....
— TRYING TO START OVER — CHAPTER1
Waking from a deep sleep, I felt as if my bones were about to shatter into a thousand pieces. I hadn't been unconscious enough to truly rest, yet I wasn't fully conscious either—aware enough to feel, but not to understand what was happening around me.
Slowly, I pushed myself up from the icy stone floor. It felt as though I'd been lying there for hours… no, for days. That, at least, was the sensation.
I tested my sense of touch, gripping my own arms several times, feeling the fabric that covered me: a long, thin cloak of bluish hue. On my hands were thick black gloves, probably wool. I thought it all might be an illusion, a trick of the mind or a vivid dream, but then I realized I couldn't even remember falling asleep. From time to time, I muttered things even I didn't understand, as if lucidity hadn't fully returned. I couldn't believe any of this was possible.
I looked around. The place felt strange, yet somehow familiar. Everywhere I turned, there were bookshelves—hundreds of them, I'd say. Above my head, a chandelier swayed gently in the wind blowing from a small window behind me. There was also a wide desk. I approached it with unsteady steps. On it lay a large blank sheet of parchment covered in strange notations I'd never seen before.
"The Elixir of the Two Moons?" I thought, reading. I furrowed my brow, trying to make sense of it all. A wooden chair stood beside the desk; I sat down and pulled it closer. Resting my elbows on the table, I buried my face in my hands.
"I have to understand what happened…" As if understanding were possible without any explanation. My persistence in searching for clues felt useless. I rose from the chair and scratched my forehead lightly.
My gaze drifted back to the window. I noticed something utterly unusual, something that seemed like an illusion: two moons, moving in opposite directions. I stood up quickly, strode to the window, and pushed it open in one swift motion. "What in the…" Wherever I was, it wasn't the Earth I knew. I looked down, then back up—the moons kept moving. I hurried to the door of this small alchemical hall, descended the stairs, and passed through several corridors until I reached what resembled a small chapel.
Inside, everything was empty. At the center, gazing at the floor, was a twelve-pointed star; above the black altar, a large candlestick held three lit candles—their flames seemed to grow stronger the closer I stepped. I looked up at the ceiling and saw an intriguing painting: a Zodiac symbol, but with different names. Some I couldn't read, while others translated automatically in my mind. The only names I could make out were Pisces, which had become "Rooster," and Cancer, which had become "Eternity."
Seeing all these unfamiliar things, I was somewhat overwhelmed and sat down on the floor.
"I don't understand where I am, but at least I know who I am…" Thinking I might be suffering from temporary amnesia, I decided to test myself.
"My name is Somchai Saeli. I'm 23 years old.
Or 22?" I let out a sigh of frustration. At least I remembered my name.
"My parents are Anna Saeli and…" I paused. "Do I have a father?" I tried to recall my whole life, but everything was blurry—only fragments of who Somchai was remained. Yet I remembered specific things—how was that possible?
How could I remember the Zodiac symbols but not my own family?
I rubbed my eyes and stood up slowly.
Leaving the small chapel, I found myself back in the corridors and realized what this place was: a large monastery, seemingly abandoned for years. But as I kept walking, I noticed a strange silhouette with its head bowed; it seemed to be holding something. Seeing it approach, I tried to slip into another corridor, but before I could turn away, it noticed me and called out.
— Master Heinrich, what are you doing awake at this hour?
— Just walking through the monastery, — I tried to speak with a firm voice, but cold sweat dripped down my back.
— I enjoy this quiet during the late hours as well. But try to sleep more, Master. You've been working on a great project, after all, — said the monk, genuine concern in his voice. He carried a small artifact resembling a necklace with a symbol in the center.
— Even so, I can't afford to relax, — I forced myself to stay in character. Master? Me? Who would have thought. "Please just leave; if he asks another question, I'm probably ruined," I thought, maintaining a serious expression.
— What did the king ask of you this time, Master? — the monk said, looking me in the eyes. "Oh, shit!…" I blinked a few times, and silence hung between us for several seconds. My fingers trembled as I lightly touched my cloak.
The monk sighed. — Forgive my question. I know royal matters are confidential; pardon my ignorance. — He gave a slight bow before walking past me, reciting a prayer under his breath.
"I almost died, you fool!" I tried to calm myself after the adrenaline rush and crouched on the floor. Sighing, I stood back up and continued walking; I ended up circling the entire monastery. The architecture was medieval, quadrangle in form, with dozens of rooms. Before I knew it, I was back in the hall where I'd awakened.
"I still don't understand what's happening. Why did he call me Heinrich? Maybe that's my name in this world?" It was hard to believe that overnight, I'd become someone respected simply by waking up in a body completely different from my own. "But…"
I touched my new face. "I don't remember my own face." I fell silent. Slowly, I climbed the stairs and went to the window. I saw the two moons and seriously reflected on everything I'd witnessed and what it all meant. Something utterly bizarre and improbable. "Suddenly, I'm in a monastery and being called Heinrich—is that a reason to rejoice?" I looked down and saw the perfect green grass surrounding the monastery. I marveled at everything that had happened. Then I stepped away from the window. I sat back in the chair, but this time I crossed my arms, looked up, then stared ahead. There were artifacts whose purpose I didn't know, books I couldn't read in a lifetime.
I thought it through again. "What if this body belongs to someone else?" It was so obvious! Yet it hadn't crossed my mind—maybe due to shock, or being so far from reality. But it was the most concrete hypothesis; in fact, the only plausible one.
"So, I ended up taking over someone else's body? How did I do that? I don't remember." My lack of memory delayed my understanding of everything around me. In truth, it delayed my understanding of who I was.
I leaned over to pick up a book and tried to read it. The shapes didn't resemble any language I knew—no human language was similar; at most, they looked like characters. But suddenly, I began to recite those words and understand them.
It was a poem.
"The moon that moves against the sun's light moves against all that is free. The moon that moves with the sun's light moves against all that is eternal. The sunlight, however, vibrates with joy for the one who seeks to attain perfection.
The mountains try to stop those who offend him. But he who is whole transcends all that is vile and becomes beautiful. Pure as solid gold, and perfect as the sun that comes to slay his enemies!"
— By... Thomas von Heinrich...
"Heinrich… that's exactly what they called me. So this would be the poem I wrote before passing out? I mean, not me, but Thomas wrote it." I stood up and paced in circles for a few moments, thinking about everything I'd read.
"Is this a curse against the moons? No. It's not that. It's more complex…" I stopped and returned to the edge of the desk, leaning my hands on it to reread the text. "Vibrates with joy for the one who seeks to attain perfection… who would that be?" I thought for a moment. "What if he's speaking in the plural?" It was a silly idea. It seemed to refer to someone greater than him, yet somehow close.
"What if, in truth, I didn't come to him—but he brought me here?" My eyes widened. "That makes much more sense! What if he made a mistake?" I put my hand to my head. "So, did we swap bodies? Or did I completely take over his?" I started scratching my head. "Then he would be in my body? In my home?"
Suddenly, a beam of light flashed before my eyes, and I had a vision: a woman with gray skin, half her face covered. — What the… — I spoke louder than intended. I fell to my knees, feeling immense pressure in my head. "Thomas, my son!" I began hearing voices—different people.
A deep voice spoke: "Return home, Heinrich." A woman's voice whispered: "Thomas!" My reasoning faltered. My eyes were wide, fixed on the floor; no matter how many times I tried to stand, I couldn't—it felt as though something was pulling me down.
The voices wouldn't stop. "Are these his memories?" I thought, which made sense.
Then, suddenly, the entire scene dissolved, and I found myself in another setting.
"An illusion?" But this time, the pressure had lifted, and I managed to stand despite the pain in every muscle, especially my head. This time, I saw a large house in the middle of a plain with tall grass. I began walking slowly toward it. The sky was a mix of orange, like sunrise. As I approached the large house, the door swung open without me touching the handle.
Inside, I saw a grand red throne trimmed in gold. Leading to it was a long red carpet. The entire interior looked like a castle, yet it was mysteriously empty—no furniture in sight.
I walked until I was about five meters from the throne, and a mysterious figure appeared seated upon it. It materialized like smoke, taking shape rapidly.
It was a man in a bluish cloak and cape, thick gloves, and long hair.
"Wait!" My eyes widened as I noticed the resemblance. This was my new body!
But then he began to speak.
— The contract with the entity was fulfilled. But why am I no longer in my body? — he spoke the last part with tremendous rage in his eyes.
— … — I remained silent, unsure how to answer such a question.
— Answer me. How did you enter my mind? How did you take control of my body? — his words were firm, marked by palpable hatred, his brow furrowed.
— … I don't know what happened… — I spoke with difficulty, still feeling the effects of what I'd just experienced.
— Of course you do! You will not stop my pursuit of perfection. This is my oath: I will reclaim control of my body, even if I have to kill you to do it. — His gaze was indifferent. And I feared his words.
— Wait! Try to understand the situation! — I spoke while trying to gesture, even with difficulty. My eyes were wide, tears beginning to form.
"Enough." I heard this voice in my head. It sounded like a child's voice.
Suddenly, I felt arms pulling me down, and the angry expression of my other "self" grew more intense.
"I am fair in my pacts," said the child's voice, whispering in my ear. My whole body trembled with pure shock. Then my vision went dark, and I was back in the hall. I was on my knees, staring at the floor, panting and sweating. Tears fell unconsciously from my eyes. "What the hell!" I tried to stand with difficulty but immediately collapsed. "This headache won't go away!" I pressed my hand hard against my forehead and lay on my back.
"A pact?" I remembered the words I'd heard in the vision. "Body? Was that the owner of this body? Thomas von Heinrich?" I tried to slow my breathing. And just like that, day broke suddenly, a beam of light entering through my window. Only at dawn did I sleep for half an hour before rising. I heard the ringing of bells. "Time to eat?" It could be, or perhaps time to pray, since I'd discovered I was a "monk."
I let out an ironic laugh before getting up from the floor. Opening the door, I saw several monks walking somewhere; I decided to follow their lead, even without knowing where we were headed. At least now I had access to some of Thomas's memories—that could be useful in the future.
I walked alongside the monks; they moved like a marching army. There were probably only 30 to 40 monks. And I was one of them.
Suddenly, my head began to ache again, but this time the pain wasn't as intense—it was bearable.
Then, I received a memory from Thomas's body.
"Sharmity"… it was just a word, but it hammered in my brain. Before I realized it, my eyes widened—as if my body already knew its meaning before my mind did.