Hearing this news, Sasuke didn't rush straight to the Hidden Cloud Village to rescue his rival, which is exactly the kind of suicidal stunt Naruto would have pulled.
Though Orochimaru's logic was sound, and much of what Naruto spewed during their reunion sounded like absolute nonsense, Sasuke's bond with the idiot meant he trusted him more than the snake.
Sasuke was certain of one thing: Naruto might be dumb enough to get scammed by others, but he would never intentionally deceive Sasuke.
So, after calmly analyzing Naruto's insane words and his sudden disappearance, Sasuke decided to head back to Konoha first.
The Hidden Rain Village was still foreign territory, and Orochimaru was still a rogue ninja with a shady track record.
Returning to Konoha would at least give him access to reliable intelligence.
...
As soon as he arrived in the village, Sasuke marched straight to the Hokage Building.
During his time "studying abroad," Sasuke had gained a solid understanding of global shinobi politics.
This included the grim reality that Tailed Beasts and their hosts were strategic weapons.
If Konoha's Jinchūriki had truly vanished, the village leadership would be in a state of absolute panic.
All Sasuke had to do was report the kidnapping to the higher-ups.
They would naturally mobilize their ANBU black-ops resources to track the idiot down.
"KAKASHI?!"
Sasuke kicked open the door to the Hokage Office, only to find his masked former sensei lounging at the desk, giggling like a creep as he read a porn novel.
"Oh? Sasuke, what brings you back?"
Kakashi instantly shoved the smut into his desk drawer.
If it weren't for Sasuke's Three-Tomoe Sharingan, he might not have even caught the movement.
(Don't ask why Sasuke activated his Sharingan just to open a door. You should be glad he hasn't awakened his Mangekyō yet, or the Hokage Office door would have been incinerated by Amaterasu instead of kicked.)
"Sasuke, show some respect. You should call me Kakashi-sensei," Kakashi lectured smoothly. "Just because Orochimaru tutored you for a few days doesn't mean you can forget you're a member of Team Seven. Naruto and Sakura are still waiting for you to come home."
"WHERE THE HELL IS NARUTO?!" Sasuke marched forward and slammed his hands on the desk.
"WHERE IS THIS NARUTO WHO'S SUPPOSEDLY WAITING FOR ME?!"
Kakashi blinked, taken aback by Sasuke's aggressive posture.
He hadn't expected the edgy Uchiha to show such raw, desperate emotion.
But soon, a warm sense of relief washed over him.
Sasuke's intense concern for Naruto proved their bond was unbreakable!
"Naruto? He's at Mount Myōboku, grinding his Sage Mode training," Kakashi replied calmly.
"Mount Myōboku..."
Hearing that cursed location, Sasuke shuddered.
He instantly recalled the unholy masturbating method Naruto had used in the woods to gather natural energy.
"So you seriously don't know? Naruto already left Mount Myōboku!" Sasuke quickly recounted the absolute shitshow in Otogakure: Naruto tracking him down, the bizarre fight, the sudden ambush, and Orochimaru's claim that Kumogakure ninjas had bagged him.
"The Hidden Cloud Village... Those bastards are repeat offenders," Kakashi sighed, his lone visible eye turning dead serious.
"Repeat offenders? So Orochimaru wasn't lying?" Sasuke asked, confused.
"Wait a second." Kakashi summoned an Anbu agent from the shadows and whispered a few instructions.
A minute later, the masked ninja returned with a stack of classified folders.
Kakashi tossed the files onto the desk in front of Sasuke.
"Look at their rap sheet."
"The Hidden Cloud Village attempted to abduct the previous Nine-Tails Jinchūriki, Kushina Uzumaki."
"The Hidden Cloud came to Konoha under the guise of a peace treaty, only to try and kidnap the Hyuga heiress for her Byakugan."
"Recently, while pretending to fight Iwagakure, they sent ANBU to abduct the Seven-Tails host in the Waterfall Village."
"Besides all this, Sasuke, you can ask anyone. The Hidden Cloud acts like a cartel, kidnapping bloodlines is 100% their style."
The list of their kidnapping crimes was staggering.
Sasuke was now fully convinced the Cloud had abducted his idiot teammate!
"But... why would they kidnap Naruto of all people?" Sasuke asked, genuinely baffled.
"Sasuke," Kakashi began, lacing his fingers together, "while the Raikage is a muscle-head, they aren't simple brutes. They're highly focused on sustainable genetic development. Naruto's value isn't just the Nine-Tails. It's his Uzumaki bloodline. Their massive chakra reserves and vitality make them the perfect breeding stock for future Jinchūriki."
"Don't rush into anything. Naruto is Konoha's crucial asset, the village will negotiate with the Cloud. You need to calm down."
Under Kakashi's persuasion, Sasuke managed to cool his head and returned to his empty Uchiha compound.
He didn't seek out Sakura since he felt he had no right to face her.
Naruto ran off to find him, and now Naruto was the one missing.
If he couldn't bring the idiot back, what right did he have to play team games?
...
Three days later.
Sasuke reappeared in the Hokage Office.
"I sent envoys to the Hidden Cloud," Kakashi reported. "We strongly condemned the abduction and demanded Naruto's immediate return. Their response just came back—they told us to fuck off."
Kakashi sighed. "But don't worry, Sasuke. My Anbu secretly made contact with Naruto. He isn't being tortured. In fact, the Cloud is treating him like royalty, feeding him the finest food and giving him luxury quarters."
"Apparently, their medics gave Naruto a full physical examination. They found that not only was he malnourished from his childhood, but he had recently lost a massive amount of... milk... leaving him with a severe kidney deficiency."
Sasuke's eye twitched, knowing exactly how Naruto lost that "milk" in the woods.
"To ensure the proper continuation of the Uzumaki bloodline," Kakashi continued, oblivious, "they are feeding him premium wagyu and oysters to restore his stamina... preparing him for conception duty."
Sasuke fell completely silent.
Naruto was living better as a kidnapped breeding stud in the Hidden Cloud than he ever did starving in Konoha!
(Based on his memories, Sasuke was one of the few who had watched Naruto grow up completely isolated and shunned. He knew exactly how much Naruto suffered in this village.)
'Naruto's living like a king over there... Should I really drag him back to this dump?'
"Sasuke, don't worry. I'll send a stronger negotiation team," Kakashi said, noticing his student staring blankly at the wall.
"Kakashi, give me a mission!"
"Huh?"
"GIVE ME ANY MISSION!" Sasuke demanded, slamming his hand out.
"Oh." Kakashi understood.
Sasuke needed to hit something to clear his head.
He pulled out a C-rank bandit extermination scroll and tossed it over.
"Low-rank combat. With your current power, you can handle a camp of bandits alone, right?"
"Hn."
Without another word, Sasuke grabbed the scroll, turned on his heel, and stormed out of the office.