After messing with the kunoichi trio, I realized something important: My damp, one-room apartment was no longer livable.
Why?
Because I have money now.
You see, when you're broke, mold on the ceiling looks like abstract art. But when you have millions of Ryo in your inventory, suddenly the "home-cooked food" of poverty tastes salty. It tastes like failure.
"I need a lair," I muttered, walking through the residential district. "A place where I can bring girls without them catching a respiratory infection. Soundproofing is a must. A reinforced bed frame is non-negotiable."
After scouring the village, dodging exorbitant prices and haunted Uchiha lots, I found it.
A nice, two-story house near the river. Secluded enough for privacy, close enough to the Red Light District for... cultural research. It had a garden (for Haku), a large living room, and a master bedroom that screamed "Bachelor Pad."
****
[The Hokage Building - Administration Desk]
Buying a house in a military dictatorship isn't like buying a sandwich. You need paperwork.
I stood at the registration desk. The clerk, a Chunin with glasses and a stern expression, looked at my application. Then she looked at the bag of cash. Then she looked at me.
"Genin Kenji Sato," she said suspiciously. "You are twelve. This is a payment of 5 million Ryo. Cash."
"Correct."
"Where did you get this?" Her hand drifted toward the alarm button under the desk. "Did you rob a noble? Are you selling village secrets?"
"I earned it," I said innocently.
"Likely story," a deep, scarred voice grumbled from behind me.
I froze.
[Threat Detected: Ibiki Morino] [Status: Sadist / Interrogator.]
"Ibiki-san," the clerk nodded. "This Genin is flashing suspicious wealth. I was about to call you."
"A coffee sounds nice," Ibiki loomed over me, his scarred face twisting into a terrifying smile. "In the T&I Department. We have excellent... hospitality."
Crap. I can't let him drag me down there. He'll peel my mind like an onion.
"Wait!" I leaned over the counter, getting close to the clerk. "I can explain. But it's... sensitive."
"Spies usually say that," Ibiki growled.
"I am... The Midnight Gardner," I whispered to the clerk.
She blinked. "The... who?"
"The author," I slid my contract with Golden Quill across the desk, covering the alarm button. "Of The Kunoichi's Forbidden Heat."
The clerk froze. Her eyes widened behind her glasses. She looked at the contract. She looked at the royalty figures.
Then, a bright, feverish blush exploded across her face.
"Y-You?" she squeaked, her professional demeanor shattering like glass. "You wrote... that?"
"Every word," I winked, lowering my voice. "Including Chapter 4. The one with the Shadow Clone, the honey jar, and the unsuspecting ANBU captain."
Ibiki paused, sensing the shift in atmosphere. "What is he talking about? Is it code?"
"N-Nothing, sir!" the clerk shouted, slamming her hand down on the contract to hide it. "It's legitimate! Highly legitimate business! He's... an artist! A very successful... cultural artist!"
Ibiki grunted, looking suspicious. He eyed the bag of money, then the flustered clerk. He shrugged.
"Fine. If paperwork clears, I don't care. I have prisoners to break."
He walked away, leaving a trail of intimidating aura behind him.
The clerk let out a breath she'd been holding. She leaned in, her face burning, adjusting her glasses with trembling fingers.
"You really wrote it?" she whispered, her eyes darting around to make sure no one was listening. "The scene in the hot springs... with the chakra-enhanced ropes?"
"Research," I nodded solemnly. "Rigorous field testing."
"But..." she bit her lip, glancing at the contract again. "Are there really such toys? The... 'Vibrating Kunai'? The 'Seal of Endless Stamina'? How did you even think of them?"
"Imagination is the strongest weapon, miss," I leaned closer. "But to answer your question... yes. They exist. Prototypes, of course."
Her eyes dilated. "And the position on page 102? The 'Reverse Lotus'? How can someone physically do that without snapping a spine?"
"Flexibility training," I smirked. "And the right partner."
I tapped the address on my housing application.
"If you're curious... if you want to know if the legends are true..." I lowered my voice to a husky whisper. "Why don't you give me a visit sometime? Housewarming party. I have a whole collection. First editions. Signed copies. And maybe... a demonstration of the merchandise."
The clerk turned a shade of red that rivaled the Hokage's robes. She looked at the address. She looked at me.
She stamped the paper. THUNK.
"Approved," she breathed, sliding the key across the desk. "I... I get off at six."
"I'll leave the door unlocked," I took the key and the receipt. "Don't bring Ibiki."
I walked out of the administration building, whistling.
[System Notification] [Purchase Complete: Riverside Villa.] [Reputation: The Midnight Gardner (Confirmed).] [New Contact: Administration Clerk (Interested).]
****
[Konoha Main Street - Afternoon]
I walked out of the administration building, swinging the key on my finger. The sun was shining, my wallet was lighter (but still heavy), and I officially owned property.
"Now comes the hard part," I muttered. "Logistics."
As if summoned by the God of Plot Convenience, a blur of orange rounded the corner.
"I'm telling you, Teuchi-ji gave me an extra fish cake because I'm awesome!" Naruto shouted, talking to himself (or perhaps the ghost of the Fourth Hokage).
"Yo, Naruto!" I waved.
Naruto skid to a halt. "Kenji! Where did you go? You disappeared after paying for the ramen!"
"I went shopping," I held up the key. "I bought a house."
Naruto blinked. "A... house? Like, a whole building? Not just a room?"
"A two-story villa by the river. Garden included."
"WHAAAT?!" Naruto grabbed his head. "Are you rich?! Like, Daimyo rich?!"
"Ha ha," I laughed, patting his shoulder. "Let's just say the literary world pays better than D-Rank missions. But Naruto... I have a problem. I have all this furniture I ordered, and no one to move it."
Naruto grinned. He cracked his knuckles. "Say no more! I'm the future Hokage! Helping citizens is my duty!"
"Excellent," I pointed to the furniture store down the street. "I need about... two hundred of you."
****
That afternoon, the villagers of Konoha witnessed a strange natural phenomenon: The Great Orange Migration.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
POOF. POOF. POOF. POOF.
Hundreds of Narutos flooded the street.
"Alright boys!" The real Naruto shouted, standing on a crate. "Operation: Move Kenji's Stuff! Believe it!"
"YEAH!" The army roared.
It was chaos. Beautiful, efficient chaos.
One Naruto carried a sofa on his back. Two Narutos argued over how to pivot a bedframe around a corner. Three Narutos were juggling lamps.
"Careful with that!" I shouted, pointing at a clone carrying a box labeled 'Fragile: Art Supplies' (it was actually my stash of Icha Icha).
"Aye aye, sir!"
I walked leisurely alongside the parade of clones, directing traffic. We passed by the BBQ restaurant, where Team 10 was hanging out.
Shikamaru was staring at the clouds. Choji was eating chips. Ino was... probably thinking about boys.
They looked up as the sea of orange swept past.
"What a drag," Shikamaru muttered, watching a Naruto trip and drop a nightstand. "Is that... a invasion?"
"Hey guys!" I waved, walking over.
"Kenji?" Choji crunched a chip. "Why does Naruto have a refrigerator on his back?"
"Moving day," I explained. "I bought a place near the river. You guys should come by. Tomorrow night. Housewarming party. There will be food. Lots of it."
Choji's eyes lit up. "Food? I'm there!"
"Troublesome," Shikamaru sighed. "But... I guess I have nothing else to do."
Ino looked at me, eyeing my new clothes. "You bought a house? At twelve?"
"I'm an entrepreneur, Ino," I winked. "You're invited too. Wear something... festive. Maybe that leopard print we talked about?"
"I TOLD YOU I DON'T OWN LEOPARD PRINT!" Ino yelled, but she didn't say no.