Time passed. Life went on. Sometimes it moved quickly and other times it dragged on painfully slowly. My friends tell me I'm strong and I'm resilient.That I've "bounce back" better than most.
Maybe I've just become a better liar. But I just smile and nod when they say things like that.
Only deep down I know the truth. Resilience isn't something you feel. It's something you do. It's forcing yourself out of bed each morning when you'd rather disappear. Most days, I move through life like I'm in a blurred dream.
Still, I keep moving.
I threw myself into community work—anything to pull me out of my own thoughts. I volunteered at orphanages, helped with cooking programs, organized donation drives and visited shelters. I told myself I was giving back, but in reality, I was trying to fill a void. A void so big that no amount of effort could ever truly fill it.
The orphanage became the place where I could breathe easiest. The children were adorable and honest. Some rushed into my arms the moment I walked through the door but others more cautious, watched me from a distance, testing me, waiting to see if I'd return. I always did. Soon, warm smiles and shared stories became the norm.
Their tiny hands, shy smiles and the way they innocent laughter stitched together parts of me I thought were permanently torn. But they also hurt. In the quiet moments, when a toddler curled up against my chest or when a little girl tugged on my sleeve and called me "Big Sis" something inside me ached so deeply .
And for a little while, I allowed myself to hope again. I read adoption laws, searching for loopholes, exceptions—anything. But the truth was blunt and unforgiving: in my country, single-parent adoption was nearly impossible. Every website, every forum and guideline ended the same way.
So my dream stayed just that. A soft, persistent ache I carried everywhere.
Work became my second home .I buried myself in schedules, recipes, photoshoots and meetings. Volunteering became my therapy. Between the two, I barely had space for anything else.
Maybe that was the point.
Still, on certain nights, when I lay awake staring at the ceiling, my mind drifted back to that dream. A baby. Mine. A tiny hand wrapped around my finger. A soft voice calling me Mama
+++
Today was the annual fundraiser fair. The sky was impossibly blue, dotted with fluffy clouds that drifted lazily across the sun. The air smelled of popcorn and cotton candy air.A joyful chaos with laughter, music and children playing. I loved days like these that were a bit messy, unpredictable and full of the meaning of life. They forced me out of my own thoughts and pain even if it was for a little while.
I spent the morning at the face-painting booth. My brush making magical and colourful transformations . A rainbow across one cheek, a glittering butterfly on another or a superhero . I smiled at every squeal of delight and let their joy soothed the raw ache in my chest
Then he appeared. A little boy maybe around four or five with dimples and adorable hazel eyes that just made me smile.He stared at me with that careful, determined gaze children have, the kind that makes you forget everything else.
"Can you make me the bestest dragon in the world?" he asked softly.
I laughed. "Of course, baby"
I painted carefully, imagining how thrilled he would be when he looked in the mirror. When I finished, he looked like a tiny, beautiful gold and red dragon.His little vermillion mole was in the centre of his forehead glowing like a ruby .
A wave of affection and fondness followed towards this child. An unknown resonance .Such a child who could instantly gain love must be beloved at home . But as I looked around a compliment on the tip of my tongue when I noticed he didn't have an adult nearby.
"Where are your parents little dragon ?" I asked gently, kneeling to his level and gently ruffling his hair.
He tilted his head, giving me a sly but silly grin. "Do dragons like you?" he asked, completely sidestepping the question.
I blinked, momentarily thrown off. "Uh… well, some dragons might but only if I could find them.You are the first one I've met," I said smiling despite myself.
He nodded seriously, as if my answer was of utmost importance. "I like you .I think my daddy will like you too.Do you like treasure ? "
I laughed softly, crouching down beside him. "Thank you sweetheart.I do, like treasure and you too .Why don't we go and find your daddy he must be looking for you? "
He tapped his painted nose before digging around in his pocket "Here this is my greatest treasure" he said while handing me a small white jade pendant attached to a blessed thread.
After that a little palm grabbed my opposite hand and his eyes sparkled with mischief
"You can hold it for now while we look for daddy"
Taking a breathe , I finally grabbed his tiny hand and started walking him toward the lost children area near the entrance, talking softly about butterflies ,dragons and random fairytales trying to keep him distracted and safe.
But children don't follow instructions as easily as we hope. In the blink of an eye, he slipped from my grasp, darting ahead with the kind of speed that made my heart lurch.
"Hey! Wait!" I shouted, my voice breaking as I ran after him, my shoes pounding the pavement.
Then I heard it. That small, excitited , impossible word: "Mama!"
Time stopped. My heart jumped into my throat. He turned to look at me, grinning like it was some game, daring me to catch him. I ran faster, weaving between families, strollers, and balloons. My lungs burning and my heart pounding with panic.
And then I saw him. He was running straight toward the road. A car was speeding recklessly.Without thinking, I lunged forward, and scooped him up in my arms just as the car screeched past. My body shielded his, every instinct screaming to protect him.
I landed heavily on my back the wind knocked out of me.
He pressed his face against my shoulder, and for a moment everything faded away faded away. It was just him and me accompanied my racing heartbeat.
"You're safe now," I whispered, brushing a stray lock of hair from his face.
"Don't ever run off like that again."
He looked up at me with wide, round hazel eyes and tear filled eyes him an endearing look. And then he whispered something that made my chest tighten so much I could barely breathe:
" Mama.Mama come back!"
My stomach dropped. The words were simple but they carried a weight I wasn't prepared for. I glanced around, half-expecting to see his parents rushing toward but there was no one. He just looked up at me, small and trusting, daring me to hope.
"Baby I'm not your Mama . "
" Yes , you are. "
"You're safe now," I whispered, brushing a stray lock of hair from his face willing myself to get up. "You'll be home before you know it it"
"See you soon Mama" his voice trembling
The words hung in the air and for a brief moment blinding flash of light erupted around him.
And then—he was gone.
I was felt disoriented before feeling the sharp impact of metal and asphalt beneath me. Pain exploded in my body, white-hot and all-consuming. I was bleeding, warm liquid soaking my clothes but an icy cold had settled down to my bones .
My hands trembling as I tried to reach out for him—but there was nothing.
The world blurred. Faces screamed. Voices called my name. The screech of emergency vehicles in the background .
I felt my consciousness fading into darkness. My heart pounded slower, my breath shallower but the memory of his tiny hands, the mischievous glint in his eyes, and the word "Mama" stayed with me.
A single tear rolled down my cheek. Somehow a sense of peace washed over me.
"See you soon, baby," I whispered one last time.
In another life . In another time maybe my dream could come true
A wave of comfort washed over me as I dreamed of little voices and hugs surrounded me. A protective embrace of a lover surrounding me .A stroke on the head that felt like familial affection
Lub- Dub, Lu—b- Dubbb, Luu…