The next day was New Year's Day and I spent it with May and Ben, helping them tidy up the house. That evening I went over to Felicia's and we finally had that cake we'd been saving. I spent a few hours there before duty called, and I was forced to leave to stop a bank robbery two blocks away.
On the second, though, it was business as usual. I spent the morning with Natasha in the SHIELD bunker. She was making sure I hadn't slacked off over the winter break. Honestly I didn't know SHIELD observed a winter break, but I supposed it was more for my sake than anything else.
"So — do anything fun over the holidays?" I asked, jumping away from a kick aimed at my midsection.
"Nothing important," she replied flatly.
"Oh come on, Red — don't be like that," I grabbed her arm and threw her over my shoulder. She landed a few feet away and launched immediately into a kick aimed at my head.
"Focus, Spider," she ordered.
I slipped back, rubbing my jaw. "Yeah, yeah." I dropped into a judo stance, lunged forward, grabbed her by the collar, and threw her overhead. She landed on her feet and countered instantly, grabbing my belt and using my own momentum to push me forward.
I rolled onto my back and shot both legs out, sending Natasha stumbling back. Before she could recover I was on her, forearm pressed across her throat. "I win."
"Draw," she whispered, and I felt the cold press of a concealed blade against my groin. I genuinely despised this woman. Though given the rather impressive view I was currently getting down her neckline, I was prepared to forgive her.
"That's cheating. You said no weapons," I growled.
"I lied," she replied as I moved away and helped her back to her feet. "You've taken to judo quickly — I'm impressed. We'll move on to Krav Maga next. Did you finish the assignment I gave you?"
I rolled my eyes. "You mean memorising The Art of War? Yeah, I did."
"Good. Then you can write a twenty-page analysis on the subject. Due in a week. No excuses." She turned and walked toward the door.
"This feels more like a school than a training programme," I said, following.
"Perhaps it should," she replied.
"Hm...hey, Natasha — do you think SHIELD could provide me with a secure way of using social media?"
The Black Widow stopped and turned to face me. "I'm sorry?"
"Has SHIELD been tracking my online presence? Sightings, discussions, all of that?" I asked.
"Yes, we have. And?"
"Well, there are times when I haven't had the chance to speak for myself or explain my actions. If I had a legitimate online presence, I could do that," I argued as we approached the shower block.
"I see...I'll speak to Fury about it." She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it off, revealing a tight training bra that left very little to the imagination. My eyes went wide as I took in the full picture and quickly swallowed. She met my gaze with a teasing smile. "Are you going to join me?"
I gulped. "I, ah — I don't think Felicia would appreciate that. See you later, Red." I turned and walked away, allowing myself exactly one glance back before making it a matter of principle. Infuriating woman. Thought she could have everything her own way. Well...she could. But I wasn't going to let her know that.
---
The next morning a parcel arrived at my front door. No name on the outside. Inside was a letter:
*Untraceable. Don't post anything stupid — no private information, nothing that compromises you or SHIELD. All posts will be reviewed by our public relations branch before going live.*
*— Fury*
Inside the parcel was a state-of-the-art smartphone with the SHIELD logo embossed on the casing. I smiled. Fury was willing to trust me with this. I took it straight down to my basement lab and started taking it apart. I was certain there was a tracking chip inside — after searching carefully, I found not one, not two, but three. That sorted, I was ready.
First order of business: I needed a way to carry the phone while in costume without losing it. I designed a small electromagnetic clip that would draw power from the black Parker Blood web lines running through my suit — essentially a powered mesh I could attach equipment to.
I then set up accounts on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. The challenge was creative — hundreds of fake accounts using the name "Spider-Man" had already been claimed.
So I took the handle *TheAmazingSpider*, which was thankfully still available. I signed in with the phone and typed my first post:
*Twitter: Hello all! It's your Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man, coming to you in person! Check out my Insta and Snap — same handle!*
I posted it, and instead of going live immediately, a SHIELD logo appeared with the word *Processing* beneath it. Right — the PR team was vetting everything I sent.
About a minute later the post went up. I grinned. Official.
*Twitter: Hey, I just realised something — I'm not only swinging on webs anymore. I'm surfing the web as well!*
The first responses came in quickly:
*Holy shit, is this real?*
*Fake account is fake.*
*Doesn't even have a profile pic!*
*Lame jokes. Hard pass.*
I grumbled. Of course they wouldn't believe me. Why would they?
So I suited up and swung out into the city. I headed for the Brooklyn Bridge, found a spot between the cables holding it up, and wove myself a hammock from my webbing. I dropped into it, held the phone up with the busy traffic lanes far below, and took a selfie.
*Twitter: Ah, nothing like a new year for a new me. You guys like the new costume? This thing was not cheap!*
I set it as my profile picture and posted the same shot to Instagram and my Snapchat story. Then I leaned back in my web hammock and waited.
*Holy shit, it is him!*
*Spider-Man's on Twitter?! What the hell?!*
*Quick, someone hack his phone!*
*How is a superhero in a mask online when Iron Man isn't? This is an actual injustice.*
*Mr. Spider-Man, sir — I'm a massive fan. Thank you for protecting our city!*
I replied to as many as I could — giving thanks, accepting gratitude, throwing in a joke or two here and there.
By the end of that day the account had exploded. Over a million followers across Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. I even got Twitter to verify the account, giving me the blue tick mark. I grinned.
Life was good.
Honestly, I'd never quite understood why more heroes didn't use social media. Beast Boy used it in Teen Titans. But the rest of them? Come on. The reach alone was extraordinary. Why didn't Tony have an Iron Man account?
Then again — knowing Tony Stark — I supposed the answer to that was simply that he preferred to be the one seeking attention rather than asking for it.