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Chapter 157 - Suicide Note (Extra 1)

The day of Shimizu Nayotake's discharge from the hospital came quickly.

The sun was unusually bright that morning.

By the time Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku arrived at the hospital, Shimizu Nayotake had already changed her clothes and was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting.

She had put the slightly faded navy school uniform jacket back on. Her hair, noticeably longer now, was tied into a simple short ponytail. The color had returned to her face — she looked much healthier than she had during those first days in the hospital.

"Nayotake!"

Yukinoshita Shizuku walked over quickly and gave her a gentle hug.

"Congratulations on being discharged."

Shimizu Nayotake looked a little embarrassed at the embrace, but quietly hugged her back all the same.

"Mm...."

Shimizu's mother was tidying up nearby, folding a few changes of clothes and placing them into a worn travel bag.

She lifted her head and looked at Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku, a grateful smile spreading across her face.

"Kagami-kun, Shizuku-chan."

"You've both gone to so much trouble these past few days."

"And please pass along my thanks to Nayotake's other friends and classmates, and to Komoe-sensei as well."

After the cultural festival ended, the classmates from Tsushima Kagami's class had all come to visit Nayotake.

But today, discharge time fell during school hours — it wasn't possible for so many people to take the day off just to see her out. So in the end, it was left to Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku, Nayotake's two closest friends, to come and bring them home.

Tsushima Kagami helped carry the bags and offered a small smile.

Yukinoshita Shizuku shook her head.

"Please don't say that, Auntie."

"Nayotake is my best friend. She's helped me so much too."

"This is the least we could do."

Shimizu's mother smiled and nodded — then her expression shifted, something hesitant crossing her face as she looked between Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku.

Tsushima Kagami could tell she wanted to say something.

So he asked directly.

"Go ahead and say it, Auntie. Don't worry about putting us out."

Shimizu's mother finally said, with a touch of shyness,

"Well... if you two aren't busy today, I'd love to have you come by the house for a bit."

"Nothing fancy — just a simple home-cooked meal. Consider it a small token of my appreciation."

She finished speaking and looked at them both, a little anxious.

Yukinoshita Shizuku paused and glanced at Tsushima Kagami, who gave a small nod.

She smiled and nodded in return.

"Of course. We were hoping to walk Nayotake home anyway."

Shimizu's mother let out a breath of relief, her smile growing warmer.

Once they had completed the discharge paperwork, Shimizu Nayotake and her mother were about to head for the subway — but Tsushima Kagami stepped in, flagged down a taxi, and ushered both of them inside.

All four of them squeezed into the cab.

"Nayotake."

"Where do you live?"

Shimizu Nayotake hesitated a moment, then said quietly,

"Adachi Ward... Nishiarai..."

The driver heard the address and pulled out without a word.

The car left the hospital and wound through busy streets, heading steadily northward.

The view outside the windows shifted gradually. Fewer and fewer tall buildings. More and more ordinary apartment blocks. The streets narrowed a little; the crowds thinned a little. Even the air seemed to lose some of that taut, urban edge.

From Adachi Ward to the school in Shinjuku Ward, the train alone was over an hour each way.

Add in the walk from home to the station and from the station to school, and every day's commute was close to three hours round trip.

She does this every day?

Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku exchanged a glance.

The same thought passed through both of them.

And after school she works a part-time job, then rushes to catch the last train home...

They both turned and looked at the girl sitting beside them.

She was gazing out the window, thoughts somewhere far away.

Tsushima Kagami looked away and said nothing.

The taxi stopped in front of an old apartment building.

It was a two-story wooden structure. The paint on the outer walls had peeled and flaked, exposing the dark grey wood underneath.

On the ground floor, laundry hung from a few of the windows. On the second-floor walkway, a handful of potted plants drooped over the railing, nearly withered.

When Shimizu Nayotake stepped out of the car, her feet paused for just a moment.

She turned to look at Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku, her expression complicated — embarrassed and uneasy all at once.

"Um," she said quietly. "The place is kind of... a bit run-down."

Yukinoshita Shizuku walked over and took her hand.

"Come on."

"Kagami and I used to live in a crummy place in Chiba too."

Shimizu Nayotake gave a small nod at that.

Their room was at the far end of the ground floor.

Sliding the door open revealed a narrow entryway that also served as the bathroom and kitchen. A small refrigerator sat in the corner, a bag of rice and a bundle of vegetables balanced on top of it.

The kitchen area was just a single sink and a one-burner gas stove, the stovetop wiped spotlessly clean.

Further inside was the main room.

The floor was laid with old tatami, worn smooth and faintly glossy in patches. The walls had yellowed slightly, but they were clean and free of dust — not a speck anywhere. Against one wall stood a low table holding an old kettle and a few cups.

Beyond that, two small spaces divided by curtain panels. Visible inside each: a single bed and a simple wardrobe.

The whole place was probably under thirty square meters.

But it was tidy. Impeccably tidy.

On the windowsill sat a small pothos plant, its leaves a vivid green — clearly tended with care.

A photograph hung on the wall: a portrait of mother and daughter. Nayotake as a small child, her mother holding her, both of them laughing.

"It's small. Sorry about that," Shimizu's mother said, a little self-conscious.

"Please sit. I'll go get some food ready."

"Let me help, Auntie."

Yukinoshita Shizuku rolled up her sleeves.

"No, no — you're the guest."

"It's fine, I cook at home all the time."

But Yukinoshita Shizuku was pulled back by Shimizu Nayotake, who then went with her mother to the kitchen counter in the entryway to start preparing.

Only Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku were left in the main room.

The two of them sat by the low table, a quiet settling between them.

Tsushima Kagami's gaze drifted around the room and came to rest on a bookshelf along the wall.

It was a small wooden shelf — just two tiers — with a sparse scattering of books.

The spines were all worn, clearly read many times over.

He stood and walked over to it.

Tsushima Kagami picked one up at random.

It was a picture book. The cover was battered, the corners curled, the pages yellowed. He opened it and found pencil marks inside — the scrawl of a child's idle doodling.

He flipped through it briefly, then put it back.

He picked up another. Andersen's Fairy Tales.

Then another. Aesop's Fables.

All children's books. All worn with repeated reading.

Tsushima Kagami imagined a small girl in this tiny apartment, reading these same books over and over again, finding her own world inside the words.

Then he noticed one more: a collection of Japanese folktales.

He picked it up and opened it.

A folded piece of paper slipped from between the pages and floated gently to the floor.

Tsushima Kagami bent down instinctively and picked it up.

He meant to tuck it back into the book — but when his eyes passed over the first line, he went completely still.

It was a handwritten letter.

The handwriting was unsteady, as though written by trembling hands.

His gaze moved downward, almost against his will.

[Nayotake, by the time you read this letter, I will be gone.]

[I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.]

[I was not a good mother.]

[I couldn't give you a complete family. I couldn't give you a healthy body. I couldn't give you a decent life.]

[You've suffered so much, following me.]

[You asked me once why I chose to bring you into this world.]

[I didn't tell you the truth.]

[Because I was too selfish.]

[I wanted a child of my own. I wanted a reason to keep living. I wanted someone to call me Mom....]

[So I ignored everyone who told me not to, and I had you.]

[And then? You inherited my illness.]

[It's all my fault.]

[I know how hard you've worked.]

[Studying hard. Working hard. Taking care of me.]

[You never complained. Never said you were tired.]

[You always told me you were fine.]

[But I know — how could you possibly be fine?]

[You're only seventeen. You're still so young.]

[You should be like other kids your age — going out with friends, shopping, watching movies, falling in love.]

[Not working until midnight every night, spending every yen you earn on my hospital bills.]

[I am a burden.]

[I don't want to drag you down any longer.]

[After I'm gone, the money you've saved — keep it for your own surgery.]

[You are a strong child. Without me, you'll be better off.]

[Don't blame me.]

[I'm just... so tired.]

[Nayotake.]

[I'm sorry.]

[For being born into this world — I am sorry.]

[For being your mother — I am sorry too.]

____

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