Chapter 69: This Is Hell, I Can't Take It Anymore
"Dinner time!"
In the somewhat rundown main hall, Takumi knelt on a cushion. His arms looked like Popeye after downing spinach—swollen, veins bulging like they'd mutated. The long dining table was packed: the invincible superman Fuurinji Hayato, Sakaki, Ma Kensei (now sporting several fresh blade cuts), the Muay Thai Grim Reaper Apachai with his hands wrapped in bandages, and the eerily calm devil instructor Akisame Kōetsuji. Akisame smiled pleasantly.
"Quite rare—you actually finished the task right at the end and made it in time. Eat well now and recover your strength. Morning was just the warm-up, after all."
"Ughhh…"
Tears streamed down Takumi's face. That was just the warm-up? The real training might actually kill someone. Fuurinji Hayato let out a hearty laugh.
"Oh ho ho! Today a new disciple joins us, so lunch will be extra generous!"
"Haah, it's been ages since we had a proper feast. Can't be helped—prices in Japan keep skyrocketing, and hardly anyone wants to learn martial arts anymore. If we had even eight or ten students, we could finally renovate the dojo."
Ma Kensei laughed, then suddenly—pssh!—a spurt of blood sprayed out. He quickly pressed a finger to the wound to stop the bleeding. Takumi stared in disbelief.
"Ma-sensei, you okay…?"
"I wonder if Miu will buy me some booze… This cheap bulk sake tastes like industrial alcohol. So awful."
"Eat meat, eat meat! Apachai!"
"Everyone, sorry for the wait. Today it's seafood donburi—fish from Ishikawa!"
"Apachai! Yes! I've had it before—Ishikawa fish is amazing! Especially their seafood donburi, super delicious! Those tasty fish are unforgettable! Apachai is so excited!"
"Please enjoy."
Miu cheerfully served bowl after bowl like a restaurant waitress, her ahoge swaying in physically impossible ways. The tiny beauty mark under her right eye seemed to glow with enchanting power whenever she smiled, leaving Takumi staring blankly.
Thump!
When it was his turn, Miu slammed the bowl down hard, huffed, and walked off. Takumi gave a wry inner smile—she was still mad. Then he looked at his portion: a pitiful baby-hand-sized pile of rice with a few scraps. Compared to everyone else's massive Ishikawa sea-fish bowls, the difference was tragic.
"Um… Miu-senpai?"
"What?"
"My food…"
"Oh, sorry. We ran out of ingredients, so I just gave you the last bits of dried fish left from Tochūmaru. Be grateful to him."
What the—Tochūmaru isn't a rat?! You're feeding me rat leftovers?! Sure, he's a weird pet—super clean, half a master's strength, the Weapons Mistress Kōsaka Shigure's companion—but this is blatant discrimination! Waaah. Tears welled up as Takumi picked up his chopsticks. Without mana, he'd burned way too much energy. Skipping food would be game over. Women really hold grudges—never piss one off.
Suddenly something soft and silky-black like polished obsidian scattered in front of him. He grabbed it—hair. He whipped his head around and saw an upside-down pretty face. Black ninja outfit, expressionless beauty, mesh netting exposing vast expanses of snow-white skin, and those jaw-droppingly massive breasts barely concealed.
"Ah…"
Takumi jolted, thinking Sadako had crawled out. Then he recognized her: the sixth grandmaster he hadn't met yet—the only woman among them, Kōsaka Shigure.
"Hello."
Takumi hurriedly greeted her. Shigure stared blankly for a moment.
"Tochūmaru's."
"Huh?"
Miu laughed from the side.
"Shigure-neesan, I already bought new food for Tochūmaru. He's eating now—no need to worry."
"Oh."
In the next instant, the figure vanished. Takumi exhaled in relief… then realized: even the rat gets fresh food, and I'm stuck with its scraps?! My status is lower than a rodent now?! He shot a pitiful look at Miu. She huffed.
"This is just a lesson for you. Perverts have no human rights."
"Exactly! Miu's right, haha!"
Ma Kensei shoveled food while shamelessly agreeing. Takumi was speechless. This guy's the biggest pervert here—why does he get a full feast?
Seeming to read his mind, Miu explained.
"Ma-sensei's been broken since birth. No saving him. You still have a chance to fix your ero habits."
"Waaah, Miu saying that hurts! This old man's heart is wounded—comfort me!"
Ma Kensei lunged, shrinking his frame with some bizarre collarbone technique to dive into Miu's chest. In a flash Miu delivered a mountain-splitting axe kick—BOOM—the floor shook. Ma Kensei cratered into the boards.
"So fast! Girl's got killer leg technique!"
Takumi couldn't help muttering. That lech deserved it. Only I get to dive into Miu's embrace! No—I need to get stronger fast, beat this creep, and protect Miu and beautiful master Shigure! Burning fighting spirit ignited in Takumi's chest.
Fuurinji Hayato watched quietly, a faint smile on his face. The devil instructor Akisame stroked his chin.
"Hm hm, nice aura. Hope he keeps the momentum. I was too gentle this morning."
That smile from Akisame marked the birth of Takumi's suffering—
"All done eating? You rested thirty minutes—digestion should be fine. Time to start training."
"Waaah nooo Master! My arms don't even have strength to hold chopsticks anymore!"
"Then use the strength you save for nursing! Heh heh. Don't worry—afternoon won't be upper body. We'll do nice simple running training."
"Master, this is your idea of running?! Why are there lead sandbags tied to my legs?! And why am I dragging that massive tire?! Not only are you sitting on it—waaah! How many lead balls are stacked there?! That's three stations away! I'm a human, not a cart!"
"Stop whining—run with me!"
"No! Kill me first—I won't do it! 'Working like an ox or horse' was literally invented for this moment!"
"Oh? Talking like that? Then treat yourself like livestock! Giddy-up!!"
Akisame swung the whip—crack!—it lashed across Takumi's back. Searing pain flared.
He—he actually hit me?!
Takumi leaped up to argue, but Akisame cracked the whip again—thunderous snap in the air. Takumi bolted without another word.
Arguing now would just earn more lashes!
"Nooo—don't! Waaah, Master, I'm running, okay?!"
"Less talking! Faster! Even a turtle would beat you!"
"What kind of turtle—Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?!"
"Still got energy to snark? Hurry—snails are overtaking you!"
Six hours later, the sky had darkened.
"Since today's your first day of training, I only made you do warm-ups. Starting tomorrow it's real training. Sleep well tonight—recover all that fatigue."
Akisame strolled away gracefully, leaving Takumi covered in welts, collapsed at the dojo entrance.
"I've got no strength left… someone help me!"
Takumi pathetically reached out. A figure approached—Miu.
"You okay, Kouichi?"
"Waaahhh, Miu-senpai… Akisame-sensei is a demon. Absolute demon."
"How? Akisame-sensei is the most normal and gentle of everyone… relatively speaking."
"Ugh, I hate relativity now. Miu-senpai, you won't just leave me here, right?"
"Of course not. Even if you're a bit H and annoying, I still have a soft spot for my junior."
Miu reached out. Takumi thought she'd help him up—then saw a wooden staff in her palm.
"I figured this might happen, so I prepared a crutch specially for you. Shigure-neesan chopped it herself—be grateful."
"Waaahhh, I'm so touched… you got alpaca-stomped."
Trembling, Takumi used the crutch to hobble into Ryōzanpaku. Then a voice boomed.
"Too slow! I handed you to that Akisame guy, but I'm still your official master! Get over here—we're starting real combat sparring! My hands have been itching all day!"
A 190-cm giant appeared and dragged Takumi away.
"Ya… me… te…"
Takumi's miserable cry echoed through the empty Ryōzanpaku dojo—no, through the hell disguised as a dojo.
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