Madara was shaken by Obito's unhinged declaration.
As the former patriarch of the Uchiha clan, he naturally understood the volatile, obsessive mental state inherent to the Uchiha bloodline.
But never, in his wildest nightmares, expected Obito's mind to twist into something this grotesque!
'Was this a psychological aftereffect of being surgically castrated?'
Madara couldn't help but feel a trace of genuine regret.
If he had known this would happen, he would have left half of his balls intact, or at least used Hashirama cells and White Zetsu tissue to sculpt a functional replacement dick and stitch it on.
But thinking about it logically, that probably wouldn't have solved the underlying issue either.
If he had done that, would the new equipment technically belong to Hashirama, White Zetsu, or Obito?
Perhaps the timeline would have inevitably converged anyway, twisting Obito into the exact same mentally deranged freak he was right now.
Madara was out of options
It seemed persuasion was completely off the table.
He could only take it by force.
Closing his mouth, Madara adopted a silent, expressionless mask and relentlessly marched toward Obito.
Again and again, he launched himself forward.
Again and again, he was brutally knocked back, his fragile vessel shattered to pieces, only to slowly knit himself back together and rise once more.
While fending off the endless assaults, Obito's brain spun at Mach speed, desperately trying to formulate a permanent countermeasure.
He had successfully neutralized Madara's psychological warfare.
Madara genuinely bought the lie and firmly believed Obito harbored some terrifyingly twisted cuckold fetish.
But even after digesting that horror, Madara still refused to back down!
He was fully committed to the most primitive, grinding strategy: relying entirely on the infinite regeneration of the Edo Tensei to wear Obito down through sheer exhaustion.
'What specific tactic could force a monster like Madara to tap out?'
As Obito kept throwing precise, stamina-conserving punches, a flood of recent memories surfaced in his mind.
Ever since that naturally evil Kakashi started casually warping raw shit and detonating septic tanks with Kamui, Obito's own moral baseline had systematically plummeted.
He had even copied Kakashi's playbook, using his own Kamui to weaponize shit.
Not too long ago, to dodge the inescapable trap of Izanami, he hadn't hesitated to deploy the ultimate forbidden jutsu: dumping a bucket of concentrated shit directly over his own head!
To achieve his ultimate goal, he was willing to use any means necessary, even if it meant permanently abandoning his own humanity.
That was the unyielding, pitch-black resolve a true villain ought to possess!
Therefore, to survive being worn down by an immortal zombie, he just needed to cast aside all remaining morals, ethics, basic human decency, and his entire worldview!
"Hm?"
Madara marched forward as usual, operating like a tireless, emotionless machine.
However, this time, the fist Obito had cocked back to punch him suddenly froze in midair.
"I know exactly what I need to do now."
Obito slowly lowered his arm, his scarred eyes locking onto Madara with a terrifying, predatory intensity.
Madara couldn't help but feel a sudden, jarring wrongness in the atmosphere.
A deeply bad premonition spiked in his gut.
"Obito, what exactly are you planning to do? Insolent brat! Stop right there! Do you honestly think you could ever look Nohara Rin in the eye after doing this?! Stop!!!"
Madara's voice rapidly shifted from commanding anger to genuine, unfiltered despair.
He never expected Obito's moral baseline to be even lower than his own!
Madara previously thought his own plan—faking a romantic pursuit of Chiyo just to scam a resurrection jutsu—was the absolute pinnacle of shamelessness.
But now, just to avoid losing a war of attrition, Obito actually chose to...
"Madara, I'll give you one final chance. Turn around and leave this cell, and I'll let you walk away. If you continue attacking me, whatever happens next is entirely your own fault." Obito began threatening the legendary ghost of the Uchiha!
"You were right about one thing. You did save my life. Since you bestowed upon me the ultimate grace of salvation, then naturally, I should offer my body to you and ensure you are fully 'satisfied'..."
That's right.
Obito had deduced that physical pain couldn't deter Madara, so he pivoted to the exact opposite extreme: he chose to make Madara feel good.
Sure enough, Uchiha Madara could endure pain without flinching, but he absolutely could not endure this!
"Let go of me! Obito! Listen to me! How about this: voluntarily give me the Hashirama cells so I can recover a fraction of my strength. Since I am highly proficient in Fire Release chakra control, I can surgically undo the Heavenly Prison restraining your network! Don't tell me you're actually willing to rot in this cell forever! White Zetsu and the others have absolutely no way to breach this facility and save you!"
Madara frantically pitched a counteroffer.
Since brute force failed, he aggressively pivoted to diplomacy.
But Obito refused to swallow Madara's hollow "revive me first, then I'll revive you later" logic.
He completely ignored the offer and directly prepared to help Uchiha Madara physically enter "Sage Mode." (LMAOO)
"Stop! I... I'll leave!"
In the end, Uchiha Madara simply could not stomach the apocalyptic humiliation.
He chose to surrender.
The almighty, legendary Uchiha Madara had actually been defeated in combat by this.
It filled him with an unfathomable, soul-crushing sense of humiliation.
At the same time, he felt a terrified contempt for Obito's absolute lack of a moral baseline.
But precisely because Obito was willing to cross this line, Madara permanently ceased doubting Obito's earlier confession about his twisted fetish.
"Sigh."
Madara let out a heavy, defeated sigh and rapidly retreated from Obito's cell.
There was just no helping it.
A tactical withdrawal was his only option. Obito's mind was completely, irreparably shattered!
This cell was undeniably the easiest location for him to harvest Hashirama cells and repair his vessel.
But it wasn't the only source in the world.
There was no strategic value in stubbornly fighting to the bitter end here.
Uchiha Madara prepared to covertly sweep the rest of the cavern base to see if he could scrounge up any alternative loot.
What if this facility also housed a bio-lab, and there were untainted Hashirama cells safely stored in a vault somewhere?
Madara crept toward the main fork in the tunnel.
Just as he reached the intersection, a sudden, blinding ray of sunlight pierced the gloom ahead.
The cavern entrance had been torn open again!
Someone was entering the bunker!
Madara immediately spun around, his shinobi instincts screaming at him to find cover.
But a second later, he froze in his tracks.
What was the point of turning around?
Did he even need to scan the area to know there was no cover in this tunnel?
He literally just walked down this exact path a few minutes ago.
He knew the layout perfectly.
At the very end of the dead-end corridor behind him was Obito's holding cell.
Even if he doubled back, he could only retreat into that specific room. And that room contained absolutely nothing but a single stone slab.
There was literally nowhere to hide.
Besides, if he went back into that room right now, wouldn't he just get immediately snatched by Obito and...
Left with literally no other viable tactical option, Uchiha Madara was forced to play dead.
He slumped against the cavern wall and stood perfectly motionless, mimicking a deactivated Edo Tensei.
At that exact moment, a group of people stepped through the cavern entrance.
They were the founding members of the original Akatsuki!
Some of them possessed actual names, while others were such minor background characters they hadn't even been named in the original timeline.
The named members included:
-Iidaten Kyūsuke—a wildly impressive, god-tier name. Just looking at the kanji, you might assume he was the Sage of Six Paths' secret third son.
Asura, Indra, and Iidaten.
It didn't feel out of place at all.
-Daibutsu (Great Buddha)—...Honestly, wasn't that name just a little too on the nose?
-Kie (To Return/Take Refuge)—They seriously used a literal verb as a person's name? Kie was also the sole named female member of the group!
-Kyūsuke—Finally, a normal, standard human name.
"Kie, we all know you are inherently kind-hearted and have already fully let go of your hatred. We won't force you to come inside and witness this. You should just stay out here," Kyūsuke suggested gently.
"He's right. The flames of hatred burning in our chests simply cannot be extinguished. We have to unleash them. But you are different."
"Our methods in there are going to be incredibly cruel. You shouldn't stain your soul by coming with us."
The original Akatsuki members chimed in one after another, actively encouraging Kie to remain outside the bunker.
And Kie readily agreed.
She had no desire to disrupt her companions' quest for closure.
She had personally let go of her hatred, but she absolutely would not judge or stop her friends from claiming their pound of flesh.
Their vengeance was utterly righteous.
No matter what horrific things they did in that cave, she would fully support them.
And so, the original Akatsuki strike team marched into the dark cavern.
After they crossed the threshold, Kie, standing guard outside, manually sealed the heavy paper entrance shut behind them.
"Konan-san explicitly said the masked bastard who slaughtered us is locked somewhere inside this cave system. Let's split up and sweep the area!" Iidaten Kyūsuke barked out the tactical order.
"Split up? That masked guy is a monster. If we break formation, won't he just effortlessly pick us off one by one?" Daibutsu's slightly chubby face scrunched up in genuine worry.
"So what if he 'defeats' us? We're Edo Tensei now! We're literally already dead! What else can he possibly do to us?" Iidaten Kyūsuke laughed with dark, arrogant disdain.