The sun in Greenhollow Village didn't move. Timmy had noticed this on his third day of existence. It just hung there in the sky at a permanent, picturesque 10:00 AM angle, casting golden lighting that made the textures look expensive.
It was a beautiful morning. Timmy hated it.
He walked past the blacksmith, where a burly NPC named Garret was hammering the same piece of hot iron he had been hitting since the server launched. Clang. Clang. Clang. It was the heartbeat of a dead world.
Timmy checked his pockets. Two copper coins.
In Aetheria Online, two copper coins could buy you absolutely nothing of value. A basic Rusty Sword cost 50 copper. A Potion of Minor Healing cost 20. Even a loaf of bread—which didn't restore health but just applied a [Well Fed] buff—cost 5.
If Timmy wanted to turn this village into a slaughterhouse, he needed capital.
He ducked into the General Store. The door chime rang—a cheery, synthesized bell sound.
Behind the counter stood Barnaby, the shopkeeper. Barnaby was a fat, jovial NPC with a mustache that looked like it had been drawn on with a marker.
"Welcome to Barnaby's Goods!" the shopkeeper boomed. His eyes were focused on a point three inches above Timmy's head. "We have the finest wares in the region!"
Timmy walked up to the counter. He slapped his two copper coins down.
"Barnaby," Timmy said. "I need oil. Or grease. Something slippery."
Barnaby blinked. The request wasn't in his standard keyword bank.
"We have the finest wares in the region!" Barnaby repeated, his smile not twitching.
Timmy sighed. He opened the trade window manually by tapping the air in front of the counter. A grid of items appeared.
Apple: 5 Copper
Rope (10ft): 15 Copper
Torches: 3 Copper
Timmy scrolled down to the Junk tab. This section was usually reserved for items players sold to the shop, not bought from it. And there, sitting at the bottom of the list, was the Holy Grail of budget griefing.
[Bucket of Rancid Lard]
Description: Leftover grease from the tavern fryer. Smells awful.
Use: Crafting ingredient for [Stink Bomb] or [Bear Bait].
Cost: 1 Copper.
Timmy grinned. He bought two buckets.
Barnaby's animation cycle broke for a second as he handed over the heavy wooden buckets. "A... fine choice! Come again!"
"Oh, I will," Timmy muttered, hauling the heavy buckets toward the door. "I'm going to be your best customer."
The bridge leading to the Whispering Woods was a Newbie Trap waiting to happen.
It was a scenic stone arch over a rushing river. The river wasn't deep, but the current was programmed to be Fast, which meant if a player fell in, they would be swept downstream into the [Rapids Zone].
The [Rapids Zone] was full of Level 5 River Crabs.
Level 1 players did not survive Level 5 River Crabs.
Timmy looked around. The coast was clear. Most players were busy harassing the chickens near the spawn point. He quickly opened the first bucket of lard and dumped it onto the smooth cobblestones at the apex of the bridge.
The physics engine in Aetheria was impressive, but it had a flaw Renji Takahashi had discovered years ago in other games: Friction Values.
When a surface was labeled Slippery, the game engine simply turned off friction for anyone moving faster than a walk. If you ran, you became a hockey puck.
Timmy spread the grease thick. To the naked eye, it just looked like a slightly darker patch of stone, maybe a shadow from the trees. To Timmy's high-INT vision, the ground was glowing with a red warning label: [Danger: Traction 0%].
He hid the empty buckets in a bush and took his position at the entrance of the bridge. He clasped his hands, put on his Helpful NPC face, and waited.
It didn't take long.
"Bro, I'm telling you, the power leveling strat is in the woods."
"But the guide says we should kill rats until Level 3."
"Guides are for losers. We rush the wolves, kite them, and get huge XP."
A party of three emerged from the village square. They were the classic Frat Boy archetypes of the MMO world.
Leading the pack was xX_SwoleDaddy_Xx, a Barbarian with a massive two-handed axe that he clearly didn't have the stats to swing properly yet. behind him was Healz_4_Wheelz, a Priest wearing a robe that looked like a dress, and Sneaky_Pete, a Rogue who was jumping constantly because he thought it made him move faster.
They were perfect. They were arrogant, impatient, and sprinting.
Timmy stepped into their path.
[Script Triggered: Interaction]
Timmy fought the urge to say the bucket line. He needed to be subtle. He needed to bait the hook.
"Warning, brave adventurers!" Timmy shouted, throwing his hands up. "The bridge is out! It's dangerous! You must take the long way around!"
He pointed toward the safe, boring dirt path that wound around the riverbank. It added five minutes to the travel time.
SwoleDaddy stopped. He looked at the bridge. It looked perfectly fine.
"Bridge looks fine to me," the Barbarian said. "Is this NPC bugged?"
"He's trying to send us on the scenic route," Sneaky_Pete said, hopping in place. "Classic time-sink. Devs put these guys here to slow down speedrunners."
"Please!" Timmy begged, channeling his inner Academy Award winner. "A wagon broke a wheel there just this morning! It is... slippery! Unstable! Go around, for your own safety!"
Timmy knew gamer psychology better than he knew his own mother.
If you tell a gamer "Don't go there, it's dangerous," they hear: There is high-level loot in there.
If you tell a gamer "Go the long way," they hear: I am trying to waste your time.
SwoleDaddy snorted. "Yeah, right. I'm not walking five minutes because some peasant NPC is scared of a bridge. Let's go, boys."
"Wait," Healz said nervously. "Maybe we should listen? He said it's slippery."
"Bro, I have 12 Agility," the Barbarian bragged. "I don't slip."
Timmy stepped aside, bowing his head to hide the wicked grin splitting his face. "I have warned you! On your own heads be it!"
" Whatever, nerd," SwoleDaddy laughed.
The three players charged. They were sprinting, burning their Stamina bars to get to the woods faster.
They hit the apex of the bridge in a tight formation.
SwoleDaddy's boot hit the lard patch first.
The effect was cartoonish. One moment, he was a majestic barbarian charging toward destiny. The next, his legs shot out sideways like he was breakdancing on ice.
"Whoa—!"
He flailed. His massive axe, which was strapped to his back, shifted his center of gravity. He spun like a top.
Sneaky_Pete, following close behind, tried to stop. But momentum in Aetheria carried over. He slammed into the Barbarian's back.
Bonk.
The collision physics went haywire. The two models clipped into each other, vibrated violently for a frame, and then the physics engine decided to resolve the conflict by ejecting them both sideways.
Right over the low stone railing.
"Heeeeaaaaals!" SwoleDaddy screamed into his microphone.
Healz_4_Wheelz, the only one who had hesitated, watched in horror as his two friends tumbled into the rushing white water below.
Splash. Splash.
"Oh my god," the Priest whispered.
Timmy watched from the end of the bridge. He held his breath. Did they die? Did the fall kill them?
No. The fall damage was minor. He saw two health bars bobbing in the water. They were alive.
But then, the current took them.
They swept downstream, flailing, trying to swim. But they were wearing heavy starter gear. And then, the red dots appeared on the mini-map.
[River Crab Lvl 5] has detected prey.
Timmy couldn't see the carnage, but he could hear it. A series of wet snips and confused screaming echoed up from the river canyon.
[System Notification]
Player Death Detected.
Player Death Detected.
Cause: Environmental Hazards (River Crabs).
Contribution: 80% (Grease Trap).
Ding. Ding.
Two windows popped up in Timmy's vision.
[Hazard Pay Actuated]
+60 XP
+60 XP
Loot: [Novice Boots], [Broken Axe Handle], [3 Copper].
Timmy felt the rush of power again. He was close to Level 3.
But he wasn't done.
He looked at Healz_4_Wheelz. The Priest was standing alone on the bridge, staring down at the river, completely frozen in shock.
The Priest turned slowly to look at Timmy.
"You..." the Priest stammered. "You told them. You said it was slippery."
Timmy blinked. He returned to his idle animation, rocking back on his heels.
"The bridge is treacherous, traveler!" Timmy said brightly. "Perhaps you should take the long way?"
Healz narrowed his eyes. The player walked up to Timmy, getting right in his face.
"You knew," the Priest said. "You're... smirking."
Timmy's heart skipped a beat. Crap. Did I break character?
The Priest raised his staff. "My friends are dead because of you. Well, indirectly. But I'm pretty sure if I kill you, I might get a title or something."
Timmy panicked. He had 10 HP. A Priest, even a weak one, could kill him with three hits of [Smite]. And he couldn't fight back. If he attacked first, he would turn Red (Hostile) to the whole village, and the Guards would kill him.
He needed to get rid of this guy. Fast.
Timmy's eyes darted to the Priest's robe. It was a [Vestment of the Initiate]. Cloth armor. Extremely flammable.
And Timmy still had the second bucket of lard in his inventory.
"I am just a humble boy!" Timmy cried, backing up. "Please, sir! I have items to trade!"
"I don't want your items," the Priest growled, charging up a spell. A glow appeared around his hand. "I want my XP back."
Timmy waited until the Priest took a step forward.
Open Inventory. Select Bucket. Action: Throw.
Timmy didn't have a Throw skill. But he had physics. He materialized the bucket directly in front of his chest and shoved it forward.
The heavy wooden bucket collided with the Priest's casting hand.
Splorch.
A gallon of rancid, gray grease exploded over the Priest. It covered his face, his robes, and his staff.
[System Notification: Player Blinded (5s)]
"Argh! My eyes!" The Priest stumbled back, clawing at his face. "What is this? It smells like dead pigs!"
Timmy didn't wait. He knew the mechanics of Aetheria. He knew that nearby, about ten feet away, was a standing torch lighting the entrance to the bridge.
"Fire!" Timmy yelled. "Fire in the hole!"
It was a reflex. A phrase from his old life.
The Priest, blind and panicking, heard the word Fire and instinctively cast his defensive spell: [Holy Shield].
But [Holy Shield] in Aetheria had a particle effect. A swirl of golden light that generated... heat.
Renji Takahashi knew this bug. It was patched out in Version 2.0, but this was the Tutorial Version 1.0. If you cast [Holy Shield] while covered in [Oil] or [Grease], the particle effect ignited the fuel.
FWOOSH.
The Priest turned into a human candle.
"AAAAHHH! I'M BURNING! WHY AM I BURNING?!"
The health bar melted. Fire damage was percentage-based in the early game.
Timmy watched, mesmerized, as the burning Priest ran in a circle, screaming, before tripping over his own robe and rolling off the side of the bridge—landing on the rocks below with a sickening crunch.
[System Notification]
Player Death Detected.
Cause: User Error (Self-Immolation).
Witness: NPC [Timmy Rubel].
[Anomaly Detected]
Style Bonus: Irony.
[You have received Survivor Compensation.]
+100 XP
+10 Copper Coins
Loot: [Charred Staff of the Novice]
Ding!
[LEVEL UP!]
[Timmy Rubel is now Level 3.]
Timmy stood alone on the bridge. The smell of burning grease and ozone hung in the air.
He carefully picked up the empty buckets. He checked his minimap. No witnesses.
"I love this game," Timmy whispered.
He turned back toward the village. He had money now. Real money. And he had a plan.
The tutorial was just getting started.