East Kingdom, 2 years earlier
— So brave about some things and so cowardly about others.
Madson teased as soon as Camilly told him about her latest battle.
— So cool about some things and so dumb about others. — Camilly shot back, rolling her eyes.
Ever since the girl had confessed her feelings for the queen to Madson last year, he hadn't left her alone about it. Whenever he could, he'd joke and prod about the fact that Camilly didn't have the courage to tell Freya about her feelings. In the beginning, when she told him she was in love with the terrible ice woman, Madson had three reactions. First, he was shocked he truly hadn't expected his friend's important news to be that. The second reaction was to become extremely nervous; if anyone found out about his friend's feelings, she could be in serious trouble, considering one of Freya's first rules was "never show love." Finally, showing his sentimental romantic side, Madson somehow held out hope that maybe, just maybe, the queen would return Camilly's feelings if she confessed in person. This last reaction from Madson was the one that stuck, especially after Camilly told him about what happened during the war, after she had killed someone for the first time. The blonde then kept his opinion on the situation and would drop hints whenever he could, even when the queen was nearby, which caused a deep blush on the older girl's cheeks.
— I'm always cool. — he defended himself — I just can't understand how you're so brave in all your battles, where the chance of death is high, but so scared when it comes to dealing with your own feelings. — said Madson, indignant.
— Keep your voice down! — she whispered, looking around to make sure no one was paying attention to the two of them — Have you forgotten that feelings equal treason here? — she questioned, raising an eyebrow — If they find out I'm in love with the queen, they, and by 'they' I include the queen herself, won't think twice before killing me. — said Camilly, sighing.
She didn't like it when Madson filled her with hope because deep down, Camilly knew she had fallen for someone who hated love, and she knew that would be her ruin.
— Stop being so pessimistic. — said Madson, more gently — The queen treats you differently; everyone has already noticed. You're one of the few people who can actually talk to her. You shouldn't be so pessimistic about her reaction to your feelings; she might even like it. She's always bragging all over the kingdom about your loyalty and how you dedicate your life to her. — he said, trying to persuade his friend.
— She brags about it because she loves having an obedient, loyal pet. — Camilly made a disgusted expression — I know her, Mads. In these two years, I've learned a lot about her, and I know that if she found out about my feelings, it would make her disgusted with me. — said Camilly sadly.
— You know I'll support any decision you make. — Madson rested his hand on Camilly's shoulder and smiled understandingly — But I truly believe that if you told her how you feel, a weight would lift off your shoulders. I know our queen has a heart of ice, but I believe that after you've saved her so many times and fought so many wars for her, the least she owes you is understanding. — said Madson.
— We both know the Ice Lady isn't familiar with terms like that. — Camilly murmured.
Madson felt compassion for his friend; her situation truly wasn't easy. He decided not to push the subject anymore, at least for now.
— Alright, you pest, I won't bother you anymore. I'm going back to my post. — said Madson in a playful tone.
Camilly just laughed at her friend's comment. Madson was her escape; ever since they became friends, the little blonde had made her days better. He helped her get through her first battle, which had been traumatic for Camilly, and made her stop feeling like a monster for killing that soldier, which had haunted her mind for days. Now, after almost a year and many battles, Camilly wasn't as broken by a war or by the fact that she had now killed more people than she could remember. Of course, she still carried her ghosts, and sleeping wasn't as easy as before since her soul had become another one haunted by the war. But after seeing so many enemy soldiers killing one of her own without any mercy and even trying to kill her, Camilly no longer felt compassion for them. Gradually, her heart became more reserved, definitely.
As soon as Madson left, Camilly went back to focusing on cleaning her sword, the one dirty with blood thanks to her last battle which had happened just a few hours ago. When the blade was clean, the girl threw the blood-stained cloth into a small fire nearby, letting the flames consume it until it turned to ashes. She gripped the sword's hilt and sliced through the air, smiling with satisfaction upon seeing the blade was completely clean.
— It would be nice if you could clean your conscience as easily as you clean that sword, wouldn't it?
Megan appeared behind her. She had arrived a little after Madson left. Her gray eyes observed how careful Camilly was with that sword. She still wondered why the queen had given something so special to that petulant girl. Camilly looked back and hardened her expression upon seeing who it was. Of course, such an unnecessary comment had to come from Megan. In the two years she'd been there, her hatred for the general had only grown. The woman was insufferable in her eyes, always trying to put Camilly down or tarnish her image with the queen whenever she could. It was certainly hatred at first sight from the very beginning.
— What do you want, Megan? — she asked without beating around the bush. The less time she spent near that woman, the more intact her psyche would remain.
— The queen wants to speak with you. — Megan was direct; she shared the same thought as Camilly about keeping their distance from each other.
— Why can she never come tell me that herself? — Camilly grumbled, displeased that Freya practically forced an interaction between her and Megan.
— Is that disobeying the Queen's orders?
Sarcasm screamed in Megan's voice. She watched the girl's every step, just waiting for the opportunity to ruin her.
— Oh, yes. — she rolled her eyes impatiently — I'd break a rule right here, in front of the most boot-licking guard dog there is. Don't annoy me, Megan. — said Camilly.
The woman clenched her fists, irritated that the girl referred to her as a "guard dog." Camilly always called her that to get under her skin, and to her delight, it almost always worked. Well, almost.
— I don't know how you still dare call me that, considering you're practically the queen's little pet. — Megan smiled sarcastically — No matter how many years pass, I'll never understand what the queen saw in you to not have killed you by now. — said Megan.
Camilly didn't let the general's words get to her. She sheathed the sword in the compartment on her back and turned to Megan.
— Train and dedicate yourself more; maybe someday you'll understand. — she said, giving a provocative smile and walking past the general, intentionally bumping her shoulder.
After leaving an irritated Megan behind, Camilly headed towards the castle. She didn't even need to ask anyone about the queen's whereabouts; after all, she knew very well where the Ice Woman spent most of her time. In a few minutes, Camilly reached the entrance to the castle's large balcony. She stopped for a few seconds and took a deep breath. It was always like this when she had to face the woman who made a chill take hold of her stomach. When she felt relatively ready to speak with Freya, Camilly entered the balcony with slow steps.
Freya was staring at the horizon as she usually did every evening. The sunset was stunning from up there. Many things had changed in the last two years, but this was one of the few that remained the same. That place was the only thing that distracted her a little from the mess that was her life and her mind.
Well, perhaps it wasn't the only thing that held that power anymore.
— Majesty. — Camilly called in a low, gentle tone, hating to interrupt a moment she knew was so important to Freya.
Freya didn't even need to look to know who it was. She could recognize that voice in the middle of a crowd. An almost imperceptible smile touched the queen's lips. In the years since Camilly's arrival, the two had inevitably grown closer. The petulant girl had infiltrated her life in such a natural and quick way that Freya hadn't even had time to stop it. The queen was still completely curious about everything involving Camilly. Each day, the girl seemed more peculiar in her eyes. Freya spent a lot of time thinking about every detail surrounding her to try and decipher the mystery of why Camilly intrigued her so much. She still hadn't discovered the answer.
— My little lioness — she called her by the nickname she'd invented —, how was the battle? — Freya asked, without looking at the girl. She kept staring at the horizon.
Camilly felt a chill in the pit of her stomach upon hearing the queen call her by her exclusive nickname. It was already common for Freya to call her that when she was in a good mood, of course. No matter how many times she heard it, the chill in her stomach was always the same.
— I thought Megan had already given you a full report on that. She always makes a point of running to Your Majesty after every battle. — Camilly said with irony.
Freya felt like laughing when she heard the girl's issue with her general. She was amused by this little war between the two. The queen straightened up and turned towards Camilly, finally looking at her. Her eyes met Camilly's light brown eyes. All the confusion in the troubled woman's mind seemed to disappear with that action. The brown eyes, which sometimes turned reddish, had already become a routine part of the queen's life.
— She did give me one, but I want to hear your answer. Your point of view on everything always seems so... different. — said Freya, smiling provocatively.
The woman knew Camilly hated her provocations, especially when she asked her to do something without any need, just to exercise her power.
— The battle was executed successfully. As you must know, we won easily. The enemy army was smaller and less prepared than ours. There were few allied losses, so you can add another one to your list of conquests, Queen. — said Camilly, with a hint of sarcasm at the end.
Freya smiled even more upon noticing the girl's returned provocation. She walked over to Camilly, noticing a cut just above her eyebrow.
— I see you didn't come back entirely unscathed.
Freya brought one of her hands to Camilly's face and touched the wound with her fingertips. Feeling Freya's icy skin against hers, Camilly shuddered. That woman had great power over her; she couldn't and wouldn't even be able to deny that fact.
— In a way, I've never come back entirely unscathed from any of them. — Camilly said.
She closed her eyes as she felt Freya pour a bit of snow over her wound and spread it with her fingertips, healing it. Freya analyzed the girl's words. She knew how she felt about the things that happened in the war. It discouraged her, because she didn't want Camilly to lose her essence like everyone else there did. Even though it irritated her sometimes, the girl's essence and the sparkle in her eyes made her forget the evil in the world outside, and even the evil within herself. Camilly had that look of hope; she seemed to see something good even in the worst things. That pulled Freya out of her inner hell. She used her as an escape point, liking the fact that Camilly saw something good even in her, even though she knew that something wasn't real. Not in her own eyes.
— Come here. — Freya called, breaking the contact of her fingers with Camilly's face. She walked to the balcony and turned to the horizon again.
Camilly felt frustrated when the queen broke the contact of her skin with hers. The girl reluctantly opened her eyes and walked closer to the woman, positioning herself beside her and staring at the horizon.
— Do you know why this is my favorite place? — Freya asked, without looking at her.
— No, Majesty.
— It's one of the calmest places in the entire castle. The high view allows me to see the sunset firsthand. — Freya smiled and shifted her gaze to the girl, who looked back at her — You know, Camilly, when the sun sets, it's common to believe we'll live forever in complete darkness, but that doesn't happen. — she said, looking directly into her eyes.
— It's easier to believe it will never come back, and that in a way we'll have to accept the darkness. — Camilly admitted. Not surrendering to the darkness was proving harder than she imagined.
Freya shifted her gaze to the peculiar mark on her lap. The queen brought one of her hands to it and traced the red lioness-shaped mark with her fingertips; it had almost become a habit.
— You have to remember that, even if it doesn't seem like it, it always comes back. That's what makes the sunset so stunning and beautiful the fact that no matter how many times everything becomes dark, the light always returns. — said Freya. She looked back at the horizon, where the sunset had just begun.
Camilly didn't take her eyes off Freya for a single second. The image of the queen's serene face bathed in the orange light of the sun made the girl's heart beat faster, giving her the impression it would tear through her chest and jump out any minute. As the sun disappeared at the division between sky and sea, the light left Freya's face until only the glow from the torch flames allowed Camilly to see the profile of her face. As soon as the sun had completely set, Freya turned her face and looked at Camilly, face to face, just a few inches apart. The girl looked into those intriguing blue eyes, and an inevitable sigh escaped her lips.
She was hopelessly in love with that woman. The words were almost escaping her mouth when:
— Majesty. — a feminine voice snapped them out of the trance they were lost in.
Freya shifted her attention to Megan, who was watching them with a suspicious expression. The queen felt stunned by the exchange of glances that had occurred seconds ago. She must be going crazy. Because if the general hadn't arrived, Freya could have sworn Camilly was about to kiss her. She shook her head in a negative sign, pushing away those crazy thoughts. This must just be accumulated stress, since it had been a while since her last "intimate" encounter with Megan. She tried to convince herself.
— Yes, Megan?
Camilly remained silent, staring at some random point.
— I came to inform you about the losses. — said Megan, moving her gaze between her and Camilly.
Freya noticed the general's suspicious look and then cleared her throat. Camilly seemed to wake up at that and turned to the two women. Her head was aching from the countless thoughts tormenting her.
— I think I'll go to my dormitory. I'll do what you asked, Majesty. — said Camilly, trying to sound calm.
Freya just nodded her head in agreement. Then the girl left as quickly as she could. She needed to go to Madson's dormitory to talk, or her head would explode with all those uncontrolled thoughts.
— What did you ask of her? — Megan inquired as soon as Camilly left. She couldn't control her curiosity.
— Nothing that concerns you, General. — Freya replied curtly. Megan's intrusion was already irritating her — Can we get straight to the point of why you're here, please? — she asked, trying not to show her nervousness about what might have happened if the general hadn't arrived.
Megan analyzed the queen for a moment and decided it would be better not to push her limits any further. After all, what she saw when she arrived couldn't mean anything. She knew her queen very well and knew that nothing with her would ever mean more than that. Absolutely nothing.
— Right.
Megan opened a malicious smile as she walked towards the queen. And there they went again.
_
— Oh my goodness! — Madson exclaimed excitedly as soon as Camilly briefly told her what had happened on the castle balcony.
— Keep your voice down. — Camilly asked, for what seemed like the third time since arriving at the blonde's dormitory — It was so surreal, Mads. For the first time, it felt like only the two of us existed. She looked so deeply into my eyes; I felt as if she was reading every one of my thoughts. For seconds, I forgot who I was, who she was. It was so... special. — she said, letting out a sigh.
Madson smiled, feeling the emotion in her friend's words. She was so happy to see that, after so long, the queen had finally shown something beyond coldness.
— So, Miss Smitten, have you decided what you'll do about this? — Madson asked, holding her friend's hand and giving her an enthusiastic smile.
Camilly took a deep breath, not very sure about what to do from here on out. She could have sworn she was about to kiss the queen if Megan hadn't interrupted them. And if the Ice Lady didn't seem to try to stop her from kissing her, that could mean that maybe, just maybe, she returned her feelings, right?
— I'm still very insecure about what could happen, Mads, but I also don't think I can keep hiding my feelings anymore, not after today. — she took a deep breath, gathering all the courage and determination that existed within her — I'm going to confess to her, and I'll do it tonight. — Camilly decided with conviction, surprising even herself.
Madson looked at her friend, happy and at the same time worried about that decision. Was it really right to confess on that very night? She wondered.
— Are you sure you want to do this today? — Madson asked, genuinely concerned.
— I am — she replied, still convinced —, if I don't do it today, there's a big chance all my courage will disappear, and then everything will go back to the same. — said Camilly.
— I only care that you're okay. If this is what you want, then you have all my support. — said Madson, looking at her affectionately.
Camilly smiled at her friend's words. She would always be grateful to have her by her side, and that would never change. Now she just needed to execute what she had said and finally confess to Freya.
_
Camilly stood in front of the queen's room. Her heart was beating fast inside her chest, her hands were cold and sweaty, and her breathing was ragged. You could feel her nervousness from the other side of the castle. She was scared and at the same time anxious to find out what Freya's reaction would be when she learned about her feelings. The girl closed her eyes and took a deep breath, again trying to control her excitement. She tried to remember the reason why she was doing this to herself. It didn't take long for the image of Freya staring serenely at the horizon to invade her mind. An involuntary smile took over her face; at that exact moment, she remembered perfectly why she was there.
Camilly opened her eyes again and walked closer to the large door of the queen's room. She was about to knock when a sound made her stop her fist in mid-air, preventing it from touching the wood.
— majesty...
The sound was present again, making the girl frown in confusion. Was that a moan? Her heart raced even more.
Camilly moved even closer to the bedroom door, even though everything inside her warned her not to. She pushed the door a little, immediately confirming her theory that it was open. Again, ignoring all her instincts, Camilly pushed the door a little more until a considerably large gap was opened. The room was almost dark; only the light from one of the lamps prevented the place from being in complete darkness. It was then that Camilly's eyes fell on the huge bed in the center of the room. Her breath caught in her throat as the image of Freya's naked back appeared before her eyes. The rest of the queen's body, from the waist down, was covered only by the white sheet of the bed. She seemed to be mounted on top of something while facing away from the girl. Then, two hands took hold of Freya's back, scratching it. At that instant, another feminine silhouette appeared. It was Megan. The woman beneath the queen's nude body was the general Camilly hated. She seemed to sense the girl's presence there, because she looked in her direction and smiled maliciously while pulling Freya's body even closer to hers.
Camilly felt her stomach churn and a knot form in her throat. The girl took a few steps back and felt her legs weaken. She fell sitting on the floor and dragged herself until she felt the cold castle wall against her back. Her eyes welled up, and soon tears began to stream down her face uncontrollably. Everything around her became silent, as if time had stopped. She felt her heart break, causing an almost physical pain in her chest, as if someone had squeezed her heart so hard it couldn't withstand it and shattered into pieces. Camilly hugged her own legs, feeling as if that pain would consume her. She felt alone, scared.
And it was at that moment that the girl understood a little about why Freya despised so much that feeling which, in her eyes, seemed so beautiful.
Love had never hurt so much.