I parked the car in front of Dante's mansion; at one glance, I could conclude nothing had changed, at least exteriorly, and I had yet to explore inside. I didn't come for the tour, but I couldn't help admiring the mansion. As usual, the vibe was cold and not so welcoming; still, I missed the mansion.
I leaned on the seat, thoroughly making up my mind not to mess up this opportunity in any case. He is my lifeline; I need to use it wisely. I can't fuck up this opportunity no matter what. I should not talk about the past and his disappearance; maybe he has his reasons. If the situation permits, I will ask him the reason; otherwise, I will drop the subject.
His personal life is none of my business. I repeated the sentence like a mantra. I should not poke his business in any case. There are so many questions, and everything connects with Dante. I am sure he has answers to every question, but I should mind my own business. Here I am to seek his help, and that's all I should concentrate on. Nothing else mattered, especially his personal life. I should be purely professional, focus on resolving the mess I have created, and get out of the situation. I tried to make up my mind while I was still in the car.
The time was ticking, but my legs were still glued in the car. I had created a mess without taking into consideration anything; it's a huge taboo for Dante, that's for sure. Morris's surname held a huge reputation more than ours; I shouldn't have involved Dante in my mess, and again, there was no one else other than him. If I think it through, I know I was locked in without a way out. Davis's words started buzzing at an entirely different level at the wrong time. I groaned at that, almost making up my mind to turn the car, but I can't now. Shreya is on my neck, and so is everyone else. Dante is my only hope. I sighed; I need to get out of here before a few more things add to my already messed-up mind and force me to turn my car.
Finally, I got out of the car, composed before entering the mansion.
From the second Rowan's car entered the gate, my eyes never left the car even for a second. From the time I woke up, giddiness was eating me; I couldn't concentrate on anything except eating and showering. I didn't follow my daily routine, as the anticipation of meeting him was killing me. As the car parked in front of the door, I stood by the window to get a glimpse of Rowan from afar, but he never got out of the car, and I never left the window. I could guess what was running through his mind; I knew the turmoil that was happening within.
My hands went to the window, and I leaned in.
Once I left this place for good, I tried to maintain the distance at all costs because it was necessary. I know if I want something, how far I can go; either I will pursue it, or I will destroy it. I am not a big fan of myself and my abilities. Despite everything, I was gathering everything about Rowan's life; it was like an open book. Even the sensational news would hit the media in no time, and he managed to stay in the gossip column till now. I chuckled at that. At one point, I stopped being involved in his life because of Thomas, but the damage was done. Thomas forced me to stay out of his life from then onwards, and I obliged. I stayed out of his life till he entangled me with his. Once again, a chuckle left my mouth. I am too bad, and he is too good. I am worried about the future. I can't take advantage of the situation; I should draw a line whenever it's required. I should not get deeply involved; professionally, I should deal with the situation in the same way, and I should come out of his life. The more I stay in his life, the more damage I can cause. I should accept the fact and register in my heart that Rowan can never be mine. He has his own life and wants something totally different from mine, and I could not make him forget and force him into something else. Rowan doesn't swing, and I would never force him. Taking a permanent break after this is best for us, especially for Rowan.
Finally, Rowan got out of the car, checking himself before taking further steps into the mansion. I sighed in longing for him. It's been so many years, and the craving and yearning for him are at the same level. How he managed to be in the same position irrespective of the distance and not being in contact was beyond me. No one surpassed Rowan, not even a single person. That doesn't mean I entertained many people in my life; I didn't. Sexual contact was minimal. The parties, various gatherings, and meeting wealthy, rich people should have made some difference, but nope, none could. Hi, hello, and hardly hooking up beyond that—no, things never went or worked with anyone.
"Rowan is waiting in the hall," Thomas informed me, and I nodded at that. I got changed into formals as fast as I could, and in no time, I was at the stairs.
I halted my steps as I saw Rowan, who was fidgeting. I almost wanted to chuckle at that, but I held back to not embarrass him further. My breath hitched at the sight of him; it had been years since I was this close to him, and the distance would be covered if I took a few steps. Due to age, he looked mature and more handsome. I would have worshipped him if he had swung at least a little. No wonder wicked Shreya was after him.
Finally, I descended the steps, and I was in front of Rowan in the next minute. He was taken aback when our eyes met, more surprised. I wondered why. He stood up immediately, facing me, and we stayed silent. I enjoyed his closed-off version, studying every feature in detail, and he was hardly meeting my eyes. As our eyes met, he immediately averted them, and after that he didn't hold eye contact, maybe because of the stunt he had pulled. He was stiff and thinking, and as a host, it was my responsibility to make him feel better. He is my guest for the day, after all, but I don't know how to break the awkwardness between us. It's been years; I can't be more formal with him and treat him casually. We are so near, but still the distance is there—not physical distance, but mentally I still feel far from him.
"Are you going to sue me?" I was a little shocked to hear his question, and I was surprised too. I never thought this was the first thing I was going to hear from him. "Should I?" I retorted, and he was taken aback at that. He was silent, digesting, murmuring something within himself. I couldn't grasp the words. "No," he replied. "I would never do that, Rowan." "Well, you are talking. I mean, you know what I mean." Oh, this was the thing he was muttering to himself, I guess. "Yeah, I know. Things happened, and I should talk wherever it's necessary. Running things in minimal words is not easy anymore." I tried my best to explain, but it was just a glimpse. If I go into details, he may get unconscious or something. I have done pretty shitty things to keep my emotions in check and to gain control over everything. I am not proud; things were never easy once I bid goodbye to Rowan. It was hard and complicated, and my sleeplessness turned worse than it was. So, I had to do something, and I hate that Shreya played some role in it. I hope Rowan ever comes to know about that side of the story.
"Whatever, it's none of my business." Rowan finally spoke, breaking the silence. "It's been fucking years; like, I care anymore." He added, getting angrier all of a sudden. I wanted to chuckle at that but wisely held back, knowing what he was speaking about. "Right," I replied to him. "Of course, that's all you have to say." I sighed at that. "Forget it, I have more to deal with at the moment." I didn't react to that, and he went silent.
We stood facing each other; I should have made him take a seat or offered something as a courtesy, but the situation wouldn't allow me. Clearly, he was in no mood for anything, and I left it that way. "Sorry." The word left his mouth slowly. "I involved you in something out of impulsiveness. I didn't think, and it reached out of my hand." He spoke every word slowly, still not meeting my eyes. "Frankly speaking, I never thought of correcting the mistake because I am cornered from everywhere." He started chewing his lips in agitation. "And we are dating, and you are my boyfriend." That felt like a symphony to my ears, and I enjoyed the feeling to the fullest at the moment. It felt so good just to hear it, only if it turns into reality. "Ok." Left my mouth without waiting for me to fully grasp the situation. I had gathered everything that was going on, but I didn't know what Rowan was expecting from me.
'Ok.' That's all he said, like he is ok with being in a relationship. "We are in a relationship." I gave him more clarity on the situation. Dante chuckled in return. "Yes, Rowan, you are my boyfriend, and we are in a relationship." That felt oddly good to hear from Dante, and I don't know why. I never bristle at the idea, at least since the day I announced it in front of the whole world on live television. Again, I don't know why I am ok with everything; I am not even feeling a thing, and I am swinging just like that. I should have felt something; I am straight, for God's sake, and always thought about boobs, curves, and whatnot about girls. Never in my dream did I dream of guys' genitals, never. Here I am forcing a guy—not any guy, Dante Morris—to be my boyfriend.
'Dante, don't do relationships.' Eddie, Tristan, and Shreya repeated the sentence over and over. My lips twitched a little. Well, fuckers, I am fucking going to get you all once again. "We should come up with a story of our relationship." Whatever second thought I had before I entered the mansion vanished, and the confidence started oozing in me. "Like, where we met, how we fell in love, like those things." I pondered on that more. I saw Dante, who didn't flinch or even blink a little and didn't take his eyes off me till now. I kind of liked it, his eyes, I mean. It held familiarity, welcoming and warm. I averted my eyes when my thoughts crossed the border.
"Your eyes are still captivating," Dante spoke out of the blue. "And that suffices for everyone who wants the inside story of ours." I didn't know what he was trying to say, and he didn't elaborate more. "I am not answerable to anyone, Rowan. My personal life is not anyone's business; if they make it theirs, then they can deal with it their own way." I nodded at his audacity. Wow, I should build that type of confidence somehow. "If you want to give clarification to anyone, just tell them that when we met, I fell for your eyes, and from that day I started pursuing you." Glad it was not the way around. My smile vibrated at the idea, and I felt giddy at the fake love story. I nodded my head happily, and he chuckled, watching me.
We stayed like that in a completely easy atmosphere. I tried to dig in my mind for anything else to discuss, and my mind was once again filled with the same shitty slogan. I was a little perplexed about moving forward with the idea with him. "Are you sure about this?" "Yes, Rowan, I am sure, and you are my boyfriend." He said it so casually; still, it did something to me. I corrected myself as a fake boyfriend, but still the effect was at the same level. "Have you, you know, ever had a relationship?" I chewed my lips in anticipation of his answer, mostly to turn negative. "No." Well, that's good. "Ok." I drawled. "And other things." He looked at me like an idiot and spoke. "Yes, Rowan, I have my fair amount of experience." "Of course." And the kiss scene assaulted my mind. "You better stop shoving your tongue into anyone so openly, in front of a fucking crowd." I gritted my teeth while saying each word, and he was amused for no reason. He was confused for a minute. "You were at the club?" "Yes, gayness was reeling from you. You better keep your open tongue shooing at bay, and I fucking mean it." I think I am into a role without any announcement for either of us. He chuckled at my outburst and nodded his head. "It took me by surprise; sometimes I can't predict Eddie's move. He is an idiot most of the time." "Right! As I watched without blinking a second, I didn't find any surprise element in the scene," I stated matter-of-factly. "I will make sure it won't be repeated." I nodded at that, relieved. I didn't want another scene to be created in front of a mass of people. That's the last thing I need right now. "So, you both are not, you know, together or something. He was an asshole most of my life, and I don't want to involve and snatch you or something." This time, I heard two voices: one, Dante, who was laughing loudly, and another person, who chuckled in return. I squinted my eyes at him directly. "Sorry, I forgot my manners. I am Thomason; you can call me Thomas, Dante's secretary. We will be in regular touch after this; you can always approach me in case Dante is not reachable by you." I studied the guy who was in his 50s or 60s and still maintained his physique at this age too. I nodded at him and shook our hands.
After the brief introduction, I faced Dante for confirmation. "No, we are just into 'F' once in a while; now I am thinking of stopping altogether." I sighed at that. That jerk deserves it. "You better," I cautioned him.
"He is into the character without wasting a second. Bossy, jealous, and whatnot. Are you sure he is just acting?" Thomas spoke in my ear, and I smiled, not knowing what to say to him. He is true; he got into the character soon, with or without his knowledge. So much is reeking out of him. I think he also doesn't know what's going on.
"There is another important thing you should be aware of." Rowan started, irritated all of a sudden, and I knew where he was going with that. "I had to create the whole mess because of a girl to whom I almost got engaged." He cringed at that. "My father wanted to build an alliance through me; well, now, over my dead body." He spoke resolutely. "And trust me, that bitch is just not for normal people." "I know." The words left my mouth without awareness. "Always getting on my nerves with her shitty behaviour." Rowan added. "She always intends to do that; no surprise in that," I added without even being aware of myself. Rowan faced me immediately, and Thomas coughed to hide his smile. "Well, you better speak up." I sighed at my stupidity.
"I know her, well, sort of, a long time back," I started and tried to end it there. "Well, go on." My attempt failed miserably. "We had a few things in common between us." "You fucking dated that witch." He shouted and cringed at the idea. "I never dated anyone, and she would not even be my last option." "Good to hear. And?" He probed, "We liked dominating each other." He nodded at that. "Of course, she fucking enjoys commanding people around." I cleared my throat and replied. "Right." "So." He probed. I gave him so many hints, but he didn't get it, and I am not going into details of what I have done. "At one point, we stopped as things went extreme." He squinted his eyes at that, and I groaned. Thomas chuckled. "What things?" He drawled. "Wild things, Rowan," I replied, in a defeated tone. "Ok." He didn't get the point, and he wasn't thinking of giving up. "Wild things." He hummed. "Like, going on hunting or something." Thomas barked with laughter, and I tried my best to control mine. Wow, is he serious? "What?" he questioned Thomas, who excused himself to get some water. "Well?" He conveyed the same question to me. "Forget it, Rowan. Just tell me what you want to say." He clearly didn't like diverting the topic but still nodded reluctantly. "As I said, she is biting around my life, making me miserable. She is fucking obsessed with me, pushing me harder. She..." His breath turned harder because irritation and anger had reached the boiling point. "I want to get rid of her forever from my life." He concluded, defeated. "She may approach you for something." I nodded at that. "I will take care of her, don't worry." He jerked his head and faced me. His eyes went wide in shock. After a few seconds, he relaxed; for the first time, he sighed more calmly. "You better." He managed to drawl out the words, and I chuckled in return.
We stood in silence, and he was watching the interior of the mansion. I didn't disturb him; I let his eyes wander. "We should go on a dinner date tonight," I spoke all of a sudden, and he was startled. "It was high time we needed to convince people." He nodded. "Right." "Are you free for the night?" "Yes." I nodded in return. "I need your cell number to contact you." I fetched my phone and, after unlocking it, handed it to him. He fed his number while chuckling; he handed it back to me. I raised an eyebrow at the inside joke. "It feels like we are recreating our first meeting at the party. You did it the same way." He replied, still smiling, and I hummed at that.
It has been a long time; I missed his smile, which was contagious and does so many things to me. It's still warm and bright, and his eyes always shine while smiling. I was once again drawn toward him without doing much by him, irrespective of years of distance between us.
Once again, his eyes found me, and mine were already on him. He is a magician. I don't know what else to say when everything was at the same level—my attraction, attention, the obsession that I suppress, my longing to hold him, and the craving to hold him and to feel those lips once in this lifetime. There was so much I just couldn't act on, conceal deep down, and act as if everything was ok. I had mastered the habit a long time before, when we were around each other; it was hard and hurt like hell. There is something about Rowan that makes me forget everything and seek my full attention without doing much. My heart is locked with his name, my breath always hitches on his small act, and my heartbeat would be on a roller coaster. I could do anything in my power just to hold him and feel him, but I couldn't and I wouldn't in my life. I would never misuse my power or lock him up against his wishes. As I did before, once again, I am going to leave him to live at his will and enjoy his life however he wants.
I completed the distance that was between us by taking a few steps. I tried my best, but my hand went on his chin, and the spark that was at the same level consumed me with a single touch. I felt the shock in my whole body, and he tensed under my touch. I closed my eyes in contentment with the touch, without being aware of my surroundings. We stood, engrossed with each other.
"Why the hell is everyone getting on my nerves these days? I want to get rid of them one by one, including my bloody son." My dad's grumbling loudly snapped me to reality, and I jerked out, distancing myself from Rowan. He stood still in shock and was displeased by my action.