Confessing your feelings for someone requires tremendous courage.
Or maybe... it isn't all that grand after all.
It's probably just that I'm too greedy with a weak-willed mind.
I was afraid of even the slightest change in my relationship with the one I love, so I didn't want to confess.
I was terrified he might feel even a bit awkward around me and drift away, so I hid my feelings deep inside, never letting them show.
Whenever it seemed like he might notice this burning heart of mine, I'd dodge with false pretenses, turning away from the truth and running off.
Of course, despite all that, my greed knew no bounds—I hated being apart from him more than anything.
Most of the time, it was just me watching him practice his swordsmanship, but still.
Time spent with him was sweeter and more beautiful than anything else in this world.
"Ah... Aah...?"
And now, all that long stretch of deception and greed was strangling me—no, it was strangling his throat.
My hand, which had just been drawing the magic circle toward his body, trembled violently.
What have I done...?
"Kali...?"
It had all started with the pure intention of helping him train.
I wanted him to enroll in our academy next year.
Just thinking about spending a year in the dorms, rarely seeing him, made my heart ache.
Realizing it might be the same the year after had made me desperate—that was the trigger.
So, I suggested we practice the magic I'd recently learned together, maybe even spar a bit.
But Kali refused, saying he'd be overwhelmingly defeated anyway.
A spark of defiance flared up in me, and I taunted him: had he lost not just his sword skills but his will to fight too?
Only then did he get annoyed, insisting that wasn't the case, and agree to spar.
Of course, since I'd started the spar for his training, I adjusted my power to match his level.
But this time, he sneered, wondering if I was going easy because I liked him.
It wasn't upsetting since I'd provoked first, but the problem was my usual knee-jerk reaction to his teasing question about whether I liked him.
I panicked at the thought that he might realize I actually did like him—that he might reject me and grow distant.
Dark imaginings flooded my mind, and I began unleashing attacks he couldn't handle, denying it all the while.
Thanks to the rationality I barely clung to, I at least held to a minimum standard.
I could never hurt Kali, no matter what.
But with the power ramped up, controlling the magic grew harder inevitably.
In that state, when he suddenly broke the rules and thrust his sword at me, I had no choice but to panic.
My carefully calculated movements crumbled.
In my haste to block the sword right in front of me, I drew the magic circle without any thought to control.
There was no way I'd regulate the power properly.
"Tch... Heal... I need to heal him."
Kali, struck directly by the magic, tumbled across the ground several times before collapsing.
He'd lost consciousness, his entire body scraped and bleeding profusely.
Fear that something might be terribly wrong made my hands shake so badly I couldn't draw the magic circle right.
"There... got it!"
The character for prayer and healing—가—appeared inside the magic circle.
As my mana flowed in, the glowing red runes activated the spell.
It was basic healing magic, so it wouldn't fully resolve everything, but it should handle emergency treatment.
"Kali, please wake up..."
Nursing him for hours without him stirring brought a torrent of thoughts crashing in.
If only he'd recover and wake up, I'd do anything.
Even if he woke hating me and rejected me, that'd be fine—just please wake up.
I won't force you to come to the academy anymore.
I won't torment you for my own selfish desires.
I'll confess the feelings I've always hidden out of fear you'd leave me—even if it drives us apart, I don't care.
Better for you to cast me aside than for me to keep hurting you by hiding it.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Kali... So please, just wake up."
It was terrifying.
The thought that he might never wake up was utterly horrifying.
I'd thought being separated from Kali was the scariest thing, but him dying was far, far worse.
Because he'd always been healthy by my side, I'd never even imagined such an ending.
"Agh...!"
"Kali! Are you okay?!"
And after half a day passed...
He finally woke, and I offered a grateful prayer to Goddess Mia, whom I rarely ever truly believed in.
Thank you. Truly, thank you so much...
But as I gave thanks, it was as if the goddess smirked coldly, demanding I pay the price.
Or rather... a shocking reality hit me, making me feel that way.
"Who... are you...?"
"...Huh?"
Kali didn't recognize me.
His expression made it clear this wasn't a joke or a lie.
My prayer had only been for him to wake up—had it stolen his memories of me as the cost?
Clutching my tearing heart, I asked him.
"It's me, Lia. Rozaria. Rozaria de Magius! Kali, you really don't remember me?"
But he still looked utterly confused about who I was.
Only then did I realize this was the punishment I had to accept, and I bit my lip.
Yes... as long as Kali's health is safe...
"Agh...!"
"Kali!"
Oh, Goddess...
Why must the weight of my sin fall on him?
Watching him writhe in agony, clutching his head, my vision blurred with dizziness as my mind frayed.
Please... please leave Kali alone.
"Ka... li...?"
I must have passed out too.
When I came to, Kali was sitting on the bed, gently stroking my head with a smile.
What...? What just happened...?
"Lia, you awake?"
"Y-Yeah... Lia? Kali, you remember!?"
"Yeah, I was just a bit disoriented for a moment."
Was the pain he felt earlier from regaining his memories of me?
Those memories were surely taken as payment for my sins.
Yet this foolishly kind guy overcame it with his own strength, enduring the pain to reach me again.
Pressing my hand to my chest, I felt my heart pounding harder than ever.
How far are you going to make me fall for you?
I embraced my most precious treasure, the one I loved more than anything in the world.
And as I poured out apologies for all the wrongs I'd done him...
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
In a World Where Lewd Comics Are Legal
"L-Lia? Mind giving me a little space?"
"Okay!"
The way she agreed so readily to everything I said, following along without question—it made me wonder if this was really the Rozaria I knew.
Normally, she'd cling harder here, making some weird excuse to hold out.
Well, technically, pulling back only to stare with those pleading eyes is basically forcing it anyway.
"Never mind... Do whatever you want."
"Really? Hehe..."
With my permission, she beamed happily and snuggled right back up against me, rubbing her body all over mine.
She even buried her face in me and sniffed—pretty bold stuff.
But she didn't seem aware of it, so I let it slide.
Heck, getting that treatment from a beauty like this? Sign me up anytime.
"You were that worried?"
"...I got scared. Thought you might not wake up."
"You healed me with magic, right? With your skills, that should've been plenty. You're worrying too much."
"You're overestimating me. I'm just a first-year enrolling at the academy soon. All I know are basic spells."
I wanted to argue, but I didn't know enough about magic to counter.
All I knew was that Rozaria had enrolled at Graveda Academy as top student, and the spells from our spar felt insanely powerful.
If that's basic level, what the hell does advanced look like?
"Anyway, you didn't contact your family, right?"
"...You got hurt this bad, and you think I wouldn't tell your parents?"
Even if they found out, it'd just inflate their pointless expectations since I'm "practicing swordsmanship."
I'd kept my training at this lodge secret, pretending I just lounged around here—that's what kept things quiet.
They still believed my skill was this low because I didn't train seriously.
They think the talent I've built through hard work is just "natural baseline" even when slacking...
I didn't even want to imagine what'd happen if they learned I was training hard enough to get injured.
"Maybe it's time to come clean. Tell them you're working your ass off—wouldn't that be fine?"
"And get disowned?"
Good thing I'd sent all the servants away in advance today.
Hide the wounds well, and it'll pass like nothing happened.
No need to make a big deal.
"Speaking of... what you said earlier about loving me."
"Ah, yeah..."
"I like you too, Lia. But I'm not sure if it's that kind of feeling yet. Can you give me time until I'm certain?"
"D-Does that mean...?"
"Act normal until then. But if you want, you can do couple-y stuff with me. You're precious to me, so as a friend, I can handle that much."
Honestly, too many messy situations right now.
Best to maintain the status quo as much as possible and keep Rozaria from going off the rails with some moderate rewards.
Not gonna lie, it was partly to satisfy my own desires too.
"C-Couple-y stuff...?"
Rozaria's face turning beet red like that? Adorably cute.
Hell, at this point, ditching the computer and tablet to stay in this world full-time might be worth it.