Korra gazed absentmindedly at the water stain on her bedroom ceiling from the leak. It was a pretty pathetic thought that she, the being responsible for balance between worlds, daughter of a great Water Tribe leader, who had been to so many lavish places, mingled with fancy people, eaten exquisite food, worn beautiful clothes, was now living in a dump, surrounded by people she barely knew, eating questionable meals and wearing rags. She had declined quite a bit, she recognized, but it was also much more comfortable this way: running away from all her Avatar duties, which had only brought her pain and suffering. As if all the physical scars and aftereffects weren't enough, there was also a slew of mental issues plaguing her, and these were more bothersome and harder to deal with than any ailment she carried in her body.
She was never a great example of how to handle her mind and feelings. No matter how much Tenzin had tried to teach her about it, passing on the wisdom of the measured Aang, she never really learned properly, and she didn't know if it was due to inability or something else. The truth was, she was pretty hopeless in that aspect, and after the battle with Zaheer, she began to doubt herself as the Avatar. After all, Korra only managed to stop the Red Lotus leader by going into the Avatar State, which was almost like autopilot; she saw no merit in what she did. On top of that, she had let her guard down too much, allowing those criminals to capture her and putting her friends and allies at risk, even if unintentionally. And after it all passed, she was still dealing with the consequences of a thankless battle.
She always thought she was very strong. And she was. Not only did she have a perfect body for combat, given her muscle structure, she was also the only being in the world to master all four elements and various sub-bendings, doing so with mastery. She thought that was enough, but she realized she was completely mistaken when her mind revealed itself as the weak link. The truth was, she was shattered in every way after the Red Lotus defeat, but her mental state still hadn't been pieced back together and had been dragging her down ever since. She didn't care about mental strength until she saw it was necessary, but by then it was already too late to do anything about it.
She had hoped to recover on her own from all the troubles that had befallen her, but that seemed more difficult with each passing day. She recognized she needed help to fully recover, but she wouldn't admit defeat in exchange for much-needed aid. It wasn't that she was too proud; the truth was she was ashamed to admit she had failed all those important people in her life and the world as a whole, ashamed to acknowledge her mistakes for fear of being judged harshly by her friends and family. So she was desperately trying to return to normal on her own. The problem was that, every now and then, her mind played horrible tricks on her, from inconvenient hallucinations to moments of deep depression, along with unprecedented anxiety attacks.
If staying alone all this time had the advantage of hiding her fears from others, there was a very strong downside associated with it. The big problem with solitude for Korra was that she was afraid of what she might think when alone. Some not very good or productive ideas occurred to her, and at times she had narrowly avoided doing stupid things suggested by her troubled mind. Fortunately, that was becoming less frequent, and she already felt more in control of this aspect that had caused her so many problems in the recent past.
She got up from the bed after long minutes of reflection about the course of her own life in recent years. Lying there the rest of the day, feeling sorry for herself, wouldn't bring great results. She went to the dresser and looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn't at her best, but at least she no longer had the blasé expression she had been sporting since leaving Republic City.
And thinking of Republic City, she suddenly missed it. The best years of her life were lived there; all the great adventures she remembered fondly and that made her grow as a person had some connection to that place. Her greatest mentors were there, her parents always traveled from the Water Tribe to see her, and the true friends she had were made in that city. She hadn't forgotten Tenzin and his family, the Air Temple and all they did for her, the new airbenders who emerged and accepted following the path left by the Air Nomads. She also remembered Lin; their relationship wasn't smooth at first, but they soon understood each other and became important allies. Tonraq and Senna were very present in Korra's memories, as well as in her heart; she always had affection for her parents, the most attentive, understanding, kind, and loving she could ask for or have; she loved them very much and was sure it was reciprocated. Mako and Bolin were among the first she had contact with when she moved, and they became friends so quickly it even scared her a friendship that didn't succumb to time; on the contrary, it only grew stronger.
There was also Asami, the young engineer, inventor, prodigy, excellent martial artist, intelligent, beautiful, kind, polite, interesting, cool, and filthy rich on top of it all. She was perfect. At first, their relationship was quite turbulent after all, she was dating Mako, Korra's romantic interest, which made things a bit weird. Then they broke up, and Mako became Korra's boyfriend, making everything even weirder. Eventually, they didn't work out either and split up. In the meantime, she sorted things out with Asami and they became friends. Tonraq's daughter had never had a friend she could rely on, someone who was a safe harbor for her; that changed with the Sato heiress. It didn't take long for Korra to place her on a higher level, as a good friend, if not best friend. Not satisfied with just having the Avatar's friendship, Asami ended up stealing her heart. Yes, Korra had fallen in love with her at some point, and when she realized it, there was no turning back; nor did she want to, really. She just regretted that it seemed an impossible love, since she was sure Asami didn't see her with the same eyes. Why would she? Asami was always courted by influential people, with tact and a sharp sense for the things that interested her something Korra didn't have by a long shot; Miss Sato caught everyone's attention wherever she went, attracting desiring glances from very classy, refined people with common interests with her beloved. There was no competing with that. It was a lost battle, and so she didn't even try.
In the end, taking stock, it was better to keep her distance. Besides not embarrassing anyone, she also didn't run the risk of seeing how people had changed for the better while she herself hadn't made any progress in life. Yes, surely everyone had evolved; the only one who chose to stand still in time was her. No doubt everything was different now changed appearances, new priorities, new directions, new loves... Was Asami dating someone? Well, she had no shortage of suitors; maybe someone worthwhile had come along, but there was no way to know. Maybe that's why she hadn't received any more letters from her because she was too busy with a love interest.
A chill ran down her spine. As much as Korra wanted Asami's happiness more than anything in the world, even if it wasn't with her, she couldn't help her stomach churning at the possibility. How would she handle something like that? Could she bear to see her in love in someone else's arms? Well, it was one more reason not to return to Republic City, to stay curled up and withdrawn in the very bad comfort zone she had built for herself.
She only sent letters to Asami, and for some time now, she only received correspondence from her. Probably the rest had given up on keeping in touch after getting no response. She only felt like writing back to her beloved, which was no coincidence. She missed her and was eager for news that wasn't coming anymore. She wanted a word from her, even if it was to say something unpleasant, even if she was, in fact, busy with a hectic romantic life; she just hoped that wasn't the case.
In the middle of her daydreams, she heard knocks on the bedroom door. She quickly went to the entrance and opened it to see what it was about. On the other side was Mimmo, the grandson of the landlady of the boarding house where she was staying. Mimmo was a teenager who helped his grandmother run the family business. He was carrying a package that Korra already knew what it was, given the time.
– Good evening, Korra. – He greeted her. – Here's your dinner. Kimiko brought it earlier today because she needs to close the restaurant before the usual time.
– It's fine, Mimmo. Thank you. – She took the item from his hand and made a move to close the door.
– Wait, there's one more thing! – He searched in one of his pants pockets until he found an envelope and handed it to her. – This letter arrived for you this morning. Must be important because this stamp is expensive and from Republic City. A rare model for express delivery. You have some very rich acquaintances... – He was a stamp collector; he knew what he was talking about. More than that, he was definitely making a veiled request to add that one to his collection.
– Here, you can take it. – Korra removed the stamp from the envelope and gave it to Mimmo. – Now, if you'll excuse me? I want to read this in peace. – She didn't need to say more; the boy simply turned and left, a smile on his face for having gotten what he wanted.
As soon as she turned the envelope over and saw who the sender was, Korra was already happy. She didn't delay in opening it and reading the contents. It was a shorter text than the last few times, so it wouldn't take long to finish. As much as she was in a hurry, she read every word with great attention. The letters written in that careful and beautiful handwriting which she had praised countless times warmed her soul, which had grown quite cold from so many hardships. The entire text was comforting; Asami knew how to handle words very well. She was very happy with what was said to her through that sheet of paper; it was a great comfort to her battered soul. More than that, she was relieved. She knew there was no apprehension on anyone's part regarding her, nor objections to her return; in fact, they were looking forward to the Avatar's return at least her friends, especially Asami, were looking forward to it, and that was enough.
The content smile she had worn since Mimmo left was, by the end of the reading, bathed in salty tears that stubbornly streamed down her dark complexion. But it was a cry of relief, a weeping that released something she had held in her chest for a long time. She allowed herself to overflow completely with Asami's words, and she needed that. Every negative feeling that once prevented her from returning finally flowed out with the tears.
She needed some time to compose herself. Once she managed to pull herself together, she had a very well-defined plan in mind. It was strange to have such clarity after so many cloudy years. It felt good...
She left the correspondence, now wet with thick droplets, on the dresser; she ran to the chest of drawers and searched for something very specific: the clothes she wore when she left Republic City. She had kept them in case of an eventuality, in case she wanted to return, because she needed to go back the way she left, as if resuming something important from where she left off. The garments were a bit wrinkled; she would have to iron them later, but they were still intact.
She pulled a suitcase from under the bed. It was time to pack her belongings for departure. It was time to return. She would arrange all her belongings in that bag, including the letters sent by Asami during those years. In the morning, she would settle any remaining payment for her stay with Mimmo or his grandmother and, with luck, would already be traveling to Republic City before lunch. This time she wouldn't reply to the letter with another one; she would answer in person when she arrived.
The Avatar was back.