Jen woke up in her Hulk form. She fell asleep as Jen, but somewhere during her nightmares she transformed.
Jen stood up from her bed and walked to her bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. She preferred being Jen in the mornings and enjoying her coffee and shower.
She enjoyed doing the normal human things, but now she was staring at her green skin.
"Is this what I really am?" she asked the mirror.
Jen left and made herself a coffee, the mug tiny in her hands. Everything felt smaller in this form.
Her phone buzzed. The third call this morning. Jen had been ignoring all of them.
She didn't feel like talking after the factory incident. She didn't want to admit a small part of her enjoyed the rage and fury. The freedom of not caring for anything else. She felt alive.
The law office was worse. Jen arrived still in her Hulk form, and she could feel the tension. Her paralegal Angie looked nervous.
"Uh, Jen? You're... You didn't change back?" she asked.
"Is there a problem?"
"No... Just... Usually you're... You know... Human when you're in the office. She-Hulk is more hero... stuff when we're in court," Angie replied.
"I'm still me. Still capable of reading files and writing briefs. Is there actual work to discuss, or are we just going to talk about my appearance?" Jen responded, her voice coming out harsher than she wanted.
"Sorry. I'll... I'll go get you those depositions," Angie said, stepping back.
She left quickly, squeesing past Jen as she made her way to her desk. She tried to focus on work but kept getting distracted by her own hands. Their power.
She grew up as Jennifer Walters, the lawyer, and then became She-Hulk, the superhero. But who was she at her core? Who was she now? Jen and She-Hulk were different people. Assertive or reserved. Witty or boring. She loved being the centre of attention as She-Hulk, but as Jen she preferred to be in the back seat. Her door opened, Marcus entering, not bothering to knock.
"We need to talk damage control..." Marcus started to say before stopping and looked at her. "Why are you transformed?"
"Why does everyone keep asking?"
"You're never She-Hulk in the office or on the job unless in court. It makes clients nervous. You said it was important to separate the two," Marcus answered.
"Maybe I was wrong."
"Jen, what's going on?" Marcus asked, closing the door before he sat down across from her.
"Nothing. I'm just... being myself," she replied, struggling with her words.
"She-Hulk is yourself."
"Is she? Or is it what I pretend to be? The safe version for publicity," she replied.
"You're spiralling. I can see it, and probably everyone else can see it too. Clearly Titania and Sophist are getting to you. All of a sudden you're questioning everything and..." Marcus responded, his voice gentle.
"Maybe I should be questioning everything! Maybe they were right. Putting on a mask to hide who I truly am!" Jen exploded, standing and pushing her chair back.
"What you really are is a hero. A lawyer. A good person who..." Marcus started to reply.
"I went savage. Twice. I completely lost control and became the brute I've spent years insisting I would never become. What does that make Jen? Is she real? Or is she a lie I tell myself?" she replied, her voice cracking.
Marcus didn't have an answer, and neither did she.
Mike was watching from a rooftop across from her office. He'd been monitoring her since the factory to try and understand what he broke. The answer was everything.
Jen was now giving in to her rage and avoiding people. She was questioning her identity and showed signs of a breakdown that could cost the lives of hundreds. Jen wasn't emerging stronger from his scenarios. She was fragmenting.
Mike pulled out his notebook and started to write. He understood how she felt to an extent. The fear of becoming a monster.
He felt all of it ever since he killed Anton. He crossed a line he never imagined. Who was real? Mike or Sophist? Mike was disappearing a little every day as he lived as himself less and less. The only thing keeping Mike alive was when he was writing his comics.
After listening to their conversation, Sophist came to a conclusion. The problem was the people surrounding Jen. They were the reason she was spiralling. They kept telling her to be who they think she should be instead of who she really is. They keep on telling her how perfect she is and how she's a hero among heroes, placing standards on her she never wanted. Her friends decided who she was instead of Jen. Instead of being honest, they give her white lies.
Jen stayed late in her office, hours after everyone else had gone home. The building was quiet. The only sound was her breathing and the flicking of files. She finally powered down. She felt wrong. Too small and powerless. Her phone rang, and this time she hesitantly answered.
"Jennifer, I heard about what took place in the factory. Are you alright?" Steve Rogers asked.
"I'm fine."
"Carol says you're not responding to calls and that you're isolating yourself," Steve replied.
"Carol needs to mind her own business."
"She's worried. We all are. This isn't like you," Steve replied, his voice gentle.
"Maybe you don't know who I'm like. Hell, I don't even know anymore. Maybe all of this is just a story I keep telling myself so I can pretend I'm more than just a rage-fuelled monster," Jen snapped back, standing and then pacing around her room.
"That's not true."
"How do you know? How does anyone know? No one even bothered to talk to me when I was Jen. They couldn't care less. Everyone only knows She-Hulk. I used to always talk about how I'm the controlled Hulk, but now it would seem I'm just like Bruce," Jen replied, her voice rising.
"You're different. You have control..."
"What control! I lost it with Titania, and then I lost it again only a few days later in the factory. Every time someone pushes me, I prove exactly what everyone has been worried about all this time," she replied.
"Jennifer..."
"Don't call me that. You have no right. Did you know me before I became She-Hulk? I didn't think so," Jen interrupted, hanging up.
Jen returned to her apartment at midnight and looked at herself in the mirror again. This time as Jen. Small, weak, reserved and boring.
She could stay like this. It would minimise the risk of losing control if she lived as Jen.
She transformed. Or she could be strong, powerful, confident and loved. It felt right. She walked to her couch and sat down, falling asleep a few hours later.
Choosing the form that felt like who she was meant to be.