The bell above the door of the Nanami Bakery chimed, a cheerful sound that usually signaled a customer looking for fresh melon pan.
Instead, it signaled the return of the prodigal son and his... complicated entourage.
Nanami Kento walked in, holding the door open with a loose, relaxed posture. He wore his usual playful smile, the kind that suggested he knew a joke no one else did.
Behind him walked ARIA, looking around the bakery with critical, golden eyes, like a queen inspecting a peasant's hovel.
"Welcome back!" Nanami's father called out from the back, wiping flour from his hands. "We're almost sold out of—"
He stopped. He saw the woman with the long green hair and the strange, white bodysuit.
"Oh," his father blinked. "A customer? We have some bread left."
"Not a customer, Tou-san," Nanami corrected, leaning against the counter. "Think of her as... extended family. A very expensive, very dangerous cousin who eats a lot."
ARIA walked up to the display case. She tapped the glass where a strawberry shortcake sat.
"I'll take this," she stated, her voice bored and husky. "Consider it a delivery fee. Kento-kun dragged me halfway across the village without offering me so much as a slice of pizza. This will have to suffice."
"Help yourself," Nanami's mother, Haruka, bustled out from the kitchen. She looked at ARIA, then at Nanami. "Kento? Who is this lovely young lady? And why does she look like she's made of... really nice porcelain?"
"This is ARIA," Nanami introduced. "She is an autonomous construct I built. She protects me, keeps my schedule, and complains about the menu."
"I am a support unit," ARIA corrected, staring intensely at the cake as if daring it to run away. "Though 'support' mostly involves cleaning up his messes. It's a thankless existence."
Haruka looked confused, but she was a shinobi mother (by proxy). She rolled with it. "Well, nice to meet you, ARIA-chan. Any friend of Kento is welcome."
"Also," Nanami scratched his cheek, deciding to rip the bandage off quickly. "I have news. Slightly bigger news than the green-haired girl."
His parents leaned in.
"I went to the Senju compound for tea," Nanami started. "And... Lord Tobirama ordered an engagement."
Haruka gasped. "Engagement?"
"Tsunade," Nanami grinned. "The Slug Princess and I are officially... a strategic alliance. Wedding in the spring."
Silence filled the bakery. The clock ticked.
Then, chaos.
"MY BOY!" His father roared, vaulting over the counter (and nearly tripping) to hug Nanami. "YOU FINALLY DID IT! I knew it! I knew all those 'training sessions' would pay off! The Senju! We're royalty!"
Haruka burst into tears, grabbing Nanami's face. "Oh, Kento! My baby is getting married! And to Tsunade-chan! Oh, I'm so happy! She's basically lived here since she was six anyway!"
"She does eat a lot of our inventory," his father laughed, wiping a tear. "But she's a good girl. Strong! She helped me move the flour sacks last week with one finger! Welcome to the family, officially!"
"I will convey your enthusiasm," Nanami laughed. "Though maybe don't mention the flour sacks during the ceremony."
ARIA watched the scene while eating the strawberry shortcake with a fork she had seemingly conjured from nowhere.
"Humans are so loud when they reproduce socially," she muttered around a mouthful of cream. "It's exhausting just watching them. Kento-kun, do you have cheese? This is too sweet."
The Next Day - The Village Center
News in a ninja village travels faster than a lightning clone. Especially when the Hokage makes an official announcement.
By noon, the entire village knew. The Senju Princess was engaged to Nanami Kento.
Most people were happy. It was a power couple.
However, in a small dango shop near the red-light district, the mood was funereal.
Jiraiya sat at a table, surrounded by empty sake bottles. He was slumped over, his forehead resting on the wood. He let out a moan that sounded like a dying whale.
"Why..." Jiraiya wailed into the wood. "Why him? Why that bastard? What does he have that I don't?"
Orochimaru sat opposite him, sipping tea with the elegance of a viper. He looked at his teammate with a mixture of amusement and mild disgust.
"Intelligence?" Orochimaru suggested dryly. "Hygiene? A chin that doesn't wobble when he cries?"
"I don't wobble!" Jiraiya shot up, tears streaming down his face. "I am rugged! I am the Toad Sage! Ladies love toads!"
"Ladies tolerate toads, Jiraiya. They marry princes." Orochimaru took a bite of dango. "Face it. You never had a chance. She views you as a loud piece of furniture that occasionally perverts on her."
"She loves me deep down!" Jiraiya slammed his fist on the table. "She just doesn't know it yet! I was going to write her a poem!"
"Speaking of poems," a familiar, playful voice drifted from the street. "Make sure it rhymes with 'rejection', Jiraiya."
Jiraiya froze. He turned his head slowly.
Nanami Kento stood at the entrance of the shop. He looked annoying. He looked happy. He was holding Tsunade's hand.
Tsunade looked radiant. She wasn't wearing her mission gear; she was in a casual kimono, her hair loose. She looked at Jiraiya with a raised eyebrow.
"Were you crying over me again, you idiot?" Tsunade asked dangerously.
Jiraiya's face went through five stages of grief in one second. Then, the alcohol took over.
"YOU!"
Jiraiya stumbled to his feet. He pointed a shaking finger at Nanami.
"You thief! You stole her! You used some... some bread-based genjutsu on her!"
Nanami chuckled, stepping forward. "No genjutsu, my friend. Just charm. And winning bets."
Jiraiya roared—a sound that was more pathetic than threatening—and lunged. He grabbed Nanami by the collar.
"Fight me!" Jiraiya slurred. "Duel for her hand! Toad vs. Bread!"
Nanami didn't move. He just looked down at the hand on his collar with a mild curiosity.
"My, my. Such aggression. Are you sure you want to do this, Jiraiya? I might accidentally fold you like a napkin."
"I'm serious!" Jiraiya shouted. "I loved her first!"
WHAM.
The world went sideways for Jiraiya.
Tsunade didn't use a jutsu. She just used a standard, irritation-fueled right hook.
Jiraiya flew out of the dango shop, spun three times in the air, and landed face-first in a pile of trash bags across the street.
"Idiot," Tsunade huffed, dusting off her hands.
She walked to the door and glared at the twitching legs in the trash.
"You never had a chance, Jiraiya," she yelled. "You lost credibility the day you tried to peek into the Academy girls' changing room! You and Sarutobi-sensei are cut from the same perverted cloth! I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth!"
From the trash pile, a muffled sob was heard. "But the research..."
Somewhere in the Hokage Tower, Hiruzen Sarutobi sneezed violently. "Strange. Is Biwako thinking about me?"
Back at the dango shop, Orochimaru chuckled—a low, raspy sound. "Predictable outcome."
Nanami walked over to Orochimaru. "You enjoying the show, Snake-boy?"
"It is fascinating data," Orochimaru smiled. "Congratulations. Though I question your sanity. Marrying a Senju seems... loud."
"It keeps life interesting," Nanami shrugged.
He looked at the trash pile.
"Listen. Since we're all here—and since Jiraiya is currently communing with garbage—I'm hosting a thing tonight. A party. My place. My parents are out."
"Very well," Orochimaru conceded. "If there is sake, I will attend."
Nanami walked over to the trash pile and nudged Jiraiya.
"Hey. Lover boy. You coming? Free booze."
Jiraiya's head popped out. "Booze?"
"Top shelf."
"I'm in."
That Night - Nanami Household
The living room of the Nanami house was cozy, but tonight, it was packed with the future legends of the elemental nations.
Team 9 and Team 7. The Golden Generation. Every single one of them was now an Elite Jonin. The strongest force Konoha had to offer.
Sakumo Hatake sat by the window, sipping tea. Might Duy was in the center of the room, engaging Jiraiya in a contest of "Who can flex hardest."
Tsunade and Nanami sat on the sofa, sharing a bottle of sake.
Then, ARIA walked in carrying a platter of skewers. She wore a casual dress Nanami's mother had lent her, her long green hair flowing loosely down her back.
Jiraiya stopped flexing. His eyes bulged. He dropped his skewer.
"Who..." Jiraiya whispered, wiping drool from his chin. "Who is that?"
He smoothed his hair back, put on his 'seductive' face (which looked more like he was in pain), and slid over to ARIA.
"Hello there," Jiraiya purred, leaning against the wall (and missing slightly). "I don't think we've been introduced. I am the Great Toad Sage, Jiraiya. And you are... the most beautiful girl I have ever seen."
ARIA stopped. She looked him up and down with her golden eyes.
Then, she smiled. It was a slow, teasing smile, full of secrets.
"Oh?" ARIA said, her voice dropping to a smooth purr. She leaned in close to him, invading his personal space. "The Toad Sage? I've heard rumors. They say your... chakra capacity... is quite impressive."
Jiraiya turned bright red. Steam practically shot out of his ears. "I... uh... yes! Massive! Huge capacity! The biggest in the village!"
ARIA giggled, a low, throaty sound. She touched his arm lightly with a finger. "I do appreciate a man with stamina. Tell me, sage-boy, do you know any... private jutsu? I get so bored training alone."
Jiraiya looked like he had ascended to heaven. He turned to Nanami, giving a double thumbs up, tears of joy in his eyes. "Kento! You didn't tell me you had a hot cousin! I take it back! You can have Tsunade! I have found my destiny! She understands me!"
He turned back to ARIA, puckering his lips, ready for romance. "So, my angel, how about we go somewhere quiet and—"
"She's a robot, Jiraiya," Nanami called out from the sofa, taking a lazy sip of his sake.
Jiraiya froze. "Huh?"
"Android," Nanami corrected pleasantly. "Synthetic resin skin. Chakra-powered core. Zero biological functions. She's basically a really advanced toaster."
Jiraiya stared at ARIA.
ARIA dropped the sultry act instantly. Her face went deadpan, her eyes bored.
"My 'heart' is a vacuum siphon," she said flatly, pulling away from him. "And my skin is cold to the touch. Also, your breath smells like cheap sake and desperation. Do you have any pizza? This flirting is making me hungry."
She walked away to serve Sakumo, leaving a trail of shattered dreams in her wake.
Jiraiya stood there, frozen in a puckered pose.
"BWAHAHAHA!"
Tsunade fell off the sofa, clutching her stomach, laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. "Oh my god! His face! Did you see his face?! 'My angel'!"
Even Orochimaru let out a sinister chuckle. "A toaster. Fitting."
Jiraiya slumped to the floor, defeated. "Why... why is the world so cruel? Why is the hot one made of metal?"
"So," Nanami said, his voice cutting through the laughter. "Let's review the stats."
He pointed to Sakumo. "Sakumo. Elite Jonin. Engaged."
He pointed to Duy. "Duy. Elite Jonin. Engaged."
He pointed to himself and Tsunade. "Engaged."
He looked at the two men in the corner.
"Jiraiya. Orochimaru. The only singles in the group. What's the matter? Is genius a repellant?"
"I am single by choice!" Jiraiya shouted from the floor. "There are lines of ladies waiting for me! I'm just... weighing my options!"
"Weighing options?" Tsunade snorted, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. "The only thing you're weighing is your rejection letters."
Orochimaru swirled his cup. "Perhaps it is a matter of evolution. Nature selects for desirable traits. Loudness and peeping are not... survival advantages."
"You creep them out, snake-eyes!" Jiraiya retorted. "You stare at them like they're lab rats!"
The room erupted in laughter again.
Nanami watched them. They were young. They were powerful. They were alive.
"A toast!" Nanami called out, raising his bottle.
The room quieted.
"To Team 9 and Team 7," Nanami said. "To the strongest generation Konoha has ever seen. May we survive the stupid missions, may we get paid on time, and may Jiraiya eventually find a girl—or android—with low standards."
"HEY!"
"Cheers!" Tsunade shouted.
"CHEERS!"
They drank. The night was warm, the sake was good, and for a moment, everything was perfect.