Luna walked, unblinking, head held high, out of the throne room. This time, she used one of the side gates, one reserved for the family to use.
"Take Anotella to the medical wing, I'll retire to my room for now."
Avraham obeyed without a sound, and soon she was alone. Luna kept walking, faster and faster. She wanted to run, and she almost did. But her discipline won; she ignored everything, forced her mind to go blank, with a singular purpose: keep it together and get to her room.
Luna had barely crossed the threshold of her room before the tears she had been holding back had started pouring down her face. Her own father had all but disowned her, and for what?
'Pathetic'
'Insect'
'Meaningless'
All her life, she had craved her father's attention, and in the first intimate conversation they had had, she finally saw how her own father viewed her. Where had mother been through it all? Where was Avraham?
Maybe if he had protected her as he was supposed to, Horus's attacks wouldn't have been effective. Maybe… maybe her father wouldn't have said all those things to her.
'No… father must have hated me way before that,' Luna thought, but it made no sense.
Luna remembered her father's hand around her throat; she shivered hard then. The memory gave way to a cascade of them, forcing her to relive the entire evening again. She couldn't stop trembling and began crying in earnest.
She saw the imprint her father's hand had left on her neck, then the uneven bruises from Horus's brutish power, starting below her throat and spreading downward.
She couldn't watch anymore and abandoned the attempt and walked out of the dressing room in a panic and strained herself to make it to her bed.
Once there, Luna wrapped herself in her blankets, but she wouldn't stop shaking. She felt alone then, and what was worse, her illusion of safety had been broken; Luna wouldn't have felt any less afraid or any less alone even if her mother or Avraham had been there.
'Avraham never enters my room, though,' Luna didn't know why that thought had come up. She had never once felt uncomfortable with Avraham; He never intruded upon her personal space, never grew impatient with her, and she was sure she had some nightmares, in which he had rescued her; whether they were really nightmares or actual events, Luna could not recall.
That was why it stung deeper that she had been hurt and insulted while he had been in the same room. And her mother? Where was the loving woman in whose warm presence she had always found comfort?
Which was so confusing, because all Luna really wanted right now was to hug her mother while Avraham stood brooding in some shadowy corner close by.
She put her hands on her face, her nails digging into her skin; she felt like nothing would ever be in her control again.
Luna fell back onto her bed and started kicking randomly until her legs hurt even more, then threw her pillows and cushions all over the room. It was the utter lack of control and feelings of helplessness that made her frustrated and scared beyond measure.
She was down to her last cushion when, instead of throwing it, she hugged it hard. She hid her face in that cushion and started crying.
A knock on her door broke her stupor.
She remained silent. Another knock.
Luna held her breath.
"Leave me alone," Luna whispered. She wound herself even more tightly into her blanket.
She heard the door open and gripped the covers of her bed tightly.
Luna listened to the hurried footsteps approaching her bed. There was silence for a moment before someone sat on her bed right beside her, and without removing the blanket, they hugged her.
"Mo… Mother?"
"Yes, my child, my love… Would you please let me look at you?" Lady Luciana replied softly.
"You didn't help me…" Luna replied.
A sigh escaped Luciana's lips before she replied, "I did not."
"...Why?"
Lady Luciana stopped hugging her then, and slightly tugged at the blanket she had so tightly wrapped around her body. Luna hesitantly let go of her grip on it, revealing her face.
Lady Luciana cleaned the tears from her eyes with her thumbs and then kissed her forehead.
"I know I hurt you, my love, no matter how much I apologize I know it wouldn't be enough."
Luna closed her eyes as a fresh batch of tears threatened to release. She refused to look up at her mother's face; instead, she buried herself in her torso, hugging her tight.
"What was it all for? I have been making a fool out of myself all this time. Smiling at everyone, trying to understand their fears and their desires, you taught me about family and I actually tried building it. All for none of them to care?"
She took a deep breath.
"None of my siblings stood by my side. Father hates me, and everyone laughs behind my back. Even him… Horus, he called me pathetic, like I was putting on some grand show. I never minded words like those before but it must be true if Father agrees with Horus as well."
There was so much more she wanted to say, but she stopped; she was tired, and she felt that if anyone could understand all that she left unsaid, it would be her mother. And if she didn't, then why even bother?
"Luna my child--sigh--it was necessary for you to go through this."
"WHY?" Luna was surprised by her response; she had never raised her voice against her mother.
Luciana continued her voice, becoming even softer, "For you to understand the only thing that matters in this universe, the Living Flame. Our reclusive emperor's gift and chain for the 15 houses."
Luna was silent.
"You don't have access to it, and without it you will never have any real voice among the nobility. With your father I…. I have failed to provide him with an heir that he deems worthy, but the contract of our marriage forbids him from naming a bastard as his heir."
Luciana gently broke the hug Luna had encased her in and held her shoulders, making her sit upright, their silver eyes gazing into each other. Their faces were so similar, it was like looking into the future.
"Daughter, your actions haven't been for nothing, you are not the laughing stock of the empire. Dear daughter, you are quite the opposite. You are a symbol of hope to many."
Lucy wiped away a tear, "I don't understand."
Lady Luciana paused and stared into her daughter's face for a brief moment as if to steel herself.
"I recruited Avraham to protect you Luna, from your own family and from your father. A part of that protection was to make your existence inseparable from the Whiterock name. We did that by putting you in plain sight of the universe. Ever since you were born your life has been broadcasted to the universe at large."
"At first it was only to protect you, but Avraham… he had other plans, the night you were born among the things i asked him, was that you not be bound to the same shackles that bound me, so he started shaping you into a symbol of everything that the nobility wasn't."
Luna listened on silently at a loss for anything to say.
"He made you into something the common person could look up to. Your lessons with Avraham, your interactions with the other children, all the excursions you went, roaming the streets like a commoner yourself, and anything else that could put you on that pedestal was broadcasted."
Luna's eyes grew wider and wider with each revelation.
"Soon the other nobility that adored you and had watched you grow, turned against you. By that time though you were firmly established as the designated heir. Avraham thinks he fulfilled my request, or maybe this was his own personal ambition…"
Lady Luciana stopped and stroked the side of Luna's head gently, "That silly man, for all his wisdom, failed to really grasp what shackles I was talking about. It wasn't that I was bound to your father in marriage, it was that I was never asked for my opinion, never given a choice."
Luciana sighed deeply, "So I give you the choice that was denied to me, know that whatever path you choose, you will at least have your mother's full support. Choose this family, you will end up like me, married to a man obsessed with power and an heir worthy of the flame. Aside from that your life would be comfortable, you'll want for nothing, and if your luck is as good as mine, you will have children that you love as much as me. So not really a bad option."
Luna just stared at her mother; her throat had been quite dry for a while, and the stream of tears also dried and caked on her face. So when she spoke, her voice came out hoarse, "And what is the other option."
"Become the idol Avraham is trying so hard to make, accept that role, but take lead and shape it into whatever you want it to be. Fight the nobility's viewpoints and reject their views of the universe. Live in obscurity or rally for change, do whatever you like. But make no mistake, it will be devoid of comfort for a long time, and incredibly dangerous. You might even become influential enough that the powers that be decide to hunt and kill you."
So many secrets, so many lies, it had gone on her entire life. But Luna was alive because of it, according to her mother. She and, in most parts, Avraham had controlled and shaped her life. The choice was to stay with her family within the confines of the nobility, or stay true to whatever vision her actual family, her mother and…. Avraham had concocted for her. But to Luna, what she heard was, choose the people who either ignored or perpetrated terrible violence against her, or trust in those who had been absent when this all was happening, and instead of apologizing admitted to lying to her, her entire life at that.
Luna's concept of reality had been uprooted, and as she was reeling from this realization an urgent question popped into her head.
"Wait! So Avraham broadcasted everything that happened today as well?" she asked, she could already tell from the way even her mother's eyes darted downwards.
'They even made a spectacle out of my humiliation.'
"Yes! which is why it's imperative you come to a decision soon as well, " Luciana replied.
"You both! YOU! YOU!. Who even are you? "
"I have the worst day of my life, and you give me two options, tell me of some conspiracy you and Avraham created around an actual child, YOUR OWN CHILD, as a revenge against the nobility?"
"Mama… I am beyond scared, everything hurts, I feel like my mind and my body has been violated. I need you here, present and consoling me. Instead you give me an impossible choice, the repercussions of which I don't fully understand."
Luna felt a thread of anger and indignation pierce the overwhelming despair she had been feeling.
Lady Luciana paused. She was staring down at Luna, her gaze soft and understanding. When Luciana spoke next, her voice almost betrayed the sob she was trying so hard to hold back.
"That was the best I could do, make your choice now, child, lest your father make one for you, like mine did. You want to know what all of it was for?" Luciana paused before continuing, "the universe has erupted, the likes not seen for half a millennium, workers have stopped working, reports of unrest and rioting is coming from all over the universe. As fast as light can travel we are getting more and more troubling news, we will only understand the true results of what has happened, in a few days time. But all those common people, they looked up to you, and they felt your humiliation as if it was their own. Whatever you do and whatever you become daughter, you will not be insignificant. That is what I gave you."
She paused, letting her words sink in.
"Your father has decided to betroth you Horus Arasaka, he has the Arsakas young but idiotic prodigy firmly in his grasp, and his amazing affinity for flame masks any deficit you may have."
The words struck her like thunder; her arms fell limply to her side as she sat kneeling on her bed, her eyes becoming hollow.
"No, no… surely he can't be that cruel, Mother please tell me this is a joke?"
"Sadly it isn't child, and if you choose the first option, then this will be the perfect first step. You won't even have to move out, Horus has agreed, or else House Arasaka has agreed for him to move in with us. You will ingratiate yourself with your father, and your position as heir will be further solidified through any children that you both might have."
Luna actually had no words; she fell back sideways onto her bed.
"He has also ordered Avraham to go to the outer systems, as punishment for this transgression against him. Choose now, come tomorrow, you will marry Horus, and may finally do something that will please your father, or leave with Avraham, he will still try to protect you but you won't have this family's protection anymore. I'll stay and calm your father's wrath as much as I can. Go and see the universe for what it really is."
"I want to be alone." Luna replied dejectedly.
"We don't have the time…" Lady Luciana started, but Luna cut her off.
"Just, just for a little bit mother… Please?"
"Sure dear… I'll be just outside." She caressed her cheeks one last time before getting up.
Lady Luciana walked out of Luna's room, the door sliding shut as soon as she left. Luna curled into a ball around her cushion, making herself smaller and smaller, wishing she could shrink out of existence right about now.