Namikaze Minato was stunned!
After a brief hesitation, his mind drifted to some highly questionable passages from Jiraiya-sensei's novels.
'Could it be that without the guidance of his parents, Naruto has fallen so far into poverty that he has to... sell his body?'
'But that didn't make sense.'
'What connection could selling his body have to the eruption of Nine-Tails Chakra?'
'Unless... Naruto was forced into it?'
A series of cursed images flashed through Minato's mind:
In the Land of Rice Fields, deep within a jungle impenetrable to sensory Ninjutsu, Naruto hung suspended like a roasted duck in a shop window.
Kimimaro introduced Naruto to the Sound Four—each member possessing unique skills, exceptional stamina, and "secret weapons" that promised a night of unexpected surprises!
Minato shuddered.
Otherwise, he couldn't fathom why someone on the outside would be attacking Naruto's ass with a literal power drill.
"YOU! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! LET GO OF THE SEAL RIGHT NOW!" Naruto shouted, swatting Minato's hand away as the blonde ghost tried to tighten the cage.
Naruto's desperate reaction sent a shiver down the Nine-Tails' spine!
'Please tell me this idiot doesn't think I'm his damsel in distress,' the fox prayed inwardly.
At this point, the fox couldn't argue with Naruto.
If they didn't explain the outside situation to the Fourth Hokage and let him close the seal, the three of them would simultaneously experience the horrific sensation of being drilled into the stratosphere without the protection of the chakra cloak.
If they had to tear open the seal again to release Kushina's remaining chakra, the entire family—plus the Nine-Tails—would be subjected to Kimimaro's unholy Dance of ass drilling!
"Naruto..."
Minato partially released the seal, allowing just enough Tailed Beast Chakra to overflow and block the bone drill outside.
He turned a gentle, sorrowful gaze toward Naruto and reached out to stroke the boy's spiky hair.
"Naruto..."
"I'm your father."
"WHAT?!"
Naruto, still seething with adrenaline, froze. He stared blankly at the man before him.
Then...
He clenched his fist.
'Sigh.' Minato smiled sadly.
He and Kushina had selfishly died, leaving Naruto alone in a cruel world.
His life must have been incredibly difficult.
Now that father and son had reunited, it was only natural for Naruto to throw an emotional punch or two.
Minato braced himself for the impact...
'Huh?'
Poof! Poof! Poof!
Naruto formed a hand seal and summoned a squad of Shadow Clones.
The clones immediately tackled Minato to the floor, pinning his arms and legs so he couldn't dodge.
'...Is Naruto's resentment toward me really this deep? Just how much has my boy suffered?' Minato's heart ached with self-reproach.
He made zero attempt to defend himself.
'If a punch or two won't let Naruto vent his trauma, then I'll gladly take a beating.'
Smack! Pow! Naruto landed two heavy punches on Minato's face.
Then, the original Naruto slipped behind Minato, crouching low to the ground...
"YOU BASTARD! YOU TRICKED ME ONCE OUT THERE, AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO USE GENJUTSU TO FOOL ME AGAIN?! DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?! YOU LIKE PLAYING DIRTY, HUH? THEN TAKE THIS—WIND RELEASE: SPIRALING THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!!!"
Naruto unleashed all his pent-up trauma and rage.
A high-speed rotating wind blade formed on his tiger-seal hands, aimed squarely at Minato's exposed ass.
Clearly, Naruto had mistaken Minato for Kimimaro's psychological warfare.
After all, just seconds earlier in the real world, Kimimaro had dropped the "I am your father" line to distract him.
Now, this blonde ghost was repeating the exact same bullshit phrase in the exact same voice.
How could Naruto not react?
'Hmm?'
Minato had been lying there with his eyes closed, thinking, 'Come on, Naruto, unleash your anger. I deserve it.'
But the moment he heard Naruto's screaming, Minato sensed a misunderstanding.
'What did he mean by "tricked me earlier"?' Minato's blue eyes snapped open as he felt a terrifying draft approaching his ass.
'Oh god. Could it be that Naruto was attacked in the real world using this exact tactic? Is he giving me a taste of his own medicine?! No! THIS IS BAD!'
Without time to explain, Minato tried to activate the Flying Thunder God Technique to teleport out of the danger zone.
"HELL YES, NARUTO! GRAB HIS ARMS! DON'T LET HIM THROW THAT KUNAI!"
"HAHAHAHA! FOURTH HOKAGE, YOU DUMBASS! THIS IS THE BRAT'S MENTAL SPACE! YOU CAN'T SENSE YOUR MARKERS IN HERE!"
"EAT SHIT, FOURTH HOKAGE! HOW DOES IT FEEL?! HOW DOES IT FEEL?!"
The Yang Nine-Tails' manic, unhinged laughter echoed through the entire mental sewer.
What did the Yin Nine-Tails' reconciliation with Minato have to do with him, the Yang half?
This fox hadn't received any memos from his other half!
To him, the Fourth Hokage was still the sworn enemy who sealed him in a crying infant!
'How could I not laugh my ass off at my enemy's miserable fate?'
This was exactly why the giant fox hadn't bothered correcting Naruto's misunderstanding.
Meanwhile, as Naruto's main body prepared to violate his father's ghost, a Shadow Clone—remembering the Nine-Tails' earlier instructions to find a "professional"—jogged over to the cage and grabbed the paper seal.
'Gah?!'
The Nine-Tails, still laughing in its cell, perked up.
'Wait, is this extra screen time?!'
The fox had originally told Naruto to touch the seal just to draw out Minato's chakra so the Hokage could use FTG in the real world and escape Kimimaro's drill.
The plan was never to rip the whole thing off.
But Naruto, being an absolute meathead, thought breaking the seal was the solution.
He grabbed the paper tag and yanked.
RIP!
The seal shattered.
Instantly, massive golden glowing chains erupted from the sewer water, binding the Nine-Tails into a tight, humiliating knot as a beautiful red-haired woman materialized.
"So, we've finally reached this point, Nine-Tails... Eh? Fox, why the hell are you making that face?"
Kushina was ready to deliver a serious, tear-jerking motherly speech, but she stopped.
She noticed the giant demon fox, currently hog-tied by her chakra chains, was wearing an expression of pure, unadulterated joy.
It looked like it was having the time of its life.
Kushina was dumbfounded.
'After all these years locked in a teenager, did the Nine-Tails develop some sick bondage kink? Being tied up makes it smile like a creep?'
"HAHAHAHA! KUSHINA, TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND AND LOOK BEHIND YOU!"
For the first time in years, the Nine-Tails felt genuine happiness while sealed!
"Behind me? What kind of stupid trick are you playing now, furball?" Kushina frowned, pivoting on her heel.
'It's probably just my sweet baby Naruto behind me,' she thought.
'What else could it be...?'
"Kushina... h-hello there," Minato greeted awkwardly.
His face was pale, drenched in cold sweat, as Naruto relentlessly executed the Wind-Release ass drilling on him.
Minato gritted his teeth, his soul leaving his body as he tried to maintain a cool husband persona...
"?"
Kushina froze.
Her eyes widened in sheer traumatized disbelief.
'Am I caught in the Nine-Tails' genjutsu?'
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