Chapter 59: Rajesh's Blind Date
Ethan began seriously mapping out his Shadow-practice schedule.
Rubbing his temples, he thought: Holy Light levels up by saving lives, Shadow by harming them—either way, use it or lose it; practice makes perfect, the more you use it the stronger it gets.
Holy Light is deployed daily—suturing wounds, stopping bleeding, easing pain; quietly slipping a Healing Spell on patients had become routine.
Shadow, on the other hand, is like American health insurance—low usage, high deductible; you rarely touch it, and when you finally need it you discover the coverage lapsed ages ago.
Since Shadow atrophies without practice, he had to train… but on whom? Mind-control a few thugs into turning themselves in—or committing suicide?
Inefficient; the clinic had been quiet lately, with no violent troublemakers showing up.
Hunting targets proactively felt unnecessary, and worse, you couldn't repeat the experiment on the same subject.
Two half-baked ideas floated through his mind:
Kidnap a convicted felon for some mind-control trials?
Or cast Shadow Word: Pain for constant damage, then spam Healing for constant health restoration?—turning himself into the classic math problem of a bathtub draining while being filled at the same time.
All of them reeked of the sinister air of forbidden dark magic experiments.
So… animals?
A turkey suddenly flashed before Ethan's eyes—repeatedly hit with Shadow Word: Pain until it flopped and convulsed, then yanked back to life with a Resurrection Spell—
Pain, revive, pain, revive… Holy and Shadow in tandem, one bird leaping back and forth across death's threshold until it finally gains sentience and becomes a demon.
"Sounds… scientifically sound yet morally questionable."
Ethan weighed the plan: pros—feasible, efficient; cons—PETA would probably sue the clinic into oblivion.
He gazed mutely at the ceiling, lost in thought—
He needed a method that was legal, humane, and ideally benefited society.
In the apartment living room.
Raj, Sheldon, Leonard and Howard were clustered around a laptop showing Raj's parents via video call from India.
Raj, face flushed, pleaded at the screen:
"Mom, Dad, please—I really don't want to marry Lakshmi Choudary! She used to call me 'Brown Howard'!"
Dr. Koothrappali: "That was childhood, Rajesh. She's now a very successful orthodontist!"
Mrs. Koothrappali: "Yes, dear. We only want grandchildren…"
Just then the apartment door opened; Ethan walked in, exhausted by thoughts of Shadow training.
"Hey guys, I'm back… uh, what's going on?"
He noticed everyone crowded around one laptop.
Leonard explained: "Video call with Raj's parents."
Howard smothered a snicker: "Live-streaming 'Indian Matchmaking: The Parental Pressure Edition'."
Raj wailed: "Shut up, Howard!"
Ethan wandered over; Raj's parents spotted him.
Mrs. Koothrappali brightened: "Oh, who's this handsome young man? A friend of yours, Rajesh?"
Raj sighed: "Yes, Mom, that's Ethan. He lives with Sheldon and Leonard."
Ethan waved politely at the camera: "Hello, Dr. and Mrs. Koothrappali—nice to meet you."
Dr. Koothrappali, sensing something distinguished about Ethan, asked: "Ethan? Are you a physicist too? Like them?"
Ethan: "No, sir. I'm a surgeon."
The word hit like magic; Raj's parents sat up straighter, faces blooming into admiration.
Mrs. Koothrappali exclaimed: "Goodness! How wonderful!"
Dr. Koothrappali, voice now reverent: "A surgeon! Such a prestigious profession—much better than—" He glanced at Leonard and Sheldon, swallowing the rest: "Remarkable! Your parents must be so proud!"
"Thank you. My father's a physician as well; he did hope I'd follow in his footsteps."
Dr. Koothrappali nodded vigorously: "Wise! Very wise! A medical legacy! Look at him, Rajesh—if only you could achieve half of what Ethan—"
Raj muttered: "Here we go again…"
Ethan smiled: "I've heard from Raj that you're an obstetrician-gynecologist? That's one of the most challenging specialties. We surgeons handle one patient at a time, but every delivery you safeguard two lives. It demands not just skill but exceptional clinical judgment and composure."
Raj's father beamed even wider: "What a fine young man! Why couldn't I have a son like you?"
Raj finally snapped: "Dad!! I'm right here!!"
Ethan and Dr. Koothrappali hit it off, trading medical cases and war stories while Raj's parents heaped invitations for Ethan to visit India—night-and-day compared with their treatment of the others.
The group watched Ethan morph into "the perfect son" within minutes, torn between envy and resignation.
When the call ended at last, Ethan exhaled—phew, felt like meeting future in-laws.
Feeling he'd missed something, Ethan asked: "What was that about an arranged marriage?"
Raj explained: "My parents are pushing their friends' daughter on me; from the sound of it, they basically want us married immediately."
Sheldon switched to lecture mode: "While arranged marriage is increasingly uncommon, Indian-American parents still exert disproportionate influence over spousal selection."
Ethan: "Sounds interesting—meet a new girl from your cultural background. What's the problem?"
Raj groaned: "You know I can't talk to women."
True; Raj's selective mutism had plagued him for years. Ethan knew he'd eventually overcome it—alcohol helped.
Ethan had even tried casting Healing Spell on him several times; zero effect—purely psychological conditioning, though the root cause remained a mystery.
Ethan suspected Raj ran hidden psychological programming—not social anxiety, but a "mute-on-female-detect" protocol. Alarm triggers, then… vocal shutdown.
He wondered: Is this shyness, or some evolutionary gender-recognition glitch?
Modern society now recognizes dozens of gender identities; Raj's system stayed binary—Female / Not-Female, end of classification.
Whatever the person's appearance or identity, if Raj's subconscious tags it "female"—snap—communication offline.
Ethan even toyed with an experiment: send in a stunningly androgynous person.
If Raj can speak, it's biology-based; if not, maybe pheromone-triggered.
Just then Penny burst in.
"Hey guys!" she chirped. "I need a couple of guinea pigs!"
Without turning, Sheldon said: "There's a laboratory animal supplier in Pasadena. But if you need human subjects, may I suggest actual guinea pigs instead? Their metabolic rates far more closely approximate mammalian norms."
Penny rolled her eyes: "I swear, Sheldon, one day I'll understand half of what you say."
Ethan chuckled: "His mom's been saying that for decades. What's up, Penny?"
Penny: "I finally convinced my manager to move me to the bar, so I need practice mixing cocktails—will you be my taste-testers?"
"No problem!"
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