"Gyutaro, your greed is unmistakable. Yet at the very core of that greed, I cannot glimpse your true self."
It was true that hatred and avarice, impossible to conceal, shimmered in his eyes.
A hatred for the world, a desire to seize everything for himself.
I do not know precisely what life he endured to wear such eyes.
Recalling our first meeting, he must have survived a world harsher than I could ever imagine.
But.
In Gyutaro's actions, I perceived no trace of himself.
This man, who would plunder all things, never wielded his greed for his own sake.
Even at our first encounter, he swung his sickle to defend Ume.
Even when he piled up meat at mealtime, he always yielded it to Ume.
In every deed of his, Ume was ever present.
If one were to gather that greed into a single person, it would not be Gyutaro himself.
It would take the shape of Ume.
A promise.
My simple-minded little sister may not recall, but there was a promise I made with Ume in our childhood.
When our mother—once our guardian—perished from syphilis, we wandered without a roof over our heads.
It was the dead of winter, and the only thing we had to rely on was a tattered straw cloak.
So we clung together, sharing each other's warmth to endure.
Yet even that was not enough, and Ume suffered greatly.
Thus, wrapping the cloak around the shivering Ume, I made one vow.
"We two, together, are the strongest."
We two are as one.
"Neither cold nor hunger matters at all."
So whatever may come, we shall never part.
"I promise: forever together. Never to part. Now, you fear nothing, right?"
That promise.
In hindsight, I wonder if it became the very shackle that bound her.
If it were you… you might have walked a different path from mine.
The reason I could not answer Nari so easily, the reason I cannot claim that the greed I bore as Gyutaro was mine alone…
My deepest regret is…
"Brother!"
"Because Ume is different!"
"Different, you say?"
My life had already been laid bare before Nari.
No matter how much I tried to hide, he would know anyway.
I thought I might as well just speak.
"I have no regrets about becoming a demon!"
I do not regret becoming a demon.
Even if I were born a thousand times, I would still become a demon.
But Ume… would she not have been different?
Had she served in a finer establishment, she would have been a proper oiran.
Because from childhood she was so beautiful that even grown adults would turn to gaze.
Had she been born to ordinary parents, she would have been a simple young lady.
You were that beautiful—ordinary parents would have cherished you.
Had you been born into a better family, you might have been an elegant lady.
And in that world, there would have been no ugly me.
It would have been all the more perfect.
For you, with your candid nature, are easily shaped by your surroundings.
Only because I raised you did you become this way.
Only because I stood by your side did you come to be this way.
Only because I said I would stay by your side did you end up this way.
That in the slums, to survive one had to seize what belonged to others and fight—that was right.
In that lawless Rashomon, we had to become demons, ruthless to survive.
Thus, because I taught you to take before being taken from, you drove your sickle into a samurai's eye.
But.
Had you acted submissively, perhaps another path might have opened.
You might have become a samurai's wife and lived a better life.
You would not have been burned alive.
You wouldn't have become a demon.
The reason I was so greedy was…
to dress her in finer clothes.
to keep her clean and fair-skinned.
to feed her to her fill and let her sleep under clean bedding.
to give her a home where the wind and rain could not touch her.
Yes.
The greed I held so obsessively was…
It was you, Ume.
It is the first time…
I have ever laid bare my innermost heart to anyone.
I had never even confided in Ume.
For to survive in that lawless realm, one must hide one's true feelings and trample whatever humanity remains, becoming a demon.
"I see."
Nari made no judgment on my story.
He simply gazed at the moon and listened from beginning to end.
"But tell me, why is there no you there?"
There is no me?
"Why do you think you would not change? Had you been in a finer house, you might have become a respected oiran; born to ordinary parents, a simple maiden; born into a noble family, an elegant lady. Why not you?"
"Had you served in a richer house, your great strength might have made you a yojimbo; born to common parents, a mere commoner; born into a noble household, a stalwart samurai. Why do you think you could not have been so? And do you know what that means?"
What do you know?
"You believe that your presence holds no value in Ume's life."
What do you know, pray tell?
"Well, I do not believe that…"
A surge of anger welled up to my throat.
I seized him by the lapel.
"What do you know to prate about such things!?"
I gripped his lapel with all my strength and forced his face before mine.
That look in his eyes, as if he knew it all.
That tone grated upon my nerves something fierce.
Have you ever starved?
Have you ever trembled in the cold?
Have you ever been called vermin, fool, dull-witted imbecile, a worthless wretch?
Yet never once have you known such things.
Don't you dare look at me as if you understand me!
"If only I had not been there, Ume's life would have been different!! If only I had not been there!!"
I barked out my true feelings.
If only I had not been there.
If only Gyutaro had not been there.
Ume could have reached a better fate.
She would not have been burned.
Yet even as I held him by the collar, he spoke in calm tones.
"I know."
What?
"I know nothing of the life you two led. But what I do know is the sight of Gyutaro as a brother."
"I too had a younger sibling, one who outshone me in every way—though missing a screw or two."
You say you had a sibling?
A brother worse off than his sister…
It's so neat, almost contrived, isn't it?
And, holding the wrist that gripped his lapel, he looked me squarely in the eyes and continued.
"Just as in your world there was nobody but Ume, in Ume's world there was no one but you. If you, her brother, do not even know what I know, then what use are you? Do you really think Ume's life would have improved in your absence? Spare me such nonsense, Gyutaro."
His voice grew louder still.
"You think that if you hadn't been there, Ume's life would have been different? No—because you were there, Ume could run to you. Do not throw your worth into the dirt."
The man seethed with anger.
He, too, blamed me—as our mother once did.
His gaze drifted deeper, as though scolding my very soul.
"If you're going to blame the world, then do it properly. Why do you blame the world yet never blame the world you made for yourself?"
Those words pierced me like a dagger.
"You said Ume would be different had she been born elsewhere? Why do you think you would not be?"
He cut me off and spoke matter-of-factly.
"Did you not say it yourself? That in the slums, to survive you must plunder and fight? That in the lawless Rashomon, you had to become a demon, ruthless to survive?"
His words drained the strength from me before I knew it.
"People change, Gyutaro. According to the environment they live through, one might become a man or a demon—that is the essence of humanity."
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