The sharp, piercing trill of a mobile phone shattered the cozy morning silence of the penthouse.
The sound seemed unnaturally loud, especially to my new, hypersensitive elven ears, which flattened against my head in displeasure.
Takemichi's cheap smartphone vibrated on the bar counter. On the cracked screen, the inscription burned brightly: "Hina (Angry) πΏ".
The video call icon pulsed like a timer on a bomb.
Takemichi, still wrapped in the fluffy pink women's robe, pressed his back against the kitchen cabinet.
He stared at the phone with eyes widened in horror, letting out strangled sounds resembling the squeak of a mouse caught in a trap.
β "She's going to kill me..." wheezed the blond, clutching his head with his hands. β "She called me twenty times during the night!"
"And this morning, all the channels showed me being spit out of a monster's stomach... She definitely thinks I got involved with the yakuza or a cult!"
β "Well, then answer and calm her down," I advised melancholically, dangling my short legs hanging from the high bar stool.
I dipped another piece of burnt toast into my tea. β "Ignoring problems and waiting for them to disappear on their own is the prerogative of elves."
"And your human life is too short to waste it on panic."
Ai Hoshino took an elegant sip of coffee and nodded with a slight, almost sadistic smile: β "The girl makes a good point, Takemichi-kun."
"If you decline a call from an angry girlfriend, the next call will be to the police."
My long elven ear twitched.
The melancholy of the new Template, of course, suppressed my emotions, but my male pride, generously seasoned with the remnants of the Strongest mage's ego, simply couldn't swallow this condescending tone.
Β«A girl?Β» Β«Seriously?Β»
I set the half-bitten toast on the edge of the plate.
Absolutely silently, without changing my rock-solid poker face, I slipped off the stool.
My mana channels were sealed, but the new body possessed a natural elven lightness and grace.
In one elusive, soundless movement, I jumped right onto the marble countertop of the bar, stepped over the coffee cup, and lunged at the "unreachable national idol".
β "Hey, what are y.."β Ai didn't even have time to finish.
My tiny hands slid lightning-fast under her oversized pajamas, and my thin fingers dug ruthlessly right under her ribs β into the most vulnerable, ticklish spot that could possibly be found.
β "AHAHAHA!W-WAIT!"β Ai's starry eyes widened comically. Her entire cool-headed superstar aura evaporated that very second.
She tried to recoil, but I clung to her with a death grip, continuing to tickle her masterfully. β "STOP! IT TICKLES! AHAHA! GOJO-KUN!"
β "I am a guy. And I am still the same guy who tore through spatial barriers with his bare hands yesterday," I said absolutely monotonously, without a single emotion in my voice, looking right into her teary eyes from laughing, while my fingers continued their torture.
β "If you call me a girl one more time, I will find 'Magic that makes idols grunt every time they try to hit a high note' in the elven grimoires."
"Do you understand me?"
β "AHAHAH! I U-UNDERSTAND!" Ai squirmed on her chair, slapping her palm on the table in a sign of surrender.
Tears of laughter streamed down her cheeks. β "TOUGH! YOU ARE A TOUGH MAN! JUST STOP!"
I removed my hands. Ai immediately collapsed chest-first onto the bar counter, breathing heavily and raggedly, trying to regain at least a drop of her lost dignity.
Marin stood in the background with her mouth open, not believing that someone had just tickled the great Ai Hoshino with impunity.
I calmly climbed down from the countertop, returned to my stool, took the soggy toast, and looked at the paled Takemichi, who had pressed himself into the cabinet from what he had seen.
β "Answer the call"βΒ I commanded melancholically, biting into the bread.
β "Otherwise, I will use tickle magic on you too."
Swallowing the lump that rose in his throat, the schoolboy reached for the phone with a trembling hand.
He pressed the green button and raised the device to face level.
β "H-hello? Hina? G-good morning..."β he squeezed out an incredibly fake, strained smile.
β "Hanagaki Takemichi!!!"β the voice from the speaker hit with such force that I had to wince.
Tachibana Hinata appeared on the screen. Her eyes were red from a sleepless night and tears, and her short blonde hair was disheveled.
She looked simultaneously infinitely cute and terrifying to the point of shivering β like an enraged hamster.
β "Where were you all night?! Why was your phone unreachable?!"
Hina literally screamed into the camera, wiping angry tears. β "I almost went crazy!"
"I called your mom, I wanted to call the police! And then I turn on the morning news and see some teenager who looks like you being pulled out of a giant slug in the closed Gate zone!"
"Takemichi, tell me honestly... was that you?! What did you get yourself into?!"
β "H-Hina, calm down, please!" Takemichi waved his free hand in front of the camera. β "It's all a huge misunderstanding!"
β"I'm totally fine, really! I just... uh... slept over at my friends' place! Yeah! We were playing video games and... got a little dirty!"
Hina narrowed her eyes suspiciously on the screen. Her gaze slid over his clothes. β "At friends'? Playing video games?"
β"Then why are you sitting in a pink women's terrycloth robe, Takemichi?"β her voice suddenly became deceptively quiet and cold.
β"Show me the room.Right now."
β "W-what? Why? There's nothing to look at here! It's just my friend's normal room... Satoru's!"
β "The camera. Turn it. Right now"β Hina enunciated in a tone that brokered no objections.
Takemichi looked back at us like a cornered animal. Marin sympathetically bit her lip, Ai tilted her head to the side with curiosity, and I simply chewed my toast with an absolutely blank expression on my face
Realizing that there was no help to be expected from anywhere, the blond sighed in doom and slowly switched the phone to the main camera, panning across the kitchen.
Everything got into the lens. First, the floor-to-ceiling panoramic windows, beyond which opened a view of an elite district of Tokyo.
Then the white marble, designer furniture, and mahogany bar counter.
Then Ai Hoshino appeared in the frame β the unreachable national idol, whose face looked from every second billboard in the country.
She politely waved at the camera with a perfectly manicured hand. Followed by Marin Kitagawa β a popular model and cosplayer, who was currently standing in home micro-shorts and an oversized t-shirt.
And, finally, the lens rested on me β a miniature white-haired girl with long elven ears, in a huge men's shirt slipping off her shoulder, who was melancholically chewing soggy bread.
The silence that hung on the other side of the screen was so thick that you could cut it with a knife.
β "Takemichi..." β Hina's voice trembled from extreme shock and impending hysteria. β "Where are you?"
β"Is this... is this a host club for billionaires? Did you sell your organs?! Or did you join a cult?!"
β"Why is there a national idol, a top model, and... an elf child with you?! TAKEMICHI!!!"
The blond started hyperventilating. β "Hina, I can explain everything! It's not what you think!"
"Ai-san just let us in, and Marin-san was sewing a jacket, and this elf β is actually a two-meter-tall guy with white hair who destroyed Roppongi yesterday, he just changed his race because of debts to the System!"
I stopped chewing. Human panic was so loud and illogical. Takemichi was only digging himself deeper into his grave with his rambling explanations.
If this went on any longer, this conversation would drag on for an hour, and my head was already starting to hurt from the screaming.
I had to intervene.
I slipped off the bar stool, slapping my bare feet on the cool marble, walked up to Takemichi, and simply took the phone out of his hands.
β "Hey! Satoru, wait, don't!" β squeaked the blond, trying to get the device back, but I easily dodged.
I turned the screen toward me. A tear-stained, dumbfounded Hina stared at my emotionless, doll-like face with huge green eyes.
β "Hello," β I said monotonously, in an absolutely even voice. β "Please don't yell at him. He is a good porter."
β "P-porter?!" β Hina batted her eyelashes, completely confused.
β "Yes. Yesterday he obediently carried my things in the dungeon until he was accidentally devoured by a giant carnivorous slug," β I spoke about it with such a mundane intonation, as if recounting a trip to the grocery store.
β "We had to cut him out. We washed your boyfriend of stomach acid and the remains of someone's bones, but his school uniform dissolved."
"That's why we dressed him in pink."
I paused to catch my breath and added in the same dead-calm tone: β "He is completely fine."
"No damage, just psychological trauma and a melted hard hat on his hair, but I've already detached it."
"We will return him to you as soon as his pants dry. Goodbye."
Without waiting for an answer, I pressed the red hang-up button. The call dropped.
I unperturbedly handed the phone back to Takemichi, who was frozen with his mouth open. β "That's it. I explained everything."
"Now she won't worry about cults and host clubs."
Ai Hoshino grunted quietly, covering her mouth with her palm to keep from laughing out loud, and Marin simply slid down the bar counter, shaking silently with laughter.
Takemichi stared at the black screen of his phone as if it were a tombstone with his name on it.
β "Satoru..." β he whispered in a deadened, despair-filled voice. β "You... you just told my girlfriend that I was in a dungeon, got eaten, washed of acid, and now I'm sitting without pants in a penthouse with three girls..."
β "I told the truth" β I tilted my head to the side in incomprehension. β "Don't humans value honesty? Fine."
"I spent too many calories on this conversation. I'm going to sleep. Wake me up by evening."
"I still need to figure out how to work off a debt of three hundred and forty system coins before they disable my inventory."
Turning around, I wandered back toward the guest bedroom, dragging the hems of the overly long white shirt behind me.
The day promised to be long, and the premiere of my anime was only in the evening.
After the morning call that finally buried Takemichi's nervous system, I went to sleep with a clear conscience.
Elven physiology required a colossal amount of rest to restore torn mana channels.
Therefore, wrapped in a giant down blanket, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, ignoring the quiet sobs of the blond from the living room, who was trying to write Hina a thousand apologetic messages.
I woke up when the sun had already begun to lean toward sunset, painting the panoramic windows of the penthouse in crimson tones.
My body felt much better. The pain in my chest was gone, replaced by a pleasant coolness.
The mana inside was securely compressed into a tiny point, showing no signs of instability. The Frieren Template was working perfectly.
Shuffling my bare feet, I crawled out into the living room.
There reigned a bustle on the level of a pre-New Year's sale. The coffee table was littered with some wires, light reflectors, and makeup bags.
Marin, with her hair gathered in a bun, was adjusting a professional DSLR camera on a tripod.
Ai Hoshino, who had changed into comfortable home leggings and a hoodie, was scrolling through the news feed on her tablet, frowning from time to time β apparently, the Hunter Association was still on its ears.
Takemichi was nowhere to be seen. Most likely, he was sitting in the bathroom and blow-drying his school uniform to escape from this madhouse to his Hina as soon as possible.
β "Oh! Sleeping beauty has woken up!" β Marin joyfully clapped her hands, noticing my melancholic figure in the white shirt.
β "Just in time! There are only three hours left until the anime premiere!"
She ran up to me, her eyes shining with the dangerous, fanatical gleam of a true otaku.
β "Listen... I know you're a tough guy inside, a great Hunter and all that... but right now you look just like a perfect, living 3D model!"
"It's simply a crime against art not to capture such a masterpiece! Please, let's take a couple of photos?"
I blinked slowly. My long ears twitched, catching the hum of the camera. β "No" β I answered monotonously.
β "Posing requires the expenditure of calories and facial muscles. I'm too lazy."
β "Oh please!" β Marin folded her hands in a prayer gesture. β "I'll even let you wear my finished Frieren cosplay!"
"It's your size! Just five minutes!"
β "My answer is still 'no'. I am an elf, not an escort model" β I yawned, about to turn around and go to the kitchen in search of food.
β "I'll order you delivery from 'Ginza Premium Sweets' " β Ai Hoshino suddenly spoke up without looking up from her tablet.
A sly smile played on her lips. β "That very limited edition strawberry parfait, 'Meteor Shower' "
"With gold crumbs, three types of custard, and berries grown on the slopes of Fuji. It costs ten thousand yen per portion."
"They'll deliver it in twenty minutes in a refrigerated case."
My footsteps instantly stopped. The influence of the Frieren Template, which adored sweets and grimoires, hit my brain with the force of a sledgehammer.
Slowly, like a terminator, I turned my head toward the idol.
β "Two parfaits" β I dryly set the condition, looking her right in the eyes.
β "Deal" β Ai smirked, pressing a couple of buttons on her smartphone. β "Sponsoring art."
Marin squealed joyfully and dragged me into the guest bedroom to change.
βββββββββββββββββββββββ
The photoshoot took exactly ten minutes. It turned out I didn't even need to act.
My absolute apathy, dead gaze, and universal exhaustion from humanity's problems were exactly what was needed.
I just sat on the edge of the snow-white sofa, dressed in the perfectly tailored Frieren costume by Marin β a white dress with gold trim, a black cape-cloak, and striped tights.
In my hands, I lazily held a cup of tea, looking somewhere through the lens with an expression as if recalling events from a thousand years ago.
β "Perfect! God, this is just mind-blowing!" β muttered Marin, clicking the shutter. β "No silicone on the ears! No wigs!"
"Your hair falls so naturally! My heart is going to stop from envy right now!"
Having finished the shoot, Marin dumped the frames onto her powerful laptop and sat down at the kitchen table.
I, having already received my two giant parfaits deliciously smelling of vanilla and strawberries from the courier, sat down nearby, lazily picking at the dessert with a long spoon.
β "So, and now the magic of modernity" β muttered Kitagawa, opening Photoshop.
Her fingers fluttered over the keyboard with such speed that even my eyes could barely catch the movements. She was a true professional.
β "We need to completely cut out the background of Ai-chan's penthouse," β she explained, deftly outlining my silhouette with the magnetic lasso.
β "If the Hunter Association's bloodhounds or that creepy Aki Hayakawa see even a piece of the unique designer sofa, they will figure out the geolocation in five minutes."
"Therefore... "
Click. The white marble of the living room disappeared. In its place, Marin inserted a stunningly beautiful background: ancient, moss-grown ruins set against an endless blue sky and a field of flowers.
She overlaid shadows, added a soft glow around my hair, and drew golden sparks of magic floating in the air.
Fifteen minutes later, a true digital masterpiece graced the laptop screen.
A miniature, sad elf with eyes holding eternity was sitting on ancient stones, sipping tea.
The picture looked so realistic, as if it were a frame from a high-budget movie.
β "A masterpiece," β Ai delivered her verdict, looking over Marin's shoulder. β "Upload it to the web."
β "Uploading it to my Twitter," β Marin bit her lip, quickly typing the text of the post.
β "So, tags... #Frieren #AnimePremiere #Cosplay #Madhouse ." "And the caption: Β«Waiting for the premiere of a masterpiece! My secret model outdid herself today. Guess how many hours we spent sculpting these ears?Β» "
She clicked the Β«PublishΒ» button.
β "Done!" β Marin slammed the laptop shut and rubbed her hands in satisfaction. β "Let my followers marvel a bit before the screening."
"And now grab your snacks and march to the couch! There are only ten minutes left until the broadcast of the first episode on national TV! "
I licked the remaining strawberry cream off the spoon, feeling a pleasant heaviness spreading inside.
My debt to the System still hung over me like a sword of Damocles, but right now it seemed like such a distant problem.
After all, I deserved a little rest.
The three of us (and Takemichi, who quietly emerged from the bathroom in his slightly damp uniform) sat down on the huge sofa in front of the hundred-inch plasma screen.
The lights in the living room smoothly dimmed, obeying the smart home system. The huge hundred-inch plasma flared up, illuminating our faces with a soft, cold light.
We sat on the giant white sofa. Marin settled in the center, clutching a giant bowl of cheese popcorn as if her life depended on it.
Ai Hoshino sat gracefully on the right, leaning back relaxedly and sipping herbal tea.
Takemichi, still looking like a beaten puppy, huddled modestly on the far left edge, afraid to move.
I climbed onto the soft upholstery between Marin and Ai with my legs tucked in, holding the half-empty bowl of strawberry parfait in my hands.
Incredibly beautiful, melancholic orchestral music poured from the home theater speakers. Violins and wind instruments began to play, giving me goosebumps.
A gorgeously animated road, bathed in the warm light of a sunset, appeared on the screen.
Four people were walking along it: a dwarf with a huge ax, a priest with a bottle of alcohol, a smiling hero with blue hair, and... a white-haired elf with a staff.
A solemn narrator's voice spoke: Β«A ten-year journey has come to an end. Himmel the Hero's party has defeated the Demon King and brought peace to the world.Β»Β
My hand holding the spoon froze in the air. Β«Wait. What?Β» β my inner fan of "Jujutsu Kaisen" and classic shonens was outraged.
Β«They killed the final boss... off-screen?! Before the first episode even started?! And where is the epic thirty-episode battle? Where is the overcoming of limits, the secret techniques, and the screaming of attack names? Why are they just... walking?Β»Β
β "What animation..." β Marin exhaled reverently, stopping her popcorn halfway to her mouth. β "Madhouse outdid themselves."
"Look at those highlights on the armor! "
The animation transported the heroes to the throne room. The king with a bushy beard was solemnly rewarding the party. Himmel smiled, bowing to the monarch.
Crowds of cheering citizens greeted the heroes, rose petals flew into the sky.
I looked at the screen, and suddenly my brain, which had been expecting action, misfired.
The Frieren Template, which until now had simply been suppressing my mana channels and emotions, began to unpack deep, hidden archives.
The picture on the TV screen suddenly began to double, overlapping with crystal clear, real memories. The smell of dust in the throne room.
The weight of the staff in my hand. The roar of the crowd, which had blocked my long ears back then.
Β«System, what the hell?Β» β I thought indignantly, feeling slightly dizzy from this layering of realities.
Β«When I was Gojo, I didn't have any phantom memories of his past! Only combat instincts and his stupid ego. Why is a whole other person's life being poured into my brain right now?Β»Β
A translucent blue window blinked softly before my eyes.
[ Answer:The fusion process depends on the Class and specifics of the Template. ]
["Gojo Satoru" Template (Class: Combat / Ego Domination). ]
[ The original's memories were forcibly blocked by the System to protect your human brain from instantaneous burnout due to the infinite flow of information from the"Six Eyes"]Β
[ "Frieren" Template (Class: Sage / Legacy). Elven magic is not based on pure physical energy, but on deep visualization, study, and life experience. ]
[ For the vessel to be able to use her spells, a complete understanding of their nature is required. ]
[ You are granted 100% access to the memories, knowledge, read grimoires, and a thousand years of the original's experience. Enjoy your immersion. ]Β
Β«Enjoy your immersion... Thanks, you did me a real favor. I'm going to develop schizophrenia at this rate,Β» β I thought melancholically, mentally swiping away the system notification.
The memories continued to overlap with the bright anime picture, and I was simply too lazy to fight them.
β "The throne wasn't that shiny," β I said out loud.
My voice sounded absolutely monotonous in the semi-darkness of the living room, without a single emotion.
The three viewers on the sofa synchronized turning their heads toward me.
β "Huh? What are you talking about?" β Marin didn't understand, shifting her gaze from the screen to me.
β "The king's throne room," β I pointed at the plasma screen with the handle of my spoon. The words slipped from my lips on their own, dictated by the unpacked thousand-year-old memory.
β "The carpet was burgundy, not red. And Himmel didn't have such a sharp chin."
"The animators drew him too tall and stately. In reality, he was half a head shorter than Heiter and constantly slouched when he was tired."
"And Heiter wasn't smiling out of joy at that ceremony."
"The night before, he drank a barrel of ale, and he had a terrible hangover. He just wanted to die."
Takemichi choked on his soda. He coughed, looking at me with wide-open eyes.
β "A-are you... are you criticizing the anime right now based on your... memories?!" β the blond's voice trembled with holy terror.
β "So for you this is... a historical documentary?!"
Ai Hoshino narrowed her eyes thoughtfully, studying my absolutely calm profile. β "How interesting. So your ability doesn't just change your appearance."
"It downloads the character's entire life into you. You are literally seeing your old friends right now, aren't you? "
I blinked slowly. β "Probably," β I replied indifferently. β "But they got the color of Eisen's eyes wrong. Dwarves have darker ones."
Night fell on the screen. The heroes were sitting on the roof of a high tower, watching the Era Meteors β an incredibly beautiful meteor shower that happens only once every fifty years.
The animated Frieren, looking up at the sky, promised: Β«In fifty years, I'll show you a place where the meteor shower is easier to see.Β»
I looked at these falling, sparkling lines on the plasma screen, and suddenly felt the phantom cold of that very night.
The cool wind tangling in white hair. Himmel's quiet, warm laugh nearby. The smell of stone dust from the roof tiles.
The emotions of the Template were as deep as the ocean, but incredibly calm. However, my human, overloaded body clearly did not like this release of phantom feelings.
The blocked mana channels ached painfully. The elven metabolism, faced with emotional stress, instantly switched to a strict energy-saving mode.
My eyelids filled with lead. Sitting with a straight back became physically unbearable.
I needed warmth and a horizontal surface so as not to waste calories maintaining a posture.
The anime did a time skip. Frames flashed on the screen: Frieren traveling alone, collecting some useless spells, years passing, decades.
For her, it was like a blink of an eye.
My shonen-brain finally gave up. Boredom and elven exhaustion won. Without saying a word, I set the empty bowl on the table and simply flopped over onto my right side.
My head landed right on the soft, home-legging-clad thighs of Ai Hoshino sitting next to me.
β "Oh!" β Ai flinched slightly in surprise, looking down at the elf curled up into a ball on her lap.
Marin let out a strangled squeak, almost spilling her popcorn. Takemichi blushed deeply and turned away to the TV, as if he had seen something mortals were not supposed to see.
β "Gojo-kun... or Frieren-chan? What are you doing?" β sincere surprise and amusement mixed in Ai's voice.
β "There are no fights in the plot. My human brain is bored," β I mumbled monotonously right into her thigh, without even opening my eyes.
β "And my elven body is freezing because of the mana blockage and memories. I need an external heat source to conserve energy."
"You happened to be the closest. Don't move. I will use you as a heated pillow."
Marin clutched her heart, her eyes shining in the semi-darkness. β "God... this is the highest level of elven audacity! How cute! "
Ai Hoshino laughed quietly. Her starry eyes warmed. Instead of getting indignant, throwing me off, or reminding me that she is an unreachable star, she accepted the rules of the game.
Her cool, elegant fingers softly sank into my snow-white hair.
She began to slowly, soothingly run her hands through it, massaging my scalp and carefully scratching behind the base of my long elven ear.
It was... traitorously pleasant. I exhaled quietly, feeling the aching pain in my mana channels subside under her fingers.
Meanwhile, fifty years had passed on the screen. The animated Frieren returned to the capital. But instead of her old friends, she was met by old men.
Himmel had turned into a wrinkled, bald old geezer, barely able to stand on his feet.
β "They... they aged so fast..." β Takemichi sniffled. As it turned out, the delinquent and dungeon fighter was incredibly sentimental.
He pulled a paper tissue from the pack. β "He was so young and handsome... This is so sad... "
I half-opened one green eye, looking at the screen from bottom to top, from Ai's lap.
β "The life of humans is just a fleeting moment," β I said quietly, and this time it wasn't the isekai guy speaking, but a thousand-year-old elf.
β "Fifty years. To me, it's like a short walk to the neighboring town for bread."
"I didn't even notice how they changed. To me, they are still the same."
Ai thoughtfully ran her fingers through my locks, her gaze fixed on the hunched Himmel on the screen.
β "You speak of this with such a frightening lightness," β Ai quietly noted.
β "But what is it like β knowing that everyone you meet grows old and disappears, while you remain unchanged? "
β "Like nothing," β I closed my eye again, enjoying the strokes. β "I used to think it didn't matter. What's the difference? "
"We traveled together for only ten years. That's not even a hundredth of my life."
On the screen, the aged party set off on a journey one last time to watch the meteor shower.
And then the animation smoothly, ruthlessly transitioned to a funeral scene.
Gray clouds. Crying citizens. A coffin covered in blue flowers.
Takemichi was already openly wiping his tears with his sleeve, quietly howling. Marin was sniffling, forgetting about her popcorn, her makeup under threat of complete destruction.
On the screen, the animated Frieren suddenly stopped in front of the coffin. Her indifferent face twisted from a sudden, unbearable realization.
Tears rolled down her animated cheeks. Β«I knew... I knew that humans don't live long...Β» β the anime heroine said in a cracking voice, clenching her fists.
Β«Why... why didn't I even try to get to know him better?!Β»
A pang shot through my chest. A phantom, incredibly heavy, suffocating guilt crashed down on me with such force that I involuntarily curled into a tighter ball on Ai's lap.
My long ears drooped, flattening against my head.
The shonen-brain was completely suppressed. I remembered this moment. I remembered those blue flowers, the cold wind, and this icy feeling of being too late.
I understood why there were no boss fights in this story. This wasn't a story about defeating evil.
This was a story about lost time. About the fact that even possessing the magic of Gods, you cannot rewind time just to have a conversation.
Ai, as if sensing how my miniature body tensed, stopped looking at the screen.
She looked down at me and even more softly, almost with maternal care, stroked my cheek, wiping away a non-existent tear.
While I lay there, deafened by the Template's emotions, Marin, unable to contain her fan-girl delight at the coziness of this scene, quietly pulled out her phone.
Making sure the flash was off, she took a picture of the great Ai Hoshino petting the sleeping elf on her lap with a warm smile in the dim light of the room.
The first episode smoothly came to an end, concluding with a quiet ending theme.
β "This... this is a masterpiece" β Marin wheezed, blowing her nose loudly into a paper tissue. β "I'm going to die of dehydration right now."
"How could they make such a first episode?! My heart is torn to pieces! "
While Takemichi tried to calm down and wipe his red eyes, Marin turned to Ai and, with a sly, slightly guilty smile, handed her phone.
β "Ai-chan... sorry, I couldn't resist. You guys just looked so cozy that my camera almost melted. Look."
Ai glanced at the smartphone screen. In the photo, illuminated by the soft, bluish light from the TV, they looked incredibly genuine.
The idol with a warm, domestic smile was running her fingers through the snow-white strands of the elf, whose long ear stuck out amusingly from under her perfect fingers.
No pretentiousness, no showbiz spotlights β just pure aesthetics.
Ai Hoshino's starry eyes flashed slyly. β "Send me the original" β she commanded, pulling out her own smartphone with a bunny case.
β "Eh? What for?" β Marin quickly forwarded the file in the messenger.
β "My agency is always lacking 'domestic and genuine' content for my official account," β Ai quickly opened the Twitter app, her thumbs working deftly.
β "And this photo... it's too good to gather dust in your gallery."
Marin grew pale, suddenly realizing where this was going. Her eyes widened in horror. β "W-wait! "
"You want to post this on your main account?! But you have forty million followers from all over the world there! "
"The internet will simply explode! "
β "Let them enjoy it," β Ai with a slight smirk attached the photo, typed: Β«Watching the premiere together with the cutest guest. Elven ears are so soft to the touch~ β¨ #Frieren #AnimePremiereΒ», and pressed the publish button.
A momentary silence hung in the living room. Only the music from the anime credits played quietly.
And then Marin's phone, whose account Ai had thoughtfully tagged in the post with the previous photo, made a sound. Then another.
And another.
Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzzzzzzzz. The sound of notifications merged into one continuous, non-stop, panicky hum of the vibration motor.
The cosplayer's smartphone screen lit up white from thousands of pop-up messages per second.
I half-opened my eyes, not lifting my head from the idol's lap. The air smelled of social apocalypse.
But right in front of my face in the dim room flashed something worse. A bright red, pulsating System window.
[ WARNING! ]
[ A daily interest rate has been applied to your negative balance. ]
[ Current debt: - 400 System Coins. ]
[ Until forced Inventory block and activation of the "Poverty" Debuff: 24 hours. ]
[ Recommendation:Find a source of income.]
Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. Marin's smartphone, lying on the glass table, was no longer vibrating β it was literally breakdancing, overheating from hundreds of notifications per second.
Takemichi, whose eyes were already red after the tearful anime finale, stared at the phone screen with genuine, primal horror.
β "What... what have you done?!" β the blond squealed, jumping up from the sofa. The hems of the pink robe comically flew into the air. β "Marin-san! "
"You yourself said that the Association monitors your account because of that first stream! "
"I ran after Satoru all night with that cursed bag, we teleported through back alleys so the government bloodhounds wouldn't catch us on camera! "
"And now you post a photo with the national idol and the elf who is living with us?! They'll track our IP right now! "
"SWAT is going to come for us! "
Marin turned pale, biting her lip. The realization of her own blunder hit her like a wave. β "Oops... I... I didn't think... Ai-chan, maybe delete it?! "
β "Too late. The tweet has already been reposted twenty thousand times," β Ai Hoshino unperturbedly took a sip of her cold tea.
There wasn't a drop of panic in her starry eyes. Only the cold, professional calculation of a person who has played with the crowd her entire life.
β "And calm down, Takemichi-kun. No SWAT is going to come. This is the perfect cover."
β "P-perfect cover?!" β the schoolboy asked, stuttering.
β "Exactly" β Ai with a slight smile continued to run her fingers through my snow-white hair, not at all burdened by the role of an elven pillow.
β "If you want to hide a tree, hide it in a forest. To the Hunter Association's analysts, this post looks like a banal PR stunt."
"A popular model and a national idol simply did a collaboration in honor of a big anime premiere."
"No one in their right mind would look for a two-meter-tall, arrogant terrorist mage who destroys Gates, in the image of a small, sad elf girl."
"Their scanners won't find a match because Frieren's mana doesn't exist. Right? "
I blinked slowly, swiping away the red system window hanging before my eyes with my finger. β "Elven disguise is flawless" β I confirmed monotonously.
β "Humans are too used to trusting what they see on the surface."
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Β (Hunter Association Headquarters. Tokyo. Current time.)
Aki Hayakawa leaned back heavily in his squeaky office chair and rubbed his inflamed eyes. A mountain of reports towered on his desk.
Β«S-rank Guild van destroyed.Β» Β«B-rank Gate cleared in 8 minutes.Β» Β«Spatial distortions in the Shinjuku area.Β»
And all this was done by one person. A tall, white-haired guy with a black blindfold, who seemed to be mocking the entire Hunter system.
Aki took a sip of his long-cold, bitter coffee. He needed at least some kind of lead.
Any gossip from the web that could point to the lair of this monster. Hayakawa opened Twitter, habitually going to the trending section.
At the top hung the hashtag #Frieren, and below it β a photo from Ai Hoshino's official account, which had already gathered a million and a half likes.
In the photo, the idol was petting a stunningly realistic elf on the head.
Aki zoomed in on the picture. Looked at the pointed ears, at the melancholic, relaxed face of the girl, at the complete absence of a mana glow (which usually breaks through even camera lenses if there is a strong Hunter in the frame).
Hayakawa sighed heavily, lengthily. β "Lord... these cosplayers work faster and better than our analysts," β he muttered, rubbing his temples.
β "Excellent makeup. No seams. I wish I had their problems... "
He swiped the post up, forever skipping the biggest threat to national security, and typed into the search again: Β«Guy with a blindfold TokyoΒ».
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(Ai Hoshino's Penthouse)
While Marin and Ai discussed the phenomenal success of the post on social media, I continued to bore a hole with my unblinking gaze into the red panel that only I could see.
[ Current debt: - 400 System Coins. ]
[ Until forced Inventory block and activation of the "Poverty" Debuff: 24 hours. ]
β "Hey," β my monotonous voice cut through the joyful chirping of the girls. β "I need money. A lot. And fast."
Marin stopped smiling and looked at me with concern. β "Is your System extorting donations again? How much do you owe? "
β "Four hundred system coins. The interest ticks up every day," β I closed my eyes, feeling elven irritation building up inside from the realization of my own poverty.
β "If I don't pay it back in twenty-four hours, my inventory will be blocked. And that's where my elixirs and your sewing kit are."
Ai Hoshino smiled condescendingly. She reached for her handbag lying on the edge of the sofa and pulled out a plump designer wallet shaped like a cute white bunny β exactly like her signature stage hairpin.
β "Is that all? Frieren-chan, you saved my life... "
My long ear twitched menacingly. I was still lying on her lap, but the male ego of Gojo Satoru inside me was not going to tolerate a relapse.
Without changing my absolutely melancholic facial expression and without even blinking, I lightning-fast threw my hands up, digging my thin elven fingers right through her home clothes β into the most sensitive spots on her ribs.
β "AHAHAH! W-WAIT!" β Ai Hoshino cried out sharply, dropping the plush bunny right on the top of my head.
She squirmed desperately on the sofa, trying to escape the ruthless attack. Her entire aura of an unreachable star evaporated in a second.
β "I GOT IT! GOJO-KUN! TOUGH MAN! JUST STOP! AHAHA! "
Marin, seeing this scene, convulsively pressed both palms to her flaming face, letting out a strangled, almost mouse-like squeak.
Her inner otaku had clearly short-circuited: her brain simply refused to process the sight of the great Ai Hoshino being mercilessly tickled on the couch, brought to tears.
Takemichi blushed deeply to the very roots of his hair and hastily turned away to the wall, muttering apologies.
Making sure the lesson was learned, I removed my hands and unperturbedly pulled the fallen wallet off my head.
Ai half-lay on the pillows, breathing heavily and raggedly. Her usually flawless styling was disheveled, and dark strands damp with tears of laughter stuck to her flaming, bright red cheeks.
During the scuffle, the oversized yellow hoodie slipped to the side, revealing a fragile shoulder covered in light perspiration and a thin black tank top strap contrasting with her pale skin.
The idol's chest heaved frequently and deeply with every breath. In her famous starry eyes, now clouded and wet, splashed a completely human, charming helplessness.
She bit her swollen, moist lower lip, trying to restore her ragged breathing and regain at least a drop of her former dignity, but at the same time, she looked so seductively disheveled that any paparazzi would have given their life for this shot.
β "I... phew... I'm a top-tier star" β she continued her thought in a slightly husky, trembling voice, adjusting the slipped hoodie, but a smile still broke from her lips.
β "I have contracts worth millions of yen. Let me just give you cash? Even half a million. Consider it a fee for the photoshoot."
I looked at this plush bunny stuffed with bills with such universal melancholy that Marin felt uneasy.
β "The System doesn't accept cash" β I sighed, burying my nose deeper into the idol's warm lap.
β "To it, your yen is just cut paper... Human currency is useless."
"System coins only drop from monsters or are given for clearing dungeons. I need to go into a Gate."
Takemichi, who had been standing by the wall all this time, swallowed nervously. β "A-again? "
"But... but you yourself said that your body is currently overloaded! Your mana is at zero! "
"How are you going to use that blue glow if you're in healing mode?! "
I opened my eyes and slowly shifted my dead, unblinking green gaze to the blond. The Frieren Template truly restricted me.
No "Domain Expansions." No infinite dashes. I could shoot basic mana blasts from the staff and cast everyday spells, but blowing away bosses with a single snap like Gojo was physically impossible for me right now β otherwise, the channels would tear again, and then no Gacha would save me.
β "You are absolutely right, Takemichi," β I said in an even, emotionless voice. My lips didn't even twitch into a smile.
I slid off Ai's lap, walked over to the schoolboy, and patted him on the shoulder in his pink terrycloth robe.
β "My physiology is currently not adapted to heavy physical exertion. Therefore, tomorrow morning we are going into a low-ranking E-rank dungeon."
"Only goblins and weak slimes live there."
β "W-we?" β Hanagaki squeaked.
β "We" β I nodded. β "And this time, Prophet, you will be the Vanguard and the main striking force."
"And I will stand in the back, conserve mana, and provide you with moral support."
Takemichi let out a quiet sound like the squeal of a dying whale and slowly slid down the wall onto the marble floor, clutching his head in his hands.
My quiet, peaceful life as a support mage had officially begun.