[The Next Day - Konoha Streets]
The month-long break had officially begun.
Kakashi, true to canon, immediately swooped up Sasuke.
"I need to help Sasuke control that... mark," Kakashi had said, his visible eye serious. "And teach him something to keep him alive against Gaara. You and Naruto will have a different tutor."
"Let me guess," Naruto had groaned, kicking a pebble. "Someone awesome? Like you?"
"Even better," Kakashi smiled under his mask. "A Special Jonin."
Enter Ebisu. The closet pervert with the round sunglasses and the punchable face.
"I am Ebisu! Elite tutor to the Honorable Grandson!" Ebisu announced, adjusting his glasses. "Kakashi-san has entrusted me with refining your abysmal chakra control, Naruto Uzumaki! And you too, Kenji Sato!"
"Hard pass," I said, drinking a box of strawberry milk. "I already have perfect chakra control. I can walk on water, climb trees, and juggle kunai with my feet while blindfolded. Teach the loudmouth."
"W-What?!" Ebisu stammered. "A Genin cannot refuse an elite tutor! It is highly irregular!"
"Watch me," I turned around. "I'm going to the hot springs. My muscles ache from carrying this team through the Forest of Death."
"Hot springs?!" Naruto's eyes lit up. "Can I come?! Training is boring!"
"No! You must train!" Ebisu yelled, grabbing Naruto's collar.
"Tell you what, Ebisu-sensei," I smirked, looking back over my shoulder. "Take Naruto to the hot springs. Have him practice water walking there. It's a relaxing environment, and if he falls in, he gets a bath. Two birds, one stone. Plus, the scenery is... inspiring."
Ebisu paused. He pushed his sunglasses up his nose. The faint pink tint on his cheeks gave him away immediately.
"The... the hot springs?" Ebisu coughed, trying to maintain his strict elite persona. "I suppose... a calm environment could be beneficial for chakra concentration. Very well. We shall proceed to the hot springs! Strictly for educational purposes!"
"You're so easy," I muttered, shaking my head.
****
[Konoha Hot Springs - Afternoon]
The women's bath was separated from the men's by a tall, sturdy bamboo fence. Steam rose into the air, carrying the faint sound of splashing and feminine laughter.
Naruto was standing on the surface of the water in the men's bath, struggling to keep his balance, his chakra fluctuating wildly.
"Focus your chakra to the soles of your feet, Naruto!" Ebisu instructed from the edge, though his dark glasses kept drifting dangerously toward a small crack in the bamboo fence.
I was lounging in the hot water, a warm towel on my head, enjoying the peace.
"Ebisu-sensei," I called out lazily. "You're leaning a little too far to the left. If you want to peek, just use a periscope. It's more professional. Or a mirror on a stick."
"I-I AM NOT PEEPING!" Ebisu shrieked, his face turning atomic red. "I am an elite tutor! I am merely... inspecting the structural integrity of the bamboo! The moisture can cause rot!"
"Sure it can."
Suddenly, a loud THUD echoed from the top of the fence.
Ebisu gasped. "A peeping tom! How disgraceful! Unforgivable! I will apprehend this villain immediately!"
Ebisu charged toward the fence, jumping into the air to catch the culprit.
WHAM.
A massive toad materialized out of thin air. It slammed into Ebisu mid-jump, crushing the elite tutor into the wooden deck. Ebisu went out like a light, a comical lump instantly forming on his head.
"Whoa!" Naruto lost his focus and splashed into the water. "What was that?!"
I opened one eye, moving the towel from my forehead.
Sitting on top of the massive toad, perched precariously on the bamboo fence, was a large man with a mane of spiky white hair. He wore a red haori, wooden geta sandals, and a horned headband with the kanji for 'Oil'.
He was holding a telescope, peering shamelessly into the women's bath, a steady stream of blood dripping from his nose.
"Hehehe... yes... the proportions this year are magnificent," the man giggled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. "Konoha really produces the best..."
Naruto scrambled out of the water, pointing a furious finger at the man. "Hey! You knocked out my teacher! You stupid pervert!"
The man stopped giggling. He slowly lowered the telescope and stood up on the toad, striking a ridiculous, theatrical kabuki pose.
"A pervert?!" The man roared, spinning his white hair. "I am no mere pervert! I am the epitome of masculinity! The toad sage of Mount Myoboku! He who makes crying children shut up in awe! The great Jiraiya!"
He struck his final pose, waiting for the applause.
Cricket chirp.
"You're still a pervert," Naruto deadpanned. "And now you owe me a teacher!"
I slowly stood up in the hot spring, water cascading off my chest. I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked to the edge.
[Target: Jiraiya]
[Status: Sannin / Legendary Pervert / Author.]
[Threat Level: S-Rank.]
"Jiraiya," I said, folding my arms. "The author of Icha Icha Paradise."
Jiraiya blinked, looking down at me. A proud smirk crossed his face. "Oho? A young fan? Yes, it is I, the literary genius behind the greatest romance novel of our time. I suppose you want an autograph, kid?"
"Hah. As if," I scoffed, shrugging my shoulders. "I have no interest in children's books."
Jiraiya nearly fell off his toad. "C-Children's books?! You brat! Icha Icha is a masterpiece of adult literature! It explores the complex, raw, passionate depths of the human heart!"
"It reads like a teenager who just discovered what a bra strap is," I countered smoothly.
Jiraiya gasped, clutching his chest as if I had stabbed him. His self-esteem plummeted.
"But," I raised a finger, "I do see your dedication to gathering material. Peeking at women's bathhouses, risking life, limb, and reputation just to capture the essence of the female form. That level of shameless dedication cannot be found anywhere else. The men of this world will always be thankful for your sacrifices."
Hearing those words, Jiraiya instantly recovered. He puffed out his chest, a huge grin spreading across his face. "Ah! You do understand! Yes, I suffer for my art! The risks I take for my readers!"
"But," I poked a hole in his balloon again, "your methods are too crude."
Jiraiya blinked. "Crude?"
"Yeah. Who are you? The Legendary Sannin. The Toad Sage. Does it really suit a man of your stature to hang off fences like a desperate teenager?" I shook my head, clicking my tongue. "Why don't you go to the Red Light District? You have the money. Buy out a parlor. Hire the top courtesans. There, you can explore the female form in depth. Hands-on research. Practical application. Why look from afar when you can dive right in?"
Jiraiya stared at me. His mouth hung slightly open. The gears in his perverted mind were turning at lightspeed.
"Hands-on... research..." Jiraiya muttered, wiping another drop of blood from his nose. "Boy... you... you are a visionary! I never thought of phrasing it as an 'interview'!"
[System Notification]
[Reputation with Jiraiya: Kindred Spirit.]
[Shameless Points: +1,000.]
"Hey! Don't ignore me!" Naruto yelled, splashing water at Jiraiya. "You old pervert! You knocked out Closet Pervert! Now who will train me?! I have the finals in a month!"
Jiraiya waved him off, not even looking down. "Quiet, kid. The adults are discussing the depths of the female anatomy."
"Shut up!" Naruto clamored, pointing his thumb at his chest. "When I, Uzumaki Naruto, become Hokage, I will kick out perverts like you from my village! Believe it!"
Jiraiya froze.
The telescope slipped from his hand and splashed into the hot spring.
His head snapped toward Naruto. The goofy, perverted demeanor vanished in an instant, replaced by the sharp, analytical gaze of a veteran shinobi.
"Uzumaki... Naruto?" Jiraiya repeated, his voice suddenly very serious. He stared at the blonde hair, the blue eyes, the whisker marks.
He looked at me, then back to Naruto.
"I see," Jiraiya muttered, jumping off the toad. "So he's grown this much. I have some business to attend to. Kid... I'll be back for you."
With a swirl of leaves, the Toad Sage vanished.
"Hey! Come back here and fix my teacher!" Naruto yelled at the empty air.
I chuckled, sitting back down in the hot water. "Don't worry, Naruto. Your new tutor just left to grab his syllabus."
Author's Note:
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