"Hey, Lilas!"
I knocked on her door a few times, holding the medical supplies Kili had given me. What I was doing now was nothing more than playing the errand boy. But I know Kili had her reasons for asking me to do this.
She might look young and childlike, but she's got the personality of a meddling old hag that seems to know a lot more than she lets on. Just goes to show that everyone in this chapel has a screw loose in one way or another.
"Come on, Lilas, open up!"
I knocked a few more times. Sure, it was late at night. Many are sleeping, but she isn't. From behind this wooden door, I can hear Lilas muttering something to herself. It was too faint to hear clearly, but I know she's awake.
After returning to the chapel, she insisted Mother Kili look at Sara, even though she hadn't been harmed. I was the only one of us who got hurt, and even then it was just minor cuts.
But she didn't take no for an answer. After I agreed to take her to Kili's, she disappeared without much of a word. Now I am here, trying to get this little brat to open her damn door.
Seriously, how do the other Sisters in this place deal with this dummy?
Then a thought clicked in my head. I scanned the area to make sure no one else was nearby. I took off my shoes and sat them beside me, making sure the shadows of both the shoes and my feet could be seen from under the door.
"Oh, Sister Claire. Fancy seeing you here this early…or late, depending on how you see it."
Of course, there was no one here. I was simply talking to myself. It was a Hail Mary, but one that worked flawlessly, for no sooner had I finished that sentence than I heard the scuttling of footsteps racing towards the door.
The door flew open, revealing a more vulnerable-looking priestess who looked more like a woman than a holy figure. She wore a blue-and-white hoodie and blue shorts. I envied how comfortable she looked while I was still wearing my light armor stained with the blood of today's foes.
Looking at how her only eye glared at me, I noticed she was not wearing her eye patch. There was a large, nasty scar that stretched from the tip to the bottom of her eye, with its lid stitched shut. It seemed to have been done by a sharp blade, unlike a random object that I had originally thought.
"…"
She tried to close the door, but I stopped her from doing so with my bare foot. There were no words to describe the pain that I felt from this. Lilas seemed to have noticed as she did it again.
"Care to explain yourself?" She said in a monotone voice.
I gave her my best smile while trying to hide my discomfort in having my foot slammed in the door…TWICE. "I should be asking that of you. Lilas."
Lilas rolled her eye and went deeper into her room. Whether one would consider this permission to enter was not a discussion I was willing to have with any member of this chapel, but Kili gave me a task, and I get to gain information from it.
With the bonus of giving this brat a little taste of the discomfort she has given me these past few days.
I shifted the medical supplies in my arms. In one of the kits was a bottle of rubbing alcohol; it may be mean-spirited of me to think of such a deviant plan, but she deserves it.
I entered her room. A musty smell filled my nose immediately. Old, tattered vestments lined the room. Some were full of holes, and others stained with blood—not her blood, from the way it was splattered. Two twin-size beds were the only furniture in this room. One bed was covered in messy sheets, with old clothes piled high to form what looked like a nest. The second bed was neatly made with a few items that Sara had when we came here.
In the center of the back wall was a single window; curtains were taped to the wall, blocking out any outside light. A single bulb hung overhead, illuminating the room.
"…"
"What?" Lilas took my silence as an offense as she glared at me while sitting down on the edge of her bed. She had her legs crossed as she tapped her kneecap with her index finger. Under her bed was the glint of her annoyingly large blade. "Disappointed?" She asked.
"Of what?" I approached her and set the supplies down beside her.
"That a Mother such as myself would live in such filth?"
I turned over my shoulder and tilted my head. She isn't the first person I've seen like this in environments like this. Sure, one could find it off-putting to see a woman with her looks live like she grew up in a rat's den, but many people in this city basically have.
I am one of them.
"Show me your wrists." With the supplies I needed in my hands, I pointed toward her. She hesitated, but reluctantly listened. For someone who spoke with such authority, she was pretty much a pushover.
Her skin was covered with several scars: some old, some new. Some wounds were still fresh, and others were scabbed over. I looked up into her eye.
"Why are you really here?" She asked. "Anyone could have taken Mother Kili's role and done this. I could have done this myself, and she knows that."
I placed an alcohol soaked cotton ball and dabbed her wrist. She bit her lip as she instinctively grabbed my shoulder with her other arm. Her grip was strong, but it wasn't enough to cause me any real pain. Even as her nails dug deep, my clothes were enough to prevent her from tearing skin.
"I just wanted to see your pretty face—Ow…" She punched me rather hard in the face.
"I can sense a lie the moment it leaves your lips, you know. You seem to lie a lot—owwwww!!!!" I looked her squarely in the eyes as I squeezed the cotton ball onto her arm. She winced in pain, her hand moving back to my shoulder and squeezing as hard as she could.
"Me lie? Never. I seriously wanted to see you."
"…" Lilas seemed to have grown used to the pain as her grip loosened. I pulled back the now blood-stained cotton ball and gently thumbed the wounds on her wrists. "…you seem to be rather interested in those…" she said while looking away. "Not once did you make a strange face? Do they not bother you?" Then her voice shrank. "Would Father Muller feel the same way?"
I no longer felt like toying with her treatment. It didn't feel right. I grabbed some bandages and wrapped them around her wrist before moving on to the next arm. She looked at me with an expectant look, as if there was nothing more she wanted than an answer to her question.
Maybe this was the real Lilas, the one I told her to be yesterday.
"Why would they bother me?" Her expression changed a little, a slightly curious glint in her eye. "We all have scars, many of them. Visible and hidden. External and internal. Hell, you're looking at a man who drank himself into several pits and even attempted to shoot himself on more than one occasion. Many people in this city are the same…we are trapped in a cramped set of walls meant to keep us safe."
I finished up with Lilas's other arm. She quickly hid them under the sleeves. Everyone had their story. Many choose to tell them; others choose to hide them. I can't lie and say that I understand what Lilas has gone through, nor will I tell her that Claire gave me a gist of what she was before becoming a member of the church.
It just wasn't my place.
But I don't want her to feel alone. Muller was out on a job, and she pushed Sara aside to hide alone in her room. After watching her get captured by Henry and nearly shot by Kelly on behalf of Ritair, it wasn't hard to piece together her thoughts.
"What's the smile for?" She glared.
"Nothing, I was just thinking about what you said, what Father Muller would think, so something like that."
Lilas's face blushed, but she didn't look away. She leaned forward. "So," she said, "You've known him for a much longer time than me. How would he react?"
What am I, a mind reader? Muller is a creature deserving of his own species. Though how he felt about Lilas was a different story. He rarely talks about her. And I have only heard about the questionable things she's done through his lips while drunk. If anything, she is his closely guarded secret that even Margaret probably hardly knows about.
But if I had to answer her question.
"He'd yell at you."
Lilas's cute blush drained from her face as the light from her eye faded.
"But," I continued, "He'll also force you out of your rut and show you the things that you are missing out on. That's what he did for me, several times. No matter how much I blamed myself for killing Rinara, he would force me to accept the truth and move on with my life. In a way, he's a big old bear. Large and scary, with a warm heart for those around him."
Lilas pulled back, staring at me with a smile lining her lips. "I suppose that's true. It's how he trained me in the past."
"But I think you are the same way," I said. Lilas's head snapped to me. "I think you have a kind heart, but you just don't understand how to express yourself. You also seem to believe you have to live up to your expectations as a Mother to keep living here. So much so that it's a burden on you."
"…" Lilas sighed faintly. "Sister Claire told you, didn't she? About how I was found?" I nodded without saying anything.
Instead of some angry reaction or a face of utter betrayal, she smiled. Lilas threw herself back, lying on her bed. She looked up at the ceiling, one arm stretched out.
"Father Muller told me about you. Honestly, I thought he was all talk, but meeting you, it really is easy to talk to you. But in a sense, you are right. I'm afraid of being tossed to the side. Father Muller and Sister Claire were the only ones who fought for me to become a member of the church. I'm impure, my chastity stolen before I could even bleed. Yet Father Muller didn't care. He told Saint Edmond to his face to suck it up, I am taking her."
Lilas sat back up. She placed a hand on her chest as her face turned a reddish hue.
"That was the first time I felt like someone actually wanted me. So I had convinced myself I needed to do everything I could to stay here, by his side." She looked at me. "Childish, isn't it?"
"While I think you behave childishly many times, I think it's cute of you," I said.
I stood up, making my way towards what I assumed was Sara's bed. Lilas looked at me as I removed the other layer of my clothing and threw myself onto her bed.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Getting ready for bed. Why?"
"…" She glared at me. "You are really overstaying your welcome."
"Sorry, but if I leave you alone, Father Muller might be sad if he saw what became of my decision." Not to mention this is technically a request from the Saint himself. Though Lilas is better off not knowing that part.
"Whatever." Lilas stood up and turned off the lights. "Good night, Golden Steam…and thank you."
I listened as her steps grew closer to me rather than to her own bed. I felt a playful punch on my shoulder. She then sat down next to me.
"Sorry for flinging you over the buildings today like that."
"Water under the bridge. Besides, it was thanks to you that I found some useful information about Ritair."
"I see…" She stood up and made her way toward her own bed.
Lilas was not without faults, but is anyone really?