"""What!?""" they all exclaimed in stereo.
"Honestly I normally wouldn't care what folk do to earn a little coin but I've got a deal with the lady in the carriage to see her and her daughter safe to their destination. Rather than you all continuing to try and kill us and dying for it since you are very much outmatched here, why not take my money and walk away? That way we all win. You get coin and get to live and I don't have to regret snuffing out the lives of a rarity such as you three. Take your time, talk it out, we'll wait." I called casually.
"Excuse you!? They were hired to try and kill us! What in the gods name are you doing making such an offer!?" the woman yelled at me from the carriage.
"Shut your trap! Our deal is to see you to Sharnhelm safe for what you agreed upon. Nothing more. How I do that shouldn't matter." I snap at her.
Honestly, the nerve! She just has to sit in that carriage on her ass the whole time while I and those guards do all the actual work. Unlike them I'm not some servant that has to pander to her and try and keep her happy. So long as I do my part and she does hers she can hate my guts for all I care. The triplets huddled up on the ridge in deep discussion about my offer while we waited to see what they'd choose to do. The woman glared at me angrily from the carriage but didn't pipe up again since I was technically right, the best kind of right. Eventually the brothers all came to a decision and turned back to us.-
"How much coin?" the one in the red robe asked.
"How much was the offer on her head?" I asked jabbing a thumb over my shoulder at the woman.
"A thousand gold." the one in white said.
"Just that? I'll give you two if you walk away and leave the name of the one who put up the bounty." I offered generously.
"That's a mighty fine offer but our reputation would tarnish if we reneged on a bounty like this." the one in blue said helplessly.
"What if a better job came around?" I asked already predicting the answer.
"Go on." The blue one said as they seemed interested.
"I'll pay you two thousand gold and you come up with some job description to use as an excuse for dropping this one. Everyone walks away happy." I offered generously.
"Can't do that. Wouldn't be right to take your money and not earn it." the red one said shaking his head.
I stared at them speechlessly for a moment. Here I am trying to basically hand them free money to go away and they just HAD to be a bunch of straight arrows that insist on ACTUALLY earning the money.
I blamed Uncle Sheo.
Ever since that party nothing has made sense. I railed a literal goddess, learned that I was royalty that would never hold authority in it's court, slew an army alone, raided a dwemer workshop. Allowed my capture by the resistance before arming them to rip a chunk out of the Thalmor and now i'm escorting a Breton noble across half a province in exchange for a few political nudges and a puzzle chest of questionable content. Somehow my life went from grinding till my fingers bled to one absurdity after another since that damned party.-
If I couldn't literally see that he hadn't slapped a blessing on me I would have sworn ol' Uncle Sheo has rigging the deck.
I take a deep breath "Fine then. How about you three take my coin and find me a Dragontail peach sapling? It's a type of fruiting tree that grows in these mountains with bright yellow bark and silver fruit." I say eventually.
"Two thousand gold? For a tree?" the one in white asked dumfounded.
"A tree thought extinct. I believe there may be one or two hidden away among these cliffs. I want you to find one. How's that for earning your coin?" I asked with a chuckle.
They exchanged looks "Er, can you write down that description?" the one in blue asked awkwardly.
I pulled out a book and sack of gold from my storage plane and used [telekinesis] to float it over to them.
"That book has the description and the tree's preferred growing spots among other rare plants. Consider it a bonus with the gold." I said calmly.
"How do we find you once we get the tree?" the one in red asked.
"I am traveling to Sharnhelm and then from there north towards Skyrim." I said simply.
"We will find this tree then." the one in white said and like that they left.
Without another word we kept moving forward along the path until it came time to camp for the night where I used [shape stone] to open a cave that we parked the carriage in and set up the fire and bedrolls. I poured out a standard bone broth from my hat into the cooking pot before tossing in ingredients and seasonings that created a heavenly scent.-
"Can we even eat this? You poured the broth out of your hat." the woman asked eyeing the pot that looked and smelled good but started from a questionable source.
"Of course we can. It's an enchantment. Lets me retrieve fresh food from my hat. It was a gift from my good uncle." I said offended by the implication I would ever serve something subpar.
"Your uncle gave you a hat with moving crab pincers that creates food? Is he a madman?" she asked with a weirded out look.
I chuckled "Something like that." I said amused.