CHAYANNE
I bit on my fingernails in anxious frustration. My knees shaking.
The unshed tears that had been burning behind my eyes a while ago is now slipping out and running down my cheeks.
"I told you not to cry, you would ruin your makeup! Jaden wouldn't like to hear that you had been crying when he comes."
Sarah, my friend and Jaden's sister said rushing to me. I look at her, her face a blur because of my teary eyes. "Makeup? I asked in a choking sob. "That is the least of my worries now!"
She sighs anxiously, raking her fingers through her hair that had been styled into a pretty lose bun similar to mine. She had been the one telling me to calm down.
That Jaden must be attending to an urgent business which is why he is currently absent at our wedding. I had tried my hardest to believe that. But it has been hours. Sarah could no longer tell me to keep calm when she herself and everyone else could no longer.
Even the air itself is wondering where Jaden is. My eyes flickered across the room to the mirror on the opposite side of the wall. I am no longer a reflection of the bridal elegance I was hours ago.
I now look like every bit of the problem at hand. The beautiful strapless wedding gown adorned with crystals now seemed like a garment of mockery.
As well as the bouquet of white roses sitting close to me. I grab my phone to try his number. The computerized female voice kept telling me that the line could not be reached. I tried again and again but still got the same response. I have lost count of how many times I have been trying his number.
The priest says he would leave to go officiate another wedding soon if he doesn't show up. Some of the guests are leaving. Their whispers and murmurs hitting harder than any punch or slap would. "Who knows? Maybe the guy listened to his parents, came to his senses and realized he couldn't marry her."
"I wouldn't fault him for abandoning her. He just saved himself from making the biggest mistake of his life."
Others spoke in fake pity and sympathy
"Poor Chayanne, I feel sorry for her, she lost her family, her elite status, her reputation, and now she is left at the altar. It is terrible. I am glad I can't relate to any of that and I hope I don't." Each of their comments are hitting like dull knives. And the fact that what they said is all true makes it even worse.
Sarah being by my side and reassuring me is doing nothing to counter it. This is not who I used to be. Someone looked down on and pitied. Three years ago, I was the star everyone worshipped and wished they could be like.
I used to embody the word, celebrity and star power. But that affair and the tape of it that came out in the open for everyone to see crushed my reputation to dust and ashes. My father died of a heart attack upon seeing the tape. My mother highly disappointed by it disowned me and disappeared from the face of the earth. Making sure I could never find her. I too wanted to disappear. I came here to Henson to stay under the radar and live like a ghost until death decides to take me because I couldn't end it myself. And that was where I met Jaden. A gentle guy and a pharmacist owner.
He knew me instantly. But unlike most, he did not care about my shameful past. Well, I thought he didn't. But apparently now he has changed his mind and left me alone on our wedding day.
What is supposed to be the happiest day of my life has now turned into the worst. And I have no one but myself to blame for my life turning out this way. I am drowning in my ocean of shame, sorrow and deep regret. I don't hear any of what Sarah is telling me, I can only see her lips moving. She leaves me and continues pacing about. Phone pressed to her ear. She is trying Jaden's number. The look on her face says that there is no progress.
Of course there wouldn't be. I am not faulting Jaden. It is good that it is ending this way. He is a nice, saint like gentle guy.
While I am nothing a bouquet of scandals. I will only be a source of shame to him. I am grateful for all the love that he showed me at least. I wipe my face clean of the tears and take a deep breath. I have come to a decision. I stand up and head to the door. Sarah asks where I am going, and I tell her that I am going out for some fresh air. I would have told her instead that I am pressed, but she will know that it's a lie because I haven't eaten anything.
I have only had just a few sips of water. She tells me to go out the back which would be most likely secluded. Outside was the ocean, shimmering from the morning sun glow. Jaden had booked a beach venue for the wedding because I had told him it was my dream to have a wedding by the beach. That fairytale dream died until Jaden came into my life and made me believe I was worth true and gentle love.
Not the kind that clung and fastened like chains. His love did well in erasing the toxicity that lingered in my bones from the one I had before him.
But it is all resurfacing now. I pursed my lips, my tears flowing again. He declared that no one can love me apart from him. Maybe he was right.
But his said love and obsession were nothing but golden chains and a sweet tasting poison.