Last night passed horribly.
The walls of my room still echoed with the sound of my screaming—and my brother's.
Yesterday, I went to the bathroom to wash my face, but unfortunately… it was occupied.
And even more unfortunately—
my brother was inside.
He stayed in there for a long time. I had no idea what he was doing all that time.
When he finally came out, he didn't say a word.
He just looked at me coldly for a few seconds.
'Annoying.'
Why act so cold when he's the one at fault?
Whatever. I won't lose this battle of coldness.
'If his temperature is zero, I can be ten degrees below zero.'
So irritating.
I washed my face with cold water, trying to erase as much of last night as possible.
But water cannot wash something like that away.
'Hold yourself together.'
My reflection in the mirror encouraged me, fists clenched.
It looked more exhausted than I felt—even though it had just woken up.
The dark circles and puffiness beneath its eyes said enough.
Choosing clothes to go out in today was confusing.
Most of my clothes no longer fit me properly. I had lost a lot of weight during the three years I spent in the hospital.
Finding something suitable wasn't easy.
I spent almost the entire day trying—until it drained me physically and emotionally.
When lunchtime came, I couldn't enjoy anything.
The only taste I could sense was ten degrees below zero.
Meanwhile, Huda's voice filled the room, praising my mother's cooking, describing how wonderful it was—like spring in the middle of an icy storm.
But not for me.
The beginning of the meal was like its end.
Before returning to my room, I told my father I would be going out to meet Nuha.
"I'll drive you."
"No."
Zain offered without even looking at me.
Even if he had looked, my answer would have been the same.
"I'll go alone. I know the place."
"This isn't about whether you know the place."
"Then what is it about?"
"…"
Only then did he look at me—but he stopped himself from speaking.
Did he stop because he didn't know what to say?
Or because he knew exactly what to say—but chose not to?
Either way, it didn't matter.
I left them and prepared to go out.
The weather today was fresh and beautiful.
The road wasn't crowded.
'A perfect day to go out.'
Though it felt more like escaping the house than going out.
I stayed alert around every passing car.
I don't want another careless moment dragging me into a coma…
—or something worse.
Despite the pleasant weather and the relatively empty streets, I felt an ominous presence in the air.
Something unnatural.
Uncomfortable.
I felt like I was being… watched.
Of course, not another hallucination.
I took my medication… didn't I?
When I arrived at the café, I scanned every table searching for Nuha.
While looking, I saw someone waving at me.
It was her.
Nuha.
I didn't recognize her at first.
The Nuha I knew was slender, gentle, light-hearted.
I don't know what three years had done—but they had changed her completely.
Her change was almost similar to what Zain had become.
But deeper.
"Nuha?"
"Mariam… I missed you so much, my friend."
She threw her arms around me.
Even if her appearance had changed, she was still her.
"I can't believe I'm seeing you again. I thought you…"
I understood why she didn't finish that sentence.
Everyone had thought the same thing.
During those few years, everyone moved on…
Without me.
'Maybe it would have been more comforting if I had never woken up.'
Tears slipped from my eyes again, helplessly.
I truly wonder where all these tears keep coming from.
The swelling under my eyes piled up like small mountains.
After that, we talked for a long time.
About everything I had missed.
About her new life with her husband and her one-year-and-six-month-old child.
About our old friends and where life had taken each of them.
I truly enjoyed listening.
I wanted her to keep talking forever.
The only thing I didn't want her to ask was:
"What about you?"
Because I'm the only one accompanied by madness.
And a black, hair-textured ball the size of an adult's head.
'Good thing I took my medication.'
Otherwise… who knows?
Maybe this entire conversation would have been a lie.
'But… why is that man looking at us like that?'
He was sitting near our table, glancing at us from time to time.
Does Nuha see what I see?
I studied her eyes, hoping to find his reflection in them.
I didn't.
She wasn't looking at him.
When I looked again, the hair on my body nearly stood on end.
In one blink, someone was sitting right beside us.
In the next—
he was gone.
'I took my medication. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything.'
I convinced myself I was fine, while beneath the table my hand trembled, damp with sweat.
This was the moment I should have spun the spinner.
But that cursed toy was gone.
"Mariam, are you okay? You look pale."
"I'm fine."
I wanted to tell her everything.
But I didn't know how she would react if I told her I was seeing hallucinations.
That my entire family looked at me like I was insane.
So I didn't.
I pretended to check the time and acted surprised that it was late.
I excused myself.
We said goodbye, promising to meet again.
Each of us went our separate way.
On my way back, goosebumps crawled beneath my skin.
Earlier, I felt watched.
Now, I was certain.
Who was it?
Was it the strange man from the café?
I heard footsteps behind me.
Their rhythm matched mine.
The sound grew louder.
I quickened my pace slightly.
The footsteps quickened too.
I don't know if the sound—or the feeling—was another hallucination.
But if the footsteps were real…
Wouldn't that be far more dangerous?
It was still early evening.
But at some point, everyone around me disappeared.
No one remained—
except the owner of those footsteps.
The sound grew louder.
I walked faster until walking turned into running.
I kept running until the sound began to fade.
'Run. Run!'
I don't know what would happen if I stopped.
But I won't gamble.
I turned into one street, then another.
Only a little distance left to home—
when the footsteps stopped completely.
I turned around to see if whoever it was still there.
The streetlamp cast a long shadow behind me.
I couldn't tell if it belonged to a human or a monster from how long it stretched.
But it was standing there.
Completely still.
As if enjoying watching me struggle to catch my breath.
"Ah—"
I bumped into someone.
Fortunately, it was someone familiar.
Otherwise, I might have been in serious trouble.
"Mariam, why are you running?"
It was Zain.