Being the Imperial Chancellor of the Amber Dynasty came with many perks: silk robes that repelled dust, a retinue of terrified scribes, and tea leaves harvested from the peaks of misty mountains.
It also came with the responsibility of babysitting a frozen chunk of the Upper Realm in the backyard.
Li Fan stood at the edge of the Eastern Garden, his breath misting in the air. The "Embassy," as he had euphemistically named it, had expanded. The single Ice Phoenix feather, resting in its nest of moss, had created a permanent micro-climate of winter within the spring garden. It was beautiful—crystalline frost coating the plum trees, the air smelling of impossibly pure ozone—but it was a headache.
"The temperature dropped another two degrees last night, Chancellor," said Alchemist Ming, clutching a datapad of thermal readings and shivering despite her fur-lined cloak. "The stabilization array is holding, but the feather... it's pulsing. It's getting restless."
Li Fan adjusted his collar. "It's not restless, Ming. It's bored."
"Bored?" She looked at him as if he were mad. "It is a divine artifact of the Ice Phoenix Empress. Does it have feelings?"
"Its owner does," Li Fan corrected. "And right now, I suspect she's watching us like a cat watches a fishbowl."
He stepped past the barrier, his [Ice-Heart Clarity] buff (gained in Chapter 30) flaring to life. The biting cold that should have frozen his blood merely felt like a brisk breeze. This was the System's doing—adapting him to be the perfect interface.
As he approached the feather, the pulsing light intensified. It wasn't the chaotic fluctuation of energy; it was a rhythm. A summons.
Li Fan sighed. He straightened his Chancellor's cap and bowed slightly.
"Imperial Chancellor Li Fan," he announced to the empty, frozen air. "At your service. How may the Mortal Realm entertain you today?"
The world didn't change, but the pressure did.
The feather dissolved into a beam of blue light that shot upward, piercing the sky. Then, the light widened, forming a holographic projection about ten feet tall.
The air in the garden froze solid. The wind stopped.
A figure appeared in the light.
She sat on a throne made of suspended ice crystals, floating in a void of stars. She wore robes that looked like woven auroras. Her hair was white as absolute zero, cascading down to her feet. Her eyes were blue suns, cold and terribly, terrifyingly distant.
Empress Ling Xue. The Ice Phoenix of the Upper Realm.
She looked down. Not at the garden. At him.
"You are the Dissonance," she said. Her voice didn't travel through the air; it resonated directly in his skull, like a bell struck underwater. "The mortal who balances temperatures."
Li Fan didn't kneel. He knew instinctively that a broker does not kneel to a client, or the deal is lost. He maintained his bow, then looked up. "I am Li Fan. And you are trespassing on my Empress's begonias."
Alchemist Ming let out a strangled squeak and fainted behind him.
Ling Xue blinked. It was a slow, glacial movement. A spark of something—amusement?—lit her eyes.
"Trespassing," she repeated. "I could freeze this entire continent with a sigh, little mortal. I am not trespassing. I am... visiting the zoo."
"A zoo has visiting hours," Li Fan countered, his heart hammering a frantic rhythm against his ribs despite his outward calm. "And an admission fee."
Ling Xue leaned forward on her ice throne. The projection zoomed in. "You intrigue me. The Earth Empress—Huang Yue—she broke through recently. I felt the surge. It tasted of... artificial acceleration. It tasted of you."
She waved a hand. The frost in the garden suddenly spiked, growing into sharp, jagged spikes around Li Fan.
"I am bored, Li Fan," she declared. "The Upper Realm is perfect. Stagnant. Eternal. I have watched glaciers move for ten thousand years. Your little world... it scampers. It struggles. It is messy."
"Messy is our specialty," Li Fan said.
"Then show me," she commanded. "I require... diversion. If you can entertain me, I will withdraw the chill that is currently killing your prized 'begonias.' If you bore me... I will turn this garden into a permanent glacier. As a souvenir."
[System Alert][New Quest: The Bored Goddess][Client: Empress Ling Xue (Ice Phoenix)][Task: Provide "Entertainment" sufficient to satisfy an Immortal King.][Reward: ???][Failure Penalty: Eternal Winter in the Capital.]
Li Fan's mind raced. What entertains a being who has seen everything? Power? No, she had infinite power. Treasure? She lived in a palace of stars.
She needed something she didn't have. Conflict. Drama. The petty, delicious chaos of mortality.
"Entertainment," Li Fan said slowly. "I can provide that. But the best stories aren't watched. They are experienced."
He reached into his robe and pulled out a stack of bound papers. It wasn't a cultivation manual. It wasn't a diplomatic treaty.
It was a draft copy of "The Overbearing CEO Falls in Love with the Laundry Maid," a trashy romance novel script he had written down from Earth memory to sell to the local scribes for spare cash weeks ago.
"In my homeland," Li Fan said, holding up the manuscript, "we have a form of cultivation called 'Drama.' It involves betrayal, secret babies, amnesia, and face-slapping."
Ling Xue squinted at the papers. "Secret... babies? Face-slapping?"
"It is a technique of emotional refinement," Li Fan lied smoothly. "This is Volume One. I gift it to you. Read it. If you wish to know who the father is... you must return the garden to its natural state."
He placed the manuscript on the frozen moss.
Ling Xue looked at it. She looked at him. The sheer audacity seemed to short-circuit her arrogance.
"A paper tribute," she mused. "Very well. I will examine this... 'Drama'."
The beam of light descended, swallowing the manuscript. The projection flickered.
"Do not disappoint me, Li Fan. My boredom is a dangerous thing."
The light vanished. The feather returned to its dormant state.
Instantly, the jagged ice spikes shattered into harmless snow. The temperature rose ten degrees. The begonias, battered but alive, drooped in the thawing air.
Li Fan let out a breath he felt he'd been holding for an hour. He wiped cold sweat from his forehead.
He had just traded a soap opera for the safety of the capital.
[System Alert][Gift: "Trashy Earth Romance Novel (Vol 1)" to Empress Ling Xue.][Recipient Status: Upper Realm Entity.][Calculating Return...]
[Reward: 10x "Ice-Heart Narrative Weave" (Ability to project mental imagery/stories directly into the minds of Ice-attribute cultivators).]
Li Fan stared at the notification. He laughed. It was a shaky, incredulous sound.
The System didn't just give him power. It gave him a marketing tool.
He turned to the unconscious Alchemist Ming. "Wake up, Ming," he said, nudging her with his foot. "We have work to do. We need to write Volume Two before she finishes reading."