Ah, f*ck. How much did I drink yesterday... My head feels like it's going to split open.
February. A time when if it's cold, it's f*cking cold, and if it's not, it shouldn't be possible. The last month of winter, and the weather's final tantrum before spring comes.
Ugh... I don't want to get out of bed. What time is it...
I fumbled next to my pillow to find my smartphone. I tapped the screen to check the time.
[11:05 AM]
It's almost lunch time already. I'm starting to get hungry...
Me, Seol Jin-hyuk, having finished the CSATs and even completed my university applications.
School days... "Real men go for Regular Admissions!" I shouted that bullsh*t and didn't even look at Early Admissions. Two days until acceptance announcements... Well, I'm a little nervous, but honestly, I'm not worried. I put down one local community college as a safety net.
Life is all or nothing anyway, right?
"Phew..."
Is there... anything to cure a hangover at home?
I shuffled out of my room like a zombie. The cold air of the living room touched my skin.
My family is a single-parent household. My father passed away when I was young, so I only know his face from albums.
However, he must have had some incredibly beefy insurance policies while he was alive, because ever since I witnessed 'You have received 1 Billion Won' stamped on my mother's bank book... well, we've been living without lacking anything, filling the void of my father with financial therapy.
My older sister lives out on her own because of work, and Mom must have gone to work, so right now it's just me and my little sister in this corner of the house.
Since she grew up without a dad, my little sister might be quite sensitive... but that doesn't mean this older brother takes care of her with utmost care and affection... hardly. We actually fight and bicker constantly.
Ramen... Ramen... Ramen...
I'm hungry, but it's a pain to boil 2 servings, and 1 serving won't even tickle my stomach... Hmm...
Is she in her room? My register-mate, Seol Ji-hye. 16 years old, going into high school soon so she's at the age to... study... no, play hard. It was like that in my day.
I skipped the knock and burst open my sister's door.
"Hey. I'm making ramen. You want some?"
"Eek?!"
Ji-hye flinched on the bed and pulled the blanket up.
Eek? Eeeek? What kind of surprised noise is that? Crazy bitch. Was she watching porn or something?
"I asked if you're gonna eat ramen. How many should I boil?"
"Uh... Uh..."
Usually, a pillow would have flown at me with a 'Don't you knock, you crazy bastard?'. But today, her reaction is sluggish.
"I'm boiling two packs. Come out and eat a bit."
"Uh... Okay... Brother."
...Brother?
I paused for a moment while holding the doorknob.
Did she cause some trouble just now? Since she entered middle school, she has never called me 'Brother' without a reason.
In other words, it's a sound I only hear when she's out of allowance, broke something, or is otherwise f*cked.
Ah, sh*t. Did she really cause an accident? Anxiety crept in.
"Come out when I call you in a bit."
I left the room with a sour look. Of course, leaving the door wide open.
Now, how shall I boil the ramen... Ramen... Ramen...? Where's the ramen? Did we eat it all? I definitely saw it.
"Huh?"
The ramen is on the shelf on the opposite side. When did she move it over there? Did Mom organize it?
Well, doesn't matter.
Now, let's boil it... I have my own secret method for boiling delicious ramen.
I grab about 800ml of water and put the noodles in first. I boil the noodles in plain water, and when the water boils down and the noodles are about cooked, that's when I add the soup powder.
If you do this, the seasoning soaks into the noodles and the texture... well, anyway, it's delicious.
When the noodles are somewhat cooked, I drop in the soup powder, and finally crack an egg and stir it wildly, and it's done.
Bubble bubble.
The scent filled with the blessing of MSG rose from the pot.
This is the Seol Jin-hyuk Special Ramen.
Honestly, with this quality, our family motto should be changed from 'Honesty, Diligence' or whatever to 'Seol Family Ramen Master House'.
"Hey! It's done. Come out!"
I shouted toward my sister's room. From inside the room, a crawling voice answered, "Ah, okay..."
A moment later, we sat facing each other at the dining table.
Slurp—
"Kua... That's good."
As the spicy broth went down my stomach, I finally felt like I could live.
But looking ahead, it was a sight to behold. Ji-hye, that punk, was picking at the ramen one strand at a time with her chopsticks.
"Hey, are you sick somewhere?"
"Huh? N-No..."
"Then why are you eating so daintily, unlike your usual self? Aren't you usually the type to one-shot the broth and let out a burp?"
"..."
At my rebuke, Ji-hye blushed and bowed her head low. What is it really? Did puberty come late?
. . .
Before I knew it, I finished the noodles.
But... I'm still hungry. I should mix in some rice.
I opened the rice cooker and tossed out a question.
"Hey, Seol Ji-hye. You gonna mix rice too?"
"N-No... I'm fine."
"Really? Then I'm eating alone."
But seriously, why has she suddenly become a stutterer? Well, not my business.
I scooped only my share of rice from the cooker. Just as I held my spoon and was about to dump the rice into the ramen broth, Seol Ji-hye hesitated and spoke to me.
"Brother... um... you know..."
"...?"
Ah, here it comes. Hearing the word 'Brother' which she rarely uses, it's 100%. What accident did she cause... Did she damage school property? Did she get into a fight with a friend? Or did she get beaten up somewhere again?
I prepared my heart and bit down on my spoon.
"Why."
"Um... Can't you just not go to college? At least... maybe go somewhere close..."
What the. What is it really? Was she shot in the head? And her tone has been annoying me for a while now.
"Hey."
"Y-Yeah."
"The university acceptance announcements haven't even come out yet, why are you saying that crap trying to ruin someone's life? Don't jinx me."
"What do you mean, they already came out."
"?"
"...?"
We looked at each other stupidly.
"...Wait a minute."
What's the date today? I hurriedly checked the date on my phone.
[February 7th]
...Oh. Sh*t.
"Whoa..."
I didn't lose just a day's memory from drinking. I lost four whole days of memories?
It has already been 2 days since the university acceptance announcements came out.
For reference, the registration deadline for initial acceptance is exactly 3 days after the list is released. In other words, I almost failed to pay the tuition and got forcibly summoned to a cram school for a repeat year.
"Crazy... Hey! Clean up for me!"
I threw down the spoon I was eating with and ran into my room.
I pressed the computer power button. Whirrr— The fan noise rang out loudly. Today, this crap computer seems to be turning on exceptionally slowly.
The desktop appeared. I accessed the familiar admissions site.
My hands were trembling. First, the one I put in as a safety... Honestly, well, it's just a local community college. With the mindset that if I get f*cked, I should at least learn a trade.
Click.
[Accepted]
Well, this one is obviously an acceptance. ...I should think of the application fee not as wasted money, but as paying an insurance premium.
And this one is actually a safety too... A local 4-year university near home. I applied downward for this.
Click.
[Accepted]
Phew, that's a relief. If I fail everywhere else, I should go here. I applied thinking I'd go here anyway so...
Anyway, I avoided the community college ending.
Now, it's the main game.
Two reach schools. Seeing the admissions site official initial acceptance rate of 50%, I put them in... An In-Seoul mid-tier university that any Korean would know just by hearing the name "Ah, there?".
I took a deep breath once. Click.
[Accepted]
"Oh.... F*ck...!"
An exclamation burst out of my mouth automatically.
"Ollehhhhhh──────!!!!!!"
Accepted!! An indescribable joy washed over me. Me, In-Seoul! With these grades, I'm In-Seoul!
"Hooooooooooooo──────!!!"
I kicked the chair back, stood up, and knelt straight on the floor. It was a roar huge enough that even if the downstairs neighbor chased me up with a knife for noise complaints, I would have nothing to say.
Ah, thank you. JesusBuddhaAllahGod! Your grace has reached me!
. . .
...Phew. I calmed down a bit and checked the last one I put in.
The remaining one. Honestly, this was the prestigious Hoyeon University, written with the heart of a beast. It was a gamble where I had nothing to lose. Honestly, it doesn't matter if I don't get in. I've already been accepted to a pretty decent university.
If successful, a student of the prestigious Hoyeon University; if failed, a donation angel.
I didn't expect much in the first place... checking my application at the university admissions office without much thought.
"...?"
[Accepted]
What is this... Why is this an acceptance?
It actually felt unreal. Is this really a dream? Accepted... It's accepted. The letters are clear. [Accepted].
But I should be feeling incredibly good...
In the first place, I wouldn't have had the score to get in here. It wasn't even borderline, it was a score that would just barely scrape the threshold. What is this? A computer error?
I rub my eyes and look again, and it's accepted.
I pinched my cheek. It hurts. It's not a dream.
I kicked the chair away and ran out of the room. I headed straight for my sister's room.
"Gatekeeper, Gatekeeper!! Open the door!!"
Bang—!
"Hey! Seol Ji-hye!!"
Ji-hye, who was fiddling with her phone on the bed, looked at me in surprise.
"Hey. Hey hey hey hey, slap my cheek a bit. I won't retaliate."
"Uh... W-What are you talking about, Brother! How could I slap Brother's cheek...!"
...How could I slap Brother...? Why is the bitch who smacked the back of my head with a reference book last year suddenly acting like that?
"Anyway, hurry up and do it."
"Why, seriously."
I pointed to my cheek with my finger and motioned for her to hit it.
"Ah, hurry. Hard!"
At my urgent demand, Ji-hye reluctantly swung her hand.
Tap.
"...?"
Did you hit me or graze me?
"Hey, hit me hard! No, you don't act like this normally!"
"Um... Brother... Can I ask why you are being like this...?"
...Can I? That tone mixed with honorifics itself is not my sister. But there's no way I'd care about that right now.
"I got accepted to Hoyeon University."
"..."
"Really, I got accepted to all the universities I applied to!"
Hallelujah!!! Despite my maniacal cheering, my sister just looked at me with a bewildered expression. Then she carefully opened her mouth.
"Um... so, are you really going to go to university?"
She's been speaking nonsense since a while ago. The only time my sister has been this submissive was when she borrowed my computer a long time ago, downloaded ransomware, and blew up the hard drive itself.
"Other men... don't really go to college..."
"Did you eat something wrong without me knowing, or did you replace the udon noodles in your brain with ramen noodles while eating ramen? Your nonsense is flowing like a river since this morning."
What do you mean other men don't go to college? If a Korean man doesn't go to college, what does he do? Go to the army? That's right! F*ck...
"...Um.. Brother.. It seems like... you're a bit different today."
"...?"
I'm dumbfounded.
"What nonsense. I'm the same as always. Whatever, forget it. Rest up. I'm going."
This time I closed the door and came out.
I returned to my room and looked at the computer monitor, thinking. That Hoyeon University acceptance just now... But, did I really get accepted?
It's so unbelievable. Honestly, deep down I hoped it would happen, but I really just put it in with the heart of a beast seeing the 10% acceptance rate on the admissions site without expecting much...
I need to be sure. I should call the admissions office.
(Ring... Ring...)
"Yes, this is the Hoyeon University Admissions Office."
"Ah, yes. I'd like to check my acceptance status... Exam number..."
"...Yes, Mr. Seol Jin-hyuk. You are indeed accepted to the College of Engineering, Department of Computer Engineering. Congratulations."
Click—
Is this a dream? Or reality?
"...Huh..."
It's real. Really, I got accepted.
I should send a message to Mom quickly too. She must be working now so a call would be hard.
[Me] (12:03) : Mother. Your unworthy son has something urgent to tell you. 1
The '1' disappeared immediately. Was it break time?
[Me] (12:04) : After many twists and turns, I applied to Hoyeon University with the heart of a beast shooting at the heart of Yushin, and I have been accepted.
[Mom] (12:04) : Congratulations, son. : But didn't you tell me the day before yesterday?
I told her? ...I don't know. I checked for the first time today. What is this? Amnesia?
[Me] (12:05) : ? : Did I? : Anyway, hang in there at work Mom, and see you later at dinner.
I should brag about this fact to my friends too. ...Friends...
Huh? ...Why are there no friends in my friends list. No, I didn't have many friends originally... but I still had a few.
But looking at the chat rooms, the group chat with the guys I've been with since middle and high school has disappeared.
This rtarded messenger... Did they manage the servers like rtards again and crash it?
Well... whatever. I was just going to humble-brag anyway, but if there's a friend who didn't get into college, I'd just be ruining the mood.
...I captured that Hoyeon University acceptance certificate earlier. I should post it on the community and humble-brag.
Humble-bragging is, after all, happiness.
Though it feels sh*tty when I'm on the receiving end.
I accessed the examinee community I frequent.
[Title: I got into Hoyeon University CS Dept lol taking questions]
Author: TinkyWinky
(Acceptance Notice Verification Photo)
Comments
[Anon(223.xxx)]: Wow f*ck... I'm jealous. ↳ [TinkyWinky]: Hahahahahahaha I bet on it with the heart of a beast. Regular admissions is for real men. ↳ [Anon(223.xxx)]: But why is it Male Quota?
'Male Quota?'
I scrolled up and checked the verification shot I posted again. ...It was true. Instead of [General Student], the words [Opportunity Balance - Male Quota] were stamped in small letters.
↳ [TinkyWinky]: ? What is that? I applied through regular admissions????
[Anon(110.xxx)]: Are you a man? It's amazing for a man to go to college in the 21st century, but it's even more amazing that you're going somewhere other than a Male University. ↳ [TinkyWinky]: What kind of dog bullsh*t is that? ↳ [Anon(110.xxx)]: ?
[Choi_Lee]: Brother, instead of Hoyeon Uni, just go to a Male University, or receive the Male Support Fund at home and take Groom Lessons... If you go there you'll get drained of energy and won't even be able to salvage your bones; ↳ [TinkyWinky]: Are we shooting the Truman Show right now? What is a Male University?
No, just searching would be faster.
It was a 'taking questions' post, but looks like I'm the one asking...
I searched on Googol. 'Male University'.
...Men's University?
What kind of gay sh*t is this. Not even an engineering school, but a university only men go to? I've heard of Women's Universities, but Male Universities are news to me.
And I also searched for the 'Male Support Fund' those guys mentioned earlier. A Namu Wiki document appeared at the very top of the search results.
[ Male Support Fund ]
Familiar layout. And the 'Overview' section that catches the eye immediately.
1. Overview
A support fund paid to men of Republic of Korea nationality in accordance with the 'Male Human Rights Protection and Support Act'. Due to the rapid decline in male birth rates (The Great Decline) worldwide starting from the mid-20th century, the current global gender ratio is approximately 1:9.4. This system was newly established for the preservation of humanity and the protection of men.
...1 to 9.4?
"What... kind of dog bullsh*t is this."
I swallowed dry spit and scrolled down.
3. Detailed Benefits
Under 19 years old (Minor): During the period of minority when there is no economic sovereignty, it is paid to the legal guardian (mainly the mother) under the name of 'Male Child Rearing and Protection Allowance'.
19 years or older (Adult): From the moment a male becomes an adult, a substantial amount of support funds is additionally paid directly to the male himself under the name of 'Humanity Preservation Contribution'.
"Substantial amount...? ...Directly paid?"
They give money? Just for breathing?
I scrolled down further to check the 'Mandatory Matters'.
4. Mandatory Matters
Adult males receiving the above benefits must provide 'Mandatory Sperm Donation' to designated hospitals twice a year...
Are my eyes crooked?
What on earth is this. What is it really? I scrolled up again and checked the '2. Purpose of System' section.
[...Due to the gradual decrease in the number of male individuals... Due to the current global gender ratio imbalance... Special benefits...]
"What is this? F*ck."
Am I dreaming a vain dream?
I'm terrified that this might be an ending where I wake up from sleep and suddenly hear "Brother, this guy is laughing?" and see the light as my organs get harvested.
Surely not? I just can't understand.
I thought of a way to check quickly in a situation like this.
Bang —!
I burst open my sister's door again.
"Oi, Seol Ji-hye!"
My sister looked at me with absurd eyes this time. Yeah, those are the real eyes of my sister looking at me.
"I'll give you a quiz."
"Uh... Suddenly..? Um... No.. Okay."
Thinking about it now, saying '—Yo' (polite ending) like that is not my sister. That's either a monster wearing the mask of my sister, or I came to a different world without knowing what it is on the day I drank and blacked out. I don't know either, f*ck.
But unless this is a dream or I came to another world, I can't believe that I got accepted to Hoyeon University, which is in the line just below the so-called Seoul National University.
"First, what is our dad's name?"
"...?"
"If you don't say it quickly, I will consider you a monster wearing the mask of my sister."
"...Brother. We don't have a dad, remember?"
"...?"
Is that bitch making a 'Your Mom' joke (Pad-drip)?
"Are you crazy? Come here. Brace yourself. Where did you take my sister. If you don't tell the truth starting now, it's one flick to the forehead for each lie."
Honestly, even if I don't have memories of dad, I know dad's name. But she's suddenly making a 'Your Mom' joke?
Seol Ji-hye rolled her eyes as if flustered.
"Ah.. No.. Uh.. We.. Mom received a sperm donation and gave birth to us."
"...What?"
What kind of fresh bullsh*t is that again. Sperm donation? My mom?
"Ah... Uh.. Okay.. Let's move on from this for now..."
"..."
"Okay... This time it's Korean History.. No, should I call it World History quiz... Anyway, what is the gender ratio of our country currently?"
"Uh.. That..? In school and on the news, they taught us it's 1 to 9 right now..."
"Men are 9..?"
"...No. That.. Men are 1..."
Huh... Roughly verified.
Unless suddenly a beeeeep sound is heard and I really hear "Brother, this guy is laughing" and my organs get harvested...
It seems I really have come to a different parallel world without even realizing it.