Chapter 17: The Drunken Confession
As the bandages were unwound, Shiba Kuroha's snoring—previously muffled—burst forth like a liberated symphony, rising and falling in waves.
The noisy hall instantly plunged into dead silence.
Everyone had gathered here eager to witness the wounded-but-unyielding hero bravely complete his exam. But now… something felt very wrong.
"He… he's not drunk, is he?"
A sudden voice cut through the quiet, delivering a soul-crushing question to everyone present.
Looking at Kuroha lying on the stretcher—perfectly uninjured, snoring peacefully—the scene clashed violently with their expectations.
Burp "Wife… when you massage me, start with the feet. Don't touch my body—I can't resist temptation."
The boozy words hit like a thunderclap.
The carefully constructed halo of "wounded but unyielding" shattered in an instant.
Even Shunsui Kyōraku, who had helped remove the bandages, felt ten million alpacas stampede through his heart.
He finally understood why Rukia had warned him to be ready.
Faced with this completely unforeseen disaster, Shunsui genuinely wanted to draw his blade and put the drunkard out of his misery.
"Damn it—he's just a drunkard! Tricking us into feeling sorry for him! We waited all morning in line for this exam!"
"What wounded-but-unyielding? Total bullshit! I was actually crying earlier—how embarrassing!"
"Showing up drunk for the Shin'ō Academy exam? He doesn't respect the process at all. He shouldn't even be allowed to test!"
"…"
The massive testing hall erupted into chaos.
If Kuroha had been awake, he would have responded: Your grandma's the wounded one—you're all just too deep in the roleplay.
But blackout-drunk Kuroha remained blissfully detached from the mortal world.
Only Rukia and Renji—the two accomplices—felt their heads splitting open.
No— Also Shunsui Kyōraku, who had planned to quietly open a backdoor for Kuroha, was now suffering a massive headache.
Why get drunk now? And calling him wife? Starting with foot massages? This was pure catastrophe.
Glancing at the sake gourd still hanging at his waist, Shunsui instinctively looked toward Nanao Ise.
She gave a small, helpless shake of her head.
Looked like the plan was dead.
As a notorious drinker himself, Shunsui had never imagined alcohol could cause this much trouble.
Now he had seen it firsthand.
"Heh heh… looks like this boy from the Shiba family is quite the character. Showing up drunk for the exam… I actually admire him for one-punching an oni. But in this state, he's hardly fit to serve as a Shinigami."
Gin Ichimaru narrowed his eyes even further, a cold smile playing on his lips.
"Based on everyone's opinion… I think he should be disqualified without needing to test."
The words caused an immediate uproar.
The surging anger was suddenly interrupted.
Many in the crowd had been ready to vent their frustration—calling for the "wounded hero" fraud to be expelled.
But hearing an actual captain suggest it? That was completely different from casual grumbling about being cut in line.
"Captain Ichimaru… that seems a bit harsh. Don't forget—this exam slot for the Shiba family was personally approved by Captain Kuchiki. Making such a rash decision might not be appropriate," Aizen said, taking a calm sip of tea.
"Besides, everyone here came to join the Shin'ō Academy. Proposing immediate disqualification would completely cut off the Shiba family's path. In my opinion… we should wait for him to sober up and test him properly. What if he's a transcendent talent like Kaien Shiba—someone with seven-bamboo reiatsu? Losing him would be a loss for the Seireitei."
Aizen's gentle words clashed sharply with Gin's cold tone.
But by publicly dragging the Kuchiki family into the matter—pointing out their role in approving Kuroha— Byakuya Kuchiki, who had been silent until now, turned icy.
"No need to test him. He suits my taste. The Eleventh Division will take him by special admission."
A rough voice boomed from the entrance.
Kenpachi Zaraki strode in—spiky hair, towering like an iron pillar. The watching crowd instinctively parted before him.
In that moment, everyone could see: Most of the captains present today had come for this drunken boy.
Especially that declaration of special admission.
Did that mean this oni-punching kid had some extraordinary quality after all?
"Captain Zaraki… impressive decisiveness. But special admissions require the Captain-Commander's approval. Deciding on your own to bring him into the Eleventh Division is far too hasty," Gin said with a dry laugh, pulling out an intelligence report.
"I forgot to mention—I'm from the Third Division's support unit. Half a day ago, when this kid killed that oni, I was there too.
As standard procedure, I scanned his reiatsu with a monitor. Regrettably… he's only three bamboo. He doesn't qualify for the Shin'ō Academy at all.
In other words—he doesn't belong to your Eleventh Division."
Seeing the document Gin publicly displayed, Shunsui's face filled with even deeper bitterness.
He had hoped Kenpachi's dramatic entrance would let him secure the sake and escape cleanly.
He never expected Gin to show up and slam the backdoor shut.
"You're right—I'm definitely not joining the Eleventh Division. I want to stay in the Thirteenth Division… with my wife."
Kuroha suddenly spoke.
His quiet voice struck everyone like lightning.
Especially the captains in attendance—who immediately understood who "wife" referred to.
Thinking back to the foot-massage talk and this blatant confession… Renji exploded.
"You damn bastard—we brought you here to take the exam, and you're spouting nonsense?! Captain Zaraki wasted his time wanting to admit you specially. I brought you in—I can damn well drag you out!"
Renji lunged to grab him.
But the moment he moved—Kuroha flipped over like a dead fish suddenly revived. His nose twitched. Then he lunged straight for the sake gourd at Shunsui's waist.
"Good sake! Didn't expect to find good sake here. 'Wine today, drunk today.' Wife—warm the wine for me."
He yanked the gourd free, popped the stopper with a pssh, and took a long swig.
Still blackout drunk, he had no idea his "big brother-in-law" had turned black with rage, face cold as frost, ready to kill.
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