CONTENT AND TRIGGER WARNING : This chapter contains depictions of and references to self-harm and suicide, and strong language that may be upsetting for some readers. Please be mindful of these sensitive themes and other possible triggers. Remember to practice self-care before, during and after reading.
LORELEI
"Lorelei? Did you miss us?"
"Do you think you can get away from us?"
"No matter where you go, we'll follow you."
I FLOPPED BACK onto the bed, I was out of breath like I had been running kilometers on end. Cold sweat immediately poured down my body, and for a moment, it felt like I was about to drown in a deep pool in the middle of the night.
Those voices again . . . It had been a while since I had some nightmares.
My hand wiped the beads of sweat on my forehead. This is exactly what I was talking about. Because of what happened yesterday, the memories I so wanted to forget were triggered again. Thanks to the ever-talented Loki, it looks like I'm going to be haunted for a few days.
I searched for my phone on my bedside and checked the time. It's five-thirty already. I could still take a short nap for thirty minutes. But I might oversleep if I do. Besides, it is already time to get ready to go to school. I would rather be early than late. After I had made my bed, I got up and left the room.
The sun had not yet risen, and my day was already ruined. Why? Because the first person I saw was none other than Loki. He was sitting on the couch while typing on his laptop. It was a miracle that I found him here in the living room. At this hour, I would normally still be asleep, while he was already preparing to go out.
Our eyes briefly met. His cheeks were no longer red, and the mark of my hand on them was barely noticeable. I quickly looked away. My attention shifted to the mug on the table. I could not stand looking at him for another second. I did not want to look at him at all.
I went to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. I heard him close his laptop. I also noticed in my peripheral vision that he was walking in my direction. I did not know if he was doing it on purpose, but he maintained a one-meter distance from me. I deliberately ignored him. I did not want my day to get any worse. But I was curious about what was going on with this man and why it seemed like he wanted to talk to me.
With a hot mug held by both of my hands, I turned around and walked back to the living room. I walked past him and pretended not to see him. I had not gone far when I heard him speak.
"I'd like to say sorry," he started. Unlike yesterday, his tone was not that flat. It made me stop on my tracks. "What I did on the rooftop was wrong."
I looked at him, slightly furrowing my brow. Am I haunted with a really bad dream, or did the word sorry really come out of this man's mouth? I did not expect him to know what that word meant. Anyone who knows him probably would not believe it. It seemed like that word was not in his vocabulary. If it were, he should have apologized to me yesterday.
"Do you think that I will forgive you just because you apologized?" I first placed the hot mug on the center table. I might have spilled its contents on him otherwise. I placed my hands on my hips, looking like a teacher scolding a student who had misbehaved. "After what happened yesterday, do you really think it is that easy?"
We stared at each other for a few seconds, as if he could not believe my reaction. Did he expect me to easily forgive him and welcome him with open arms? Wait, could he be the one dreaming while awake? It seemed like the coffee he drank was not very effective.
"There's nothing I can do if you choose to not accept my apology." He shrugged then looked away. "I just felt compelled that I need to say the magic word."
"Compelled?" I furrowed my brow. "You were forced to apologize?"
"That is what people do, right? If they have wronged someone, they are required to say sorry."
I blinked several times while continuing to stare at him. If he could speak, it seemed like he was not one of us mortals. Was he insisting that he was not on the same level as people, like his namesake, the Norse trickster god?
"When you have committed a wrongdoing, you should apologize. But it must come from within you, not because you are being forced." I did not expect that I would say that to a teenager who was almost my age. That should have been basic knowledge.
"Oh, really? I thought people need to apologize so their chances at making mistakes will be reset?" His eyes narrowed, and he rested his hand on his chin. "Like thank you. You express gratitude to someone so you can ask them for more favors in the future."
My eyebrows nearly met in the middle. From which dictionary did he pull his concept of sorry and thank you? What kind of childhood did he have growing up? How many years did he live in a cave to not know such simple things?
"Your face tells me you're wondering where I got those notions." He did not need a superb deductive ability to read the confusion on my face. "I observed them from my classmates. Whenever they make a mistake, they just say sorry, then they can commit another again. And the cycle repeats endlessly."
"How about from your friends?" I asked. Surely, they would have taught him a thing or two.
He blinked at me and fell silent for a moment. He then raised an index finger. "Before I answer that question, do we have the same definition of the word friend? We might be reading different dictionaries."
"That's a line somebody without any friends would say." I could not help but smile at his answer. Of course. Aunt Martha had already mentioned to me that Loki had never once brought a classmate or friend to the apartment. That was already a clue that he did not have any friends.
"Who needs friends anyway?" He turned around and sat back on the couch. He opened the laptop beside him again and focused his gaze on it. "They're nothing but excess baggage in our lives."
"Your life, not mine," I countered. At last, I had discovered a piece of information about him: Loki Mendez did not have any friends. That was probably why, when I visited his club yesterday, he was the only one there. Aunt Martha was right; this man was not interested in other people. For a second, I felt sad for him. That was such a lonely way to enjoy his youth.
Then something came to mind. Perhaps I could take advantage of this situation. I approached where he was sitting and stared at him while he typed on his laptop keyboard. I folded my arms across my chest. "I will accept your sorry, but you will owe me a favor."
I had not yet thought of what to ask from him, but it would probably be more along the lines of him never bothering me again or keeping his mouth shut.
His eyes narrowed into slits, curiously staring at me. "And why will I owe you a favor? Just to remind you, I put an end to your secret admirer dilemma. If you think about it, you're the one who should owe me a favor. Speaking of which."
He held the laptop in front of me and showed me my blog post from last night. My eyes widened, and my jaw nearly dropped. Wait, how did he find my blog? I had not shared it publicly on social media.
"It's easy to search stuff on the Internet as long as you know the right keywords." I had not said anything out loud, but he answered the question on my mind. "By the way, did you deactivate your Facebook account? I couldn't find it."
I gasped. "You're stalking me online?"
"You piqued my curiosity so I decided to run an online background check on you." He held the laptop in front of himself again. He continued typing without looking at me. "I wanted to know if my roommate has a suspicious background or is a potential serial killer. No offense meant. Just a standard procedure. I also did it on my previous roommates."
Wow! Did that really come from him? He should have been the one I suspected of having a suspicious background because of his twisted view of life and things in general. Between the two of us, he was more likely to have the potential to become a serial killer.
"Back to my favor, I want you to revise this blog post. Your prose is good, your descriptions are vivid, and you can keep your readers at the edge of their seats. But you made me look like the villain here. 'Loki's much worse'? Was I the one who annoyed you with gifts? If you make the necessary revisions, I'd consider us even."
I glared at him before taking the mug of hot chocolate (which was no longer that hot) and returned to the kitchen. I did not reply, and he did not bother me either. No matter what he said, I would never grant the favor he was asking for. If he wanted, he could create his own blog and post his side there.
IF BEFORE, Loki was the one to leave the apartment first, now it was my turn. I still avoided walking alongside him on the way to school because someone might see the two of us and start gossiping. Nowadays, it is easy for things to be misinterpreted. I did not want my name to be dragged in a gossip especially with that guy.
I was expecting this day to be a normal school day for me. Yesterday was too much. I did not want to be too stressed or tired today. But when I saw a group of students huddled in front of the high school building, I sensed that today would not be an ordinary day.
They were all looking up at the rooftop. Most of their faces were filled with worry and fear. Driven by curiosity, I looked up as well. Perhaps they had seen a comet falling to Earth, or maybe an unidentified flying object had passed by. What else could make them seem concerned and worried?
It was not a comet or a UFO. It was a female student standing on the ledge of the rooftop. It did not seem like she was there to appreciate the view of how vast our campus was. It looked like she intended to jump. And I happened to recognize her face from this distance.
Just at that moment, I ran into Rosetta, who was also one of the curious students. She had joined those shouting, "Please, do not jump!"
"Rosie, what is happening here?" I asked her at first. "That woman is our classmate, right?"
"So it is you, Lori!" The concern on her face was unmistakable. "It seems like Lisa is planning to jump. The teachers are already talking to her on the rooftop, trying to prevent her from jumping."
"Huh? Why is that? Is she going through something serious? Maybe she could first talk about it with our counselor?"
"She heard that Aaron is going to be expelled from school because of a serious offense. Now, Lisa wants the expulsion to be reversed. If she is not granted that, she will jump! They are very close, so she cannot accept the decision. From what I hear, Lisa has feelings for Aaron, so . . ."
I swallowed hard, my hair standing on end when I heard Aaron's name. If he had truly been expelled, that meant Loki had done everything to make sure that man would no longer bother me. He must have shown the video to the principal.
If only he had not used me as bait yesterday, my gratitude toward him would have been overwhelming. I might have even let go of our unpleasant encounter at the apartment. However, that did not erase the feeling he had unintentionally made me experience all over again.
I no longer had any problems with my secret admirer, and now our classmate added to the trouble. If Lisa went through with the jump, my conscience would not be at peace. Even though it was Aaron's fault why he was expelled, I was still the one who became the means for it to happen. One thing led to another. I should not be worrying about this anymore, but no matter how I look at it, I am still involved.
A voice whispered in my ear that I needed to stop Lisa. And I listened to it. I ran as fast as I could to the high school building and reached for the stairs. Because the students were outside and almost everyone's attention was focused above, I did not encounter anyone on the stairs . . . until I reached the third floor.
Of all the people I could have seen, why him?
"Are you about to watch the shoot up close?" Loki greeted me, sounding annoyed, as I stopped at the landing. I should not have paid him any attention and would have continued upward, but I needed to catch my breath. "What movie are they filming? Is it an action, drama, or comedy?"
Wait, if I think about it, Loki was also my accomplice in Aaron's expulsion, even though I was not fully aware of what he did. If he had not reported Aaron to the principal or the school officials, that man would not have been expelled. And if he had not been expelled, Lisa would not have thought of attempting to jump from the rooftop.
In a way, he was also involved in this drama
"Loki! I need your help!" I grabbed his hand and almost dragged him up the stairs. I temporarily forgot all the wrongs he had done to me. Lisa's life was more important than my feelings at the moment.
"Wait a minute!" He tried to resist my firm grip on him. I would not give him a chance to escape. "This morning, I told you that I owe you nothing. So what are you talking about?"
"Because you had Aaron expelled, his friend, who is also my classmate, is planning to jump from the rooftop!" I explained. "We need to stop her!"
"So it's my fault now? There's nothing wrong with eliminating a scum like him from this school." He tried to pry my hand off his arm. It was a good thing my grip was firm. "If you stepped on a cockroach, would you feel guilty about it? No, because cockroaches deserve to be killed."
"Let us say that what you did was reasonable. But because of what happened, an innocent life is at stake here! We should help her—I mean—we should stop her from jumping off."
"Not my cup of tea," he replied flatly. "Besides, what will I gain from helping you out?"
"My conscience would not be able to handle it if something happened to her." We stopped in front of the vending machine. Unlike me, appealing to his conscience was not effective. I was not even sure if he had one.
How was I supposed to convince him? Wait, what did he want? What could I use so that he would help me? There had to be something.
Aha!
"If you will help me, I will be in your debt." I loosened my grip on his arms.
He stuffed his hand in one of his pockets and leaned closer to me. "Pardon? I didn't hear you quite clearly."
"What I am saying is, if you help me, I will be in your debt." I said exactly what he wanted to hear. Earlier that morning, he had mentioned that there was a favor he wanted to ask of me. I thought of using that to convince him. But he was mistaken if he thought I was serious about what I said. I took a chance, using the idea of being indebted to him as bait. And he took it
"Hmm . . ." He crossed his arms and looked up at the ceiling. "So you will owe me a favor?"
I nodded. "Yes, I will do what you asked earlier. I will revise the blog post."
"That's a tempting deal," he sighed, looking down. "If you're willing to be indebted to me, I guess I have to take it. But I won't ask you to make that revision anymore. I have a better idea."
Whatever, Loki. It no longer matters what favor that is. I will not grant it once this problem is over. "I will do anything, as long as it does not go against my principles and morals."
"Fine, I'll help you. But there's no guarantee that I can stop that student from jumping. I'm not a hero who can save her from a tragic ending."
"I never said that you are a hero."
If there were someone else I could ask for help, I would never approach him. But the situation was too time-sensitive, so I had no choice but to rely on him. I felt like he could resolve this situation. If he managed to lure out my secret admirer through a cunning method, I had high hopes that he would also find a way to handle the suicide attempt happening now.
"Before I grant your request, I need a moment of privacy to think of a way to stop her. I also need to take my daily dose of caffeine. You can go ahead. Just make sure that she'll still be there by the time that I arrive."
"Okay."
I continued climbing the stairs, leaving Loki in front of the vending machine. I told myself that I would no longer talk to him or ask for his help again. But because I was already desperate, I had no choice but to approach him, and even lie. After all, it was also his fault that a scene like this was happening at school so early in the day.
When I reached the rooftop, it felt like a movie shoot was taking place, just as Loki had said earlier. Many students were watching, several teachers were standing by, and security guards were on alert. All eyes were focused on the long-haired student who was standing on the ledge.
"Come down from there, miss!" the people around her shouted repeatedly. "Do not waste your life!"
"F-For what reason?!" Lisa shouted back. Her face was already stained with tears, and she did not stop crying. "How many times do I have to tell you? I want you to bring Aaron back here! Lift his expulsion!"
One of the teachers stepped forward and extended his right hand. "What you are asking for is quite difficult because he committed a serious offense. But we can talk about it. So please leave that spot and come over here to us."
"Do not come any closer!" Her voice thundered like a lion's roar. She stepped backward, only a few inches away from falling off the rooftop. "Talk about it? Do you think you can fool me? You just want me to leave this place, that is why you are saying that!"
My eyes roamed the area. I searched for Loki, who should have been here by now. How long would it take him to come up with a solution? Was he praying over his canned coffee first? If he did not come up soon, what he would find might already be Lisa's lifeless body.
"One more person comes any closer, and I will really jump from here!" she threatened, causing the people in front of her to step back. "If you do not want me to jump, bring Aaron back!"
"Go ahead, jump!" We all turned our heads toward the rooftop door, where the man who seemed to be enjoying the attention he had drawn entered. His gray eyes were fixed directly on the woman. His hands were tucked into his pockets as he slowly walked toward where we were standing.
Finally, he was here.
"What took you so long?" I whispered.
"I finished my canned coffee first." His facial expression remained remarkably calm, as if there were no crisis at all. "I have to keep myself awake so I can function the whole day."
"Are you aware of how sensitive the situation is right now? Can you see how close she is to falling? You should be grateful that she did not jump while you were gone."
"This is just an unnecessary morning drama. Let's get this over with."
Loki stepped closer to the woman, who momentarily closed her mouth. Several teachers told him not to proceed, but he did not listen. I wondered what trick he was going to use this time.
"Do not come any closer! If you do, I will jump!" the woman threatened again.
"Did you not hear me just a minute ago? I said you can jump anytime you want." My goodness! Instead of convincing the woman to give up, it seemed like he was doing the exact opposite. "Let's cut this nonsense drama right here, right now. I still have some clients to entertain in the clubroom."
Everyone around him gasped, wondering what in the world did he just say.
I felt like throwing my shoe at this man. What on earth was he saying? He was supposed to save the soul of the poor girl! And that was what I asked him to do! Does he really want Lisa to jump? Would he be able to carry that burden everyday?
"Y-You will not stop me?" Even the one attempting to jump was confused by his words. "You will not tell me to stop doing this?"
Loki shook his head slightly. "Why would I stop you? You can do what you want. Unlike these buffoons here, I don't have the intention to play the hero to save you. But I find it funny. You're willing to jump off this building just because the school expelled a guy? How lame."
"L-Lame? You're calling me lame? How dare you!"
"You're selfish too. You don't care what your family, your friends, and your classmates would feel once you're gone. You want them to grieve over your death, you want them to feel the pain of loss while you're chilling in the afterlife. If that's not selfish, I don't know what to call it."
"I am not selfish!" The woman stepped closer to him. Her white teeth bared, like those of a snarling dog. "You don't have the right to judge me! You don't know me!"
"I'm not interested about you. Just jump when you feel like it." Loki yawned in front of the woman. He was clearly showing how bored he was. "Don't drag the drama. To be honest, I'm more worried about the mess that the housekeepers will have to clean up once your brains splatter on the pavement."
The vein on Lisa's temple throbbed, and her nostrils flared. She was probably seething from Loki's insensitive remarks. Surely, anyone would be irritated by the things he was saying.
"I thought you were about to jump? What's with the delay? Go ahead, jump! Don't expect the school to reverse the expulsion. A lowlife like him deserves it. Oh, by the way, I'm the one who filed the complaint against him. Good riddance."
"You bastard—"
The woman lunged toward Loki like a tiger, her claws out to scratch and tear at his skin. She was lucky, though, because the guards acted quickly and immediately restrained Lisa.
"Let me go! Let me go!" she struggled.
The guards had to carry her away from the man who had insulted her. She was escorted down from the rooftop while continuing to scream at my companion. And since the drama was over, the teachers told the students to return to their respective classrooms. The spectators hurried away. It had been a blockbuster screening up on the rooftop. Back to business again.
"Whew! That was close!" Loki touched his cheek to check if it had been scratched. At first, I thought he was referring to the failed suicide attempt.
Should I be amazed by the method he used to stop my classmate from jumping off? I could sense that he did not provoke Lisa to push her toward jumping. That was probably part of his plan. If you did not know what kind of person Loki was, you might think he actually wanted the rooftop scene to end in a bloody outcome.
What he did today revealed the same level of cunning that he showed me yesterday.
"What do you call what you just did?" I asked as we left the rooftop together. "Did you expect that she would not jump even after you had told her several times to do so?"
"I tried to use reverse psychology against her," he answered as we walked down the stairs. "By repeatedly telling her to jump, I made her wonder why I wasn't stopping her. Making her confused about whether to jump or not was my first move. Then I provoked her so she'd get mad at me and try to attack me, thereby getting her off the ledge."
If there were an award for the student with the most amazing trick, Loki would probably have won it. I could not help but wonder what other tricks he had up his sleeve.
"Now that I've kept my end of the bargain, it's time for you to do the same." He looked at me, his expression serious. "You now owe me a favor."
"What favor?" I asked, feigning cluelessness. "I do not recall us having agreed on anything like that."
"You agreed to help me without anything in return."
It's payback time, Loki, for what you did. I restrained the curling of my lips. I did not want to show that I had outsmarted him. Yesterday, he tricked me and used me as bait. Today, it was my turn.
"I kinda expected that you'll try to pull a fast one on me so . . ." He sighed first before stopping his walk. He took out his phone and held it out in front of me. "Thank goodness I was well prepared for any trick that you might play on me."
"If you will help me, I will be in your debt . . . I will do anything, as long as it does not go against my principles and morals."
Oh, shoot! He recorded what I had said earlier! He really made sure he had proof that we had a deal. How annoying! I thought I already got him.
"Did you fall down on the stairs and smack your head? Or are you having an episode of selective amnesia right now?" He put his phone back in his pocket and then looked at me. "It's time to pay your debt."
It seemed like I had no choice but to repay my debt to him. "Fine! So what is the price for your help? Do you want me to sing or dance in front of a large crowd?"
"No, nothing of that sort."
"If that is the case, then what?"
Loki looked at me in the eye and paused for a few seconds. "I want you to join my club."