I walked through the corridors with measured elegance, lifting the hem of my brown gown. Their gazes lingered on me—unsettling, inescapable—yet I could do nothing but continue forward.
Steady breaths were the only thing I could manage, for it would have been improper to cry out and demand they stop their staring. I quickened my pace and at last reached my designated seat beside my aunt Viv. Pulling out the chair, I sighed before sitting.
While Aunt Viv moved her body rhythmically to the sounds played by the royal band, I felt I should have been forgotten—or misplaced—at home, rather than left to feel out of place in this castle."Why don't you move around?" Aunt Viv said. "You are always so cooped up in that mind of yours."
"I'm fine being cooped up in my mind alone. Interaction doesn't really suit me," I said. Aunt Viv looked at me with concern in her eyes. Seeing her concern, I couldn't help but worry too. What caught me off guard was how she stood up and walked away without sparing me a glance or uttering a word. I did not wish for it to trouble me, so I rested my head on the table and used my purse as a barrier so no one would see meWithin a minute or two, I had fallen asleep. Music rose to a full blast, as did the laughter, cheers, and chatter, yet to everyone's surprise, the girl who slept remained unresponsive and oblivious to it all.
I was in my own world, where everything was silent. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my back, which jolted me back to reality. I raised my head, my vision still blurry, and rubbed my eyes, trying to see if it was Aunt Viv who had tapped me. But it was not—standing before me was a strangely handsome young lad, smiling at me.
I stood up hurriedly and tripped on my gown. I closed my eyes, expecting tohear a thud or feel pain, but it never came. Instead, I was caught by the handsome young lad, who steadied me back to reality. I regained my balance and stared at him with confused eyes.
"Are you okay?" he asked, concern written across his face as he moved closer than he should have. Before he could take another step, I ducked my head, gathered my dress, and suddenly ran toward the exit.
"Aunt Viv," I called out as I moved around, searching for her. After a while, I spotted her among her friends, chattering, acting all cheery, and laughing. To me, however, it sounded more like shrieking, a noise that bothered my eardrums—because truly, why can people's laughter be so high-pitched?
Nevertheless, I proceeded with what I wanted to say. "Aunt, I think it is time for me to go home. I feel a bit funny and wobbly," I lied, because I knew that if I did not, she would not let me take my leave for the next two hours.
Aunt Viv stared at me for a moment and sighed. "You may leave," she said. "I will meet you at home shortly. Take the cart—do not walk." With that, she returned to chattering with her friends.
I gathered my gown and shuffled carefully toward the exit of the building. As I walked, I hoped the young lad would not catch sight of me. At last, I reached the cart and stepped inside.
"Mr. Rolland," I said softly, "please take me home- away from the castle."
The path leading to the castle had been no more pleasant than the ceremony itself. My thoughts felt jumbled, and I could not think clearly, though I did not understand why. Each time I took a step toward interaction, it felt forbidden, as though I were being quietly restrained. I did not know where these thoughts came from—I only knew that they belonged to me.
I finally arrived home and stepped out of the cart. I walked gently to my room and slumped onto my bed. A knock sounded at the door.
"Who's there?" I asked faintly, yet loud enough to be heard.
"It is I, Raya," came the reply. "Your bath will be ready shortly, my princess," she said.
"Alright, Raya," I replied, lifting my head from the bed.
Raya was my personal maid—the only one I truly opened up to, aside from Aunt Viv.
As I took my bath, I found myself wondering why my interactions were limited to certain people.
"Raya," I called softly, continuing to wash in the tub.
"Yes, my princess?" she replied.
"Do I act strange?" I asked.
"You appear distant to most people, which they find unusual," Raya said gently. "But I believe they should respect your wishes."
I stepped out of the tub and slipped into my night robe, I walked quietly back to my room. I heard the main doors open—it was likely Aunt Viv's arrival. I did not bother going downstairs, and instead chose to remain in bed and sleep.
I closed my eyes, but the thoughts from earlier invaded my mind, making sleep impossible. I tried for hours, yet rest would not come. Finally, I rose from my bed, took out my ink and a piece of paper, and began to write.
I bleed with my ink, as it truly expresses the words I cannot speak
I'm struggling by myself, yet it appears as though I am weak.
I bloom in silence,
bearing the quiet belief that I was never meant to be fully known.
.. because, truly, I remain my personal mystery
Or so I think..
This was what I felt and thought everyday.
Then a voice pulled me back to reality.
"I know you aren't asleep—open the door," came Aunt Viv's voice.
I stood and unlocked the door. She walked in and sat beside me on the bed.
"I know your thoughts have been clouded after the ceremony," Aunt Viv said.
"I don't know why I feel this way," I admitted, sincerity in my voice. "It feels as if there's something I don't understand—why I cannot truly talk to people. Each time I want to speak, I cannot, and it bothers me."
Aunt Viv hugged me gently. "I'm sorry I forced you to go. I won't force you again. Be yourself."
"Thank you, Aunt Viv. You're the best," I said.