Bai Qi thought he was about to get a beating, so his whole body tensed as he struck a defensive pose. But who would've thought the demonic claw would swerve? It went straight for Mr. Hei, snatching the unsuspecting kitten and pinning him to the newspaper.
"Hurry up and go! You haven't gone yet, right?" Xin Huohuo said, pointing at Mr. Hei. "You look a little shady. What am I going to do if you sneak off and poop in a corner later? Just get it over with now."
The turnaround was so abrupt!
Bai Qi howled with laughter.
He acted just like a dog, rolling onto his back, paws flailing in the air as happy, gurgling sounds rumbled in his throat.
And even then, he didn't forget to tease his partner in dog-speak. 'Ah, Mr. Hei, you're getting some pretty nice treatment. This girl is personally waiting on you to do your business. What are you waiting for? You don't appreciate what you've got.'
"No," Mr. Hei said, his face a mask of defiance.
His head could roll, his blood could spill, but there was no way he was taking this dump.
'Why are you being so dramatic? It's a normal biological function. Just give in to the girl.'
"No."
'You just can't let go of your pride,' Bai Qi counseled earnestly. 'When you're a god, you have to maintain your Divine Status. But now you're a cat, so you should act like one.'
"No."
'I kind of had to go a second ago,' 'but how am I supposed to do anything with a girl staring at me like this?!'
'It's been thousands of years. When are you going to change that stubborn personality of yours?' Bai Qi sighed in exasperation.
Xin Huohuo was just as exasperated. Even she, dense as she was, could feel Mr. Hei's resistance. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink; and you can't force a cat to poop, either. But then, another question suddenly occurred to her...
"Your poop was runny earlier. Did you get any on yourself? Oh my god, that's so gross." She glared at Bai Qi.
'She's not going to look at my... my butt, is she?' The smile vanished from Bai Qi's face, replaced by terror.
'Better run,' Mr. Hei reminded him coolly.
Bai Qi arched his back, ready to bolt.
But Xin Huohuo was faster. She grabbed Bai Qi by the tail and pinned him to the floor.
The next moment, amid the puppy's tragic wails, the helpless Bai Qi had his hind legs forcibly spread apart. The entire region-best-left-undescribed was exposed for all to see.
The joyous voice of Xin the she-devil rang in his ears. "Thank goodness, nothing got on you. Bai Qi, you're a really good pooper, you know that?" But that wasn't all. She then reached out and poked his... gender-defining feature. "Are you a boy or a girl? Oh, you're still just a pup. Your private parts are so tiny, I can't even tell."
Bai Qi wanted to die of shame and indignation.
Mr. Hei was dumbfounded.
His stupor cost him, and he failed to escape the demonic claws. In the blink of an eye, the cool and aloof Mr. Hei was also flipped mercilessly onto his back for a thorough inspection.
The conclusion was the same: too young to determine its gender.
NOOOO!!!
The two tormented and defiled furry lords cried out in meows and barks. Internally, a herd of at least a hundred thousand alpacas was stampeding through their minds, trampling their lofty dignity to dust. After Xin Huohuo went out, they huddled together, trembling like two pitiful creatures who had only each other to rely on.
They were shaking with pure rage.
'When my Mana is at full strength, I can cross a thousand miles in the blink of an eye,' Bai Qi muttered, aggrieved. 'My divine rank may be low, but I'm still a true, ordained god! When I walk the Three Realms, even the most powerful deities show me some respect. Be you human, ghost, demon, or spirit, who doesn't tremble in terror at the name of a Wuchang?'
'Don't say another word,' Mr. Hei couldn't bear to listen anymore. 'Even though revealing my true form in daylight would gravely injure me, I still tried to break free of this cat's body, but...' 'I couldn't do it!'
'To think we were... molested by a mortal woman today...'
'I'd rather die than let anyone find out!'
'Right! We'll swallow our broken teeth and suffer in silence. We absolutely have to lie to ourselves about this!' Bai Qi nodded emphatically, having never agreed with his partner so wholeheartedly.
After a moment of silence, he asked again, 'She saw everything... Does that mean...'
'It was only the animal flesh we are inhabiting.'
'That may be true, but a borrowed body is still a body.'
'Don't forget that small animals are covered in fur.' 'From that perspective, you can't say she saw everything.'
'But the... unspeakable parts weren't covered...'
'You're still talking about it! Stop!' A vein bulged on Mr. Hei's forehead, and his face flushed red, though it was fortunately hidden by his black fur. 'Why is my own brother so dense!'
'Alright, I'll shut my mouth. Happy now?' Bai Qi hung his head, dejected. A moment later, however, he couldn't resist asking, 'So... when we manifest our true forms tonight, can we get revenge?'
"No!" Though Mr. Hei was grinding his teeth with hatred, his refusal was absolute. 'We just have to accept it. Her actions held no lewd or contemptuous intent, and she didn't mean to offend us. She was just checking her pet's... gender. The ignorant are not guilty.' He had to force out those last five words.
'I know we're not supposed to abuse punishments or Divine Power for personal grievances,' Bai Qi said, still nodding. 'But do you have to be so principled? If we break the Underworld's rules just this once, who's going to know...'
'We are Law Enforcers! We cannot break the law!'
"Fine, fine, fine! We'll do it your way. You're the one with the black face, after all." Bai Qi surrendered completely.
But the more he thought about it, the more frustrated he became. He'd thought this assignment would be routine, with no complications. He never imagined so much would go wrong, and now his pride had been wounded. The humiliation was both sudden and unforgettable.
'Qi, are you crying?' Seeing his partner's rare silence, Mr. Hei finally sensed something was wrong.
His gaze fell upon a single, glistening tear clinging to the white fur beneath a dark, round puppy eye. He looked so aggrieved.
'No! I'm a true god! I never cry!' Bai Qi shot out a forepaw to wipe away the evidence. 'I was just contemplating the possibility of suicide to restore my honor!'
Unfortunately, no matter how they seethed over the indignity, the culprit, Xin Huohuo, had no idea she was capable of casually traumatizing two gods. She was quite upset herself. Just a moment ago, she'd resolved not to spend money carelessly, and now she was forced to browse a pet supply store.
After her recent war with the cat and dog, she had a sobering realization: to keep these two furry lords alive, she needed to buy a lot of things. Since they wouldn't eat cat or dog food, she'd have to make them nutritious meals herself. That meant buying fresh shrimp, meat, and vegetables. She didn't have a precise recipe, but she figured she could just boil a random assortment of things together and add some nutritional supplement gel.
She'd also have to buy a set of cooking utensils, since she rarely cooked for herself. Then there was the litter box, the puppy potty pad, leashes, and other gear, plus bathing supplies and all that jazz. A crate was out of the question; her apartment was too small. And in a couple of days, she'd have to take them to the vet for a check-up and vaccinations...
Adding it all up, it was going to cost a fortune.