The moment Ài Fēng's back was turned, Měi Nán's hand shot out and grabbed Tòumíng's arm in a vice grip, yanking him back into the bedroom. The door closed with slightly less violence than before but no less urgency, and Měi Nán immediately started whispering in rapid-fire bursts.
"Okay listen that was just to make Ài Fēng fuck off we need to play along for like an hour max you just have to act lovey-dovey and not be weird about it and no this doesn't mean anything real so stop looking at me like that—"
"I'm not looking at you like—"
"You're doing it right now! Stop!" Měi Nán's whisper was urgent, frantic. "We just need to sell this shit for like forty-five minutes tops and then he'll leave and we never have to talk about it again."
Tòumíng opened his mouth to argue, to point out that maybe they should have discussed this before the public relationship declaration, but Měi Nán shoved a finger directly in his face, nearly poking him in the eye.
"Ài Fēng is probably listening at the door right now," he hissed. "We have to sell this or he'll know it's fake and I'll never hear the end of it. Do you understand? Never. He'll bring it up at every opportunity for the rest of my life."
Before Tòumíng could respond, Měi Nán threw the door open with theatrical energy, looped his arm through Tòumíng's with exaggerated possessiveness, and dragged him back into the living room.
Ài Fēng was "casually" examining a box of Tòumíng's meager possessions—mostly the designer clothes he'd bought and barely worn—with obvious disinterest, clearly positioned to have been eavesdropping.
"Babe!" Měi Nán's voice was honey-sweet, his entire demeanor transformed. "The movers are doing such a good job! Don't you think?"
Tòumíng's brain stalled. "Uh. Yes. Good job."
What followed was the most absurd forty-five minutes of Tòumíng's life.
Měi Nán launched into a performance that deserved awards. He draped himself over Tòumíng at every opportunity, his touches lingering, his body language screaming "taken" to anyone watching. He whispered things in Tòumíng's ear that sounded like sweet nothings but were actually threats.
"Smile more or I'll tell everyone about your search history."
"Put your arm around me. Now. Do it."
"Laugh like I said something funny. LAUGH."
Měi Nán pressed kisses to Tòumíng's cheek—strategic, deliberate kisses that left bright lipstick marks like territorial markers. Each one felt performative, calculated, designed to be visible from across the room.
"We're so lucky to have found this new place together," Měi Nán announced to no one in particular, his voice carrying. "Tòumíng is just so attentive and romantic. Always thinking of me. Aren't you, babe?"
"I... yes?" Tòumíng's response came out mechanical, stiff.
But somehow, the awkwardness read as shy boyfriend energy. The movers were eating it up, exchanging knowing glances and grins, clearly finding the whole display adorable.
Ài Fēng watched with narrowed eyes, his perfect composure showing hairline cracks. He didn't fully believe what he was seeing, but he couldn't find obvious holes in Měi Nán's performance either.
Every time Měi Nán caught Ài Fēng's gaze, he doubled down.
During a water break, he sat directly on Tòumíng's lap, wrapping his arms around Tòumíng's neck and giggling at something that wasn't funny. Tòumíng's hands hovered uselessly in the air, unsure where to put them, until Měi Nán grabbed them and positioned them on his waist.
When the movers brought out snacks, apparently premium moving services included refreshments, Měi Nán fed Tòumíng a piece of fruit, holding it to his lips with exaggerated tenderness.
"Open," Měi Nán cooed. "That's it. Good boy."
Tòumíng ate the fruit and tried not to die of embarrassment.
Then Měi Nán noticed a wrinkle in Tòumíng's collar and made a show of adjusting it, his fingers trailing along Tòumíng's neck, smoothing the fabric with theatrical care.
"There. Perfect. You always look so handsome."
The movers were actively placing bets now, whispering among themselves about how long this relationship had been going on, whether they lived together already, if this was a recent development or a long-term thing.
But Ài Fēng wasn't backing down. If anything, Měi Nán's performance seemed to activate something competitive in him.
He started getting flirtier. More aggressive. Finding excuses to be in Tòumíng's space, to touch him, to make comments that dripped with innuendo.
"You're so strong," Ài Fēng purred, brushing past Tòumíng in a narrow hallway, his hand "accidentally" grazing Tòumíng's crotch. "All that mining work really shows."
The touch was quick, fleeting, but unmistakable.
Tòumíng blinked, completely oblivious. "Thanks? I mean, the work is pretty physical."
Ài Fēng's smile turned predatory. "I bet it is. All that... manual labor. Very hands-on."
The innuendo flew completely over Tòumíng's smooth-brained head. "Yeah, lots of pickaxe swinging. Repetitive motion."
Měi Nán's eye twitched.
Later, while helping coordinate box placement, Ài Fēng leaned in close to Tòumíng and whispered, "You know, if you ever need help... relaxing after a long day, I know some excellent massage techniques. Very thorough. Very... deep."
"Oh, that's nice of you," Tòumíng responded earnestly. "My back does get sore."
Měi Nán appeared from nowhere and inserted himself between them. "Babe, can you help me with something? Right now? Immediately?"
The movers were now openly grinning, their betting pool expanding to include who would win this obvious competition.
By the time the first truck was loaded, Měi Nán had established complete dominance through sheer force of performance. Tòumíng's face was covered in fourteen separate lipstick marks. His collar had been adjusted six times. He'd been fed three different snacks. He'd had to sit through two extended lap-sitting sessions.
He'd developed a facial twitch.
Ài Fēng stood by the door as his crew prepared to take the first load to the new villa, his perfect composure hiding what was clearly seething frustration underneath.
"Well," he said, his smile not reaching his eyes, "enjoy your new place, you two." The emphasis on "you two" was sharp, pointed. "I'll be by later with the second truck. Alone." The last word hung in the air, loaded with implication.
The door closed behind him.
Měi Nán's performance dropped instantly like someone had cut his strings. He slumped against the wall, looking exhausted, all the artificial energy draining out of him at once.
Tòumíng stood there with fourteen lipstick marks on his face, his collar still perfectly adjusted, and absolutely no idea what had just happened except that he felt like he'd been used as a prop in a war he didn't understand.
"Reality TV has nothing on this," Cupid wheezed, still laughing so hard Tòumíng's chest actually hurt. "I'm in pain from laughing. This is the best entertainment I've had in centuries."
"Glad my suffering amuses you," Tòumíng muttered.
His phone buzzed. An email notification.
He pulled it out, grateful for the distraction.
From: Háo HéngSubject: RE: Villa Inquiry
Hello! Thank you so much for your interest in the Guanlan Lake property! I'm absolutely delighted to hear from potential tenants! How does a tour at 11 AM today sound? I know that's short notice but I happen to be available and would LOVE to show you the space! It's truly a gem of a property and I think you'll find it exceeds all expectations! The previous tenant just moved out so it's ready for immediate occupancy! Please let me know if 11 AM works for you! I'm very flexible! Very eager to find the right fit!
Looking forward to meeting you!
Háo Héng
The tone screamed desperation. The excessive exclamation points. The emphasis on immediate availability. The "very flexible" comment. This was someone who needed to fill the property fast, probably because mortgage payments were breathing down his neck.
Tòumíng checked the time. 9:58 AM.
They could make it. Barely. If they left now and traffic cooperated.
"We have a villa tour at eleven," he announced.
Měi Nán perked up immediately, exhaustion forgotten. "The Guanlan Lake one? With the infinity pool?"
"Yeah."
"We're going. Right now. Immediately." Měi Nán was already grabbing his phone and keys. "I need to see that pool in person before I commit to anything."
"You're not the one paying rent."
"And yet I'm the one who'll be using the pool. Let's go."