Riverwood was a dusty, forgotten village on the edge of the Oakhaven estate. It smelled of stale beer, mud, and desperation.
"This is where the culinary genius lives?" Taylor asked, stepping out of the carriage. She adjusted her corset (which Luna had tightened *again*) and looked at the swaying sign of the tavern ahead: **The Salty Spoon**.
"Yes, My Lady," Luna whispered, clutching her stomach. "The rumors say she feeds the poor, kicks the rude, and... well... hunts for beauty."
"Ren, stay close," Taylor ordered. "This place looks rough."
"Understood," Ren said, staring intensely at a chicken coop. "I will guard the perimeter."
He drew his sword and walked confidently *away* from the tavern, straight into a barn.
"He's gone," Violet noted dryly. "Can we leave him?"
"No," Taylor sighed. "Let's go inside."
***
[The Salty Spoon]
The tavern was chaotic. Drunk mercenaries were shouting, tables were overturned, and the air was thick with the smell of roasted garlic and violence.
Suddenly, a body flew across the room.
*CRASH.*
A large, burly man smashed through a wooden table, landing at Taylor's feet. He groaned, holding his face, which had a distinct boot-print on it.
"YOU WASTE THE SAUCE, YOU TASTE THE HEEL!" a voice roared.
Taylor looked up.
Standing on top of the bar counter was a woman.
She was tall, with legs that seemed to go on forever, encased in black trousers and steel-toed boots. She wore a chef's coat that was unbuttoned at the top, revealing a generous amount of cleavage and a red tie. Her blonde hair covered one eye. She held a cigarette (which was actually just a lollipop stick) in her mouth.
[System Analysis]
Name : Ria (The Kicking Chef)
Class : Culinary Monk
Fighting Style : Black Leg Style
Weakness : Beautiful Women (Critical)
"I spent six hours reducing that stock!" Ria shouted, spinning on her heel. "And you dip your dirty beard in it? GET OUT!"
She raised her leg high—showing incredible flexibility—and slammed her heel down on the counter, cracking the wood.
The entire tavern went silent.
Then, Ria looked up.
Her visible eye locked onto Taylor.
Time seemed to stop. Background flowers bloomed out of nowhere. A harp started playing.
Ria's anger vanished instantly. Her eye turned into a literal heart shape. She leaped off the counter, defying gravity, and slid across the floor on her knees, stopping inches from Taylor.
"M-Mellorine!" Ria gasped, clutching her chest. "An Angel! A Goddess! A Muse of Hunger!"
She grabbed Taylor's hand.
"Oh, fair maiden! Did you fall from the heavens? Did it hurt? Let me cook you a soufflé to heal your wings!"
"Uh..." Taylor blinked, taken aback by the sheer intensity. "I'm... hungry?"
"SHE IS HUNGRY!" Ria screamed at the kitchen staff. "Clear the tables! Prepare the finest veal! Get the wine! The Angel needs calories!"
Ria looked at Taylor's chest (which was heaving slightly from the shock). A small stream of blood trickled from Ria's nose.
"So... magnificent," Ria whispered, her hand hovering dangerously close to Taylor's waist. "The curvature... the texture... I must feed it."
*Sching.*
A dagger pressed against Ria's neck.
**Violet** stepped out from behind Taylor. Her eyes were dark, devoid of light.
"Touch her again," Violet hissed, "and I will turn you into stew."
Ria froze. She looked at the knife. Then she looked at Violet.
"Oh?" Ria smirked, lighting a fresh lollipop. "A spicy side dish? I like a challenge."
***
[The Meal of a Lifetime]
Ten minutes later, Taylor was sitting at the only clean table in the place.
In front of her was a feast. Roasted duck, truffle soup, fresh bread that steamed in the cold air. It wasn't just food; it was engineering. The balance of flavors, the texture, the heat distribution—it was perfect.
"Eat, My Angel," Ria cooed, leaning over the table. Her cleavage was practically on the plate. "I made it with love. And extra butter."
Taylor took a bite.
Tears welled in her eyes. It was the first real food she had eaten since reincarnating. No stale bread. No boiled mystery meat.
"It's... efficient," Taylor wept, shoveling food into her mouth. "The caloric density... the protein structure... it's beautiful."
"She speaks the language of food!" Ria swooned, wiggling with delight. "I will cook for you forever! I will be your slave! I will be your footstool!"
"I just need a chef," Taylor said, wiping her mouth. "I'm Taylor Oakhaven. I'm building an empire. And I need someone who understands that wasting resources is a sin."
Ria stopped wiggling. Her expression turned serious.
"Waste," she murmured, looking at the scraps on the nearby tables. "I hate it. People starve, and these pigs throw away the crust."
She looked at Taylor.
"You have a big house? With a big kitchen? And lots of hungry, beautiful maids?"
"I have a castle," Taylor said. "And unlimited ingredients. But I have rules. No wasting food. And no dying."
Ria slammed her foot on the chair next to Taylor.
"Deal," she grinned. "But on one condition."
"What?"
"I get to feed you personally," Ria winked. "Breakfast in bed. Every. Morning."
"Absolutely not," Violet growled.
"We'll discuss the terms later," Taylor interjected quickly. "Welcome to the team, Ria."
***
[The Phantom's Card]
As they left the tavern, Taylor felt full and oddly optimistic. She had her chef.
But as she stood by the carriage, waiting for Ren (who was currently arguing with a scarecrow three fields away), she noticed something on the tavern window ledge.
It was a playing card.
The **Queen of Hearts**.
But the face on the card had been altered. Someone had drawn a monocle over the Queen's eye in glittering silver ink.
And written on the back, in elegant, impossible handwriting:
> To the Engineer of Oakhaven
>
> Your gunpowder was loud. A bit crude, but flashy. I prefer a more... elegant disappearance.
> See you at the show.
>
> — The Magician
Taylor stared at the card.
"The Magician?"
It wasn't "A". This handwriting was different. Playful. Theatrical.
"Is that a love letter?" Ria asked, appearing behind Taylor and trying to sniff her hair.
"No," Taylor said, pocketing the card. "It's a critique."
She looked up at the rooftops. For a split second, she thought she saw a silhouette in a white cape and a top hat standing against the moon.
She blinked, and it was gone.
"Who are you?" Taylor whispered.
First a stalker. Now a magician?
"My Lady!" Luna shouted from the carriage. "Ren has returned! He brought a cow! He thinks it is a horse!"
Taylor sighed.
"Let's go home. Before the cow realizes it's been kidnapped."
[Ding!]
[New Companion: Ria (The Kicking Chef)]
[New Mystery Unlocked: The Phantom Thief]
[Calories Consumed: Sufficient]