He said I was beautiful.
Wow… I didn't expect that from him. Not really. But he said it, simply and without hesitation, as if it were the most obvious truth in the world.
Still, hearing it felt strange in a way I couldn't quite explain. I had heard compliments before, of course, but coming from him it carried a different weight.
Maybe because he wasn't the type to say things like that easily. Maybe because his voice didn't sound playful or exaggerated—just calm, almost certain.
Anyway, I want to continue what I was saying. First, I started studying nursing.
And to be honest, it's the first time I haven't studied hard, and the first time I've tried to be social.
But do you know that feeling of emptiness that accompanies you even when you're surrounded by people?
The faces around you are smiling, the voices are filled with laughter and conversation, and everything seems normal… except for you.
It's as if you're standing among them with your body only, while your soul is stuck somewhere else, unknown to anyone.
You try to laugh like them, to join in the conversation, but inside you're a deep silence, like a vast, empty room.
The first two years were hell trying to fit in with others, but I learned the hard way that maintaining one good relationship with a friend is better than a whole bunch of idiots.
In my third year, I started dating for the first time in my life, but it wasn't the rosy picture I see in the movies.
There was no background music, no overwhelming emotions, just something dull and boringly quiet.
The truth is, I only went along with it because he liked me.
I thought maybe feelings would come later, but the days passed and everything stayed the same…
But our breakup was truly beautiful.
We sat quietly, as if acknowledging a truth we'd known for a long time:
That what we had wasn't real love. We smiled faintly, as if thanking each other for trying, and then we parted without hatred or regret. It was like closing a book we'd read to the end and discovering it wasn't so bad after all.
I graduated from university after a hellish fourth year of study.
Then I passed the licensing exam and became an RN. Those were the worst days of my life, yet also the most meaningful.
It increased my love for nursing, but at the same time, it was a harsh reality for nurses, showing them the immense effort they put in for their patients and the countless hours of sleep they sacrifice without a single word of thanks.
They seem to think money is their only motivation But believe me, it's not like that.
Most nurses are kind, not foolishly so, but they know what's best for themselves, for others, for the patient, and for the patients' families.
At least that's how I felt at the time, and I think it's the instinct any nurse has at that stage of their training.
After moving around to every department for two years, and then a year in the emergency room, I finally reached my goal: the busiest place in Korea, the ER.
My goal was to be here, in this specific place, and I finally got here after a very long struggle…
A struggle that words can't truly describe. Years of exhaustion, anxiety, and attempts that sometimes seemed endless.
I ran after this goal as if it were the only light in a long tunnel, sometimes stumbling, sometimes stopping, but I couldn't turn back.
How many times did I feel I was close, only to discover that the distance was still long? How many times did I tell myself it might not be worth all this effort?
But I would wake up the next day and keep going as if nothing had happened.
When I finally arrived, it wasn't quite what I'd imagined.
There was no triumphant music, no dramatic moment like in the stories. It was much quieter, like I'd finally stood up after a very long run.
I looked around and thought about all the steps that had brought me here, all the days I thought I'd never make it.
I realized then that the journey itself was bigger than the destination, and that all that hardship was just the beginning of a life I'd been planning.
I'm overjoyed, and my heart leaps when I think about the past and where I stand now.
I'm Happy.