Zane ate his words.
The sudden window that appeared before him blocked Zane's view of the Priest.
Then, he felt his mouth again and when he recalled what he was about to do…
I almost crucified myself.
Zane nearly spoke the truth.
His heart told him to not lie to the Priest. Always truth.
The system window had come right on time.
He read it and it was like the first Quest he received.
Mandatory.
It was already accepted and Zane had no complaint this time.
"Speak, son. You were saying something." The Priest spoke.
Zane looked at him but this time, he focused on his nose.
He couldn't afford the eyes. They had something in them.
The Priest's face showed no hurry, his white hairs and wrinkles under his eyes conveyed his experience and a smile never left his face.
The Priest watched a gutterborn with so much warmth.
Zane's lips trembled again and his mouth opened to spill the words of his heart.
"I do not bel—"
THUMP!
Zane slammed his head on the floor.
Murmurs spread and the Priest raised his brows.
Zane slammed his head right in front of his feet.
Get a grip, idiot. What is wrong with you?
Zane was again about to say the truth. He had felt this same when he met Priest Coin. He slammed his head to get a hold of himself.
Am I really doing this just because he smiles at me?
Zane couldn't understand his actions but he did understand one thing.
I won't look at him. It's his face.
He made up his mind.
"What is troubling you, son? Raise your head and talk to me."
Zane's forehead stayed sticking to the floor.
"I am too lowly to face you, father. Your feet are my fitting place." Zane spoke his first complete sentence to the Priest. That assured him he could lie if he didn't look at his face.
"Don't say that. No one is lowly in the embrace of First Flame. It shines on every child. Why do you think like that about yourself?"
Zane thought for an answer that would remove him from the Priest's watch. He didn't want such a one on one talk with the man.
"Tell me, child. You can look at my face. I am not higher than you. I am made from the same piece of soul as you."
"I.. I.." Zane stuttered, coming up with the right words that would explain his actions while sounding like truth at the same time.
"Yes. Say it, son. There is nothing to worry about here. Why do you feel lowly for the First Flame and me? Why did you show your back against the benevolent one? You can say anything you want here. I will help you."
"I feel.. I feel unworthy of.. the great first flame and your presence.."
"Why?"
Zane bit his lip.
"Because I touch myself at night!"
…
"What?"
Zane's ears burned red.
But he followed through.
"Yes. I pleasure myself every night. I am a sinner. I don't deserve to face you and the great First Flame. I am a sinner. I am a sinner. A sinner!"
Zane banged his head harder on the floor repeatedly, along with his fists, thumping sounds raged out around the church as everyone watched him with their brows twitching.
The unexpected confession stunned everyone so completely that no one noticed he was only slamming his fists. His head never actually touched the floor.
As if I will hurt myself for some light.
The Priest took a step back from the constant banging of Zane's and rare as it was, the Priest didn't know what to say at the moment.
All eyes were on him and Zane and time moved fast.
The Wardens or guards made eye contact with the Priest and got up.
But the Priest raised his hand and smiled at them.
The wardens nodded and sat back down.
Then he took a deep breath.
He looked at Zane's trembling form and sighed.
He brought back his smile and sat on one knee, in front of Zane.
Seeing that, Zane prepared to slam his head for real this time.
He won't risk cheating from this up close.
So bracing for the pain, he brought down his head on the hard wooden floor.
But before it could kiss the land…
THUP!
A hand arrived on his forehead, stopping him.
The hand was warm and smelled of sandal, not that Zane knew how Sandal smelled. He only heard Sandal smells great so he made the closest comparison.
"Son, don't beat…hurt yourself over something meant for humans to do. Look at me."
Zane didn't raise his head but the Priest forced Zane's head with his hand.
Zane didn't resist as he shouldn't test his luck. He let the Priest have his way.
The godman stared at Zane and Zane locked his eyes at his clean shaved chin.
"The First Flame will not abandon you or punish you for something that he had given us himself. You are young, you are naive, your life is filled with atrocities, so it's only natural you will try to find some kind of comfort at the end of the day. You should not be ashamed of your desires, son."
Zane said nothing.
The Priest caressed Zane's face.
"Surrender yourself to the embrace of the First Flame. It will burn away all your shame. His light is falling on you, even when you think you are not worthy. If you were a sinner, his light would have burned you. You being alive is the proof that you are not guilty.
And since he thinks you are not a sinner then who are we, who am I, to hold you accountable, my son. Let go of your guilt and surrender yourself to his light. Become one with him. Say with me…"
The Priest spread his arms.
"All hail the First Flame!"
"All hail the First Flame!"
"All hail the First Flame!"
The whole church chanted the same phrase over and over and the Priest watched Zane with his smile.
Zane exhaled and like everyone else…
"All hail the First Flame!"
"All hail the First Flame!"
Zane chanted with the others with full vigor and the next moment, his whole body stiffened.
His throat tightened.
His blood slowed.
His whole body cried with sweat.
His dread grew along with the chants as if they were a sledge hammer slamming on a dam containing intent and when the strikes were too much…
The dam broke.