~I was not destroyed by the world. I was destroyed by the way I saw it.~
1. Helplessness
That was when I finally realized:
I am not as strong as I always believed.
My arrogance collapsed
before my hope did.
And because of that,
I chose to step away—
not because I hated the world,
but because I no longer had the courage to stand inside it.
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2. The Stage Called Life
Humans are destined to walk from one problem to another.
As if life is a stage without a closing curtain.
We resolve one conflict
only to find another waiting behind it.
And the cruelest part:
not everyone is willing to accept us
together with the burdens we carry.
Some only love the lighter version of us.
The rest will leave.
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3. The Unbroken Circle
Delay is the most subtle form of despair.
Every unresolved problem
gives birth to a new one—
like tangled thread tightening around itself.
Ouroboros.
The serpent that eats its own tail.
That is what my life became after Hiroshi.
Circling the same wound,
biting into myself without ever truly ending.
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4. The Curse
With him, I didn't just lose a friend.
I lost the way I see people.
Hiroshi did not merely betray me.
He left behind something far more rotten:
doubt toward every good intention.
An invisible curse
that forces me to question even myself.
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5. Naivety as an Invitation
On one side, I know…
all of this was also born from me.
My naivety.
My belief that kindness is always repaid with kindness.
It was an open invitation
for demons to enter.
And like a creature that tastes first blood—
evil never stops at one bite.
I…
was prey too easy to care about,
too easy to break.
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6. Hiroshi's Hundred Faces
I can see it now.
Inside Hiroshi there was never just one face.
There were dozens.
Hundreds.
The victim's face.
The perpetrator's face.
The jealous child's face.
The demon learning how to smile.
All of them are Hiroshi—
and yet not the Hiroshi I thought I knew.
What fell into the abyss with him
was not only his body,
but the illusion of him as the only victim.
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7. The God Named Hatred
He wanted to be number one.
The most loved.
The last one anyone would abandon.
But the world gave him second place.
And from there,
hatred was born like a new god.
A god that whispered to him:
"You will not die easily.
You will live inside suffering.
And if you cannot destroy it within yourself—
spread it to others."
That is the price of hatred.
It always wants to be inherited.
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8. The Drunken Devil
Like someone intoxicated after tasting darkness,
Hiroshi began to enjoy negative feelings:
resentment,
hostility,
malice.
A devil does not read the front of a human face.
It reads the back of it.
And Hiroshi—
gave it a home.
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9. My Sin
I am guilty.
Guilty of trusting too much.
Guilty of calling him a friend.
Guilty of assuming my happiness was his as well.
I was happy.
He looked happy.
But I didn't know:
his parents compared us.
The girl he liked preferred me.
And he swallowed all of it alone
until it turned into poison.
I closed my eyes.
And the poison grew without a sound.
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10. The Unspoken Scream
There were so many words
I wanted to throw at him back then:
"Weren't we friends?"
"Weren't we always together?"
"Why weren't you honest?"
But I also knew the answers.
I could imagine how he would shout back—
with eyes burning in anger:
"Don't pretend you understand my life!"
"Don't act close to me!"
"You're not better than me!"
And those screams—
even though they lived only in my imagination—
tore through my soul again and again.
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11. A Decision Made Too Late
I wanted to strike back.
I wanted an explanation.
But I also knew:
every decision had already been made
before I could even ask.
And I was given no choice
except to carry it all.
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12. The Thread That Leads to Misaki
Maybe that is why I am not entirely afraid of Misaki.
Whatever darkness she carries—
I had already met it before
inside my friend… my former friend.
And perhaps the most frightening truth is this:
I did not fall into Misaki's darkness.
I returned to something
that had long lived inside me.