I had to look away. Because sometimes a person is afraid when he or she realizes that he or she is loved. Especially if you have not seen for a long time himself or herself worthy of it.
Then her voice slowly broke the silence in the room.
"Do you know..." she said lightly, "Your absence was very strange."
I turned my eyes back to her.
Aurelia took a few steps toward the window. The sunlight was falling on her hair. The golden colored strands seemed to almost melt under the light.
"People often it tells like The Silence of absence," she said slowly. "But it wasn't the quiet of your absence, Aki. It was more like a morning whose light had faded away."
My breathing paused slightly.
Aurelia continued.
"Everything was actually in place. The corridors were the same. This room was the same. People were still talking, still going about their duties. The world kept turning." A small but sad smile formed on his lips. "But there was a flaw in all this. It was as if the sun had forgotten to rise and everyone was trying not to notice."
My heart tightened silently.
And then...
Aurelia looked at me.
Oh my God.
How could a person speak so beautifully?
"Do you know what I liken you to the most?" she asked quietly.
I couldn't speak.
Because the lump in my throat was getting bigger.
Aurelia's eyes softened slightly.
"To the first hint of red on the horizon after a long night."
I thought something stopped inside me.
Aurelia smiled slightly.
"I remember the first day I saw your red hair," she said. "Everyone at the academy was afraid of you. Because you were always standing far away. You were silent. You were cold. You had that look on your face where you thought people couldn't understand you." She lowered her head slightly. "But I always thought the same thing when I looked at your hair."
She walked slowly towards me.
"Why do a person's hair look like a sunrise?"
My heart really hurt now.
Because Aurelia wasn't kidding when she said that. There was only honesty in her eyes.
"Of course you have your dark sides," she said quietly. "Of course you're tearing yourself apart. But despite this... there's still something inside of you that warms people up, Aki. Maybe not everyone, but it can warm up some people."
At that moment, even breathing became difficult.
Because nothing I've ever felt about myself in my life... had ever been this beautiful.
I always associated myself with destruction. With darkness. With mistakes. With shortcomings.
But Aurelia…
While he was looking at me, it was as if he could see something inside me that I couldn't see.
And perhaps this was what frightened people the most.
Having someone see you as more beautiful than you are.
I closed my eyes for a few seconds.
Then I laughed silently, but my voice was shaking.
"You are truly dangerous."
Aurelia winked.
"Why is that?"
"Because if you keep talking like that…" I took a deep breath. "My heart won't stand it."
Aurelia looked at me for a few seconds.
And then…
That beautiful smile has reappeared.
But this time it was more fragile.
It was more love.
"But it's true," she said quietly. "I really missed you."
My god…
Sometimes a person could be completely shattered by just a few words.
My head slightly bent. My eyes I tried to kidnap him, but it wasn't working. Because what had been building up inside my heart had grown too large to contain anymore.
"I missed you too." I whispered at last.
But that sentence wasn't enough.
It couldn't be enough.
It couldn't bear the weight of these three years.
That's why I kept talking.
"While I was there..." I said slowly, "some nights I really thought I wouldn't be able to go back. And to be honest... the thing that scared me the most wasn't dying."
Aurelia was listening silently.
"One day it was that I would never see you and the others again."
My throat is knotted. I wanted to swallow, but I couldn't, I just kept talking.
"Because sometimes a person needs a reason to continue living." I turned my eyes to him again. "And one of my reasons was always you and the others. Everything about this team."
Aurelia's eyes filled with tears again.
But this time she didn't cry.
She just looked at me.
As if they were carefully hiding every word I said inside her heart.
The silence in the room grew louder again, but this silence no longer felt lonely. It was more like the longing that two people have been carrying for years could finally touch each other.
Then I walked slowly towards the table.
I moved a few books off the floor, tidied up the scattered documents, and looked at Aurelia.
A small but real smile formed on my lips.
"Come." I said quietly.
Aurelia inclined her head slightly.
And I looked at him as I pulled the chair for him.
"We still have a lot to talk about."
It was truly frightening how the human heart could carry two opposing emotions so intensely at the same time. Because while Aurelia's warmth in front of me left a peace inside me that I hadn't felt in a long time, the silence I left behind in Jared's room was still bleeding in a corner of my soul. And the worst part was that these two feelings did not cancel each other out. People sometimes thought that happiness would silence pain, but real life didn't work that way. Right now, I was both indescribably happy and unbearably sad. Aurelia's smile spread through me like a light falling among the darkness, her voice warmed my soul like spring after a Decadent winter, but at the same time Jared's broken gaze continued to live in my mind. And I think that night, for the first time, I truly understood this: Being human wasn't just about suffering or being happy. Being human meant being able to continue living even when your heart was torn in two different directions. Because life never delivers emotions in order. On the same night, you could both drown in the fear of losing and breathe with the peace of being reunited. And as I was sitting next to Aurelia at that moment, I felt that I was at the very center of this conflict inside me; part of me wanted to return to Jared's silence, while the other part of me just wanted to stay here, like a person who had finally been able to touch the light he thought he had lost for years.
I will rest my heart for a while.
END OF CHAPTER