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Translator: penny
Chapter: 5
Chapter Title: Does This Crazy School Give Professors the Power to Expel Students?
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This crazy school, giving professors the authority to expel students?
This romance fantasy world.
The ecosystem was thoroughly broken.
They must've swapped historical accuracy for visuals.
Or maybe all the animals here were protein junkies en masse?
The squirrels puffed their cheeks while munching away, and the rabbits twitched their ears impatiently.
A fantasy combo like no other.
"Ugh, fine. Eat it all, go ahead and eat."
I let out a deep sigh of resignation.
I pulled out the packet of dried bird meat I'd tucked away in my coat to save for later.
The moment the wrapper crinkled open, their eyes lit up like lasers.
"What am I, some forest princess feeding the wildlife? Am I Cinderella?"
…Wait, no? Snow White? Same difference, probably?
I tore the jerky into small pieces and scattered them on the ground.
Crunch munch.
They devoured it like it was the best thing ever.
I made it myself, so the taste was guaranteed, but I never thought I'd be listening to rabbit chewing ASMR.
"Take it slow, or you'll choke. Find your own water."
I squatted down, watching them eat as I muttered to myself.
"Should've brought more if I knew it'd end up like this. That was my lunch."
That was when I felt it.
A presence behind me.
Not from a beast, but a person.
…There.
A familiar voice.
It was the pink-haired girl from before.
I paused mid-toss and slowly turned around.
Lily was peeking out from behind a tree.
She clutched the jerky packet I'd given her earlier, now half-empty, with a strange look on her face.
Part curiosity at an alien lifeform, part the gleam of spotting a kindred spirit.
Not me. The critters.
"By any chance…"
She spoke cautiously.
"Do you have more of that jerky?"
…People really are something else.
Nom nom. Salty crunch.
Eat-bang ASMR filling the quiet garden.
It was the Saintess sitting next to me, plus one rabbit and one squirrel, chowing down on my jerky.
I leaned back against the bench, staring blankly at the bizarre scene.
'…Is this right?'
If my memory of the setting was correct, the pink-haired girl beside me was a regressor maxed out on fear of men and distrust of humanity.
Betrayed by Crown Prince Louis in her past life and force-fed radioactive tea by the villainess, she was the type to tremble and flee at the sight of any guy.
Yet here she was, glued to my side on first meeting—after I'd straight-up called her a barbarian—munching on mystery dried meat?
And going at it with gusto?
'Is she pre-regression, first timeline? Hasn't been burned yet?'
No way. That couldn't be.
Yesterday at the banquet hall, her desperate flatfish-dodging moves to avoid Crown Prince Louis's gaze screamed max-level survival regressor from timeline two.
Look at her now. Her mouth never stopped chewing jerky, but those pastel mint-green eyes darted around ceaselessly, scanning for threats.
'So why'd she come back to me if she's this on edge?'
Did her survival instincts lose to hunger?
Her profile screamed "Saintess hot mess," but her vibe was pure starving critter.
Watching her stuff her cheeks until they nearly burst stirred something in me.
She's so damn cute I wanted to scoop her up and keep her as a pet at home.
Not in a criminal way, of course.
Just release her in the hills behind our estate to forage acorns—pure, wholesome animal lover thoughts.
"Is it good?"
"…! Yes, nom, munch."
Lily startled at my question and nodded vigorously.
"You could wipe the crumbs off your mouth first before answering."
"Ah."
Her face turned beet red.
Sigh. Words fail sometimes.
Whatever, not my problem.
I stood up.
"You look uncomfortable. Wanna keep hanging here?"
"Huh? Oh… there's no one around, and it's the perfect hideout spot…"
Lily replied, clutching her jerky tightly.
I clicked my tongue inwardly.
'Tch, perfect spot my ass. With you here, Hell's Gate opens soon enough.'
Where there's a protagonist, trouble never stops.
Crown Prince or villainess would crash this peaceful garden any minute, turning it into chaos.
I needed to bail before that.
"Alright then, take care. I'm out."
As I stepped away, Lily jolted and half-stood, fumbling to grab my sleeve before freezing mid-air.
"Y-You're leaving?"
"Yeah. Seen what I came to see."
"If you just go like this… it'll look like I chased you off… I'm sorry…"
Her shoulders slumped. Classic Lily guilt-trip mode activated.
Her drooping pink hair looked like a rain-soaked puppy's ears.
Any normal knight with chivalry would kneel here.
'No, Saintess! How dare I! I'll stay by your side!'
But not me.
I was a dedicated extra wannabe who wanted zero extra seconds with the protagonist.
"Doesn't matter. Pretend I got chased off, feel better."
"Ah…"
Then the squirrel and rabbit stared at me point-blank.
All three sets of eyes boring into me reignited the urge to pocket Lily like a Pokémon.
Once more: she's goddamn adorable.
So this was the bewitching charm that ensnared the Crown Prince.
'But seriously, these squirrel and baby bunny.'
Stuffing their faces and still eyeing more?
I pulled out another jerky packet from my coat.
Thud.
"Huh?"
A hefty meat packet landed on Lily's lap.
"The rest is a bribe. Eat it alone or share with them, your call. No complaints later, got it? Take care."
Lily stared blankly at the jerky on her lap.
Understandable shock.
She was the girl obsessed over by the Crown Prince.
The Saintess, no less.
Everyone groveled and scrambled for her favor.
A guy who demanded nothing—hell, even fed her and bounced coolly? First time this life.
Not that she'd suddenly go,
'You're the first guy to treat me this way! I'm intrigued!'
With some cheesy '90s romance novel line…
'…She just might.'
This world was that trashy.
Logic? Tossed to the dogs.
So I set a safety net.
I paused and glanced back slightly.
"Oh, and."
"Y-Yes?"
"This is just random food tossed your way to shut you up—no gifts or presents. Don't mistake it for me liking you, okay? Got it?"
Lily's eyes widened at my firm tone.
"…I-I wouldn't think that."
"Good. Keep that promise."
Only then did I stride off, relieved.
Perfect. Crushed any spark of misunderstanding.
Saintess Lily would now remember me as a hatchet-wielding barbarian soldier, not some nice guy.
That was enough.
Crunch crunch.
As I walked away, a faint mutter from Lily mixed with the wind.
"… jerk…"
Mumbled, so I didn't catch it, but definitely cursing me.
I'll take it as praise.
Makes her life easier.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
The air in the tiered lecture hall hung heavy.
Specifically, the stares aimed at me.
The back door creaked open, unleashing waves of contempt and mockery.
"Look, the starving second son."
"Check his outfit. Total barbarian, right?"
"Ugh, same class? Lowers the vibe."
Did they want me to hear, or was my ear filter busted?
They chattered blatantly.
But I activated my built-in mental noise cancel and tuned them out.
You get used to it eventually.
'Bark all you want; I'm napping.'
I'd already claimed the prime sleep spot.
Out of the prof's sight, easy escape, decent shade. Perfect nap zone.
I face-planted onto the desk.
The cold wood hit my forehead.
BEEEEEEEEEP────!!!!
"Gah!"
A eardrum-shredding screech.
ZAPPP!
Electric jolt zinged my forehead from the desk surface.
"Ah, fuck! What the hell?!"
I leaped up like a shocked frog.
What the shit!
Sudden million volts?!
Thought my heart would burst out!
Felt like my hair was standing on end from static.
Glancing around, the students snickered behind hands, like they'd known.
"Pfft, he fell for it."
"Hasn't heard the news, huh."
"Can't read, maybe?"
You bastards.
You knew and didn't warn me?
Isn't this classmate love, country love?
"Maybe he doesn't know what happens in that prof's class. Anyone wanna clue him in?"
Oh, right. I'm the outcast.
Then—
BAM!
The front door slammed open.
A chill swept into the room.
Laughter cut off instantly.
Click-clack, click-clack.
Rhythmic, sharp heels echoed.
The woman ascending the podium wore a crisp black suit, like she was off to an award ceremony.
Jet-black hair in a messy bun, blood-red eyes glinting.
Her gaze through silver-rimmed glasses looked fiercer than a predator's.
She smacked the lectern like a baton.
"A brave soul trying to sleep on day one, before class even starts?"
Thorns laced her calm voice, stinging sharp.
Her laser stare pinned me.
"Didn't I announce that my classroom desks have anti-sleep magic?"
Ah.
This was her.
The research maniac genius prof those explainers mentioned.
The one who skipped orientation to hole up in her lab.
No way there were two profs around college age in the Academy.
Wait, why is she here? I didn't sign up for her class?
"Pleased to meet you all. Due to circumstances with the previous professor, I'll be taking over Introduction to Magic."
What the fuck?
Should drop this.
Shit.
No such thing as course withdrawal here.
'…We're screwed. That woman's no ordinary nutjob.'
Beyond even Speedwagon's intel estimates.
Who the hell installs electric mats on desks?
I clutched my ringing head, standing awkwardly.
She pushed up her glasses and jerked her chin at me.
"Name?"
"…Cassian."
"Cassian."
She flipped open the roster, rolling my name on her tongue.
Didn't look casual. Like a mad scientist eyeing lab rat innards.
"Cassian del Parne. Correct?"
"…How'd you know?"
My notoriety here too?
"No duplicates on the list."
Oh, right.
Idiot, me.
Her lips curled slyly.
"And the first student to face-plant on a desk five minutes before my class starts."
"…Sorry. Any chance for leniency? First day and all?"
No way.
Her face screamed zero mercy.
"Leniency? On day one?"
She scoffed.
"This is the Academy, Mr. Parne. Sleep at home. Or drop out and nap forever."
Harsh much, Prof?
Dropout? That's my dream—why does it piss me off when she says it?
"And that hair."
She pointed at my head with her pointer.
"Standing up like a lion's mane from static. Impressive. Passion for class manifesting in your follicles?"
Damn, not my imagination?
Stifled laughs erupted around the room.
"Pfft."
"Heh heh."
But then.
"Enjoying me disciplining a student that much?"
Her icy glare swept the room.
"Gloating at someone's punishment is grounds for disqualification as my student."
Laughter died instantly.
There we go.
Exactly as expected.
Arrogant type who rules with an iron fist because she's that good.
Won't tolerate dozing in 'her class.'
Won't tolerate snickers at 'her teachings.'
But come on, electricity in desks? Overkill.
"Cassian?"
"Yes."
What now.
Humiliated me enough.
But she turned without a word and started scribbling on the board.
Tap! Tap-tap! Tap!
Unintelligible crap.
Basically 'I'm a magic formula.'
Moments later.
She set down the chalk.
"Solve it."
Who?
Me?
Kept it internal, didn't say it.
Her face wasn't joking.
"Solve it, and I'll overlook your rudeness today. However."
However?
What? Cutting me from class?
Fine by me.
Wanna drop anyway.
"Fail, and you're expelled. By my authority."
…Expulsion, yeah.
From school?
'This crazy school, giving professors the authority to expel students?'
This half-assed world was the real deal.