Chapter 54: Missy Cooper
A faint smile tugged at Ethan's lips—he had no idea where Sheldon got the confidence to think a priest would die before him.
Those days of "if the healer lives, the party won't wipe" were long gone.
Besides, Resurrection can't be cast on yourself.
If Sheldon died, Ethan could probably bring him back;
but if he himself died, he'd stay dead.
So by that logic, he'd still be the first to go?
Ethan even spent a second seriously wondering:
If Sheldon ever died in some freak accident and Ethan resurrected him, what would Sheldon's first reaction be upon waking?
Ethan's phone suddenly rang; he glanced at the screen and his smile froze.
—Missy Cooper
He instinctively covered the display with his hand.
Howard instantly smelled drama: "Ooh, incoming call, panicked expression—that's a relic from the romantic history museum."
Penny rested her chin in her hand and teased Ethan: "Answer it already—don't keep the poor girl waiting."
Ethan looked at Sheldon, caught his roommate's gaze, and—once he was sure Sheldon hadn't seen the caller ID—headed to the kitchen to take the call.
Penny whispered, "Who is it?"
Leonard shrugged. "No idea."
Sheldon set down his chopsticks. "I'm intimately familiar with this scenario; I possess extensive historical data for deductive analysis."
"He's holding the phone to his right ear, governed by the contralateral left hemisphere—he's using the emotional, not the analytical, side of his brain, indicating a deeply personal relationship with the caller."
Everyone nodded.
Sheldon stared at Ethan's back a moment longer and continued:
"He's speaking softly and tensely. Not because the call frightens him, but because he's concerned we'll overhear—therefore, the content is private."
The group exchanged gleeful glances.
Leonard pressed, "So… a girlfriend?"
Sheldon didn't hesitate: "If it were a current romantic partner, he'd subconsciously smile."
"If it were an ex-partner, he'd compress his lips with a trace of discomfort."
"But he merely froze—that's the expression for 'unexpected, not for public discussion, yet not distressing.'"
They stared, slack-jawed.
Howard ventured, "Sounds like… a hookup?"
Sheldon pondered, rifling through his mental database: "No. More precisely: someone with whom he's had sexual relations but never formalized a relationship, and due to complicating factors both parties agreed never to discuss it again."
Silence fell.
Penny's eyes sparkled. "Wow, scandalous! A nurse? A patient?
Not a medical student, right? Could this get him in trouble? Could he lose his license?"
Leonard: "He owns his own practice—who's gonna revoke his license?"
Raj whispered in Howard's ear.
Howard translated: "He says Ethan first covered the screen, then specifically glanced at Sheldon."
Howard paused. "So… a neighbor's wife? Someone from back home?"
Sheldon stayed calm: "Relax. No guilt on his face, so she's not married."
"If my analysis is correct—she's young, single, and represents an unresolved complication from his past."
Ethan hung up and returned to the table.
Everyone stared like a jury about to deliver a verdict.
Ethan drew a breath. "Sheldon, Missy's coming to New York next week for a friend's wedding… and she asked me to be her date."
Sheldon blinked for three seconds, then beamed: "Excellent! She didn't invite me!"
Everyone: "???"
Leonard was confused: "Who's Missy?"
Ethan explained: "Sheldon's twin sister."
Sheldon's bizarre confidence—how did he assume Missy would invite him?
Sheldon lectured on: "Weddings are extremely hazardous environments.
Strangers, excessive music volume, irrational embracing, and illogical social rituals—complete chaos."
Penny couldn't resist: "So, you and Missy are close?"
Ethan considered, then answered carefully: "Sheldon's my childhood neighbor; Missy's his sister—so, reasonably familiar."
"Hold up," Howard cut in, "Sheldon, you never mentioned you had a twin sister! Does she… look like you?"
He looked equal parts curious and horrified. "Imagine a female Sheldon… terrifying."
Raj nodded frantically.
Sheldon fired back: "Howard, your ignorance remains astounding.
We're fraternal twins—genetics provides no mandate for physical resemblance. In fact, we differ significantly."
Everyone turned to Ethan.
Recalling Missy's smile and energy, Ethan took a sip of water: "You'll find out when you meet her."
Sheldon seemed to remember something and turned to Ethan, deadly serious:
"Did anything ever happen between you and Missy?"
Silence dropped like a hammer; even breathing went quiet, lest it drown out the impending revelation.
Under the collective spotlight, Ethan's mind drifted back to the darkest period for the Cooper family.
Sheldon's father had just died; George was overwhelmed with work and his own family, Mary was barely holding it together, and Sheldon had left for a visiting scholar position in Germany.
Missy, left behind in Texas, was just a teenage girl forced to grow up alone amid family chaos.
During that time Ethan did what any neighbor would: checked in on her, handled things her grief and youth made impossible—occasional visits, making sure she was safe, simple neighborly help, nothing beyond appropriate boundaries.
When Ethan finished explaining, Sheldon nodded gravely: "Logically consistent, emotionally stable. I accept your explanation. My predictive model was flawed; I must recalibrate it."
Raj's eyes signaled the others: He bought it—he actually bought it!
Howard: "Teenage girl…"
Leonard: "Emotionally vulnerable, family crisis, alone and needing support…"
Penny raised a hand and whispered, "Vulnerable girls really do—"
Ethan narrowed his eyes at her.
Penny corrected swiftly: "—really do need extra emotional support! Support, yes, just support!"
Unperturbed, Sheldon continued: "According to Missy's established mate-selection criteria formulated at age seven:
One: must be physically attractive;
Two: must be financially stable;
Three: must absolutely not be excessively intelligent."
Penny interjected: "That last one's because of you, right?"
"Obviously." Sheldon conceded. "By comprehensive evaluation, your appearance and finances satisfy the criteria, and your choice to befriend me indicates acceptable intelligence levels."
Ethan dipped his head. "I appreciate your endorsement, Sheldon."
Sheldon: "Therefore, Ethan, I have no objection to you pursuing a romantic relationship with my sister.
Just guarantee one thing—never require me to attend any wedding ceremony."
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